6 Reasons Why Honesty Is the Key to Contentment | VictorSchueller.com

Have you ever been asked to serve on a committee in some capacity or fill a vacated position?  Have you ever felt “obligated” to participate because it seems nobody else is stepping up?

I know I have been asked on several occasions to fill a position on a voluntary level, and I’ve said “yes” to some and “no” to others.  One that stands out in particular is when I was asked to serve as the president of a local business networking group about ten years ago.  Honestly, I think they were asking me because my attendance was starting to wane, and they were looking for a way to get me to attend more regularly.  Nevertheless, the intrigue of being asked to serve in that capacity compelled me to give it some thought.

In the end, however, I responded with a firm “no,” as I knew that my involvement with the group was nearing its end.

Maybe you’ve been asked to commit to something, and as intriguing as it sounded to fill that position, you agreed.  Hopefully it was a great decision, and you loved every minute of every moment you spent in that capacity.

However, there are some times when we commit to something, only to be regretting the decision, and hating every single moment with feelings of resentment or anger.

I hope that I can catch you with this article before you commit to something you’re going to end up regretting, because the last thing you want to do is be caught up in something that you either “stick out” until the end in misery or find yourself prematurely withdrawing from that position.  I don’t know anyone who likes to pull out of something, so my hope is that after reading this you’ll know how to determine whether or not you should participate when asked.

In my opinion, one word says it all: honesty.

It’s all about honesty.  And, I don’t mean the kind of honesty that is about telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  I’m talking about an honest dialogue with yourself and with others.  When you can be honest with yourself, you can confidently agree or not agree to participate or engage in something without the residual negative feelings that come along with it.

It’s about “self honesty.”  Ask yourself, “If I do this, would it bring me joy?  Would it be like ‘play?'”

If the answer is a strong “yes,” then chances are if you agree to participate or serve, you’ll find that you’ll generally enjoy it.

If you ask yourself that question, and you sense some hesitation, and then you start thinking thoughts like, “People will look up to me if I do this,” or “I don’t want to let others down,” or “They’re really in a pinch,” or something similar, you may want to politely decline.  The reason I recommend you say “no” in these situations is very simple: all of the above statements or thoughts are all about other people, and not you!

If you serve for the sake of other people above the sake of yourself, or if you are only serving for the sake of others, chances are you’ll end up unhappy.

Here are my big six reasons why it’s so important to be honest with yourself:

1. When you’re honest with yourself, you’re dialing into what creates feelings of joy within you.

You need to have that dialogue with yourself and determine what will bring joy to your life.  The line I always repeat to myself is “Don’t do it if it isn’t play.”  If the thought of doing something doesn’t bring absolute joy to your heart, walk away.

2. When you’re honest with yourself, you’re only doing what you want to do.

So you may be thinking this is a very selfish statement.  But, how valuable is your time?  I don’t know about you, but I have a hard enough time fitting in the things I actually “want” to do in a day.  Why in heaven’s name would I want to cram something that I “don’t” want to do into an already-stuffed schedule?  If you don’t look out for yourself, who will?  Do only what you want to do.

3. When you’re honest with yourself, you’re serving yourself first.

This is very similar to number two.  Serve yourself first.  It’s not a selfish act.  It’s an act of self love.  Repeat that to yourself: It’s an act of self love!

Do you know what leads to lots of anger and resentment?  Doing things for other people that we don’t really want to do, that’s what.  That’s because we’re waiting for that “thank you” that never comes!  Then, we get resentful because we are “sacrificing” ourselves for others, and they’re not even grateful!  You brought it on to yourself.

Serve yourself first.  Bring yourself joy first.  Then, when you’re in your own joy, seek to deliver joy to others.  In that order only, please. 🙂

4. When you’re honest with yourself, you’re avoiding regret, resentment, and frustration.

See number three above.  In a nutshell, if you’re experiencing negative emotions, it usually means that you’re valuing others more than you value your own self.

5. When you’re honest with yourself, you’re freeing up your time.

See number two above.  Who wants their schedule filled with commitments that only benefit others?  Why would you agree to carve out more time from your already-busy schedule serving others when you’re not spending time doing what you want to do with whom you want to?  When you are honest with yourself, you will give yourself time doing what you love with whom you love.

6. When you’re honest with yourself, you’re establishing boundaries.

Have you ever signed on to something, only to be asked to serve more and more?

When you are honest with yourself, you are clearly establishing to yourself and others what you want to do and what you don’t like to do.  If you say “no” to something, chances are you won’t be asked again (and that’s okay!).  And, you likely won’t be asked to do similar things either.

Respect yourself.  Tell others how much you respect yourself.  Establish those boundaries of what you’re willing and not willing to do.  It will help you down the road.

And, as far as saying “no” is concerned, here’s all you need to say:

“No, but thank you for the offer.  I don’t prefer to be involved.”

And then shut your mouth.  Don’t say anything else.  You don’t need to explain in detail exactly why you don’t want to be involved, divulging your innermost thoughts and conflicts and wishes.  They don’t need to know that.  All they need to know is that the position is not for you, and you’re not interested.

When you can be honest with yourself, you’re honest with others.  In the end, you’ll experience joy and satisfaction and contentment knowing that you made the decision that works best for you.  You’ll know you thought of yourself first and brought yourself joy first.

What did you think of this article?  Did it resonate with you?  Let me know!  I’d love to hear about your thoughts in the comments below.  I promise to respond.