True or False: It’s Okay to Make Emotional Decisions | VictorSchueller.com

I’m sure you’ve heard it before — “When you need to make a tough decision, make sure that you keep your emotions out of it.”  Maybe you’ve tried this approach, and you’ve found yourself being stern, stubborn, resistant, unyielding, and perhaps viewed as a bit of an unpopular person (commonly referred to as an “ass”).

“Where did I go wrong?” is what you may have asked.  After all, to let your emotions get involved is a sign of vulnerability or of weakness, right?  To let your emotions get involved is to be soft, indecisive, and “wishy-washy.” Or, at least that’s what you’ve been led to believe.

On the “B.S.” meter, this one is pretty close to full-on B.S.  However, it’s not so cut and dried, but I’ll try to piece it apart so you can figure out what really is B.S. about this belief and what may really be going on.

First off, why is it that people believe that we make better decisions when we leave emotions out of it?  My thought is that we’ve been conditioned to believe that when we allow our emotions to get involved, we’ll be perceived as all the things I had mentioned before, and then some: weak, soft, indecisive, and so forth.  There are two problems with this, at least the way I see it.

The first problem is how you are perceived by others.  You can be perceived by others as hard, unyielding, and uncaring.  You appear to others as if you don’t give a damn about them as people.  If you’re trying to endear yourself to others (which I don’t necessarily feel you need to), you’re not off to a good start if you’re giving them tons of non-verbal indications that you really don’t care about the human aspect of the ramifications of the decision you are making.

The second problem is a bit more significant in my opinion.  Scientific studies have shown that it’s actually impossible for you to make a decision without emotions getting involved.  That’s right — it’s physiologically impossible.  When you attempt to make decisions and keep your emotions out of the equation, it’s not natural.  No wonder why it’s hard to authentically pull off making a tough decision with no emotion!

Dr. Antonio Demasio’s work, detailed in his book Descarte’s Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain, shows how his patients, who had certain parts of their brains removed that are involved in the generation of emotions (more on this in a bit), were actually unable to make a decision.  Demasio speaks of an encounter with one of his patients where they were trying to simply figure out the next time the patient should come back for his next appointment.  The patient went back and forth about why part of him wanted to pick one day, but then another part of him wanted another day.  He went back and forth until finally Demasio suggested the day.  Once the suggestion was made, then the patient agreed to that day.

That leads me to why this is mostly B.S.:  Emotions are not equal, in that they don’t originate from the same areas of the brain.  Many of the emotions we feel, such as happiness, joy, and other positive emotions, come from the front area of the brain, called the pre-frontal cortex.  This is where Demasio’s patients either had damage to or actual removal of brain tissue.

The other area where emotion originates is a more archaic area of the brain, called the limbic system.  The emotion we call fear originates from here, and this is the one emotion that we really could stand to eliminate from the equation when it comes to making decisions.

The problem with fear and allowing fear to influence our decisions is that psychologically it deeply affects us in a negative way.  Whenever we allow fear to take over, it shuts down the higher areas of the brain that give us our logic, creativity, and happiness.  When we give in to fear, we act as if we are being threatened in some way, shape, or form, and then we are more prone to lashing out or acting in ways that protect us from the loss of something.

For example, if we fear losing control, we compensate by becoming controlling.  If we fear losing power, we compensate by throwing our power around and trying to show others how powerful we are.  If we can try to shift from fear to love, with an understanding that nobody is trying to take something away from us or that others are actually looking for help instead of offering criticism or making negative remarks, that can go a long way.  By the way, I know of a really awesome book that you can read about just this exact topic, if you’re interested.  It’s written by this really, really nice guy named Victor Schueller, and it’s called Rise Above Criticism, Negativity, and Conflict, if you’re interested.

So, to sum it up, for the most part, when someone says not to get your emotions involved when making decisions, it’s B.S.  The only emotion we really could stand to leave out of everything is the emotion of fear, because it does have negative ramifications, such as the overcompensation that results from the fear of losing something we desire.  Otherwise, you’ll find that by actually allowing your emotions to be part of the decision-making process is not only natural, but immensely beneficial to you.  You’ll show that you are human, and that you also care about the other humans who are involved.  Plus, and more importantly, you’ll make a decision that is from the heart and more often than not a decision that will benefit you and those around you.

Please tell me: Have you ever been led to believe that you should leave emotions out of your decisions?  Did you try it?  What were the results?  Scroll down and tell me of your experiences!  I’d love to talk to you about them!

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