Two weeks ago, I did a post on an experiment that I was going to conduct on the power of our words, to demonstrate just how much of effect our words can have on others.

Well, not only other people, but pretty much anything…Like cooked rice, for example.

So, I set up the experiment.  Here’s what I did:

I took some rice and cooked it according to the instructions.  Next, I divided the rice in half and put each half into identical Tupperware containers.  I closed both lids so that the seal was air tight, and then I labeled each container as seen below:

Finally, I broadcast a network stream of the two containers of rice, so that people could view them at any time and send thoughts or even audible words of love and gratitude to one container, and thoughts or audible words of negativity to the other. (Thank you to all of you who participated in the experiment).

I left this feed up for one week, and then I discontinued the feed, and then I just placed the picture above within the post so people could continue to send their thoughts and words to the containers at my home while I was vacationing in Nashville.  The entire time that this rice was displayed through the feed or simply sitting there I did not refrigerate the rice.  It stayed at room temperature for two weeks.

So, before I get to the results, let me just make a confession to you about this whole thing: I think I may have sent thoughts and words to the rice maybe a handful of times.  That’s about it.  I wanted to see how much of an effect we could collectively have on the rice, but I wanted to largely leave it up to all of you who were participating!

The results:

Well, at first I didn’t see much of anything.  I opened up the top of each container, and they pretty much looked the same.  “Bummer,” I thought, full of disappointment.  But then, I thought perhaps the top only told part of the story, so I closed the lids on the containers, and flipped over the containers.  This is what I saw…

Here’s a picture of the bottom of the “Love and Gratitude” container of rice:

 

And, here’s a picture of the bottom of the “Hate and Disease” container of rice:

What do you think?  Pretty remarkable, huh?  I thought so.

So, what does this all mean?

Thoughts are energy

Our words are articulated thoughts.  By thinking or saying something, it has a vibrational energy to it.

Matter and non-matter is energy

The components of the universe are made up of charged particles — atoms and molecules made up of protons, neutrons, and electrons.  They also have a vibrational energy.

When we send out a certain vibrational energy and direct it toward a component of the universe, we establish a vibrational resonant frequency, and it can affect the universal components.  I had mentioned the works of Masaru Emoto, who famously takes pictures of water crystals that are exposed to various stimuli to see the effects of the stimuli on them.  Similar to the rice experiment, the thoughts and words directed at the water crystals had a profound effect on their shape and geometry.

The reason why I did this experiment was twofold.  One, to see this experiment and the results with my own eyes, for validation.  Two, to impress upon you how what we think are simple and non-harmful words and thoughts can have an impact on everything around you.  It can position you for success and failure.  It can help or harm your relationships.  It can be the difference between you liking yourself and not liking yourself.  It can impact your health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally.

The next time you think or say something, just remember that if simple words or thoughts can impact a bunch of cooked rice simply sitting in a container at room temperature, they certainly can have a substantial impact on living, breathing beings who co-exist on this planet along with you.

Take heed of your words and thoughts.  Never forget the powerful effects they can have on everything around us.

 

What are your thoughts about this experiment?  How does it affect your viewpoint of the power or our words and thoughts?  I’d love to hear from you!   Scroll down and leave a comment, and I’ll respond.

This past week I was at a conference in Atlanta, and I was eating lunch with my friend, Andria Molina, and she was telling me about an interesting experiment that she conducted.

She cooked some rice, and then placed the rice in a container.  With one container, she expressed positive thoughts and said loving words to it.  With the other, she expressed negative thoughts and said not-so-loving things to the rice.

The results were amazing.  You could clearly see how the rice which was the recipient of the positive thoughts and words never really changed in its appearance, while the other rice which received the negative thoughts underwent some changes.

Her experiment was based on the studies done by Masaru Emoto, who famously takes pictures of water crystals that are exposed to various stimuli to see the effects of the stimuli on them.  The results are astounding.  If you’re not familiar with his work, feel free to visit his website, http://www.masaru-emoto.net/english/index.html

You can also see some evidence of his intriguing discoveries by watching this video:

So, I want to do this experiment myself, to see what results I can get, but I want you to help and be a part of this experiment!  I just cooked some rice, and I am placing it into two airtight containers.  One is going to be labeled “Love and Gratitude” and the other is going to be labeled “Hate and Disease.”

Here’s where I want your help:

I am going to stream a live feed of the two containers of rice, and I want you to visit the stream.  When you view the two containers of rice, I would like to ask you to send thoughts of love and gratitude, or happiness, or joy, or any other positive emotion to the container labeled “Love and Gratitude.”  You can even actually say kind things to that container.

Next, I want you to send thoughts of negativity and criticism to the container labeled “Hate and Disease.”  You can even say things like, “Yuck,” or “I hate you,” or anything else negative or critical toward that rice.

I’m going to leave the stream up throughout the week, and I invite you to come back as often as you’d like to participate in the experiment.  I’ll take a “Before and After” photo of the rice, and then I’ll share the results of the experiment with you.

I want to see how powerful our thoughts and words are, and I hope you can join me in this fun experiment!

**Please note:  The stream is no longer active, but the rice is still in the same spot.   I want to continue the experiment by having you view a picture of the rice, and continue to send your thoughts to the rice.  I want to see how this affects the rice.  The picture is below:

Thanks for participating!  I am looking forward to the results!  I’ll be sure to share them with you in an update!

UPDATE!

The results are in!  CLICK HERE to see the results of this experiment!

 

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We seem to say it so often.  We seem to think it even more:

“When I get ______ (fill in the blank), then I’ll be happy.”

My daughters say it all the time!

“Daddy, I want to get _______ (fill in the blank).  I’ll be so happy when I get it!”

I ask them, “So, you think that happiness comes from ‘getting’ things?”

They reply with the usual, “Yes!”

So, the question I ask you is the same — Does happiness come from getting “things?”  Do we think that once we get something our lives will be better?

Now, truth to be told, yes, if we think about what we usually seek, which is more money, chances are we will be happy about the fact that we don’t have to worry about where the next dollar is going to come from.  But, here’s the rub: Even if we were to experience more happiness by getting “things,” we’re not going to get those “things” or reach our highest potential if we continue with the same mentality which got us to where we are now, which is not enough “things” at the moment.

It’s “If…Then” thinking.  We say, “If I get _____ (fill in the blank), then my problems will go away, and then life will be better.”

So, how are you going to get whatever you filled in the blank with if you don’t change what you’re doing?  You didn’t really think about that, did you?

The truth of the matter is that we think that we have to change what we do between now and the future, when we actually “get” the “thing” we want.  The reality is that it’s flawed thinking.

Here’s what really has to happen: We need to change what we do “now” to have an effect on what happens in the “between,” which then will impact what will transpire in the future.

By continually thinking that all we need is to get that “thing” what we’re really doing is focusing on the “lack” of that “thing” in the now.  We’re vibrating with an energy that says, “I don’t have what I seek.  I lack it.”  When you send this signal out into the universe, the universe hears you essentially saying, “Hey Universe, I want more of this!”

The universe doesn’t discern what you “think” you want from what you are shouting out from your vibration and energy, so the universe will respond by saying, “You want more?  You’ve got it!”  And, for you, nothing changes.  You still go on, lacking what it is you really desire, and you keep sending out those vibes saying that you lack it and you like it.

So you really need to change what you think.  You actually have to think about what it is you desire, and you have to act as if that comes easily to you, and it’s just a matter of time before the “thing” you desire is on it’s way to you.

I suggest instead of thinking, “When I get _____ (fill in the blank), I’ll be happy,” instead ask yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice if ______ (fill in the blank with what you desire)?”

When you make this switch, you make it more playful.  You are just enticing the universe to play along.  You say, “Hey Universe, wouldn’t it be fun if _______?” and the universe will say, “You want to find out?  Here you go!  On it’s way.”

Even if you’re not buying this whole “universe” thing, let me ask you this — What harm does it do to give it a try?  Are you going to be in a worse position than before if you give it a shot?  What do you have to lose?

Nothing, I believe.  You have nothing to lose by giving it a try.

Here is an article I wrote that give some more suggestions on some fun things you can try to play with your universal power!

We transmit vibrational energy.  That brings things to us that have a similar energy.  If you want to keep focusing on what you lack, the lack is what you’ll get.  Shift.  Focus on what it is you want, but make it playful.  Act as if you have it, or that you have always had it.  That simple change can really make a difference.

I’d love to hear from you!  Do you engage in “If…Then” thinking?  Do you see how perhaps making the small shift can be helpful to you?  Let me know!  Scroll down and leave a comment below.  I want to hear about it!

 

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On my radio show this week:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This week I will be welcoming author and garden expert Fran Sorin to my radio show to talk about her book,  Digging Deep: Unearthing Your Creative Roots Through Gardening, as well as her 7-step process for being more creative in the garden as well as in life.

Click on Fran’s picture above to listen to the show!

 

We spend a lot of time and energy judging and analyzing what we see around us.  Part of that comes from our body’s desire to make sure that we “size up” the scene to make sure things are safe, but as many things go that we’ve picked up from our caveman ancestors, much of what we engage in these days has little to do with safety and survival.

Instead, we have more time on our hands, coupled with fewer bodily threats, so we spend our time making judgments about what we see other people doing.  Here’s the funny thing about it all:  Number one, we can’t really do anything about what other people do, and number two, even knowing this, we still spend so much time talking with other people about what other people do as if it’s going to make a difference!

When we spend our time thinking about how “wrong” other people’s actions and behaviors are, it doesn’t do anything productive.  We just expend a significant amount of time and energy in something that is so frivolous and useless all at the same time.  When we purport others to be “wrong,” then we also have to in some way convince others (and sometimes reassure ourselves) how we are indeed right.

One of the ways that we so surreptitiously slide judgmental thoughts into our conversations is by utilizing what I call the “terrible toos.”  Here are a couple of examples of uses of the “terrible toos:”

• “He’s too short.”
• “That’s way too loud.”
• “She spends too much time on her phone.”
• “People take things way too seriously.”
• “He talks too much.”

All of the above examples illustrate the serious flaw in the utilization of the “terrible toos” — By using the “terrible toos,” there is an assumption that there is a “just right” amount of something.

So, let me ask you…How tall is “just the right amount of height?”  How loud would be “not too loud,” but the perfect amount of “loudness?”  How much time is “just the right amount of time to spend on the phone?”  Just how much “seriousness” is a person supposed to inject into “things?”  And, just how much talking is “just the right amount” of talking?

Do you see?  It’s all based on judgment.  And, it’s just a load of crap!  There is no “magic” or “perfect” amount.  It’s simply our opinion, but it comes across as if we know better.

Now, in the event that you don’t really intend to communicate that someone is doing something “wrong,” and that you’re “right,” there is an easy way to eliminate the use of the “terrible toos.”  All you have to do is state the facts or your preference.  Let’s look at the “terrible too” phrases above, now written (or spoken) by avoiding use of the “terrible toos:”

• “He’s shorter than many people his age.”
• “That’s louder than I would prefer.”
• “She spends more time on her phone than I would prefer.”
• “I would like it if he were to try to have a little more fun with this activity.”
• “He talks more than I would prefer.”

By rephrasing these statements, now you are more accurately communicating what it is that you’re really trying to say, which is essentially, “The way you’re going about it is not necessarily how I would prefer going about it.”  But, at least now you’re saying what you mean, instead of allowing for a potential defensive reaction from the other person, because they have a different preference as far as how to go about things.

Yes, there are times when it’s perfectly fine to use the word “too,” because it’s not a judgment.  For example, if a recipe calls for one cup of flour, and you pour in two cups, it would be accurate to say that you used “too much flour.”  If it’s entirely measurable, and someone uses more or less than what is called for, of course you can use the word “too” and you wouldn’t be judging.  What I am speaking to is when the subject or observation is clearly subjective, yet we are trying to determine a “magic” or “perfect” am0unt of something.

When we avoid using the “terrible toos,” we’ll find more peace with others, because we’re not judging them, thereby avoiding a defensive response, and we’ll find more peace with ourselves, because we are free to share our opinions and preferences without claiming to be “right” and pointing out how others are “wrong.”  Give it a try, and you’ll see how liberating it can be to make that simple omission of the “terrible toos” from your conversations!

Did you find this to be helpful?  Do you know of times when you have caught yourself using the “terrible toos?”  How do you think things can change for you by avoiding them?  Scroll down and leave your thoughts!  I’d love to hear from you!

 

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Powerful people.  People of power.  Both the same, or different?

I guess it depends on your point of view and what you have come to learn about what power is.  For me, personally, there is a huge difference between powerful people and people of power.  And it all has to do with what the person does with the power and how they use the power they have.

Here’s where perception makes all the difference, because here’s the thing — when you are in the presence of a powerful person or a person of power, where does your power go?  Does it suddenly evaporate?

Yes, you do have power too, but you may be allowing yourself to allow it to disappear faster than a piece of steak dropped on the floor in front of a dog.

Why is it that we give our power to other people?  More importantly, how can we keep our own power and not give it to someone else?

Power is all about perception, as I easily pointed out above, when I showed you how power (or at least the perception of your power) vanished in a flash.  The truth is that power is not a physical entity.  It’s just energy.  Furthermore, power really doesn’t appear or disappear.  Instead, think of power as a transferrable entity.  It is transferrable energy.  It can be easily passed from another person to you, or you can pass it on to another person.

So clearly this is all about your perception of your worthiness to hang on to your own power without transferring it to someone else.  Are you worth anything in your own estimation?  Do you have value?  Of course you do, so own your power!  You deserve to have power, and it’s yours to keep, not to give away to anyone else.

Now, back to the idea of a potential difference between a powerful person versus a person of power.  It all has to do with what they do with the power they have.  But, where does the power come from?

If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll answer that question easily: they don’t “have” the power bestowed upon them.  Power is transferred to them by the people who allow it to be transferred from themselves to the person who possesses the power.

This clearly establishes a point that I want you to remember forever and ever, and that is this:

The only power that a person has over you is the power you give them permission to have over you.

If you can keep your power, you possess the power.  If you allow yourself to give away your power to them, you’ve just lost it because you’ve transferred it to them.

A powerful person needs power.  Without power, they are nothing.  And, they know it.  When someone needs something desperately, and they feel they only have a limited supply and they aren’t certain they’ll get any more, what do they fear more than anything?

They fear that they’ll lose it.

When someone fears that they’ll lose their power, they’ll do anything to make sure they keep it.  The most effective way to keep power coming to them is to continually transfer the power of others to themselves.  This is done by engaging in behaviors that encourage or facilitate the transfer the people from “less powerful” positions to themselves.  In other words, it could be interpreted or diagnosed that they engage in “power plays.”  They “throw their power around” so everyone knows they’re in control.

No, they’re not in control.  Au contraire!  You are always in control of your power, and it’s always your choice as to whether you’ll allow it to transfer from you to someone else.

Have you already given your power away?  If you have, no big deal.  It’s just energy.  You can get that power back any time you wish in a flash, literally.  It’s just a matter of respecting your own worth and value, and by performing that simple act of valuing yourself, you will re-deposit the power back to yourself.

People of power are different.  They empower other people.  They use their position to encourage people to not only maintain their power, but to use it in ways that benefit others.  People of power know that power is only energy, and it’s not a possession that can be kept, or even belongs to them in the first place.  In fact, they know that if they just value themselves, they have more than enough power within them to do what they need to do.  They don’t need to “suck” the power from others.  They’ve already got everything they need!

So, in the end, remember that power is only energy.  Power is not a possession.  It is a transferable commodity, and it can be transferred in a flash, either to you or from you.

Own your power.  Hang on to it.  You deserve to.  Don’t give your power away to people who operate through a fear and scarcity mentality.

The truth is, powerful people have all the power they need, but they don’t believe they have enough.  They feel that power has to be given to them, and they demand that it be given to them.  Furthermore, they desperately fear that their power won’t hold, and they fear that one day their power will be gone.  It was never their power to have in the first place.  The power they have accumulated and cling to belongs to someone else.  It needs to be refunded.

Don’t allow yourself to give your power away to anyone else.  It’s yours to have for your own benefit.  As long as you honor and value yourself, and as long as you remember that the power others have over you is entirely up to you, you’ll quickly realize that you can retain and reclaim your personal power from anyone and any time you’d like.

Power to the people, baby.

 

Did you find this article helpful?  Have you given your power away, and do you now plan on getting it back?  I’d like to hear your stories.  Scroll down and leave a comment below!  I’d love to hear about it!

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I’m sure you’ve heard it before — “When you need to make a tough decision, make sure that you keep your emotions out of it.”  Maybe you’ve tried this approach, and you’ve found yourself being stern, stubborn, resistant, unyielding, and perhaps viewed as a bit of an unpopular person (commonly referred to as an “ass”).

“Where did I go wrong?” is what you may have asked.  After all, to let your emotions get involved is a sign of vulnerability or of weakness, right?  To let your emotions get involved is to be soft, indecisive, and “wishy-washy.” Or, at least that’s what you’ve been led to believe.

On the “B.S.” meter, this one is pretty close to full-on B.S.  However, it’s not so cut and dried, but I’ll try to piece it apart so you can figure out what really is B.S. about this belief and what may really be going on.

First off, why is it that people believe that we make better decisions when we leave emotions out of it?  My thought is that we’ve been conditioned to believe that when we allow our emotions to get involved, we’ll be perceived as all the things I had mentioned before, and then some: weak, soft, indecisive, and so forth.  There are two problems with this, at least the way I see it.

The first problem is how you are perceived by others.  You can be perceived by others as hard, unyielding, and uncaring.  You appear to others as if you don’t give a damn about them as people.  If you’re trying to endear yourself to others (which I don’t necessarily feel you need to), you’re not off to a good start if you’re giving them tons of non-verbal indications that you really don’t care about the human aspect of the ramifications of the decision you are making.

The second problem is a bit more significant in my opinion.  Scientific studies have shown that it’s actually impossible for you to make a decision without emotions getting involved.  That’s right — it’s physiologically impossible.  When you attempt to make decisions and keep your emotions out of the equation, it’s not natural.  No wonder why it’s hard to authentically pull off making a tough decision with no emotion!

Dr. Antonio Demasio’s work, detailed in his book Descarte’s Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain, shows how his patients, who had certain parts of their brains removed that are involved in the generation of emotions (more on this in a bit), were actually unable to make a decision.  Demasio speaks of an encounter with one of his patients where they were trying to simply figure out the next time the patient should come back for his next appointment.  The patient went back and forth about why part of him wanted to pick one day, but then another part of him wanted another day.  He went back and forth until finally Demasio suggested the day.  Once the suggestion was made, then the patient agreed to that day.

That leads me to why this is mostly B.S.:  Emotions are not equal, in that they don’t originate from the same areas of the brain.  Many of the emotions we feel, such as happiness, joy, and other positive emotions, come from the front area of the brain, called the pre-frontal cortex.  This is where Demasio’s patients either had damage to or actual removal of brain tissue.

The other area where emotion originates is a more archaic area of the brain, called the limbic system.  The emotion we call fear originates from here, and this is the one emotion that we really could stand to eliminate from the equation when it comes to making decisions.

The problem with fear and allowing fear to influence our decisions is that psychologically it deeply affects us in a negative way.  Whenever we allow fear to take over, it shuts down the higher areas of the brain that give us our logic, creativity, and happiness.  When we give in to fear, we act as if we are being threatened in some way, shape, or form, and then we are more prone to lashing out or acting in ways that protect us from the loss of something.

For example, if we fear losing control, we compensate by becoming controlling.  If we fear losing power, we compensate by throwing our power around and trying to show others how powerful we are.  If we can try to shift from fear to love, with an understanding that nobody is trying to take something away from us or that others are actually looking for help instead of offering criticism or making negative remarks, that can go a long way.  By the way, I know of a really awesome book that you can read about just this exact topic, if you’re interested.  It’s written by this really, really nice guy named Victor Schueller, and it’s called Rise Above Criticism, Negativity, and Conflict, if you’re interested.

So, to sum it up, for the most part, when someone says not to get your emotions involved when making decisions, it’s B.S.  The only emotion we really could stand to leave out of everything is the emotion of fear, because it does have negative ramifications, such as the overcompensation that results from the fear of losing something we desire.  Otherwise, you’ll find that by actually allowing your emotions to be part of the decision-making process is not only natural, but immensely beneficial to you.  You’ll show that you are human, and that you also care about the other humans who are involved.  Plus, and more importantly, you’ll make a decision that is from the heart and more often than not a decision that will benefit you and those around you.

Please tell me: Have you ever been led to believe that you should leave emotions out of your decisions?  Did you try it?  What were the results?  Scroll down and tell me of your experiences!  I’d love to talk to you about them!

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If you’re human, chances are you’ve dealt with your own internal feelings of guilt and shame.  Maybe you deal with them on a daily basis, and they leave you with a shaken self-confidence and remorse for things you did wrong and “should have” done differently.  What pisses me off to no end is that guilt and shame cause so much damage, and they can be totally eliminated if people would just stop allowing them to thrive within their minds.

In my book, Rise Above Criticism, Negativity, and Conflict, I talk about feelings of guilt and shame, and how they are actually a by-product of society’s acceptance of the concepts of violence and punishment.  It’s a chicken-versus-the-egg type of thing, because it could very well be that violence and punishment leads us to view the world through the lens of “right-wrong” and “good-bad” thinking, or it could also very well be that “right-wrong” and “good-bad” thinking leads us to view the world through the lens of violence and punishment.

Either way, it’s a vicious cycle that is man-made.  That’s right — guilt and shame are man made and unnatural as Velveeta Cheese.

So, how do we cut out these unnatural and damaging feelings of guilt and shame from our lives?

The solution is simple: You need to stop thinking you’re a bad person who needs to be punished.

Are there some people who commit tragic crimes against humanity?  Absolutely.  Are you one of them?  Probably not.  If you’re not engaged in committing egregious acts against your fellow man, just relax.  Go easy on yourself.  You’re not a “bad” person.  You probably just are hard on yourself and hold yourself to high standards.

Let me ask you: Why do you feel you need to be punished?  Why do you have feelings of regret?

If you really take time to think about it, it’s hard to come up with answers to those two questions, isn’t it?

The reason why guilt and shame arise is because we feel the appropriate response to our self evaluation is that we did something bad and we need to punish ourselves.  We find ourselves criticising ourselves and telling ourselves how stupid, horrible, and terrible we are for having done what we did.

We beat ourselves up because we know we can do better, but we didn’t, and we messed up.  We were wrong.  We were bad.  We don’t give ourselves a break.  We don’t move on.

Let me throw this out there for you for perspective — If you have a loved one, whether it be a family member or a child, who did something that turned out to be an honest, yet regrettable mistake, what would you do to them?  Would you continue to bring it up over and over again so they never forget about it?  Would you remind them about how stupid, horrible, and terrible they are for having done such a thing?  Would you continue to punish them for it and hold it against them well into the foreseeable future?  Of course you wouldn’t.  You would extend unconditional love to them.  You’d understand that we all make mistakes and we need not be punished for making them.

So, why don’t you extend unconditional love to yourself?  Why are you continuing to trash your internal reputation and be so hard on yourself?  Why aren’t you understanding of the mistakes we all make?

Stop giving in to the societal pressure of “right-wrong” and “good-bad” thinking.  It leads to the guilt-shame-punishment phenomenon that continues to perpetuate violence from our neighborhoods to the rest of the world.  The only reason why we feel guilt and shame is because we’ve been conditioned to do so.  We’ve been conditioned to look inward at our flaws and mistakes and punish ourselves with hurtful words and thoughts, resulting in those feelings of guilt and shame.

It’s time to put a stop to it.  Your time is now.

So how do we put an end to feelings of guilt and shame?  Here’s how:

1. Observe what happened.

2. Ask yourself what feelings are generated when you think about what happened.

3. Determine why you feel that way by asking yourself what it is that you would prefer to do in the future or what it is that you stand for (what are your values?).

4. Next time you’re in a similar situation, do what you would have preferred you would have done or act in alignment with what you stand for (your values).

5. Enjoy better feelings about the situation and move beyond guilt and shame.

The way this would play out would be like this:

1. When I was asked for my opinion of something, I said words which were negative and hurtful about others and witnessed visual cues of discomfort on the faces of those with whom I shared company.

2. I felt angry and frustrated with myself as a result.

3. I felt angry and frustrated because I want peace and harmony and good feelings amongst the people I associate with on a regular basis and I seek respect from others and to be held in high esteem.

4. So, the next time, when I am asked to share my opinion, I will only speak in positive terms to others.

Guilt and shame aren’t even real.  They are creations of a violent society which has bought into and endorsed right-wrong and good-bad thinking.  As long as we’re not amongst the ranks of those who commit terrible crimes against humanity, we just need to back off, have a little more self-compassion and self-love, and move forward with positive intentions to give ourselves another shot at getting it right.  More love, more understanding, and more compassion, coupled with less guilt and punishment will move us past those “icky” and uncomfortable feelings of guilt and shame that we just can’t seem to get past, and that just ruins our lives in the process.

More so, feelings of guilt and shame just pull us from who we really are, which is a loving, compassionate, understanding, and forgiving individual.  Guilt and shame are entities which rob us of our self love, compassion, forgiveness, and understanding.

Let me know your thoughts!  Do you struggle with guilt and shame?  Do you feel that by using the strategies above you can begin to move beyond guilt and shame?  I’d love to hear from you!  Scroll down and leave a comment!

Photo: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/jfg

I’m bald.  Well, not completely bald, but I shave the hair I do have left off so there usually isn’t much on my head at all.  It’s all good though, because it just makes me dead sexier.  🙂  Or, at least that’s what my wife would say (in my dreams)!

Shaving my head has some benefits and it has its drawbacks.  I already shared one of my benefits — looking dead sexy.  (I think if I say it enough times I’ll get others to actually believe it)  Another benefit of shaving my head is that I can control the length of my hair.  When I used to get it cut, because what hair I do have is very coarse and has a mind of its own, it starts to stick up and not respond to any sort of comb or brush.  It just does what it wants.  Now, I can just shave it when I want, and I can control my hair.  Do I sound like I have control issues?  Yeah, I probably do to some extent.

One major drawback?  Heat loss, for sure.  Living here in Wisconsin in the cold winter months makes sure that my winter hat is my best friend.  Without it, I am miserable.

The other challenge of shaving my head, and the reason for writing this today, is getting a clean, close, and comfortable shave.  When you have to drag a razor across your scalp several times a week, you need to make sure you don’t finish with a bunch of cuts and gashes across the noggin.  Without getting too involved with the specifics, I play around with different razor options as well as different shave cream/gel products to get me the best results.

Recently I came across an article in which the author said that no matter what he had tried, he got the best results by simply using Ivory soap.  “Interesting,” I thought, as I was very familiar with Ivory, but I had never used it for shaving.  I thought it certainly was worth risking my scalp to give it a shot.

I tried it, and I loved it.  It gave me a nice comfortable and smooth shave.  It also gave me a side effect that I didn’t expect: it brought me back to my youth.

The sense of smell is believed to be one of the most archaic senses, and it has a very close and direct connection with the nervous system.  The simple act of smelling something can evoke strong emotional responses, and this is what I had experienced the first day I tried the soap.

Now, I wasn’t curled up in a fetal position, crying uncontrollably on the bathroom floor.  It was just a strong emotional thought, but it brought me back to my childhood.  We used Ivory soap all the time when I was young.  We used it to take baths and showers, and we used it to wash our hands.  To smell that soap once again brought back those memories — good and not so good.

I had a great childhood, but we never lived in excess.  We had a large family, and money was not in abundance.  I know that my childhood conditioning about money has held strong with me, and I have worked so hard to shake it, and when I smelled that soap, it just reeked of scarcity to me.

That was unfortunate, because mixed in the aroma were those wonderful childhood memories of my mom, who I miss dearly, and the wonderful times I had with her and the rest of my family.  I didn’t like that those memories could be tainted because of something as trivial as money.

Then it struck me — It didn’t have to be that way.  The only reason why I was experiencing those things was because I was choosing to associate those thoughts with the soap.  I am in control, and I can choose what I wish to associate with the soap, and what I don’t.  It’s up to me.

It was a new beginning for me — it was the opportunity to cast aside those thoughts and leave new memories with the soap, and ditch the ones that don’t serve me.  The soap went from something that brought uncomfortable feelings to now being something that can bring back those wonderful memories every time I make myself a little dead sexier.  Win win.

Just because something happened to you in the past doesn’t mean you need to carry it with you into the present.  Your life path does not define who you are or what you become.  You are always free to choose what thoughts you accept as true.  If you don’t like the thoughts you carry in regard to something, it’s up to you to choose new ones.  You always hold the power — the power to change the way you feel about your past experiences, and the way you choose to move forward with your new experiences.

Who thought a little bar of soap could be such a great teacher?

Let me know your experiences!  Do you have a proverbial “bar of soap” that brings back certain memories?  Do you have the opportunity to either relish past experiences or move past ones that don’t serve you?  Let me know.

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On my radio show this week:

This week I will be welcoming “Heart Whisperer” Suzie Cheel to my radio show to talk how her near death experience led to a breakthrough, as well as how the “Heart Whisper” evolved.

Click on Suzie’s picture above to listen to the show!

By nature, we are loving and compassionate beings.  Sometimes I know that I do not emulate that.  Because I rely on my feelings and emotions as a guide, I know that there are times when I’m experiencing negative emotions or resistance, so I know I’m further from the person that I want to be.  I know during those times that I’m not being authentic or true to myself, and I know that I am not living in my natural state of being.   Love and compassion are in short supply.  It can be so frustrating to experience this, especially when I am aware of it and long to be back to who I want to be!

Maybe you’re trying to figure out yourself if you’re on a path that allows you to be true to yourself.  Maybe you know you’re not, but you’re looking to get back to being more “authentically you.”  If you feel you’re “selling out,” it’s pretty obvious that you’re not in line with your authentic self.  You know you’re not being authentic because each day you’re doing something that you fundamentally know to be something you don’t believe in or stand for, but you’re doing it for whatever reasons you are.

Perhaps you feel like life just isn’t fun, or that life seems a little bit “empty” and not fulfilling to you.  This is another great indicator that you may not be completely in line with your authentic self.  It can be pretty frustrating when you know something doesn’t feel right for you, but you don’t know what to do to get out of that “rut” that you’re in.

Here are three easy ways that you can become more authentically “you” and enjoy life on your terms, doing what you enjoy and tapping into your more compassionate and loving self:

1. Don’t do it if it isn’t play

I am still amazed how often people put themselves last when it comes to taking care of people.  I’m not saying that you have to always be thinking “me, me, me,” and never do anything for anyone else.  But, isn’t it possible to do something for someone else, yet enjoy it in the process?  A lot of unhappiness comes from simply doing things that help other people, but at the same time you find little or no enjoyment in it.  I’m going to tell you here and now that no, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.  If you feel obligated to do something for someone, then it’s a creation of your own mind.  You are never obligated to do anything for anyone.  If it’s not “play” for you, then don’t do it.  If you’re serving everyone else but you, you’re going to feel frustrated and angry, but you did it to yourself.

2. Explore your core values

Just ask yourself, “What are my innermost values?“  If you aren’t sure what this means, then ask yourself, “What do I stand for?  What defines my actions?”  Maybe your core values would include honesty, love, respect, or gratitude.  Once you can identify what your core values are, the rest is easy.  It’s just comparing what you’re doing or what you’re thinking of doing to your core values.  You just need to ask yourself whether this activity is in line with your core values.  If it is, then go ahead and do it.  If it’s not, then it’s not authentically you, and you probably would be better served if you chose not to engage in that activity.  If you find you’re  a bit stuck, and you are at a loss as to what examples of values may be, or whether something is a value, the wonderful Barrie Davenport has put together an awesome list of 400 values!  Just click here and I’ll guide you to that page.  You’ll love it!

3. Stop insisting on being right

We get so stuck on playing the game called “Who’s right?”  You may be asking, “What’s the big deal about being right?  Can it be that harmful?”  Well, I wouldn’t call it “harmful,” but I would call it counterproductive and counterintuitive.  When we insist on being right, we’re turning preferences into judgments.  Instead of saying, for example, “I like the color blue,” we’re saying “Blue is the right color to like.”  If anyone prefers a different color, their color would be the “wrong” color to like if we continue to play the “Who’s right?” game.  If you can shift from “right-wrong” thinking to preferential thinking, you’ll soften your stance and have much more appreciation for other people and their preferences.  You’ll see that everyone has things they like or enjoy, and they’re entitled to enjoy them and prefer them, just as you are.  Eliminating “right-wrong” thinking is a great way to simply become more compassionate and empathic toward other people, because you begin to see how we’re all connected and similar in so many ways.  By respecting other people’s preferences as opposed to judging their choices and determining whether they’re “right or wrong,” you begin to let go of judgmentalism.  The less you judge the less you feel the need to control external circumstances and the less energy you spend defending your position.

I really hope that these three simple steps will help you become more “authentically you.”  Life is just much more fun and enjoyable when you can just be who you are with no apologies or regrets.

Did you find this article helpful?  Did something really resonate with you or speak to you today?  If it did, please let me know!  I’d love to hear about it!

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Krappweis

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On my radio show this week:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Monday at 12:00 PM Central I will be welcoming “Modern Day Freedom Fighter” Sandi Amorim to my radio show to talk about  reclaiming our personal freedom and how to use it to discover what’s possible!

Click on Sandi’s picture above to listen to the show!

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I am happy to welcome Keyara Fleece to my blog this week with her guest post!  Please join me in welcoming her.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”-Leo Tolstoy

This is YOUR life! I know you don’t need me to tell you this, but it’s worth constant mention. This life is full of limitless possibilities! You are filled with many unique talents and your specific recipe of greatness can do things in this world that no one else can do.

Some hesitate to spend time on self care and self love because they think it’s selfish or sometimes they just don’t believe that they deserve the same love as everyone else. I’m here to dispel that lie. If even a small fraction of people spent more time on themselves, gave more love to their own heart, spent more time caring for their own souls…we’d live in an unrecognizable place.

You see, many of us walk around every day ignoring our own needs, our own wants and our own dreams. Our wise inner self does not sit by watching quietly, however. Our inner selves send us messages in the form of emotions and reactions to situations.

You call it lazy, your inner self is saying this is not what we’re meant to be doing. You call it unmotivated, but your inner self is motivated…to do something else.

So, here are a few simple tips to take more control (so we can all benefit from your greatness!)

1. Listen to your inner wisdom
Honor yourself when something doesn’t feel right. There is nothing wrong with you! There is actually so much right with you. Don’t let the wise inner compass that you were born with go to waste. Let it do it’s job by giving yourself some space each day to hear what you truly want. You know what’s best for you.

2. Stretch Yourself
Don’t get too comfortable! Life is not about being comfy, it’s about growing. If it hurts, you know it’s working. Make it a point to do something that takes you out of your comfort zone all the time! Your life will truly sparkle!

3. Honor Yourself
When you feel sad, don’t shut it up. Listen! What is your sadness telling you? How can you grow from this pain? When you get angry, don’t multiply the negativity by getting mad at yourself. Listen to yourself! Many times, anger is the crying of a misunderstood soul. Listen to that rage and honor it. You’re human and feeling passion is a good thing!

Everyone has passions, but the people who follow their passions and listen to their inner wisdom are in the minority. It doesn’t have to be that way. There is not a single person in this world without incredible power. I mean it. We are a race of warriors filled with limitless inner wisdom. Take your place as a warrior by taking care of your own beautiful life.

With much love,
Keyara Fleece

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Join Keyara Fleece in April for ‘Loving Me’ a 30 day challenge to stretch your emotional capacities. Keyara blogs at www.awakeningyourlight.com and she thinks that you are awesome!

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On my radio show this week:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Monday at 12:00 PM Central I will be welcoming Ronald A. Cooper to my radio show to talk about “How to Win in Life in a Greater Way.”

Click on Ronald’s picture above to listen to the show!