When someone says, “You’re an idiot,” it’s hard to find love within you, isn’t it?

Want to know a secret?  Their statement says a lot more about them than it does about you.  And, no, I’m not suggesting that when they say you’re an idiot that they’re really the idiot, although in many ways it would feel a lot better, right?

The truth is that people have largely learned how to cope with what they lack by dishing out criticism and putting other people down.  I wish I could say it’s just human nature, but that really isn’t true.  There really is something else going on beneath the surface.

But, to actually find love in your heart for someone who criticizes you?  Sounds a little preposterous, doesn’t it?

It sure does, but it’s not impossible.  Actually, I’m going to go a step further and say that it’s actually more natural for you to find love in your heart than it is for you to find contempt for someone who criticizes you or puts you down.  And, I’m going to prove it to you before the end of this piece.

So here’s the truth behind what’s going on.  Like I said, the statement says a lot more about the other person than it does you.  In reality, the statements are a very pitiful (my interpretation) attempt to ask you for help.

Okay, what?  Just back up…Someone who tells me that I’m an idiot is asking for my help?  How so?

Here’s how so:

When people offer up criticism or put you down, they are doing it because it is the next step after coming to terms with their feelings.  They may be feeling angry, upset, embarrassed, frustrated, or any other negative emotion.  The emotion is stemming from something that they need but they’re not getting.

So, when someone says, “You’re an idiot,” they may really be saying, “I’m saying this because I feel embarrassed due to my need to be recognized as significant and important in the eyes of other people.  Could you please provide me with the recognition I desire?”

Yeah, I know that “You’re an idiot” sounds like light years from “Could you please provide me with the recognition I desire?” but both statements are getting at the same thing — this person seeks recognition.

So, the reason why people say the things they do is because they’re really asking one thing, and that is “please?”

I talk all about it in my book, if you care to check it out.

So, if we can shift our thinking from getting defensive because we’ve felt we’ve been attacked by the “You’re an idiot” statement to recognizing that the other person needs our help, we can significantly change our perception of the other person.

Instead of thinking that they have it in for us, we’ll start thinking about how we can help this person.

If a short elderly woman asks me to help her by grabbing a package off of the top shelf in the grocery store because she can’t reach it, am I going to take it personally and feel that she’s attacking me?  Of course not.  That’s not human nature.  I just hope she doesn’t ask me to help her by starting off saying, “Hey, you’re an idiot…Grab that item off the shelf, won’t you?”

But seriously, it’s not in our nature to get offended, defensive or feel we’re being attacked when someone asks us for a favor.

This is why when someone criticizes us or puts us down, while they’re really asking “please?” it really is not in our nature to get offended or defensive as a result.  We’ve just been conditioned to respond this way.  Our society has tainted us and gotten us to believe that it’s natural for us to respond the way we have become conditioned to do so.

So, I rest my case.  It’s not in our nature to get angry or defensive with others when we are asked to offer help from others.  As a matter of fact, we become more compassionate and loving when others ask us for a hand.  It feels good to help.

The next time someone dishes out a criticism or puts you down, just remember it’s their convoluted (my interpretation) way of asking “please.”  If you can remember that, and figure out what it is that they need that they’re not getting, and then respond by offering a way to help meet that need, you’ll find that you will be extending love from your heart to theirs.  You’ll actually love the person who criticizes you.  And, it will be authentic and natural the whole way.  Awesome, isn’t it?

I want to hear from you!  Does this make sense to you?  Do you see opportunity with someone you interact with on a regular basis to offer love instead of a defensive reaction?  Let me know!  Scroll down and leave your comments below!

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I’ve been interviewed!

I’m usually the one who is conducting interviews, so it’s refreshing to be on the “other side of the microphone” and be interviewed!  This past Sunday I was a guest on Martine Joseph’s radio show, called “Thriving Minds,” and it was a ton of fun.

If you want to listen to a replay of the interview, you can access it by clicking HERE, or by clicking on Martine’s picture above.

Photo: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/theodore99

I’m sure you’ve heard it before — “When you need to make a tough decision, make sure that you keep your emotions out of it.”  Maybe you’ve tried this approach, and you’ve found yourself being stern, stubborn, resistant, unyielding, and perhaps viewed as a bit of an unpopular person (commonly referred to as an “ass”).

“Where did I go wrong?” is what you may have asked.  After all, to let your emotions get involved is a sign of vulnerability or of weakness, right?  To let your emotions get involved is to be soft, indecisive, and “wishy-washy.” Or, at least that’s what you’ve been led to believe.

On the “B.S.” meter, this one is pretty close to full-on B.S.  However, it’s not so cut and dried, but I’ll try to piece it apart so you can figure out what really is B.S. about this belief and what may really be going on.

First off, why is it that people believe that we make better decisions when we leave emotions out of it?  My thought is that we’ve been conditioned to believe that when we allow our emotions to get involved, we’ll be perceived as all the things I had mentioned before, and then some: weak, soft, indecisive, and so forth.  There are two problems with this, at least the way I see it.

The first problem is how you are perceived by others.  You can be perceived by others as hard, unyielding, and uncaring.  You appear to others as if you don’t give a damn about them as people.  If you’re trying to endear yourself to others (which I don’t necessarily feel you need to), you’re not off to a good start if you’re giving them tons of non-verbal indications that you really don’t care about the human aspect of the ramifications of the decision you are making.

The second problem is a bit more significant in my opinion.  Scientific studies have shown that it’s actually impossible for you to make a decision without emotions getting involved.  That’s right — it’s physiologically impossible.  When you attempt to make decisions and keep your emotions out of the equation, it’s not natural.  No wonder why it’s hard to authentically pull off making a tough decision with no emotion!

Dr. Antonio Demasio’s work, detailed in his book Descarte’s Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain, shows how his patients, who had certain parts of their brains removed that are involved in the generation of emotions (more on this in a bit), were actually unable to make a decision.  Demasio speaks of an encounter with one of his patients where they were trying to simply figure out the next time the patient should come back for his next appointment.  The patient went back and forth about why part of him wanted to pick one day, but then another part of him wanted another day.  He went back and forth until finally Demasio suggested the day.  Once the suggestion was made, then the patient agreed to that day.

That leads me to why this is mostly B.S.:  Emotions are not equal, in that they don’t originate from the same areas of the brain.  Many of the emotions we feel, such as happiness, joy, and other positive emotions, come from the front area of the brain, called the pre-frontal cortex.  This is where Demasio’s patients either had damage to or actual removal of brain tissue.

The other area where emotion originates is a more archaic area of the brain, called the limbic system.  The emotion we call fear originates from here, and this is the one emotion that we really could stand to eliminate from the equation when it comes to making decisions.

The problem with fear and allowing fear to influence our decisions is that psychologically it deeply affects us in a negative way.  Whenever we allow fear to take over, it shuts down the higher areas of the brain that give us our logic, creativity, and happiness.  When we give in to fear, we act as if we are being threatened in some way, shape, or form, and then we are more prone to lashing out or acting in ways that protect us from the loss of something.

For example, if we fear losing control, we compensate by becoming controlling.  If we fear losing power, we compensate by throwing our power around and trying to show others how powerful we are.  If we can try to shift from fear to love, with an understanding that nobody is trying to take something away from us or that others are actually looking for help instead of offering criticism or making negative remarks, that can go a long way.  By the way, I know of a really awesome book that you can read about just this exact topic, if you’re interested.  It’s written by this really, really nice guy named Victor Schueller, and it’s called Rise Above Criticism, Negativity, and Conflict, if you’re interested.

So, to sum it up, for the most part, when someone says not to get your emotions involved when making decisions, it’s B.S.  The only emotion we really could stand to leave out of everything is the emotion of fear, because it does have negative ramifications, such as the overcompensation that results from the fear of losing something we desire.  Otherwise, you’ll find that by actually allowing your emotions to be part of the decision-making process is not only natural, but immensely beneficial to you.  You’ll show that you are human, and that you also care about the other humans who are involved.  Plus, and more importantly, you’ll make a decision that is from the heart and more often than not a decision that will benefit you and those around you.

Please tell me: Have you ever been led to believe that you should leave emotions out of your decisions?  Did you try it?  What were the results?  Scroll down and tell me of your experiences!  I’d love to talk to you about them!

Photo: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/bluegum

If you’re human, chances are you’ve dealt with your own internal feelings of guilt and shame.  Maybe you deal with them on a daily basis, and they leave you with a shaken self-confidence and remorse for things you did wrong and “should have” done differently.  What pisses me off to no end is that guilt and shame cause so much damage, and they can be totally eliminated if people would just stop allowing them to thrive within their minds.

In my book, Rise Above Criticism, Negativity, and Conflict, I talk about feelings of guilt and shame, and how they are actually a by-product of society’s acceptance of the concepts of violence and punishment.  It’s a chicken-versus-the-egg type of thing, because it could very well be that violence and punishment leads us to view the world through the lens of “right-wrong” and “good-bad” thinking, or it could also very well be that “right-wrong” and “good-bad” thinking leads us to view the world through the lens of violence and punishment.

Either way, it’s a vicious cycle that is man-made.  That’s right — guilt and shame are man made and unnatural as Velveeta Cheese.

So, how do we cut out these unnatural and damaging feelings of guilt and shame from our lives?

The solution is simple: You need to stop thinking you’re a bad person who needs to be punished.

Are there some people who commit tragic crimes against humanity?  Absolutely.  Are you one of them?  Probably not.  If you’re not engaged in committing egregious acts against your fellow man, just relax.  Go easy on yourself.  You’re not a “bad” person.  You probably just are hard on yourself and hold yourself to high standards.

Let me ask you: Why do you feel you need to be punished?  Why do you have feelings of regret?

If you really take time to think about it, it’s hard to come up with answers to those two questions, isn’t it?

The reason why guilt and shame arise is because we feel the appropriate response to our self evaluation is that we did something bad and we need to punish ourselves.  We find ourselves criticising ourselves and telling ourselves how stupid, horrible, and terrible we are for having done what we did.

We beat ourselves up because we know we can do better, but we didn’t, and we messed up.  We were wrong.  We were bad.  We don’t give ourselves a break.  We don’t move on.

Let me throw this out there for you for perspective — If you have a loved one, whether it be a family member or a child, who did something that turned out to be an honest, yet regrettable mistake, what would you do to them?  Would you continue to bring it up over and over again so they never forget about it?  Would you remind them about how stupid, horrible, and terrible they are for having done such a thing?  Would you continue to punish them for it and hold it against them well into the foreseeable future?  Of course you wouldn’t.  You would extend unconditional love to them.  You’d understand that we all make mistakes and we need not be punished for making them.

So, why don’t you extend unconditional love to yourself?  Why are you continuing to trash your internal reputation and be so hard on yourself?  Why aren’t you understanding of the mistakes we all make?

Stop giving in to the societal pressure of “right-wrong” and “good-bad” thinking.  It leads to the guilt-shame-punishment phenomenon that continues to perpetuate violence from our neighborhoods to the rest of the world.  The only reason why we feel guilt and shame is because we’ve been conditioned to do so.  We’ve been conditioned to look inward at our flaws and mistakes and punish ourselves with hurtful words and thoughts, resulting in those feelings of guilt and shame.

It’s time to put a stop to it.  Your time is now.

So how do we put an end to feelings of guilt and shame?  Here’s how:

1. Observe what happened.

2. Ask yourself what feelings are generated when you think about what happened.

3. Determine why you feel that way by asking yourself what it is that you would prefer to do in the future or what it is that you stand for (what are your values?).

4. Next time you’re in a similar situation, do what you would have preferred you would have done or act in alignment with what you stand for (your values).

5. Enjoy better feelings about the situation and move beyond guilt and shame.

The way this would play out would be like this:

1. When I was asked for my opinion of something, I said words which were negative and hurtful about others and witnessed visual cues of discomfort on the faces of those with whom I shared company.

2. I felt angry and frustrated with myself as a result.

3. I felt angry and frustrated because I want peace and harmony and good feelings amongst the people I associate with on a regular basis and I seek respect from others and to be held in high esteem.

4. So, the next time, when I am asked to share my opinion, I will only speak in positive terms to others.

Guilt and shame aren’t even real.  They are creations of a violent society which has bought into and endorsed right-wrong and good-bad thinking.  As long as we’re not amongst the ranks of those who commit terrible crimes against humanity, we just need to back off, have a little more self-compassion and self-love, and move forward with positive intentions to give ourselves another shot at getting it right.  More love, more understanding, and more compassion, coupled with less guilt and punishment will move us past those “icky” and uncomfortable feelings of guilt and shame that we just can’t seem to get past, and that just ruins our lives in the process.

More so, feelings of guilt and shame just pull us from who we really are, which is a loving, compassionate, understanding, and forgiving individual.  Guilt and shame are entities which rob us of our self love, compassion, forgiveness, and understanding.

Let me know your thoughts!  Do you struggle with guilt and shame?  Do you feel that by using the strategies above you can begin to move beyond guilt and shame?  I’d love to hear from you!  Scroll down and leave a comment!

Photo: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/jfg

I’m bald.  Well, not completely bald, but I shave the hair I do have left off so there usually isn’t much on my head at all.  It’s all good though, because it just makes me dead sexier.  🙂  Or, at least that’s what my wife would say (in my dreams)!

Shaving my head has some benefits and it has its drawbacks.  I already shared one of my benefits — looking dead sexy.  (I think if I say it enough times I’ll get others to actually believe it)  Another benefit of shaving my head is that I can control the length of my hair.  When I used to get it cut, because what hair I do have is very coarse and has a mind of its own, it starts to stick up and not respond to any sort of comb or brush.  It just does what it wants.  Now, I can just shave it when I want, and I can control my hair.  Do I sound like I have control issues?  Yeah, I probably do to some extent.

One major drawback?  Heat loss, for sure.  Living here in Wisconsin in the cold winter months makes sure that my winter hat is my best friend.  Without it, I am miserable.

The other challenge of shaving my head, and the reason for writing this today, is getting a clean, close, and comfortable shave.  When you have to drag a razor across your scalp several times a week, you need to make sure you don’t finish with a bunch of cuts and gashes across the noggin.  Without getting too involved with the specifics, I play around with different razor options as well as different shave cream/gel products to get me the best results.

Recently I came across an article in which the author said that no matter what he had tried, he got the best results by simply using Ivory soap.  “Interesting,” I thought, as I was very familiar with Ivory, but I had never used it for shaving.  I thought it certainly was worth risking my scalp to give it a shot.

I tried it, and I loved it.  It gave me a nice comfortable and smooth shave.  It also gave me a side effect that I didn’t expect: it brought me back to my youth.

The sense of smell is believed to be one of the most archaic senses, and it has a very close and direct connection with the nervous system.  The simple act of smelling something can evoke strong emotional responses, and this is what I had experienced the first day I tried the soap.

Now, I wasn’t curled up in a fetal position, crying uncontrollably on the bathroom floor.  It was just a strong emotional thought, but it brought me back to my childhood.  We used Ivory soap all the time when I was young.  We used it to take baths and showers, and we used it to wash our hands.  To smell that soap once again brought back those memories — good and not so good.

I had a great childhood, but we never lived in excess.  We had a large family, and money was not in abundance.  I know that my childhood conditioning about money has held strong with me, and I have worked so hard to shake it, and when I smelled that soap, it just reeked of scarcity to me.

That was unfortunate, because mixed in the aroma were those wonderful childhood memories of my mom, who I miss dearly, and the wonderful times I had with her and the rest of my family.  I didn’t like that those memories could be tainted because of something as trivial as money.

Then it struck me — It didn’t have to be that way.  The only reason why I was experiencing those things was because I was choosing to associate those thoughts with the soap.  I am in control, and I can choose what I wish to associate with the soap, and what I don’t.  It’s up to me.

It was a new beginning for me — it was the opportunity to cast aside those thoughts and leave new memories with the soap, and ditch the ones that don’t serve me.  The soap went from something that brought uncomfortable feelings to now being something that can bring back those wonderful memories every time I make myself a little dead sexier.  Win win.

Just because something happened to you in the past doesn’t mean you need to carry it with you into the present.  Your life path does not define who you are or what you become.  You are always free to choose what thoughts you accept as true.  If you don’t like the thoughts you carry in regard to something, it’s up to you to choose new ones.  You always hold the power — the power to change the way you feel about your past experiences, and the way you choose to move forward with your new experiences.

Who thought a little bar of soap could be such a great teacher?

Let me know your experiences!  Do you have a proverbial “bar of soap” that brings back certain memories?  Do you have the opportunity to either relish past experiences or move past ones that don’t serve you?  Let me know.

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On my radio show this week:

This week I will be welcoming “Heart Whisperer” Suzie Cheel to my radio show to talk how her near death experience led to a breakthrough, as well as how the “Heart Whisper” evolved.

Click on Suzie’s picture above to listen to the show!

I’m celebrating the upcoming “official” launch of my new book, Rise Above Criticism, Negativity, and Conflict, and I want you to be a part of the festivities!

I am sharing an electronic copy of my book, normally $9.99 on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com, with you for free!  All I ask is that you share the promotion with others and that you leave a review on Amazon or Barnes and Noble once you complete the book.

You can skip the book description and grab your copy by clicking here.

 

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The reason I wrote this book is because it seems that conflict, negativity, and criticism are just a way of life, and we just need to learn to accept them as a way of life. We do our best to deal with them, either by speaking our minds or by staying quiet, but it doesn’t take long for us to find out that these strategies don’t work.

If you are dealing with a negative, difficult, or abrasive person, and you are searching for answers, you’ll find them in this book. You’ll discover that the solution you seek does not involve giving people a taste of their own medicine or ignoring the issue, hoping it will go away. There is a specific strategy you can use to “listen through” the negativity and criticism and reach a resolution to any communication problem, no matter how large or small.

With the help of this book, you’ll learn exactly what you can say to eliminate negative and abrasive behaviors from your life and overcome conflict with peaceful resolutions. By using the techniques shared in this book, you’ll learn how to communicate with other people in a way that decreases or eliminates the chance that your words will lead to arguments or defensiveness from others.

You’ll also learn how to ask for things in a way that will turn people from being abrasive toward you to actually making them want to help you. If you’re looking to eliminate negative and abrasive behaviors from your life, this book is for you. You’ll never look at criticism and conflict the same way ever again!

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Get your free copy of my book by clicking here!

Please share this promotion with your friends!  I want to reach as many people as possible, and change the way we deal with criticism, negativity, and conflict for good!

Thank you so much for joining in the celebration with me!

 

By nature, we are loving and compassionate beings.  Sometimes I know that I do not emulate that.  Because I rely on my feelings and emotions as a guide, I know that there are times when I’m experiencing negative emotions or resistance, so I know I’m further from the person that I want to be.  I know during those times that I’m not being authentic or true to myself, and I know that I am not living in my natural state of being.   Love and compassion are in short supply.  It can be so frustrating to experience this, especially when I am aware of it and long to be back to who I want to be!

Maybe you’re trying to figure out yourself if you’re on a path that allows you to be true to yourself.  Maybe you know you’re not, but you’re looking to get back to being more “authentically you.”  If you feel you’re “selling out,” it’s pretty obvious that you’re not in line with your authentic self.  You know you’re not being authentic because each day you’re doing something that you fundamentally know to be something you don’t believe in or stand for, but you’re doing it for whatever reasons you are.

Perhaps you feel like life just isn’t fun, or that life seems a little bit “empty” and not fulfilling to you.  This is another great indicator that you may not be completely in line with your authentic self.  It can be pretty frustrating when you know something doesn’t feel right for you, but you don’t know what to do to get out of that “rut” that you’re in.

Here are three easy ways that you can become more authentically “you” and enjoy life on your terms, doing what you enjoy and tapping into your more compassionate and loving self:

1. Don’t do it if it isn’t play

I am still amazed how often people put themselves last when it comes to taking care of people.  I’m not saying that you have to always be thinking “me, me, me,” and never do anything for anyone else.  But, isn’t it possible to do something for someone else, yet enjoy it in the process?  A lot of unhappiness comes from simply doing things that help other people, but at the same time you find little or no enjoyment in it.  I’m going to tell you here and now that no, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.  If you feel obligated to do something for someone, then it’s a creation of your own mind.  You are never obligated to do anything for anyone.  If it’s not “play” for you, then don’t do it.  If you’re serving everyone else but you, you’re going to feel frustrated and angry, but you did it to yourself.

2. Explore your core values

Just ask yourself, “What are my innermost values?“  If you aren’t sure what this means, then ask yourself, “What do I stand for?  What defines my actions?”  Maybe your core values would include honesty, love, respect, or gratitude.  Once you can identify what your core values are, the rest is easy.  It’s just comparing what you’re doing or what you’re thinking of doing to your core values.  You just need to ask yourself whether this activity is in line with your core values.  If it is, then go ahead and do it.  If it’s not, then it’s not authentically you, and you probably would be better served if you chose not to engage in that activity.  If you find you’re  a bit stuck, and you are at a loss as to what examples of values may be, or whether something is a value, the wonderful Barrie Davenport has put together an awesome list of 400 values!  Just click here and I’ll guide you to that page.  You’ll love it!

3. Stop insisting on being right

We get so stuck on playing the game called “Who’s right?”  You may be asking, “What’s the big deal about being right?  Can it be that harmful?”  Well, I wouldn’t call it “harmful,” but I would call it counterproductive and counterintuitive.  When we insist on being right, we’re turning preferences into judgments.  Instead of saying, for example, “I like the color blue,” we’re saying “Blue is the right color to like.”  If anyone prefers a different color, their color would be the “wrong” color to like if we continue to play the “Who’s right?” game.  If you can shift from “right-wrong” thinking to preferential thinking, you’ll soften your stance and have much more appreciation for other people and their preferences.  You’ll see that everyone has things they like or enjoy, and they’re entitled to enjoy them and prefer them, just as you are.  Eliminating “right-wrong” thinking is a great way to simply become more compassionate and empathic toward other people, because you begin to see how we’re all connected and similar in so many ways.  By respecting other people’s preferences as opposed to judging their choices and determining whether they’re “right or wrong,” you begin to let go of judgmentalism.  The less you judge the less you feel the need to control external circumstances and the less energy you spend defending your position.

I really hope that these three simple steps will help you become more “authentically you.”  Life is just much more fun and enjoyable when you can just be who you are with no apologies or regrets.

Did you find this article helpful?  Did something really resonate with you or speak to you today?  If it did, please let me know!  I’d love to hear about it!

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Krappweis

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On my radio show this week:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Monday at 12:00 PM Central I will be welcoming “Modern Day Freedom Fighter” Sandi Amorim to my radio show to talk about  reclaiming our personal freedom and how to use it to discover what’s possible!

Click on Sandi’s picture above to listen to the show!

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I am happy to welcome Keyara Fleece to my blog this week with her guest post!  Please join me in welcoming her.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”-Leo Tolstoy

This is YOUR life! I know you don’t need me to tell you this, but it’s worth constant mention. This life is full of limitless possibilities! You are filled with many unique talents and your specific recipe of greatness can do things in this world that no one else can do.

Some hesitate to spend time on self care and self love because they think it’s selfish or sometimes they just don’t believe that they deserve the same love as everyone else. I’m here to dispel that lie. If even a small fraction of people spent more time on themselves, gave more love to their own heart, spent more time caring for their own souls…we’d live in an unrecognizable place.

You see, many of us walk around every day ignoring our own needs, our own wants and our own dreams. Our wise inner self does not sit by watching quietly, however. Our inner selves send us messages in the form of emotions and reactions to situations.

You call it lazy, your inner self is saying this is not what we’re meant to be doing. You call it unmotivated, but your inner self is motivated…to do something else.

So, here are a few simple tips to take more control (so we can all benefit from your greatness!)

1. Listen to your inner wisdom
Honor yourself when something doesn’t feel right. There is nothing wrong with you! There is actually so much right with you. Don’t let the wise inner compass that you were born with go to waste. Let it do it’s job by giving yourself some space each day to hear what you truly want. You know what’s best for you.

2. Stretch Yourself
Don’t get too comfortable! Life is not about being comfy, it’s about growing. If it hurts, you know it’s working. Make it a point to do something that takes you out of your comfort zone all the time! Your life will truly sparkle!

3. Honor Yourself
When you feel sad, don’t shut it up. Listen! What is your sadness telling you? How can you grow from this pain? When you get angry, don’t multiply the negativity by getting mad at yourself. Listen to yourself! Many times, anger is the crying of a misunderstood soul. Listen to that rage and honor it. You’re human and feeling passion is a good thing!

Everyone has passions, but the people who follow their passions and listen to their inner wisdom are in the minority. It doesn’t have to be that way. There is not a single person in this world without incredible power. I mean it. We are a race of warriors filled with limitless inner wisdom. Take your place as a warrior by taking care of your own beautiful life.

With much love,
Keyara Fleece

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Join Keyara Fleece in April for ‘Loving Me’ a 30 day challenge to stretch your emotional capacities. Keyara blogs at www.awakeningyourlight.com and she thinks that you are awesome!

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On my radio show this week:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Monday at 12:00 PM Central I will be welcoming Ronald A. Cooper to my radio show to talk about “How to Win in Life in a Greater Way.”

Click on Ronald’s picture above to listen to the show!

I used to be a real “jerk.”  Seriously.  I can’t go back and change the past, which sometimes makes looking back at how I used to conduct myself even more difficult and frustrating.

I used to say horribly rude things to people — to their faces — and laugh about it.  I used to tease and poke fun at people and enjoy it.  I used to have fun at the expense of other people.  I said things that were hurtful and I used to find pleasure in other people’s pain.

I am at a much better place now.  I can’t say that I’m perfect!  I still have my moments, but I can definitely live better with who I am now than who I used to be.  I’ve been thinking about what life was for me back then and why I acted the way I did, and I wanted to share some “confessions” I have as a recovering “jerk.”

1. Even though I seemed to enjoy making fun of people, at the end of the day I still didn’t feel any better.

I think the reason why this was the case was because I wasn’t contributing any positive energy toward anyone.  Negative energy is negative energy, and when you’re dishing it out, nothing positive is really coming back to you.  No wonder I didn’t feel good about myself or anything else!  I was not helping myself get any positive wishes or energy from anywhere or anyone.

2. Life was full of obstacles and unfortunate events around every corner.

This is in many ways related to confession number one above.  My life was a reflection of my inside.  I didn’t have much joy or happiness, and if they came my way it was only for a short duration.  I wasn’t resonating with positivity or happiness, that’s for sure.  I was giving energy to everything I didn’t want, focusing on what was bad in life rather than putting my efforts into what I would actually like to see out of my life.  Struggle and resistance were no strangers to me during this time in my life.

3. I had something to hide.

Yes, I had something to hide, and that was my pain.  To try to cover up the pain that I was enduring internally, I figured I could create a lot of noise externally to take attention away from me.  I was suffering, and I was in a lot of emotional pain, but you never would have guessed it because I was brash, cocky, sarcastic, and obnoxious.  Yeah, I thought I was pretty funny, but the people who were the butt of my jokes probably thought I was just slapped me with the label of being a jerk.  They were right.  And I was just trying to hide from my pain.

4. I was afraid.

I was afraid of a lot of things.  I was afraid of change.  I was afraid of failure.  I was afraid that life wouldn’t get any better.  I was afraid to take chances and I was afraid of being an outcast.  My strategy for dealing with my fears was to give in to my ego.  I let my self interests and my selfish thinking take over.  I made sure that I squashed any potential threats to my security and safety.  I would get verbally aggressive with other people.  I would raise my voice and complain publicly.  I would shout and scream sometimes to get my point across.  The bottom line is that I was afraid and selfish all at the same time.

5. Life wasn’t much fun at all.

When you take confessions one through four and put them all together, it’s absolutely true that life wasn’t much fun at all.  It was full of empty happiness and one disappointment after another.  I was fearful and obnoxious, and I wasn’t an enjoyable person to be around.  I’m quite surprised that anyone cared to hang around with me and all of my negative energy at all!  Life wasn’t grand and life was certainly not wonderful at all.  Not in the least.

So what happened to turn things around for me?  To be honest, it was an inside-out process.  I had to come to the realization that I couldn’t continue to live the way I was living.  It was as if something deep down within me knew that this person I had become was not my true self.  Deep down, I stood for something else, and there was a small flickering flame within that represented what I really stood for.

I started to throw some kindling on that small flame and it started to grow from within.  That fire grew stronger and greater as time went on, and I was able to recognize my core beliefs and values as they started to come to the surface.  My compassion for others grew and I became more empathetic and in tune with myself and others.  Most of all, I realized that my happiness doesn’t come as a result of depriving others of happiness.  My happiness is in direct correlation with the amount of happiness I try to bring to others.

So here I am, still imperfect in many ways, and still a work in progress.  As much as that may be true, at least I am happy with where I am right now, and I’m thrilled about where I am going.

If you’re struggling to find who you really are and if you’re searching for a better life, I hope that you can look within and find that part of you, deep inside, that will speak up and tell you who you really are and what you stand for.  It definitely helps to meditate and find peace within yourself and listen for that “inner voice” which will tell you what you need to hear.  I wish you the best as you continue your work to be someone you can be proud to look at in the mirror!

Are there any other recovering “jerks” out there?  Does this article resonate with you?  Do you have anything to add or comment upon?  I’d love to hear from you!

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Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/samplediz

About a week and a half ago we sold one of our vehicles.  It was getting up there in age, and we decided it was time to find another one.  I never really enjoyed the process of shopping for cars, but it actually was not all that unpleasant this time around.

When reflecting on the whole process, I can go back to one simple “shift” that has occurred overall in my thinking since the last time I shopped for vehicles that made all the difference in my life, and so I want to share that “shift” with you, so that it can help you and enhance your quality of life and reduce stress and anxiety in your future experiences.

The “shift” is simple — it’s merely moving from a “scarcity-based” mindset to an “abundance-based” mindset.  It’s understanding that there is always more of something out there for you if you go looking for it.  The universe will provide for you provided that you align yourself to receive the abundance that is waiting to be unfolded to you.

The significance of making this shift is that it moves you from a “fear-based” mindset and slides you right into a “spirit-based” one.  It changes your personality and alters your perspective.

Take my vehicle shopping experience, for example.  I’ll start off by saying I don’t usually buy new vehicles.  I prefer to buy pre-owned cars.  For those of you who also buy pre-owned vehicles, you know there are so many variables and so many things you have to consider, like the vehicle’s previous history, mileage, age, and so forth.  It’s kind of like dating!

We found this one particular vehicle that we really liked.  Everything was falling in line with what we were looking for — except the price.  It was priced a little higher than we would have preferred.  Negotiations were pretty simple in this case, because the dealer wouldn’t budge down and we wouldn’t move up much either.  We just got up and walked away.

The reason it was so easy to get up and walk away is because we both knew that there were many more vehicles just like this out there for us to find.  With all the available vehicles out there, we knew there was an abundant supply, and we just hadn’t found the right one yet.  Because we dialed in to abundance and the “spirit-based” mindset, we opened ourselves up to that perfect vehicle that was out there waiting for us.  Had we dialed in to fear and scarcity, we would have worried that we were going to lose this vehicle, and we would have negotiated higher than what we had planned to do.

Sure enough, the perfect vehicle for us was out there waiting.  Actually, it was even “more perfect.”  It was our favorite color — black.  It was a certified pre-owned vehicle.  Best of all, it was right there within the price range we wanted.  We love it, and the kids love it.  Everyone’s happy.

When you dial into abundance, you dial in to the opportunities that are available to you.  You open yourself up to possibilities that are out there, just waiting for you.  When you dial into fear, your perspective narrows.  Your choices become limited, and you dial into the possibility that the few things you have can be taken away from you.

Just by making one simple “shift” from scarcity to abundance, it has turned my life around forever and the world has never looked the same since.  I hope that by making similar small “shifts” in your life, you can find the blessings of abundance that are out there for you and you alone, just waiting to be found!

 

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On my radio show this week:

On Monday at 12:00 PM Central I will be welcoming Evelyn Lim to my radio show to talk about overcoming the “Money Gremlin.”

Click on Evelyn’s picture above to listen to the show!

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Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Buckey

Let’s face it — life can look very different depending on the perspective from which you are viewing your world.  Perceptions shape our realities.  If we perceive and accept that something is truth, our body will go along with it.

Sometimes when you get pelted with hard times, get discouraged, or just feel a little down, it’s hard to pull yourself up from the negative feelings to a place where you start to feel a bit better about life in general again.  It can start to affect you in a negative way and the funk can last for a long time if you don’t stop it dead in its tracks right away.  It happens to all of us, so I wanted to share some strategies I have found useful to shake off the blues and hold my head up once again.  They’re easy to implement, and I really hope they can help brighten your day as much as they brighten mine!

1. Use “Wouldn’t it be nice if…” to start your sentences:

I absolutely love this practice.  Just throw a “Wouldn’t it be nice…” out there, and finish it with something that you’d love to see happen.  The reason why this works for me is because it gives me permission to dream and have fun.  It gives me permission to think about circumstances positively, and assume a positive mentality and spirit.  When I play this game, I return to a state of fun and joy, and this puts me back in alignment with who I really am at my core.  I feel better (and believe it or not, my “wouldn’t it be nice if…” thoughts do come true too!).

2. Play the “Gratitude Game:”

This game is really easy to play and can lift your spirits very quickly.  All it requires is a bit of attention to the present and your surroundings.  Just look around you and note all the things that are pleasing to you.  Say those comments to yourself.  You could say to yourself, “I really love the color of the paint on those walls,” or “I really enjoy the feeling of the warm air on my skin.”  You could say to yourself, “I just love when I get to let my daughter sit on my lap and laugh together,” or you could think, “It’s so wonderful to see the sun in the sky and all its beauty.”  It just takes awareness of the present, but it really gets you aligning with a positive mentality and it lifts you out of the doldrums in a matter of moments.  You can go on and on with this exercise for as long as you like.  You can even mix things up and find a partner to play this with, and exchange thoughts verbally with them.  Just have fun with it!

3. Make a “Wishing Box:”

Get yourself a box, and start throwing things in there.  No matter how crazy it may seem, just throw whatever you wish for in this box.  Maybe it’s a check for a lot of money; perhaps it’s a picture from a magazine of a car you’re dreaming of.  Maybe you can throw in there a list of things you want to accomplish within a certain amount of time.  There are no rules!  Just have fun with this one.  This exercise gets you to think creatively of what you want, but you are giving yourself permission to just think big and make grand wishes.  The reason this helps is because you have permission to lift your inhibitions or skepticism.  You don’t have to think to yourself, “This will never happen,” because you’re just wishing for anything and everything you could ever want.  You’re actually removing your subconscious resistance and moving beyond your self-imposed limitations on what’s possible.  When you move into a “fun” mode by making these wonderful wishes, you are eliminating negative feelings caused by your restrictive belief systems which are telling you “It’s just not possible.”  Give it a try, and you may be surprised at what happens to you!  Wishes do come true!

4. “Give it up:”

This is helpful when you feel overwhelmed or at a point where you just can’t seem to move past something with which you are stuck.  Maybe you have more on your plate than you’d like, or maybe you keep coming back to the same problem over and over again and you can’t move past it.  You can do this two ways: One, you can just make a mental list of the things you can’t or don’t want to deal with, and just “give it up” to the universe to take care of for you.  Act as if the universe is at your beck and call and you can just tell it what it needs to take care of for you.  Let it go.  The second way you can do this exercise is to take a sheet of paper and divide it into two by drawing a vertical line from top to bottom on the sheet.  Put on one side the things you are going to take care of, and then on the other side, place the items that you want the universe to do for you.  Put only on your side the things you know you can accomplish that day, and leave the rest to the universe.  I have found this to be helpful in just removing the pressure from me to get everything done.  I have found that not only do I get more done because I am focused, but I feel more positive about my productivity and, believe it or not, some of those things do get taken care of very quickly because the universe is helping me out.  You’ve got to experience it to believe it!

Try out these four easy exercises.  If you do try them out, or if you’ve already done some of these yourself, please let me know and let me know what happened to you, or what your thoughts are.  I’d love to hear from you!

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Mansee