About five years ago I was in the middle of a remodeling project where we were finishing off our basement. One of the things that I really wanted to have was a great entertainment system, complete with the big-screen television, home theater system, and the whole nine yards.
I remember running wires all over the place from one room to the next, running cables where I thought I may need a connection somewhere down the line, through the walls and above the ceiling tiles and to and from the amplifier. It was a quite complicated setup, and to keep it all straight I had my best friend to help me out: my label maker.
I used that label maker to tag every single cable and cord and wire that I ran to and from the entertainment system. I had so many cords that were identical, and the only way that I could ever hope to tell them apart, especially after the drywall was hung and the ceiling was in place, was through the use of labels.
When labels are not such a good idea…
While the use of a labels was vital to the success of the remodeling project and wiring process, the use of labels can be extremely counterproductive in our social interactions with other people. Labels are used to discriminate or distinguish otherwise identical components from each other. In my opinion, this is why the use of labels is more harmful than helpful to us in building meaningful and peaceful connections with other people.
We all are human. We all have the capacity to love and not to love. We all have the capacity to feel emotions, and we all have the ability to choose how to respond to the emotions that we are experience and that change many times throughout the day.
What makes you different from me is only what we choose to recognize as distinctions or differences. Socially we have been conditioned throughout our lives to distinguish and differentiate. Tragically, in my opinion, we have been conditioned to view different as non-desirable. We then attach “labels” to those distinctions, calling other people, “stupid,” “weird,” “crazy,” and other things.
We look at the religions of other people, and automatically make assumptions. We determine someone’s political stance and judge them. We look at someone who is attracted to another of the same gender and think it’s “wrong.”
Labels distinguish, differentiate, and discriminate.
They divide us based on differences, rather than uniting us based on similarities. Labels create an uneven playing field in our minds. We look at others as “less than” or “not good” simply because they fall into a nicely-created category that we’ve created for everyone just like them.
The further we divide ourselves from others, the further from peace and closer to violence we find ourselves. They key to peace, harmony, happiness, and joy is seeking and finding similarities with other people. It’s about bringing ourselves closer to others in commonality while celebrating what makes us unique.
Put down the label maker. There’s no real need for us to distinguish or discriminate. This whole planet full of people will be so much better off when we can start loving each other for who we are, without our pre-conceived (and often inaccurate) notions of who and what other people are based on a category in which we’ve placed them. Seek to find commonalities, and celebrate uniqueness.
Consequently, over the years, as I’ve revisited the wiring in my home entertainment system, I’ve found that the labels have faded, making it difficult if not impossible to determine which wire is which anymore. To me, it’s a symbolic reminder that labels can be temporary and can fade over time if we don’t maintain or nurture them.
Don’t you think it’s time for a change? Don’t you think it’s time to move beyond labels and categories? I’d love to hear your thoughts! Please leave a comment below and I’ll promise to respond.
This week I am happy to welcome back to my show Dani DiPirro of Positively Present. During our talk, we’ll discuss her upcoming book, as well as some easy ways to stay in the moment. She’s always a great interview, because she shares such valuable advice. If you haven’t heard her yet, or if your aren’t a follower of her website, I encourage you to take a listen.
Have you ever been asked to serve on a committee in some capacity or fill a vacated position? Have you ever felt “obligated” to participate because it seems nobody else is stepping up?
I know I have been asked on several occasions to fill a position on a voluntary level, and I’ve said “yes” to some and “no” to others. One that stands out in particular is when I was asked to serve as the president of a local business networking group about ten years ago. Honestly, I think they were asking me because my attendance was starting to wane, and they were looking for a way to get me to attend more regularly. Nevertheless, the intrigue of being asked to serve in that capacity compelled me to give it some thought.
In the end, however, I responded with a firm “no,” as I knew that my involvement with the group was nearing its end.
Maybe you’ve been asked to commit to something, and as intriguing as it sounded to fill that position, you agreed. Hopefully it was a great decision, and you loved every minute of every moment you spent in that capacity.
However, there are some times when we commit to something, only to be regretting the decision, and hating every single moment with feelings of resentment or anger.
I hope that I can catch you with this article before you commit to something you’re going to end up regretting, because the last thing you want to do is be caught up in something that you either “stick out” until the end in misery or find yourself prematurely withdrawing from that position. I don’t know anyone who likes to pull out of something, so my hope is that after reading this you’ll know how to determine whether or not you should participate when asked.
In my opinion, one word says it all: honesty.
It’s all about honesty. And, I don’t mean the kind of honesty that is about telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I’m talking about an honest dialogue with yourself and with others. When you can be honest with yourself, you can confidently agree or not agree to participate or engage in something without the residual negative feelings that come along with it.
It’s about “self honesty.” Ask yourself, “If I do this, would it bring me joy? Would it be like ‘play?'”
If the answer is a strong “yes,” then chances are if you agree to participate or serve, you’ll find that you’ll generally enjoy it.
If you ask yourself that question, and you sense some hesitation, and then you start thinking thoughts like, “People will look up to me if I do this,” or “I don’t want to let others down,” or “They’re really in a pinch,” or something similar, you may want to politely decline. The reason I recommend you say “no” in these situations is very simple: all of the above statements or thoughts are all about other people, and not you!
If you serve for the sake of other people above the sake of yourself, or if you are only serving for the sake of others, chances are you’ll end up unhappy.
Here are my big six reasons why it’s so important to be honest with yourself:
1. When you’re honest with yourself, you’re dialing into what creates feelings of joy within you.
You need to have that dialogue with yourself and determine what will bring joy to your life. The line I always repeat to myself is “Don’t do it if it isn’t play.” If the thought of doing something doesn’t bring absolute joy to your heart, walk away.
2. When you’re honest with yourself, you’re only doing what you want to do.
So you may be thinking this is a very selfish statement. But, how valuable is your time? I don’t know about you, but I have a hard enough time fitting in the things I actually “want” to do in a day. Why in heaven’s name would I want to cram something that I “don’t” want to do into an already-stuffed schedule? If you don’t look out for yourself, who will? Do only what you want to do.
3. When you’re honest with yourself, you’re serving yourself first.
This is very similar to number two. Serve yourself first. It’s not a selfish act. It’s an act of self love. Repeat that to yourself: It’s an act of self love!
Do you know what leads to lots of anger and resentment? Doing things for other people that we don’t really want to do, that’s what. That’s because we’re waiting for that “thank you” that never comes! Then, we get resentful because we are “sacrificing” ourselves for others, and they’re not even grateful! You brought it on to yourself.
Serve yourself first. Bring yourself joy first. Then, when you’re in your own joy, seek to deliver joy to others. In that order only, please. 🙂
4. When you’re honest with yourself, you’re avoiding regret, resentment, and frustration.
See number three above. In a nutshell, if you’re experiencing negative emotions, it usually means that you’re valuing others more than you value your own self.
5. When you’re honest with yourself, you’re freeing up your time.
See number two above. Who wants their schedule filled with commitments that only benefit others? Why would you agree to carve out more time from your already-busy schedule serving others when you’re not spending time doing what you want to do with whom you want to? When you are honest with yourself, you will give yourself time doing what you love with whom you love.
6. When you’re honest with yourself, you’re establishing boundaries.
Have you ever signed on to something, only to be asked to serve more and more?
When you are honest with yourself, you are clearly establishing to yourself and others what you want to do and what you don’t like to do. If you say “no” to something, chances are you won’t be asked again (and that’s okay!). And, you likely won’t be asked to do similar things either.
Respect yourself. Tell others how much you respect yourself. Establish those boundaries of what you’re willing and not willing to do. It will help you down the road.
And, as far as saying “no” is concerned, here’s all you need to say:
“No, but thank you for the offer. I don’t prefer to be involved.”
And then shut your mouth. Don’t say anything else. You don’t need to explain in detail exactly why you don’t want to be involved, divulging your innermost thoughts and conflicts and wishes. They don’t need to know that. All they need to know is that the position is not for you, and you’re not interested.
When you can be honest with yourself, you’re honest with others. In the end, you’ll experience joy and satisfaction and contentment knowing that you made the decision that works best for you. You’ll know you thought of yourself first and brought yourself joy first.
What did you think of this article? Did it resonate with you? Let me know! I’d love to hear about your thoughts in the comments below. I promise to respond.
When I was nineteen years old, I lived an experience that I’d regretted many times and wish I could’ve changed if I had the ability to go back in time. I was directing a high school musical, and I handled a sticky situation in an unprofessional manner. To simplify things, I basically let my emotions get involved when I disagreed how a matter was handled, and I said things that undermined the administration of the school in front of the students who were involved in the show.
The school principal caught wind of what was going on as it was going down and asked me to come take a walk with him to talk about it. I had known him for several years by this point, and we had a good relationship. Well, more correctly, we had a good relationship up to that point. I remember sitting in his office, and the next thing we both knew we were literally speaking at each other with raised voices. The casual observer would have determined that we were “yelling” at each other.
Yeah, that didn’t go so well. I chalk it up now days to my youthful ignorance. I could have known better, but that day I just didn’t. I ended up getting reprimanded. While I still was able to stay on as the director of the show, things were just never the same between the principal and me again.
So here’s where I am supposed to be filled with regret over what happened, right?
Not me. I have absolutely no regret over how I handled myself that day.
Does that mean that I believe I managed the situation well?
Nope.
Does that mean I am free of any negative emotions when I think back to what happened that day?
Absolutely not. Nothing could be further from the truth. I actually still feel absolutely terrible about what happened. I just don’t feel regretful.
What’s the distinction between feeling terrible and regretful? It’s pretty straight forward, in my opinion. Let me explain:
Emotions reflect what’s alive in us. Emotions are true. They are real and undeniable. Negative emotions point out to us where we have needs that remain unmet, or where we are acting in contrast to our personal core values. In contrast, regret is a society-influenced, self-imposed attitude that we carry with us as punition for transgressions. It is a form of self-imposed punishment.
Do you understand the difference?
No doubt there may be events in your own life that you have reflected upon for which you regret. It’s safe to say we all wish we could go back to the past and change how we handled a particular situation or two (or more). However, reality is that we simply can’t go back in time. We can’t change the events of the past.
And, if we can’t go back, and we can’t change the events of the past, then what good does it do to punish ourselves over it? What positive outcome is the result? I can’t think of one way that it really serves us.
If you’re struggling with feelings of regret over something that happened in the past, here’s what you can do to overcome those feelings:
1. Think about the event and take time to allow yourself to experience the emotions you feel.
2. Ask yourself what you specifically did that leads to the generation of those emotions.
3. Ask yourself what values you hold that were “violated” when you acted the way you did (This will help you determine why you feel those emotions — you will be identifying the cause or the unmet need).
4. Ask yourself, “If I were in that same position right now, what would I do differently that would lead to an action or outcome that would result in better feelings within me?
5. Upon answering question number four, simply tell yourself, “The next time I find myself in a situation similar to that one, I will choose the action or pursue the outcome that leads to those better feelings.”
6. Repeat steps one through five as needed every time you come back to those negative emotions when you think about the incident.
The more you repeat these steps, and the more you reassure yourself that you can’t go back and can only move forward with a more desirable choice in the future, the more you’ll rise above the regret. While it may be that the negative feelings may never subside when you think back, you can always move forward with a more positive outlook on future prospects. I’ve applied the above six steps myself to many of my life events in the past, and it has really helped me move forward.
My hope is that you can now understand the difference between feeling “bad” about something and “regretting” something, and my hope is that you can also move past regret for good, and rise above it for a better (and free) future for yourself.
Did you find this article helpful? Do you have a life event from the past to which you could apply this process? I’d love to hear how this post impacted you. Please leave a comment below, and I promise to respond.
This week I am happy to introduce you to Yulia Stark, author of the self development book Master Your Reality. She will be joining me on my radio show this week to talk about how we are all creators of our own reality. Whether we care to accept it or not, we are responsible for who we are, for the level of love that is present in our life, for the level of success in our career, as well as our happiness and fulfillment. Listen in to hear Yulia’s own secrets to success in life!
Are you okay with who you are? Or, do you feel a deeper need to change who you are?
Maybe you’re unsure. Maybe you really are okay with who you are, but you feel a sort of “external” pressure to change who you are because you’re worried about the impact you have on other people and your interactions.
Maybe you know you could stand to make some changes, but it’s not always easy to accept that changes are necessary.
Even if those may be the case, you still may wonder if change is even possible.
Have you ever wondered that? Have you wondered if it’s even possible to even change who you are?
First off, let’s start with the “why.” Why is it that you feel you need to change? Is it an internal push? Or, is it more external?
If its external, let’s start by asking a few questions. Are you feeling the need to change because someone had said something to you? Is it because you’re worried about what other people think of you? Is it because you’ve been told you need to “change your ways” by someone else?
If it’s an internal push, we can ask similar questions. Do you feel you need to change because you’re experiencing negative emotions as a result of life’s circumstances? Is it because you are tired of coming back to the same situation over and over again? Do you simply feel “stuck,” and that change is necessary to move on?
Change is hard.
No matter why you feel you may need a change, change is hard. And, based on my own personal experience, and in dealing with others who are struggling with this concept of change, it seems that the most difficult part about dealing with change is the thought of changing who we are.
I mean, let’s face it. We are all imperfect. We all have our flaws. And, deep down, we really know it’s okay. We all know, deep down, that we are imperfect. And, that’s okay.
So, if we are all imperfect, and we can all stand to improve, then in that imperfection we are about as perfect as we’re going to be.
But, here’s the thing — when we think about changing who we are, it scares us. It scares us because of what it means to change. We like who we are. We’re okay with who we are. It’s just that some things can stand for a little improvement and tweaking to make life a little more wonderful, right?
Absolutely — I’m in agreement. So here’s the distinction, as I see it.
We don’t have to change who we are…
We don’t have to change who we are. It’s just that maybe we want to change how we are, how we act, and what we do.
That’s much easier to swallow, isn’t it?
It’s not about changing the “who.” It’s about changing the “how” and the “what.” It’s about already utilizing what we have within us, and bringing that out to enhance our lives and our interactions with others.
We already have the capacity to be friendly, congenial, loving, caring, kind, empathic, compassionate, and joyful. We all have that capacity. You’re no exception.
The only change we need to implement is in how and when we choose to bring out those positive characteristics.
Every interaction is a choice. Do we choose to be loving, or not? Do we choose to be compassionate, or not?
It is the power of thought that will empower us to implement the change that we desire to move to a more desirable place internally.
At the end of the day, if you can think back on it and realize that you consciously chose to be loving, kind, and compassionate, when you know that in the past you didn’t necessarily act in that way, it’s an empowering reflection.
Then, at that time, you can finally realize that yes, we can change. We can change how we are and what we do. While we can’t necessarily change who we are, you’ll realize that you never needed to.
We are who we are, and we don’t need to change who we are. We can enable change through our choices and thoughts and achieve powerful results.
How about you? Do you struggle with change? Have you battled with whether or not you need to change who you are? Was this helpful in your personal discovery? I’d like to know how this article impacted you! Please share in the comments below. I promise to respond if you do.
It’s not very often that you meet someone the first time and experience an immediate “Wow!” moment, where you’re just blown away. Well, I had one of those moments when I interviewed Vironika Tugaleva on my radio show earlier this year, to talk about her awesome book, The Love Mindset: An Unconventional Guide to Healing and Happiness.
As I had said at the time, I was left scrambling to listen to the replay of our conversation to gobble up all the great information, examples, insights, and profound thoughts that she had to offer!
That’s why I was so thrilled to hear that she has figured out a way to share her insight, wisdom, and support with so many people, at one time, through an exciting program that she has just unveiled! I asked Vironika if I could ask her some questions about her program, so that I could let everyone know about it (and to re-introduce you to her if you don’t already know her), and I was so honored that she took some of her valuable time to spend with me.
I have no doubt that you’ll be as impressed and captivated with her as I was that first time I met her, and I have no doubt that if you’re hurting, or looking for someone who can help you in a way that nobody else can, Vironika is totally worth listening to.
I’m delighted to share my interview with Vironika with you! Enjoy!
Vironika, it’s delightful to be with you here. Let me start out by asking — How did you come to doing the work that you do?
Honestly, I didn’t mean to do this for a living.
I came to helping people overcome mental and emotional distress by overcoming my own. I’ve been through a long struggle with eating disorders, addiction, anxiety, trauma, and a mind that was slowly cracking at the seams with each day.
I tried, for years, to live as if nothing was happening, but there was a darkness that loomed in the background, slowly growing bigger. My mind was out of control and, soon enough, I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
What began as body image issues, social anxiety, and constant mental noise ended up as addiction, self-destruction, and insomnia. I started to hear voices. I became addicted to the idea of killing myself.
That’s how, one March evening in 2012, I had a mental breakdown. Looking back, it was more like a mental breakthrough, but that was not how it felt at the time. At the time, I sat on my bedroom floor and all the noise in my head went quiet except for one, small and crucial idea. I had to make a choice: change or die.
It wasn’t the easiest choice at the time, but I made the right one. I wish I could tell you it was downhill from there, but it wasn’t. I began a long, strenuous journey of learning to understand and heal my mind, my past, and, most importantly, my relationship with myself.
Many months and countless epiphanies later, I began to get a grip on my thoughts. I started to have some control over how I reacted to my reflection, to social situations, to vulnerability. Over time, that control grew into a beautiful, intricate relationship with my mind – the kind of relationship that allowed me to do more than just “deal” with anxious or self-hating thoughts. I could actually understand my mind, why it worked the way it did, and how to make it work for me, instead of against me.
I started sharing what I learned with people, first through my book The Love Mindset, then through speaking and coaching. I found that, even though few people saw as deep a bottom that I did, the cause was the same and the solution was the same.
Now, I could not imagine doing anything else. This is my calling. I shine light into the dark spaces where I used to hide.
What was the most difficult part of healing for you and how does that affect your work today?
Honestly, the lack of guidance and support was the worst. When I shed my mask, I shed any trace of a support system I could have had. All those who loved me as a self-destructive addict didn’t want me as a vulnerable, makeup-less, unguarded, sensitive woman.
I didn’t give up and I didn’t give in. I didn’t put the mask back on just because that’s what people wanted. I told myself that I would never be friends with someone who didn’t want me as I am. I told myself I’d never be intimate with someone unless we could get along in a dark cave in the Arctic with parkas on and our hands over our eyes.
I thought I’d resigned myself to a lifetime of celibacy and isolation, but I hadn’t. Shortly afterwards, I met my partner, and he’s still my biggest inspiration and my biggest fan.
While I learned what to do with my mind on my own, he taught me the importance of the right support at the right time. He showed me what’s possible when a person is allowed freedom to be themselves, space to sort things out, and a mirror to reflect their strengths and their self-deceit.
I suppose that is why I do what I do – to make it easier for people to understand their minds than it was for me and to give people some of that amazing, important support that my partner’s shown me is crucial in times of transformation.
What is the most important thing you’ve learned about mental health from your experience with helping yourself and helping others?
I’ve learned that mental health is not a by-product of winning the genetic lottery. A healthy mind is something you cultivate, one day at a time. A person can be born with a clear mind and end up with anxiety and depression. A person can be born hearing voices and live a healthy, productive life, voices and all.
A mind is just like a body. Just like you need to eat to live, you need to think to live, and what you nourish yourself with every single day matters. I’m not talking about affirmations, I’m talking about vital processes of perception that every single person needs to have to have a healthy mind. It’s incredible that we have such a wealth of information about what we need to eat to be healthy, but nothing like this for our thoughts. I hope to change all that in my lifetime.
I’ve found that many types of mental and emotional distress, things like anxiety, depression, addiction, mania, psychosis, eating disorders – these are products of a lack of control over what one thinks, day to day. Just by changing our relationships with our minds, we can cultivate joy, love, and peace, regardless of circumstances. And that is something everyone should know how to do.
Don’t get me wrong, I think there are mental health issues that go deeper than learning to use the mind in this way and I also think that when everyone learns the simple, effective things I’m teaching, we’ll have so few people presenting with such problems that we’ll actually have the tax dollars, staffing, and time to resolve them.
What exactly is it that you’re doing now to help people?
At the moment, I’ve stopped doing speaking, radio shows, and interviews for the most part. I’ve been working on something new that is already impacting people in a profound way.
A few months ago, I got to the point where I was getting more coaching requests than I could honour and many readers of The Love Mindset wanted more from me. They wanted to know how to apply the principles in the book to their own lives.
Needless to say, there is only one of me, so I was having a hard time making myself accessible to everyone who needed my help. One evening, after a session, one of my clients told me that she wanted to “put me in her pocket.” We had a laugh about it, but she insisted, “No, really, would you make a workbook, or a program, or a course?” She said she wanted to have me available to her without having to be right in front of me.
Her comment sparked off lights in my head and, now, months of hard work later, I’ve created a beautiful, accessible, informative, multi-sensory, multi-media guide to help people heal their minds and change their lives on their own terms.
It’s been an incredible ride and, now, not even a week after its release, I’m getting emails telling me about how amazing this program is. Honestly, I might be biased, but I have to agree. Even my inner perfectionist says – this is good stuff. I’m excited to see where it goes, whom it helps, and just how wide-reaching the ripples will be.
I always get excited about healing people because people who have healthy, peaceful, happy minds are people who change the world just by existing. And that’s what I’m working on right now – I’m helping as many people as I can transform into the healthiest versions of themselves.
That’s incredible! How can we get access to Mindset Makeover?
You can read all about the program by clicking right here(this is an affiliate link). You’ll get all the details about what the program has to offer and how you can benefit from it when you follow the link.
I invite you to check out Vironika’s program and see what she has to offer. I stand behind Vironika one hundred percent and I highly recommend anything she has to offer. She’s never let me down, and I know she won’t let you down either.
Thanks so much for stopping by, and I hope you take a moment to get to know Vironika by visiting her at her website! You won’t be disappointed!
Though I don’t believe it is intuitive to the human species, we have become conditioned to be pretty adept at self blame, feelings of guilt, shame, and self doubt.
The whole thing goes something like this:
Step one: We reflect on something that we did. Things didn’t turn out as we would have liked, or we realized we may have made an error, and as a result, negative feelings arise within us.
Step two: We’ve been conditioned to interpret those negative feelings as a feeling of self blame, guilt, or shame.
Step three: We’ve been conditioned to determine that feelings of self blame, guilt, or shame arise because we did something “bad.”
Step four: Because we did something “bad,” we follow the template we’ve been conditioned to follow: We do something “bad,” we get punished. Since we are self-identifying that we did something “bad,” we are conditioned to believe that we need to punish ourselves.
Step five: We are conditioned to accept our self-punishment as a recurring reminder of how “bad” we are for doing something so “wrong.”
Step six: We’ve been conditioned to throw in the occasional thoughts about how “stupid” we are for “always messing things up.”
Out of those six steps, do you realize how many of them are creations of conditioning? If you missed it, steps two through six are all based on social conditioning.
That means that only step one, where we have negative feelings, is the only “authentic” step in the process. This is where we can “re-write” the whole process. Let’s do that, starting from step one, but now let’s write a new “program” to replace the “old” one.
Step one (again):
We reflect on something that we did. Things didn’t turn out as we would have liked, or we realized we may have made an error, and as a result, negative feelings arise within us.
Step two:
We realize that the negative feelings arise because we did something that is not in alignment with our core values, or because there is a need that was not met.
Step three:
Determine what core value you will adhere to next time, or determine what you’ll do differently to meet the need.
Step four:
Move on and forget about it.
Step five:
The next time we are in a similar situation, refer back to step four.
There is no need to assign blame unto ourselves for something. We all make mistakes. Ninety-nine percent of the time whatever we did carries no major negative ramifications, penalties, or consequences. Go easy on yourself. Just determine what you’ll do differently next time, and move on.
That really is good enough, and that’s all that matters. Don’t hold yourself up to a picture of perfection. Just be a “good enough” person, and you’ll be just fine.
Was this article helpful? Do you see how you can apply this to a situation that happened in the past so you can rise above guilt and shame? I’d love to hear what you think! Scroll down and leave a comment below. I’ll promise to reply.
Well, not only other people, but pretty much anything…Like cooked rice, for example.
So, I set up the experiment. Here’s what I did:
I took some rice and cooked it according to the instructions. Next, I divided the rice in half and put each half into identical Tupperware containers. I closed both lids so that the seal was air tight, and then I labeled each container as seen below:
Finally, I broadcast a network stream of the two containers of rice, so that people could view them at any time and send thoughts or even audible words of love and gratitude to one container, and thoughts or audible words of negativity to the other. (Thank you to all of you who participated in the experiment).
I left this feed up for one week, and then I discontinued the feed, and then I just placed the picture above within the post so people could continue to send their thoughts and words to the containers at my home while I was vacationing in Nashville. The entire time that this rice was displayed through the feed or simply sitting there I did not refrigerate the rice. It stayed at room temperature for two weeks.
So, before I get to the results, let me just make a confession to you about this whole thing: I think I may have sent thoughts and words to the rice maybe a handful of times. That’s about it. I wanted to see how much of an effect we could collectively have on the rice, but I wanted to largely leave it up to all of you who were participating!
The results:
Well, at first I didn’t see much of anything. I opened up the top of each container, and they pretty much looked the same. “Bummer,” I thought, full of disappointment. But then, I thought perhaps the top only told part of the story, so I closed the lids on the containers, and flipped over the containers. This is what I saw…
Here’s a picture of the bottom of the “Love and Gratitude” container of rice:
And, here’s a picture of the bottom of the “Hate and Disease” container of rice:
What do you think? Pretty remarkable, huh? I thought so.
So, what does this all mean?
Thoughts are energy
Our words are articulated thoughts. By thinking or saying something, it has a vibrational energy to it.
Matter and non-matter is energy
The components of the universe are made up of charged particles — atoms and molecules made up of protons, neutrons, and electrons. They also have a vibrational energy.
When we send out a certain vibrational energy and direct it toward a component of the universe, we establish a vibrational resonant frequency, and it can affect the universal components. I had mentioned the works of Masaru Emoto, who famously takes pictures of water crystals that are exposed to various stimuli to see the effects of the stimuli on them. Similar to the rice experiment, the thoughts and words directed at the water crystals had a profound effect on their shape and geometry.
The reason why I did this experiment was twofold. One, to see this experiment and the results with my own eyes, for validation. Two, to impress upon you how what we think are simple and non-harmful words and thoughts can have an impact on everything around you. It can position you for success and failure. It can help or harm your relationships. It can be the difference between you liking yourself and not liking yourself. It can impact your health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally.
The next time you think or say something, just remember that if simple words or thoughts can impact a bunch of cooked rice simply sitting in a container at room temperature, they certainly can have a substantial impact on living, breathing beings who co-exist on this planet along with you.
Take heed of your words and thoughts. Never forget the powerful effects they can have on everything around us.
What are your thoughts about this experiment? How does it affect your viewpoint of the power or our words and thoughts? I’d love to hear from you! Scroll down and leave a comment, and I’ll respond.
This past week I was at a conference in Atlanta, and I was eating lunch with my friend, Andria Molina, and she was telling me about an interesting experiment that she conducted.
She cooked some rice, and then placed the rice in a container. With one container, she expressed positive thoughts and said loving words to it. With the other, she expressed negative thoughts and said not-so-loving things to the rice.
The results were amazing. You could clearly see how the rice which was the recipient of the positive thoughts and words never really changed in its appearance, while the other rice which received the negative thoughts underwent some changes.
Her experiment was based on the studies done by Masaru Emoto, who famously takes pictures of water crystals that are exposed to various stimuli to see the effects of the stimuli on them. The results are astounding. If you’re not familiar with his work, feel free to visit his website, http://www.masaru-emoto.net/english/index.html
You can also see some evidence of his intriguing discoveries by watching this video:
So, I want to do this experiment myself, to see what results I can get, but I want you to help and be a part of this experiment! I just cooked some rice, and I am placing it into two airtight containers. One is going to be labeled “Love and Gratitude” and the other is going to be labeled “Hate and Disease.”
Here’s where I want your help:
I am going to stream a live feed of the two containers of rice, and I want you to visit the stream. When you view the two containers of rice, I would like to ask you to send thoughts of love and gratitude, or happiness, or joy, or any other positive emotion to the container labeled “Love and Gratitude.” You can even actually say kind things to that container.
Next, I want you to send thoughts of negativity and criticism to the container labeled “Hate and Disease.” You can even say things like, “Yuck,” or “I hate you,” or anything else negative or critical toward that rice.
I’m going to leave the stream up throughout the week, and I invite you to come back as often as you’d like to participate in the experiment. I’ll take a “Before and After” photo of the rice, and then I’ll share the results of the experiment with you.
I want to see how powerful our thoughts and words are, and I hope you can join me in this fun experiment!
**Please note: The stream is no longer active, but the rice is still in the same spot. I want to continue the experiment by having you view a picture of the rice, and continue to send your thoughts to the rice. I want to see how this affects the rice. The picture is below:
Thanks for participating! I am looking forward to the results! I’ll be sure to share them with you in an update!
UPDATE!
The results are in! CLICK HERE to see the results of this experiment!
We seem to say it so often. We seem to think it even more:
“When I get ______ (fill in the blank), then I’ll be happy.”
My daughters say it all the time!
“Daddy, I want to get _______ (fill in the blank). I’ll be so happy when I get it!”
I ask them, “So, you think that happiness comes from ‘getting’ things?”
They reply with the usual, “Yes!”
So, the question I ask you is the same — Does happiness come from getting “things?” Do we think that once we get something our lives will be better?
Now, truth to be told, yes, if we think about what we usually seek, which is more money, chances are we will be happy about the fact that we don’t have to worry about where the next dollar is going to come from. But, here’s the rub: Even if we were to experience more happiness by getting “things,” we’re not going to get those “things” or reach our highest potential if we continue with the same mentality which got us to where we are now, which is not enough “things” at the moment.
It’s “If…Then” thinking. We say, “If I get _____ (fill in the blank), then my problems will go away, and then life will be better.”
So, how are you going to get whatever you filled in the blank with if you don’t change what you’re doing? You didn’t really think about that, did you?
The truth of the matter is that we think that we have to change what we do between now and the future, when we actually “get” the “thing” we want. The reality is that it’s flawed thinking.
Here’s what really has to happen: We need to change what we do “now” to have an effect on what happens in the “between,” which then will impact what will transpire in the future.
By continually thinking that all we need is to get that “thing” what we’re really doing is focusing on the “lack” of that “thing” in the now. We’re vibrating with an energy that says, “I don’t have what I seek. I lack it.” When you send this signal out into the universe, the universe hears you essentially saying, “Hey Universe, I want more of this!”
The universe doesn’t discern what you “think” you want from what you are shouting out from your vibration and energy, so the universe will respond by saying, “You want more? You’ve got it!” And, for you, nothing changes. You still go on, lacking what it is you really desire, and you keep sending out those vibes saying that you lack it and you like it.
So you really need to change what you think. You actually have to think about what it is you desire, and you have to act as if that comes easily to you, and it’s just a matter of time before the “thing” you desire is on it’s way to you.
I suggest instead of thinking, “When I get _____ (fill in the blank), I’ll be happy,” instead ask yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice if ______ (fill in the blank with what you desire)?”
When you make this switch, you make it more playful. You are just enticing the universe to play along. You say, “Hey Universe, wouldn’t it be fun if _______?” and the universe will say, “You want to find out? Here you go! On it’s way.”
Even if you’re not buying this whole “universe” thing, let me ask you this — What harm does it do to give it a try? Are you going to be in a worse position than before if you give it a shot? What do you have to lose?
Nothing, I believe. You have nothing to lose by giving it a try.
We transmit vibrational energy. That brings things to us that have a similar energy. If you want to keep focusing on what you lack, the lack is what you’ll get. Shift. Focus on what it is you want, but make it playful. Act as if you have it, or that you have always had it. That simple change can really make a difference.
I’d love to hear from you! Do you engage in “If…Then” thinking? Do you see how perhaps making the small shift can be helpful to you? Let me know! Scroll down and leave a comment below. I want to hear about it!
We spend a lot of time and energy judging and analyzing what we see around us. Part of that comes from our body’s desire to make sure that we “size up” the scene to make sure things are safe, but as many things go that we’ve picked up from our caveman ancestors, much of what we engage in these days has little to do with safety and survival.
Instead, we have more time on our hands, coupled with fewer bodily threats, so we spend our time making judgments about what we see other people doing. Here’s the funny thing about it all: Number one, we can’t really do anything about what other people do, and number two, even knowing this, we still spend so much time talking with other people about what other people do as if it’s going to make a difference!
When we spend our time thinking about how “wrong” other people’s actions and behaviors are, it doesn’t do anything productive. We just expend a significant amount of time and energy in something that is so frivolous and useless all at the same time. When we purport others to be “wrong,” then we also have to in some way convince others (and sometimes reassure ourselves) how we are indeed right.
One of the ways that we so surreptitiously slide judgmental thoughts into our conversations is by utilizing what I call the “terrible toos.” Here are a couple of examples of uses of the “terrible toos:”
“He’s too short.”
“That’s way too loud.”
“She spends too much time on her phone.”
“People take things way too seriously.”
“He talks too much.”
All of the above examples illustrate the serious flaw in the utilization of the “terrible toos” — By using the “terrible toos,” there is an assumption that there is a “just right” amount of something.
So, let me ask you…How tall is “just the right amount of height?” How loud would be “not too loud,” but the perfect amount of “loudness?” How much time is “just the right amount of time to spend on the phone?” Just how much “seriousness” is a person supposed to inject into “things?” And, just how much talking is “just the right amount” of talking?
Do you see? It’s all based on judgment. And, it’s just a load of crap! There is no “magic” or “perfect” amount. It’s simply our opinion, but it comes across as if we know better.
Now, in the event that you don’t really intend to communicate that someone is doing something “wrong,” and that you’re “right,” there is an easy way to eliminate the use of the “terrible toos.” All you have to do is state the facts or your preference. Let’s look at the “terrible too” phrases above, now written (or spoken) by avoiding use of the “terrible toos:”
“He’s shorter than many people his age.”
“That’s louder than I would prefer.”
“She spends more time on her phone than I would prefer.”
“I would like it if he were to try to have a little more fun with this activity.”
“He talks more than I would prefer.”
By rephrasing these statements, now you are more accurately communicating what it is that you’re really trying to say, which is essentially, “The way you’re going about it is not necessarily how I would prefer going about it.” But, at least now you’re saying what you mean, instead of allowing for a potential defensive reaction from the other person, because they have a different preference as far as how to go about things.
Yes, there are times when it’s perfectly fine to use the word “too,” because it’s not a judgment. For example, if a recipe calls for one cup of flour, and you pour in two cups, it would be accurate to say that you used “too much flour.” If it’s entirely measurable, and someone uses more or less than what is called for, of course you can use the word “too” and you wouldn’t be judging. What I am speaking to is when the subject or observation is clearly subjective, yet we are trying to determine a “magic” or “perfect” am0unt of something.
When we avoid using the “terrible toos,” we’ll find more peace with others, because we’re not judging them, thereby avoiding a defensive response, and we’ll find more peace with ourselves, because we are free to share our opinions and preferences without claiming to be “right” and pointing out how others are “wrong.” Give it a try, and you’ll see how liberating it can be to make that simple omission of the “terrible toos” from your conversations!
Did you find this to be helpful? Do you know of times when you have caught yourself using the “terrible toos?” How do you think things can change for you by avoiding them? Scroll down and leave your thoughts! I’d love to hear from you!
This week I am happy to welcome back to my show Dani DiPirro of Positively Present. During our talk, we’ll discuss her upcoming book, as well as some easy ways to stay in the moment. She’s always a great interview, because she shares such valuable advice. If you haven’t heard her yet, or if your aren’t a follower of her website, I encourage you to take a listen.
