Category Archives for "health"

Though I don’t believe it is intuitive to the human species, we have become conditioned to be pretty adept at self blame, feelings of guilt, shame, and self doubt.

The whole thing goes something like this:

Step one: We reflect on something that we did.  Things didn’t turn out as we would have liked, or we realized we may have made an error, and as a result, negative feelings arise within us.

Step two: We’ve been conditioned to interpret those negative feelings as a feeling of self blame, guilt, or shame.

Step three: We’ve been conditioned to determine that feelings of self blame, guilt, or shame arise because we did something “bad.”

Step four: Because we did something “bad,” we follow the template we’ve been conditioned to follow: We do something “bad,” we get punished.  Since we are self-identifying that we did something “bad,” we are conditioned to believe that we need to punish ourselves.

Step five: We are conditioned to accept our self-punishment as a recurring reminder of how “bad” we are for doing something so “wrong.”

Step six: We’ve been conditioned to throw in the occasional thoughts about how “stupid” we are for “always messing things up.”

Out of those six steps, do you realize how many of them are creations of conditioning?  If you missed it, steps two through six are all based on social conditioning.

That means that only step one, where we have negative feelings, is the only “authentic” step in the process.  This is where we can “re-write” the whole process.  Let’s do that, starting from step one, but now let’s write a new “program” to replace the “old” one.

Step one (again):

We reflect on something that we did.  Things didn’t turn out as we would have liked, or we realized we may have made an error, and as a result, negative feelings arise within us.

Step two:

We realize that the negative feelings arise because we did something that is not in alignment with our core values, or because there is a need that was not met.

Step three:

Determine what core value you will adhere to next time, or determine what you’ll do differently to meet the need.

Step four:

Move on and forget about it.

Step five:

The next time we are in a similar situation, refer back to step four.

There is no need to assign blame unto ourselves for something.  We all make mistakes.  Ninety-nine percent of the time whatever we did carries no major negative ramifications, penalties, or consequences.  Go easy on yourself.  Just determine what you’ll do differently next time, and move on.

That really is good enough, and that’s all that matters.  Don’t hold yourself up to a picture of perfection.  Just be a “good enough” person, and you’ll be just fine.

Was this article helpful?  Do you see how you can apply this to a situation that happened in the past so you can rise above guilt and shame?  I’d love to hear what you think!  Scroll down and leave a comment below.  I’ll promise to reply.

Photo: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/jfg

This past week I was at a conference in Atlanta, and I was eating lunch with my friend, Andria Molina, and she was telling me about an interesting experiment that she conducted.

She cooked some rice, and then placed the rice in a container.  With one container, she expressed positive thoughts and said loving words to it.  With the other, she expressed negative thoughts and said not-so-loving things to the rice.

The results were amazing.  You could clearly see how the rice which was the recipient of the positive thoughts and words never really changed in its appearance, while the other rice which received the negative thoughts underwent some changes.

Her experiment was based on the studies done by Masaru Emoto, who famously takes pictures of water crystals that are exposed to various stimuli to see the effects of the stimuli on them.  The results are astounding.  If you’re not familiar with his work, feel free to visit his website, http://www.masaru-emoto.net/english/index.html

You can also see some evidence of his intriguing discoveries by watching this video:

So, I want to do this experiment myself, to see what results I can get, but I want you to help and be a part of this experiment!  I just cooked some rice, and I am placing it into two airtight containers.  One is going to be labeled “Love and Gratitude” and the other is going to be labeled “Hate and Disease.”

Here’s where I want your help:

I am going to stream a live feed of the two containers of rice, and I want you to visit the stream.  When you view the two containers of rice, I would like to ask you to send thoughts of love and gratitude, or happiness, or joy, or any other positive emotion to the container labeled “Love and Gratitude.”  You can even actually say kind things to that container.

Next, I want you to send thoughts of negativity and criticism to the container labeled “Hate and Disease.”  You can even say things like, “Yuck,” or “I hate you,” or anything else negative or critical toward that rice.

I’m going to leave the stream up throughout the week, and I invite you to come back as often as you’d like to participate in the experiment.  I’ll take a “Before and After” photo of the rice, and then I’ll share the results of the experiment with you.

I want to see how powerful our thoughts and words are, and I hope you can join me in this fun experiment!

**Please note:  The stream is no longer active, but the rice is still in the same spot.   I want to continue the experiment by having you view a picture of the rice, and continue to send your thoughts to the rice.  I want to see how this affects the rice.  The picture is below:

Thanks for participating!  I am looking forward to the results!  I’ll be sure to share them with you in an update!

UPDATE!

The results are in!  CLICK HERE to see the results of this experiment!

Photo: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/szorstki

Powerful people.  People of power.  Both the same, or different?

I guess it depends on your point of view and what you have come to learn about what power is.  For me, personally, there is a huge difference between powerful people and people of power.  And it all has to do with what the person does with the power and how they use the power they have.

Here’s where perception makes all the difference, because here’s the thing — when you are in the presence of a powerful person or a person of power, where does your power go?  Does it suddenly evaporate?

Yes, you do have power too, but you may be allowing yourself to allow it to disappear faster than a piece of steak dropped on the floor in front of a dog.

Why is it that we give our power to other people?  More importantly, how can we keep our own power and not give it to someone else?

Power is all about perception, as I easily pointed out above, when I showed you how power (or at least the perception of your power) vanished in a flash.  The truth is that power is not a physical entity.  It’s just energy.  Furthermore, power really doesn’t appear or disappear.  Instead, think of power as a transferrable entity.  It is transferrable energy.  It can be easily passed from another person to you, or you can pass it on to another person.

So clearly this is all about your perception of your worthiness to hang on to your own power without transferring it to someone else.  Are you worth anything in your own estimation?  Do you have value?  Of course you do, so own your power!  You deserve to have power, and it’s yours to keep, not to give away to anyone else.

Now, back to the idea of a potential difference between a powerful person versus a person of power.  It all has to do with what they do with the power they have.  But, where does the power come from?

If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll answer that question easily: they don’t “have” the power bestowed upon them.  Power is transferred to them by the people who allow it to be transferred from themselves to the person who possesses the power.

This clearly establishes a point that I want you to remember forever and ever, and that is this:

The only power that a person has over you is the power you give them permission to have over you.

If you can keep your power, you possess the power.  If you allow yourself to give away your power to them, you’ve just lost it because you’ve transferred it to them.

A powerful person needs power.  Without power, they are nothing.  And, they know it.  When someone needs something desperately, and they feel they only have a limited supply and they aren’t certain they’ll get any more, what do they fear more than anything?

They fear that they’ll lose it.

When someone fears that they’ll lose their power, they’ll do anything to make sure they keep it.  The most effective way to keep power coming to them is to continually transfer the power of others to themselves.  This is done by engaging in behaviors that encourage or facilitate the transfer the people from “less powerful” positions to themselves.  In other words, it could be interpreted or diagnosed that they engage in “power plays.”  They “throw their power around” so everyone knows they’re in control.

No, they’re not in control.  Au contraire!  You are always in control of your power, and it’s always your choice as to whether you’ll allow it to transfer from you to someone else.

Have you already given your power away?  If you have, no big deal.  It’s just energy.  You can get that power back any time you wish in a flash, literally.  It’s just a matter of respecting your own worth and value, and by performing that simple act of valuing yourself, you will re-deposit the power back to yourself.

People of power are different.  They empower other people.  They use their position to encourage people to not only maintain their power, but to use it in ways that benefit others.  People of power know that power is only energy, and it’s not a possession that can be kept, or even belongs to them in the first place.  In fact, they know that if they just value themselves, they have more than enough power within them to do what they need to do.  They don’t need to “suck” the power from others.  They’ve already got everything they need!

So, in the end, remember that power is only energy.  Power is not a possession.  It is a transferable commodity, and it can be transferred in a flash, either to you or from you.

Own your power.  Hang on to it.  You deserve to.  Don’t give your power away to people who operate through a fear and scarcity mentality.

The truth is, powerful people have all the power they need, but they don’t believe they have enough.  They feel that power has to be given to them, and they demand that it be given to them.  Furthermore, they desperately fear that their power won’t hold, and they fear that one day their power will be gone.  It was never their power to have in the first place.  The power they have accumulated and cling to belongs to someone else.  It needs to be refunded.

Don’t allow yourself to give your power away to anyone else.  It’s yours to have for your own benefit.  As long as you honor and value yourself, and as long as you remember that the power others have over you is entirely up to you, you’ll quickly realize that you can retain and reclaim your personal power from anyone and any time you’d like.

Power to the people, baby.

Did you find this article helpful?  Have you given your power away, and do you now plan on getting it back?  I’d like to hear your stories.  Scroll down and leave a comment below!  I’d love to hear about it!

Photo: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/mushedup88

When someone says, “You’re an idiot,” it’s hard to find love within you, isn’t it?

Want to know a secret?  Their statement says a lot more about them than it does about you.  And, no, I’m not suggesting that when they say you’re an idiot that they’re really the idiot, although in many ways it would feel a lot better, right?

The truth is that people have largely learned how to cope with what they lack by dishing out criticism and putting other people down.  I wish I could say it’s just human nature, but that really isn’t true.  There really is something else going on beneath the surface.

But, to actually find love in your heart for someone who criticizes you?  Sounds a little preposterous, doesn’t it?

It sure does, but it’s not impossible.  Actually, I’m going to go a step further and say that it’s actually more natural for you to find love in your heart than it is for you to find contempt for someone who criticizes you or puts you down.  And, I’m going to prove it to you before the end of this piece.

So here’s the truth behind what’s going on.  Like I said, the statement says a lot more about the other person than it does you.  In reality, the statements are a very pitiful (my interpretation) attempt to ask you for help.

Okay, what?  Just back up…Someone who tells me that I’m an idiot is asking for my help?  How so?

Here’s how so:

When people offer up criticism or put you down, they are doing it because it is the next step after coming to terms with their feelings.  They may be feeling angry, upset, embarrassed, frustrated, or any other negative emotion.  The emotion is stemming from something that they need but they’re not getting.

So, when someone says, “You’re an idiot,” they may really be saying, “I’m saying this because I feel embarrassed due to my need to be recognized as significant and important in the eyes of other people.  Could you please provide me with the recognition I desire?”

Yeah, I know that “You’re an idiot” sounds like light years from “Could you please provide me with the recognition I desire?” but both statements are getting at the same thing — this person seeks recognition.

So, the reason why people say the things they do is because they’re really asking one thing, and that is “please?”

I talk all about it in my book, if you care to check it out.

So, if we can shift our thinking from getting defensive because we’ve felt we’ve been attacked by the “You’re an idiot” statement to recognizing that the other person needs our help, we can significantly change our perception of the other person.

Instead of thinking that they have it in for us, we’ll start thinking about how we can help this person.

If a short elderly woman asks me to help her by grabbing a package off of the top shelf in the grocery store because she can’t reach it, am I going to take it personally and feel that she’s attacking me?  Of course not.  That’s not human nature.  I just hope she doesn’t ask me to help her by starting off saying, “Hey, you’re an idiot…Grab that item off the shelf, won’t you?”

But seriously, it’s not in our nature to get offended, defensive or feel we’re being attacked when someone asks us for a favor.

This is why when someone criticizes us or puts us down, while they’re really asking “please?” it really is not in our nature to get offended or defensive as a result.  We’ve just been conditioned to respond this way.  Our society has tainted us and gotten us to believe that it’s natural for us to respond the way we have become conditioned to do so.

So, I rest my case.  It’s not in our nature to get angry or defensive with others when we are asked to offer help from others.  As a matter of fact, we become more compassionate and loving when others ask us for a hand.  It feels good to help.

The next time someone dishes out a criticism or puts you down, just remember it’s their convoluted (my interpretation) way of asking “please.”  If you can remember that, and figure out what it is that they need that they’re not getting, and then respond by offering a way to help meet that need, you’ll find that you will be extending love from your heart to theirs.  You’ll actually love the person who criticizes you.  And, it will be authentic and natural the whole way.  Awesome, isn’t it?

I want to hear from you!  Does this make sense to you?  Do you see opportunity with someone you interact with on a regular basis to offer love instead of a defensive reaction?  Let me know!  Scroll down and leave your comments below!

I’ve been interviewed!

I’m usually the one who is conducting interviews, so it’s refreshing to be on the “other side of the microphone” and be interviewed!  This past Sunday I was a guest on Martine Joseph’s radio show, called “Thriving Minds,” and it was a ton of fun.

If you want to listen to a replay of the interview, you can access it by clicking HERE, or by clicking on Martine’s picture above.

Photo: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/theodore99

Let me ask you a question: If a dear friend of yours was going through a difficult time, what would you do to help them feel better?  Maybe you’d kid around with them or tell them a joke.  Perhaps you’d offer to do something with them to help them think about something else for a while. No matter what methodology you would employ, you’re really doing one thing, which is trying to help your friend think of something that helps them find an emotion that puts them at a little bit better of a place and which helps them feel a little bit better in general.

You’d know whether or not your friend is feeling better about their current circumstances based on the visual cues you’d pick up from them.  You’d observe them to see whether they’re smiling a bit more, or whether they seem to be in a happier state of mind.

Just like we can use the emotions of other people to gauge their level of overall satisfaction, we can use our own emotions and feelings as a barometer for how much our resistance is getting between us and something wonderful.  If we feel joyful, happy, enthusiastic, and excited, we are at a low resistance level and we are primed to receive the wonderful things we so deeply desire.

On the other hand, if we feel any emotion that is the opposite of joy, happiness, enthusiasm, or excitement, then it’s an indication that we are not primed to receive what it is we desire.  We are actually resonating with something that is not in line with our desires.  We’re giving energy with our thoughts to something that distracts us and moves us further from what it is that we really desire.  Whatever we resist persists. We’re deviating further from what we want.  These feelings are an indicator of resistance, and resistance will continually put us at a distance from accomplishing and getting what it is that we desire.

To resist is to fight the ways of the universe.  The universe runs on laws, and if you resist and fight based on fear and apprehension, you are in essence violating universal law.  To fight against “what is” is to fight against the universe.  You’re stagnating the flow of abundant blessings that can come your way.

The key to overcoming resistance is just to treat yourself like you would your dear friend.  If you determine that you are experiencing emotions that are anything other than positive, all you need to do is find an emotion through thought that brings you to a more positive emotion than you are currently experiencing.  It doesn’t have to be a drastic change — it just has to be a change in the positive direction.

It’s all about self discovery.  It’s about awareness of your emotions in the present — in the here and now.  By staying in present awareness, you’ll quickly discover if your feelings are indicating whether you’re in line with that perfect version of yourself, the wonderful creator of awesome things and able to receive all the blessings life has to offer, or whether you’re resisting the flow of good things to you.

Use your feelings as a measuring device for how you’re doing.  If you’re feeling less than wonderful, just seek out feelings that bring you to a little bit better place.  That small shift in your thoughts will lead to better feelings, and better feelings will lower your resistance.  When you lower your resistance, good things will come your way.  Give it a try!

What makes a day an enjoyable day versus a not-so-enjoyable day?  It’s how you deal with what comes up throughout the day.  Simply put (and sometimes 0ver simplified), it’s your attitude that will define your day as wonderful or forgettable.

If you’re anything like me, above and beyond the simple “change your attitude” advice, I need some concrete recommendations, but not so many that it’s hard for me to remember them all, so that I can take some practical steps to ensure that I walk into a day setting it up to be as successful, wonderful, and peaceful as possible.

Without further adieu, here’s my simple four-step approach so you can create your own peaceful and happy day:

1. Let go of the “rights,” “wrongs,” and the other judgment talk.

We spend a lot of time trying to be “right.”  It’s a fruitless effort that just leads to debate and arguing.  Try to keep an open mind and be respectful of other people’s rights to have opinions that may differ from yours.  We all have preferences, just like we may prefer a certain color or flavor of ice cream.  Just because I like chocolate and you like vanilla, it doesn’t mean I’m right and you’re wrong.  By letting go of the need to be right, you will reduce the amount of frustration you endure.  Also, let go of the other judgment talk.  Let go of the “toos.”  We use an awful lot of “too” this and “too” that.  How much is “too” much and how much is “too” little?  How much is just right.  The truth is that the “toos” only exist in a judgmental mind.  Let go of the “toos” and you’ll find more peace.  One more recommendation: Stop using the word “should,” and replace it with “could.”  Instead of inserting your judgment on how to handle something, you soften it up by making a suggestion.  By letting go of the need to be right, eliminating the “toos,” and converting “shoulds” to “coulds,” you’ll find much more peace and less stress in your daily activities and conversations.  Trust me.

2. Give in to your feelings.

We spend so much time trying to keep our emotions out of our daily lives.   This is largely because we misunderstand what emotions really are.  Just because we use the word “feel” when we talk, it doesn’t mean we are talking about our emotions.  Many times we are diagnosing or judging.  If you say something like, “I feel you’re trying to take advantage of me,” we use the word “feel,” but as soon as we insert the “you’re” after it, we convert it from a statement about ourselves into a statement of judgment about someone else’s intents.  This no doubt will lead to defensiveness and frustration in the other person.  When you use the word “feel,” follow it with a real emotion.  You can say, “I feel sad,” or “I feel frustrated,” or “I feel overjoyed!”  According to the research of Dr. Antonio Damasio as described in his book Descarte’s Error, it has been determined that we are actually incapable of making decisions without emotions.  Emotions are important, and when we connect with our emotions, as well as the emotional state of others, we connect with others at the heart and establish a more loving and empathic level of communication, which greatly enhances our daily life.  Why wouldn’t it help?  Instead of creating feelings of defensiveness and anger in others, you will show them that you care and can connect with them at the heart.  That sounds much better to me!

3. Grab onto anything that you appreciate and “bank it.”

Dr. Rick Hanson speaks of this technique in his book Hardwiring Happiness.  When you experience something that leads to joy or happiness within you, even if it’s something relatively insignificant or routine, try to focus on that feeling for a good twenty seconds or more if you can.  Embrace it and enjoy it.  “Bank it.”  Save those feelings of joy in your memory banks.  Then, when you need it, you can always go back to that memory and those feelings and draw them out to bring happiness and joy to you no matter when you need it.  In this way, you’re not relying on external events and circumstances to bring you happiness and joy; you can find those right within yourself.  This allows you to bring joy and happiness to your life whenever you need or want it.

4. Focus on what you want, rather than what you don’t want.

One of my favorite games to play with my daughters is the “don’t” game.  If I want them to do something, I just tell them that I “don’t” want

them to do it.  When they aren’t getting ready in the morning and just kind of standing around and doing little of anything, I tell them, “I’m going to get myself dressed for work, and I don’t want you to get dressed before I finish.  Don’t get dressed.  Don’t do it.”  It doesn’t take long before they’re rushing to get their clothes changed before I do.  They do whatever it is that I “don’t” want them to do!  The truth is people listen right past the “don’ts,” and so does our subconscious mind.  It doesn’t hear the “don’ts.”  If we say that we “don’t” want something to happen, chances are greater than it will.  Energy is mass, essentially, according to Einstein.  Whatever thoughts we generate increases the amount of energy given to that thought.  When that thought grows in energy, it grows in mass.  So, if you’re spending your time thinking about the horrible things that might happen, you’re giving that energy and allowing it to grow in mass, making it more likely that it will manifest itself.  Not only that, but according to Bruce Lipton in his book The Biology of Belief,whatever thoughts you generate shape your perception, and that will shape the “environment,” this affecting your body at the cellular level.  Your body will have a physiological response to the thoughts you generate.  Your thoughts can affect your overall health and wellbeing.

By simply applying these four simple steps every day, you’ll find that you will enjoy a more wonderful day more often than not, and you will certainly bring more peace, love, and happiness to your day.

Let me know if you try these, and let me know your thoughts and how well they worked for you!

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/ctr

This past Monday on my radio show I had the privilege of interviewing Vironika Tugaleva, author of the book The Love Mindset (An Unconventional Guide to Healing and Happiness).  To say the least, I was left scrambling to listen to the replay of our conversation to gobble up all the great information, examples, insights, and profound thoughts that she had to offer!

Inspiring and wise beyond her years, Vironika helps people heal their minds and discover their inner strength.  She’s an author, speaker, reformed cynic, people lover, and a very different kind of spiritual teacher.

What Vironika teaches isn’t about fanciful fluff or indoctrinating dogma. Her approach to spirituality and love is unconventional, deep, and refreshingly real. Her deep understanding of life and love did not come from any university, organization, or church. Her wisdom flowered out of her recovery from a decade-long struggle with abuse, addiction, and self-loathing.

“For most of my life,” she says, “I had a love-sized hole inside of me. I tried to stuff it with all sorts of things. I gave it sex, money, drink, knowledge, and power. Then, I tried to ignore it. Then, when that didn’t work, I tried to display this gaping hole inside of me as some sort of proud symbol of victim-hood. Then, when that didn’t work, I found some people who had even bigger holes inside of them to try to make me feel better. None of that worked. I was empty. I was dying.”

Like many young, intelligent, and wounded people, she rejected religion and spirituality. She was isolated, cynical, and always wary of trusting people too much. With the same fiery passion that she now uses to spread love in the world, she ran herself down to a mental breakdown at the age of 23. At the bottom of a deep, dark hole, she found the true meaning of love.

From that day forward, Vironika embarked on a life-changing journey of self-discovery, healing, and epiphany. On that path, she discovered that the answers to healing and happiness lay within the hands of a subject that she (like many other academics and young people) dared not touch – spirituality.

Her teachings, including her newest book The Love Mindset, show us how we can transform our minds, our relationships, and the world by simply changing the way that we think about ourselves. Vironika teaches people about how amazing and powerful we really are.

I asked Vironika who her book was written for, and she said that it’s “written for the cynic.”  If words like spirituality and love seem “scary,” this book may speak to them as far as self-development resources go.

I followed up by asking her why this book is different from other books about love and spirituality, and why this book would help people.  She answered by saying, “When we look at books about love or when we hear about love we think that it’s this thing that other people give to us, and that the only way to get that love ‘better’ is to find ‘better’ people to give love to us, or to become more deserving of getting it.

So, we’re basically commercializing ourselves in the world of love, like ‘I am the product on the shelves,’ or ‘I’m the shopper in the aisles,’ and become either  a better shopper or a better product.”

She added that her book “takes people completely out of the store and commercialization and gives people love in such a way that they don’t need to go to anyone for it.”

When we discussed her own experience and how she bounced back from hitting rock bottom, I asked her if she thought that people had to hit “rock bottom” in order to change.  This is when such profound wisdom came pouring from her mouth:

“The change isn’t something that you make,” she said.  “The change is already occurring.  I like to think of life as a constant birth process — it’s painful, but it’s already begun.”

She added that she herself found that she was trying to crawl back into a womb of safety that was no longer there. “My mind and body were trying to tell me it’s time to go, change has already begun, get on the train, and I’m just trying to crawl back into the womb, running out of oxygen.”

“That’s when people hit rock bottom,” she explained.  “You’re trying to crawl back up and you realize I have to let go or I’m going to suffocate because there’s no oxygen in here.”

I still wanted to know what the title of her book, “The Love Mindset,” was really about and what it meant and why it’s important to adopt a love mindset, and I just loved her response.

“Love is awaiting if you just relax.  When you say “I love you to another person, you totally relax.  When we just let go into what’s already there, there is love.  Love is awaiting.

‘I love you’ means ‘you remind me of myself.’ Your spirit is coming to life, waiting for you.  The love mindset is the state of mind where you can just allow yourself to feel love all the time and allow it to heal you and fuel you.

We need love to live, and intuitively we all know that, but there isn’t a lot of practicing going on or we’re waiting for someone to help us.  We’ve got starving people everywhere, just completely suffocated from love.  By adopting a love mindset we can nourish our souls we can nourish those parts of ourselves that need love the most so we can be balanced in our lives.”

If you’d like to find out more about Vironika or buy her book (which I highly recommend), I invite you to visit her website: www.Vironika.org.

If you would like to hear our entire interview from my radio show, you can listen now by clicking here.

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**Do you want to find more positivity in a negative world?**

This Wednesday through Saturday, I am offering you a way to do just that because I feel the world needs more positivity (and less negativity), and I want to offer you a chance for it for a special discounted price!

Right now you can get my fantastic audio program, “”How do I decrease negativity in my life, and how can I become a more positive person?” usually selling for $47, for only four bucks!  That’s over a 90 percent savings to you!

In this 30-minute program, I pack 26 of my most powerful strategies that you can implement into your life to decrease negativity and become more positive on a daily basis.

Plus, if you decide to purchase this product from me at this special price, I’ll throw in my “Three Hours of Power” video training for free!  This is a signature program of mine, where I teach you how to be happier, more positive, and have more in control of your life. I’ll give you the tools you need to overcome any barriers to success, happiness, and fulfillment, so that you can live the life you have always deserved.

The video training usually sells on my site for $67, and it’s yours free when you buy my audio training.

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I was coaching a married couple who were having trouble going through any sort of length of time without getting into an argument.  These weren’t any small arguments either — they would quickly turn into very heated and sometimes violent disagreements.  One of the ways that I got them to start to find a sort of middle ground was by helping them reconnect with their authentic selves.

You know and I know that at our very deepest core, we are not “bad” people, who seek out disagreements and yearn to argue with each other.  We don’t want to be violent in our words and actions, but sometimes we are.  We don’t want to be selfish and unforgiving, but there are times when it seems it happens so easily and effortlessly.  There are times when we know what we truly want to do and how we know we “should” conduct ourselves, yet knowing this, we do the opposite.

I’ve struggled with this many times myself.  Unfortunately for me, I sometimes lack patience and get frustrated very easily when things aren’t progressing quickly or as I had hoped they would.  I always joke that I inherited my “hot blood” from my mom, and that I am easily thrown into a bit of a temper at times.  I usually let my frustrations get the best of me, only to be filled with frustration with myself for not maintaining my composure.

We all do this — we all stray from our “highest” form of ourselves.  We do things that we aren’t proud of, and then we end up being filled with not-so-positive feelings afterward.  Some would call it regret, but I just care to keep it simple, and just say that it’s an emotion of frustration or sadness.  Besides, in my opinion, to operate from a position of regret is to pull one’s self down the road of guilt and shame, which can be harmful to one’s self (Maybe the topic of regret, guilt, and shame will be a future topic to cover on my blog).

So how do we get back “on track?”  How do we re-connect with that “authentic self” deep within ourselves?  One way I have found effective is to ask one simple question:

“What are my innermost values?”

From that question, you start on a journey of self-inquiry, and you find out what virtues define who you are and what you stand for.  When I asked this of my clients, they both responded with the same value, so I knew and they knew that deep down they both stood for the same thing and wanted the same thing, so it was just a matter of re-connecting with that value by being mindful of their words and actions.  They were asked by me if they could agree to speak only to each other using words that were aligned with their core values.  When they started doing this, the arguments between them decreased in number significantly.

So, what are your innermost values?  What does it look like when you speak and act in alignment with those values?  Usually our values speak of virtuous traits and characteristics, so if we can discover those innermost values within ourselves, we can easily define behaviors that are in line with those values.  The great thing is that if we follow those values we will likely be acting in a virtuous way, consistent with the “best” version of ourselves that we can.

My innermost values are love, respect, and, interestingly enough, authenticity.  I can easily explain to myself just how it would be to speak and act through these values.  I would speak to others in a respectful way and extend unconditional love and goodwill to others.  I would be authentic in my actions and words.  I would do my best to be the “same person” to everyone, no matter who they are.  I will make sure I treat everyone equally and fairly.  If I can speak and act in this way, I am certain that I would be very happy with who I am, and I would be very sure that I would be aligning with my authentic self!

Just by asking one simple question, and then, through self inquiry, answer it to the best of your ability, you can get a glimpse deep within you to discover just who you are.  Your authentic self will reveal itself to you, and you can then make the choice to act and speak in ways that align with who you really are.

I’d love to hear from you!  What are your innermost values?  What would it look like to speak and act through those values?  Let me know!

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/barunpatro

The following is a guest post by Adam Palmer of Astral Zen.  Please join me in welcoming Adam!

My college teachers always said I was a dreamer – ironic really. Dreaming is one of the greatest gifts we have available to us. We spend a third of our lives asleep, yet so little is known about sleep and dreaming. As we grow older, those long, vivid, childhood dreams start to fade to the point that we hardly dream at all. The good news is that we can reverse this, and we can do it quickly.

Why would you want to?

Don’t for one minute think that the dreams you have right now are all there is to dreaming. Imagine your own private universe, more vivid and realistic than this. Imagine a launch pad to alternate realities, unlimited potential and freedom. Imagine flying to the moon or diving to the depths of the ocean. We live in an immensely powerful dynamic multi-dimensional world. Remember when a good quality VHS was the best we had, and then contrast that to ultra-fine HD. This reality that you’re used to is the VHS – there’s so much more out there.

Now, I won’t lie – more advanced dreaming techniques take practice and patience.  The good news however, is that within just a couple of days, you’ll start to notice a big difference.

I’d like to set you off on the first few steps of your journey.

Step #1 – Stop destroying your sleep

You need to be doing everything you can to create favourable sleep and dream conditions. There are three main changes that you can make for the most profound impact –

1. Coffee, sugar, cigarettes, alcohol and most recreational drugs dramatically affect your dream sleep. Although many report vivid or bizarre dreams, it’s usually down to something called “REM rebound.” You’re not actually building on your dream or sleep quality, and you’re not going to be able to advance in dreaming whilst under the influence! Best avoided as much as possible.

2. Most pharmaceuticals interfere with dream and sleep to some degree, even if only subtly. Of course, I am by no means suggesting that you stop taking essential medication. If you do however take any medication that may not be strictly necessary, it may be worth considering a discussion with your doctor about stopping.

3. Mental stimulation comes in all forms, now more than ever. Try to avoid cell phones, TV, PCs and laptops for at least a couple of hours before bed. Reading a book in bed is the best way to prepare yourself for a sound sleep and clear dreams.

For some, these steps may require some significant lifestyle changes. I’m personally terrible when it comes to using the laptop in bed. It’s not an all or nothing decision – anything you’re able to do will help.

Step #2 – Dream Diary

Now you’ve set yourself up for a great natural sleep, it’s time to start getting those dreams back. Believe it or not, you do dream – you just don’t remember it any more. When you first wake up, either during the night or in the morning, don’t move a muscle or open your eyes. Run through everything you can remember about your dreams in your mind. Don’t worry if you can’t remember anything other than a vague feeling or emotion – that’s absolutely fine. Just mentally re-experience it as clearly as you can. As soon as you’ve got it straight, get it straight down in your dream diary. Feel free to include images as well as words.

As you’re about to sleep that night, take a few minutes to read through your dream diary. Try to re-experience the dreams, feelings and emotions in as much detail as possible.

Just keeping up this quick and easy practice will result in a huge increase in your dream quality and memory within a matter of days.

Step #3 – Lucid Dreaming

Your mind is clear, and you’re dreams are increasing in quality and quantity – it’s now time to go lucid. A lucid dream is a dream in which you know you are dreaming. Once that happens, you can do absolutely anything you want. Conjure up situations, fly, travel, explore and learn. As you wish it, it unfolds. Lucid dreaming in itself is a massive subject, but once you’ve hit one – believe me you’ll know it. Here are my top 3 techniques –

1. As you’re falling asleep, focus your mind and mentally repeat, “I am lucid dreaming.” Don’t just say the words, actually imagine it and put life into it. If you wake up in the night, don’t just roll over and go straight back to sleep. Get up for a few moments, go to the bathroom, take a sip of water, and start the repetition exercise above.

2. Throughout the day, perform “reality checks”. Try to push your finger through your opposite palm and try to pinch your nose and at the same time breathe through it. If you do this enough times during waking, you’ll find yourself doing it in dreaming, and guess what – it’ll work! You’ll then immediately realize you’re dreaming.

3. As you re-live the dreams from your dream journal, imagine yourself as fully lucid and aware within them.

Again, it’s not all or nothing. Any practice you’re able to do will be beneficial in increasing your chances of getting lucid. With practice, you’ll come to realize that dream and sleep isn’t just 8 hours each day written off – quite the opposite in fact. Sweet dreams!

About Adam: 

I’ve been consciously practising lucid dreaming and exploring the out of body state for over 10 years now. Now I want to help others share the experience.

Please take some time to leave your thoughts below on Adam’s piece, and please visit Adam at his site, www.Astralzen.com.

Photo: By Massimo Barbieri (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons