Category Archives for "belief systems"

Everything has its season, and I firmly believe that this is the season for us to take time to participate in one very important practice.  As a matter of fact, if you’re going to only focus on doing one thing between now and the end of the year — one thing that can have a huge impact on you, and absolutely allow you to “wow” yourself, you’re going to want to do this.  The best part of it is that it doesn’t take a lot of time, it is totally pleasant and fun, and it’s super easy to do.

Here’s what you do: grab a piece of paper and a pen or pencil.  Reflect on the year gone by, and try to recall as many things as you can that happened during the year for which you are grateful, or that which was a pleasant surprise.  When you think of or recall something, write it down.  See how many things you can write down.

Something you can do to help you better recall what happened would be to grab your calendar from the year.  Take a look at the months.  Maybe you wrote in a get-together with some family friends.  Perhaps you went to a concert, or watched one of your child’s events at school, or went along on a field trip.  Maybe you took a vacation or small family trip or celebrated a milestone like a birthday or anniversary.

What’s the reasoning behind this?  I have a couple of reasons I can share with you.  First of all, for some, the holidays can bring feelings of melancholy or a longing to reunite with people who have passed either this year or years past.  It’s easy to dwell on how much we miss the people who are no longer with us, and those feelings can lead to other emotions that bring us down.  By focusing on those things that we do have, rather than those we do not, we are reminding ourselves of the joys of life and things that we can be appreciative of because we still can enjoy them today.

Secondly, when we are focused on gratitude-based activities, we are affecting the neurology of the brain, setting it to a frequency consistent with joy, happiness, and positivity, which helps us see the world that we live in in a more positive light, and it helps us adopt a mindset that makes us more appreciative of life in general.  It’s kind of like when you are at the baggage claim at the airport, looking for your luggage.  If you have a red bag, you will pay attention to all the red bags that pass along, ignoring the other colors as they go by.  If you are grateful, you’ll pick up on the joys in life and sort of ignore the negatives as they pass by.

Third, I firmly believe that people underestimate how phenomenal their year was when it comes to an end.  This is your chance to “wow” yourself by looking back and seeing just how awesome it was for you, and how much you accomplished!  Just take a look at all the great things that happened throughout the year, and just think about the possibilities that lie ahead in the upcoming year!  You’ll be surprised at what you discover when you commit to this practice at year’s end.

One last thing you can do as the “icing on the cake” is to just look at your life in general.  Did you get up this morning?  Are you healthy?  Are your family members healthy?  Are you cancer free?  Do you have the full use of all of your body parts?  Can you walk?  Do you have food on your table?  Can you provide for your family?  Think about the abundant blessings that you simply take for granted every day, and realize how fortunate you truly are each and every day you’re alive.

The year’s end is a fantastic time to focus on your blessings, and remember all that is good in your life.  As you look forward to the new year, you can even start writing down the good things that come along, or you can write down some things you’d like to accomplish in the upcoming year, or simply enjoy the holiday season as it unfolds.

As I write my final blog entry for 2014, I wish you a wonderful holiday filled with blessings and gratitude.  I wish you a wonderful start to the new year, filled with anticipation, hope, and wishes for the future.  May you enjoy your blessings, and may your heart be filled with joy and love.

Take care, and as always, many blessings to you.  Happy holidays, and have a very happy new year!

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It is my belief that one of the most troublesome issues with our communications with other people is that we, make as Marshall Rosenberg puts it a very “unnatural” way of talking “very natural.”  And, as a result, we end up hurting a lot of people in the process, or getting caught up in a lot of other people’s concerns and affairs, most of which we have absolutely no business getting involved with in the first place.

That’s because we talk about our feelings.  But, not all feelings are equal.  And, when we start treating all feelings as equal, that’s when we run into problems.

In reality, many of the things we have come to believe to be feelings are not feelings at all.  Rather, they are just interpretations or diagnoses of what we think other people are doing.  What we really should be saying, truthfully, is that we “think,” rather than “feel.”

Let me break it down for you.  We may say something like “I feel like Beth is trying to take advantage of me.”  We have good intentions as we start out by saying “I feel…,” however, as soon as we insert the word “like,” we’re dealing with something completely different.

Try this out…Replace the words “feel like” in the sentence above with the word “think.”  Now, the same statement is more truthful, as we now say, “I think Beth is trying to take advantage of me.”  When we do this, we now uncover the term “feel” for what it really is…It’s really an interpretation of the other person’s intentions.  It’s our diagnosis of what is going on.

When we are talking about how we actually feel, we don’t “feel like” anything.  We don’t “feel like” we’re sad, and we don’t “feel like” we’re happy.  We simply “feel” sad, or “feel” happy.  True feelings cannot be interpreted or diagnosed, because they are true.  Nobody can question whether you feel happy or sad, because you either do feel this way or you don’t.  “Real” feelings are always true.

So, not all feelings are equal.  There are some “false” feelings, which are really diagnoses or interpretations.  They are vehicles by which we try to express, albeit ineffectively, what we “think” the other person intends to do or what the motives are behind their actions.  These are not true feelings.

True feelings are a reflection of what’s alive in that person at any given moment.  True feelings are those of excitement, joy, sadness, despair, anger, frustration, and happiness.

The other problem that we face when we try to pass along “false” feelings as something legitimate is that the interpretations or diagnoses open both parties up to a debate.  For example, if I were to say to Beth, “I feel that you are trying to take advantage of me,” she can easily respond by denying that this is her intention.  There is no better way to put someone on the offensive than to tell them what you think their intentions are, especially if you think their intentions are suspect.  Chances are you will not easily reach a peaceful outcome through this methodology.

What do I recommend you do as an alternative?  Speak to what you can observe.  Instead of thinking that someone is “trying to take advantage” of a situation, perhaps speaking about how they asked you for your availability, but then scheduled a meeting at one of the only times you were not available would be beneficial for you to get to the bottom of the issue.  By speaking to the facts which are undeniable, you can then get to the bottom of the issue.  Interpretations are not necessary when you utilize the facts to determine what is going on.

Remember that we need to de-condition ourselves from speaking about “feelings” that are really thoughts, diagnoses, and interpretations.  We’ve been conditioned for much of our lives to use the term “feel” interchangeably with “think,” but when we do, we will end up offending others and creating more problems than we solve.  Use the term “feel” only when you follow it up with an emotion, and not followed by words like “you” or “like.”  You’ll find that the less “thinking” you do about what other people are doing, the more success you’ll have resolving difficult situations.

 

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It’s not easy being criticized by others.  It cuts to the core, and it hurts.

Why does the criticism hurt?  It hurts because we are experiencing negative emotions as a result of the criticism, obviously, but why do we experience the negative emotions?

In my book, Rise Above Criticism, Negativity, and Conflict, I dive into the investigation of our emotions and why we experience them.

Essentially, when we are experiencing a positive emotion, our needs are fulfilled, but when we are experiencing a negative emotion, one or more of our needs are not being met.

So now it’s clear that our negative emotions that arise as a result of the criticism are coming from a need within us that is not being met.  Maybe it’s a need to be understood, or a need to be recognized as competent.  Maybe it’s some other need that arises and is not fulfilled.  The beauty of the system is that it’s really up to you individually to determine what the need is.

Once you identify that need, then it’s also up to you to either fulfill that need or to ask others to help you to fulfill that need.  So, for example, if you have a need to be understood, perhaps you could say, “Could you please help me understand where I’m not being entirely clear so that I can clarify and clear up any misunderstandings?

This would allow the other person to provide you with the information so that you can resolve your unmet need.

However, this doesn’t help you necessarily get past the criticism of other people.  It just helps you get to a place of more positive emotions.

To get past the criticism of other people, it’s important to remember one important thing:

The criticism of others toward you has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with their feelings and unmet needs.

So, when someone tells you that your idea is horrible, what they’re really saying is that they’re not getting something they need, and they are (in a very masked way) asking you to help them meet that unmet need.

But, before you can even start to move to a place where you can help them meet their unmet need, you need to check your ego at the door.  You can’t be thinking in the back of your head that they are just trying to be manipulative, cover up their mistakes, play politics, or that they have other ulterior motives that are suspect.  When you move to this place you are simply interpreting and diagnosing their behaviors, and when you move to that type of thinking you’ll get nowhere.  Interpreting and diagnosing is a form of judging — it’s a form of labeling something as “right” and “wrong.”

Sensitive issues such as criticism need to be handled delicately and sensitively.  It’s hard to be sensitive and delicate when someone is criticising you, but that’s exactly what is called for.  Because it seems so counterintuitive, so few people handle criticism this way.

Perhaps “Bob” said that your idea was horrible because he is frustrated because he feels that his ideas aren’t being included in the discussion.  All you can do is guess.  Maybe just asking Bob what specifically he doesn’t like about the idea will shed light on what his unmet needs are.

Once you can determine what the unmet need is, you can either ask if that’s what Bob needs, or you can just make a suggestion to move in that direction, and see what his reaction is.  If he responds peacefully and cooperatively, chances are you’ve met a need of his, and he’s experiencing a more positive emotion internally as a result.

Criticism is never really about us.  It is completely about what’s going on internally with the person who criticizes.  That doesn’t mean that we’re not relieved of responsibility toward helping them meet their needs, however.  If you can identify that there is an unmet need, you can do a tremendous service to the criticizer by helping them meet their needs, and for that, you’ll be recognized as a master communicator and a tremendous leader, and people will know that they can count on you to help them get to a better place.

Did you find this post helpful?  Do you think you can apply this to your own situations?  Let me know in the comments below!

Do other people make you feel bad sometimes?  Not so fast!  It’s time to re-think this and put yourself in an empowered position.  Find out what you need to do to move from powerless to empowered by simply changing your perspective on who makes you feel the way you do!

Check out my video message.  It’s only three minutes long, but it’s a powerful lesson for today.  Enjoy!

 

Did you find this video to be helpful?  Let me know what you thought about it in the comments below.  I promise to respond!

 

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When I was nineteen years old, I lived an experience that I’d regretted many times and wish I could’ve changed if I had the ability to go back in time.  I was directing a high school musical, and I handled a sticky situation in an unprofessional manner.  To simplify things, I basically let my emotions get involved when I disagreed how a matter was handled, and I said things that undermined the administration of the school in front of the students who were involved in the show.

The school principal caught wind of what was going on as it was going down and asked me to come take a walk with him to talk about it.  I had known him for several years by this point, and we had a good relationship.  Well, more correctly, we had a good relationship up to that point.  I remember sitting in his office, and the next thing we both knew we were literally speaking at each other with raised voices.  The casual observer would have determined that we were “yelling” at each other.

Yeah, that didn’t go so well.  I chalk it up now days to my youthful ignorance.  I could have known better, but that day I just didn’t.  I ended up getting reprimanded.  While I still was able to stay on as the director of the show, things were just never the same between the principal and me again.

So here’s where I am supposed to be filled with regret over what happened, right?

Not me.  I have absolutely no regret over how I handled myself that day.

Does that mean that I believe I managed the situation well?

Nope.

Does that mean I am free of any negative emotions when I think back to what happened that day?

Absolutely not.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I actually still feel absolutely terrible about what happened.  I just don’t feel regretful.

What’s the distinction between feeling terrible and regretful?  It’s pretty straight forward, in my opinion.  Let me explain:

Emotions reflect what’s alive in us.  Emotions are true.  They are real and undeniable.  Negative emotions point out to us where we have needs that remain unmet, or where we are acting in contrast to our personal core values.  In contrast, regret is a society-influenced, self-imposed attitude that we carry with us as punition for transgressions.  It is a form of self-imposed punishment.

Do you understand the difference?

No doubt there may be events in your own life that you have reflected upon for which you regret.  It’s safe to say we all wish we could go back to the past and change how we handled a particular situation or two (or more).  However, reality is that we simply can’t go back in time.  We can’t change the events of the past.

And, if we can’t go back, and we can’t change the events of the past, then what good does it do to punish ourselves over it?  What positive outcome is the result?  I can’t think of one way that it really serves us.

If you’re struggling with feelings of regret over something that happened in the past, here’s what you can do to overcome those feelings:

1. Think about the event and take time to allow yourself to experience the emotions you feel.

 

2. Ask yourself what you specifically did that leads to the generation of those emotions.

 

3. Ask yourself what values you hold that were “violated” when you acted the way you did (This will help you determine why you feel those emotions — you will be identifying the cause or the unmet need).

 

4. Ask yourself, “If I were in that same position right now, what would I do differently that would lead to an action or outcome that would result in better feelings within me?

 

5. Upon answering question number four, simply tell yourself, “The next time I find myself in a situation similar to that one, I will choose the action or pursue the outcome that leads to those better feelings.”

 

6. Repeat steps one through five as needed every time you come back to those negative emotions when you think about the incident.

The more you repeat these steps, and the more you reassure yourself that you can’t go back and can only move forward with a more desirable choice in the future, the more you’ll rise above the regret.  While it may be that the negative feelings may never subside when you think back, you can always move forward with a more positive outlook on future prospects.  I’ve applied the above six steps myself to many of my life events in the past, and it has really helped me move forward.

My hope is that you can now understand the difference between feeling “bad” about something and “regretting” something, and my hope is that you can also move past regret for good, and rise above it for a better (and free) future for yourself.

 

Did you find this article helpful?  Do you have a life event from the past to which you could apply this process?  I’d love to hear how this post impacted you.  Please leave a comment below, and I promise to respond.

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On my radio show this week:

This week I am happy to introduce you to Yulia Stark, author of the self development book Master Your Reality.  She will be joining me on my radio show this week to talk about how we are all creators of our own reality. Whether we care to accept it or not, we are responsible for who we are, for the level of love that is present in our life, for the level of success in our career, as well as our happiness and fulfillment.  Listen in to hear Yulia’s own secrets to success in life!

Click on Yulia’s picture to listen to the show!

 

Are you okay with who you are?  Or, do you feel a deeper need to change who you are?

Maybe you’re unsure.  Maybe you really are okay with who you are, but you feel a sort of “external” pressure to change who you are because you’re worried about the impact you have on other people and your interactions.

Maybe you know you could stand to make some changes, but it’s not always easy to accept that changes are necessary.

Even if those may be the case, you still may wonder if change is even possible.

Have you ever wondered that?  Have you wondered if it’s even possible to even change who you are?

First off, let’s start with the “why.”  Why is it that you feel you need to change?  Is it an internal push?  Or, is it more external?

If its external, let’s start by asking a few questions.  Are you feeling the need to change because someone had said something to you?  Is it because you’re worried about what other people think of you?  Is it because you’ve been told you need to “change your ways” by someone else?

If it’s an internal push, we can ask similar questions.  Do you feel you need to change because you’re experiencing negative emotions as a result of life’s circumstances?  Is it because you are tired of coming back to the same situation over and over again?  Do you simply feel “stuck,” and that change is necessary to move on?

Change is hard.

No matter why you feel you may need a change, change is hard.  And, based on my own personal experience, and in dealing with others who are struggling with this concept of change, it seems that the most difficult part about dealing with change is the thought of changing who we are.

I mean, let’s face it.  We are all imperfect.  We all have our flaws.  And, deep down, we really know it’s okay.  We all know, deep down, that we are imperfect.  And, that’s okay.

So, if we are all imperfect, and we can all stand to improve, then in that imperfection we are about as perfect as we’re going to be.

But, here’s the thing — when we think about changing who we are, it scares us.  It scares us because of what it means to change.  We like who we are.  We’re okay with who we are.  It’s just that some things can stand for a little improvement and tweaking to make life a little more wonderful, right?

Absolutely — I’m in agreement.  So here’s the distinction, as I see it.

We don’t have to change who we are…

We don’t have to change who we are.  It’s just that maybe we want to change how we are, how we act, and what we do.

That’s much easier to swallow, isn’t it?

It’s not about changing the “who.”  It’s about changing the “how” and the “what.”  It’s about already utilizing what we have within us, and bringing that out to enhance our lives and our interactions with others.

We already have the capacity to be friendly, congenial, loving, caring, kind, empathic, compassionate, and joyful.  We all have that capacity.  You’re no exception.

The only change we need to implement is in how and when we choose to bring out those positive characteristics.

Every interaction is a choice.  Do we choose to be loving, or not?  Do we choose to be compassionate, or not?

It is the power of thought that will empower us to implement the change that we desire to move to a more desirable place internally.

At the end of the day, if you can think back on it and realize that you consciously chose to be loving, kind, and compassionate, when you know that in the past you didn’t necessarily act in that way, it’s an empowering reflection.

Then, at that time, you can finally realize that yes, we can change.  We can change how we are and what we do.  While we can’t necessarily change who we are, you’ll realize that you never needed to.

We are who we are, and we don’t need to change who we are.  We can enable change through our choices and thoughts and achieve powerful results.

 

How about you?  Do you struggle with change?  Have you battled with whether or not you need to change who you are?  Was this helpful in your personal discovery?  I’d like to know how this article impacted you!  Please share in the comments below.  I promise to respond if you do.

 

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[hcshort id=”67″]Carnival workers have a bad reputation, don’t they?

It seems like everyone likes to take a crack at the “carnies.”  We like to make fun of how they look.  We like to look down at them and their “lowly” life.  We mock them, criticize them, and make them the butt of our jokes.

The last I checked, they counted as humans.  Two arms, two legs, a working brain, and everything else that makes them the same as you and me.

However, why do we lack compassion for the “carnies?”  Why do we make fun of them?  Why?

It’s the same reason why we lack compassion and understanding for anyone else who belongs to a “group” that differs from our own.

It’s not just the “carnies.”  It’s the people who have a different color of skin than us.  It’s the people who belong to a different religion than us.  People who work a different type of job from us.  People who make a different income than us.  People who are attracted to different people than us.  It’s the people who dress differently than us.

I’ve noticed a correlation between the size of the distance we place between ourselves and others and the magnitude of the lack of compassion and empathy for others.  The more “different” we view ourselves as another, the less compassion we have for them.

Here’s a great example of that:

 

 

And, another:

So, how can we find compassion in our hearts for the “carnies” and other groups of people we struggle to accept and understand?

Here are three easy steps we can follow to decrease the amount of “distance” we place between ourselves and others to find more compassion and empathy in our hearts.

1. Seek commonalities

Try hard to find ways that we are similar to others.  By seeking to find the commonalities we share with other people, the more we will see others as, well, humans.  Just like us.  When we can look to others as brothers and sisters, we will be more likely to love and exercise compassion and understanding for others.

2. Exercise the art of “wondering”

There is also a corresponding relationship between empathy and wonder.  The more you “wonder” what it’s like to be another person, and experiencing what they are experiencing, the more empathy you develop for that person.  It’s that neuronal “mirroring” that occurs.  The more you “become” the other person, the more you’ll develop emotions within you that help you understand what emotions the other person may be experiencing as well.  The great news is that our brains are highly developed to perform this task.  We just have to use it more often, especially when we are interacting with someone who we may view as very different from us.

3. “De-group” the people and “Re-humanize” the interaction

Its been observed in scientific studies also that when people lump others into “groups” it allows for the interaction to be de-humanized.  Just think of what happened to the Jews during World War II.  They were put into a “group.”  As a result, they were de-humanized and slaughtered.  That’s because people no longer are people.  They are non-human members of a group.  They become less than human.  This is exactly what’s happening when we categorize people as “carnies.”  We are “grouping” them, and therefore they become “de-humanized.”  Then, they become easy pickings for our jabs, insults, and ridicule.

We are here for much more than criticizing others.  We are here for great purpose.  Truth to be told, when we stoop down to this level of behavior, we don’t feel good about it.  Something doesn’t sit well within us.  That’s because our true heart knows that we are compassionate and loving.  When we don’t act in this manner, there is inner conflict.  We’re not at peace.

It’s time to stop calling people names and placing them into groups.  It’s time to seek commonalities rather than emphasize differences.  It’s time to rise to that higher level of compassion, love, empathy, and celebration of who we are and who others are.  It’s time for us to reach our full potential.  The time has never been better.  Less judgment, and more compassion.  We can do it!

 

How did you like this article?  Did it speak to you?  Was it helpful?  Please let me know how you felt about it in the comments section below.  I promise to respond if you do!

 

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Though I don’t believe it is intuitive to the human species, we have become conditioned to be pretty adept at self blame, feelings of guilt, shame, and self doubt.

The whole thing goes something like this:

Step one: We reflect on something that we did.  Things didn’t turn out as we would have liked, or we realized we may have made an error, and as a result, negative feelings arise within us.

Step two: We’ve been conditioned to interpret those negative feelings as a feeling of self blame, guilt, or shame.

Step three: We’ve been conditioned to determine that feelings of self blame, guilt, or shame arise because we did something “bad.”

Step four: Because we did something “bad,” we follow the template we’ve been conditioned to follow: We do something “bad,” we get punished.  Since we are self-identifying that we did something “bad,” we are conditioned to believe that we need to punish ourselves.

Step five: We are conditioned to accept our self-punishment as a recurring reminder of how “bad” we are for doing something so “wrong.”

Step six: We’ve been conditioned to throw in the occasional thoughts about how “stupid” we are for “always messing things up.”

Out of those six steps, do you realize how many of them are creations of conditioning?  If you missed it, steps two through six are all based on social conditioning.

That means that only step one, where we have negative feelings, is the only “authentic” step in the process.  This is where we can “re-write” the whole process.  Let’s do that, starting from step one, but now let’s write a new “program” to replace the “old” one.

Step one (again):

We reflect on something that we did.  Things didn’t turn out as we would have liked, or we realized we may have made an error, and as a result, negative feelings arise within us.

Step two:

We realize that the negative feelings arise because we did something that is not in alignment with our core values, or because there is a need that was not met.

Step three:

Determine what core value you will adhere to next time, or determine what you’ll do differently to meet the need.

Step four:

Move on and forget about it.

Step five:

The next time we are in a similar situation, refer back to step four.

There is no need to assign blame unto ourselves for something.  We all make mistakes.  Ninety-nine percent of the time whatever we did carries no major negative ramifications, penalties, or consequences.  Go easy on yourself.  Just determine what you’ll do differently next time, and move on.

That really is good enough, and that’s all that matters.  Don’t hold yourself up to a picture of perfection.  Just be a “good enough” person, and you’ll be just fine.

Was this article helpful?  Do you see how you can apply this to a situation that happened in the past so you can rise above guilt and shame?  I’d love to hear what you think!  Scroll down and leave a comment below.  I’ll promise to reply.

 

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About a year ago, my older daughter, Brianna, approached me outside as I was doing some yard work.

“Dad?” she asked.  “How tall are you?”

I said, “I’m five foot eleven.  Five one one.”

“Okay,” Brianna said, as she retreated back into the house.

A couple of minutes later, she came back out.

“How much do you weigh?” she asked.

“One hundred seventy-five pounds.  One seven five,” I answered.

“Okay,” she said again, and as before, she went back in the house.

Once again, she came out of the house, and she handed me a piece of paper.  It was a Fathers’ Day gift:

It all looked good, until the part where she described that when I was younger I used to “pretend to be a woman.”

Never, ever let a child see a picture of you dressed as a woman for Halloween.  No doubt it burns itself into their memory.

Now you also know that I “yell” when I am angry.

Stories are so powerful.  They have the ability to capture our attention.  They take us somewhere we’ve never been.  They turn a dull presentation into an exciting adventure, where time flies and our hearts and souls sing.

If you’re a great storyteller, it can really be to your benefit in building relationships and talking with other people.

On the other hand, your strength in telling stories can be holding you back.

How so?

One of the great things about stories is that they can be told by one, and then repeated by others, fairly accurately, time and time again.  It’s how many of the great books we have come to know have been written.  However, this can work against us as well.

We all tell ourselves and other people our stories.  I’m not talking about stories like the one I told you above.  I’m talking about the “stories” we have come to believe about ourselves, our talents, our abilities, our limitations, and our shortcomings.

For example, one of my stories was always, “I’m not good at math.”

Another one was “I’m a horrible salesperson.”

I’ve heard other people say that they’re not creative, or that they are not smart, or even, “It’s just the way it is.  I can’t change it.”

They’re all stories.  But, they get in our way.

Here are three reasons why our stories can work against us:

1. Some of our stories are simply the reflections of what others have told us and we’ve accepted as true.

This is why we must be so careful of what we say to other people.  If you tell your child, for example, that “mom and dad aren’t very good athletes,” and that the child “probably won’t be very good at sports either,” you’re feeding your child a story about how they probably won’t be good at sports.

The problem with this is that whatever your child consciously hears, and then chooses to accept as true, it will become a “program” for your body to execute as instructed.

With children, this is especially powerful, because why would a child ever question whether what their parents say is true?  Parents tell their children to look both ways before crossing the street.  They tell their children not to talk to strangers.  They tell their children all sorts of things to help keep them safe, and they continue to teach them so much about everything!

The next thing the child knows, they’re playing soccer with their friends, and they clumsily dribble the ball just as any other learning soccer player would.  What do they say to themselves when they see other children who appear to be better dribblers?

“I’m just not good at sports, just like my parents.  My parents were right.”

Years go by, and the story continues…”I’ve never been good at sports.”

2. The stories we tell ourselves continue to shape our perceptions of truth

Just like above, the new (or old) stories we have come to tell ourselves as we continue throughout our lives shape our perceptions of what “is.”  If we tell ourselves that we can’t or never have been able to do something, and we accept it as true, our bodies follow the “program” and perpetuate it.

And then we also wonder why we can’t grow or accomplish new things…

3. Having a “convenient” story to tell gets us “off the hook.”

Our stories then become our excuses.  “I can’t paint the walls in my house because I’ve never been good at the ‘small details.'”

“I can’t be successful in business because I would have to sell things and I’m not a good salesperson.”

“I can’t be financially successful because whenever something goes well in my life something else comes along and I end up losing my job.  I’ll always mess things up and I’ll always be poor.”

“I can’t change things because it’s always been done this way.”

Stories are great for teaching lessons, entertaining others, or connecting authentically with someone else.  On the other hand, our stories can really set up obstacles that stand between us and the changes we would like to see take place in our lives.  Sometimes our stories keep us safe and give us an excuse to stand pat and not make any changes.  Sometimes our stories stop us before we even get started.

Do you have a story that you tell that you feel may be holding you back?  Do you have examples of stories you used to tell yourself and others that you’ve stopped telling?

I’d love to hear about it.  Please scroll down and leave a comment below!  I promise to respond.