One Intimidation Tactic Goes Out The Window — The Power Game

“He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.” ~Lao Tzu

One of the greatest lessons I learned as I was building a better brain within myself was in regard to intimidation tactics, or more specifically, how to avoid getting rattled by them.  Have you ever been in a situation where you felt someone was especially intimidating, or the thought of encountering someone was intimidating?

I know I sure did.  When I was in professional school, working toward my chiropractic degree, we regularly had these “oral” examinations, where we all had to sit in a room and waited for us to be pulled from the room, one by one, as we were grilled in a series of face-to-face encounters with our professors.  These one-on-one examination sessions with professors were certainly an intimidating and nerve-racking process.  They would fire a series of questions at us about the material we were supposed to have learned.  We didn’t know what they would ask, so we had to expect to be asked just about anything.

That wasn’t all — It seemed we were subject to power plays all the time, but usually we were at the short end of the power struggle.

Now, I want to make a clarification here, because when I use the term “power,” I am referring to “power” in this case as the “right” to be “respected and listened to” in an encounter or conversation.  Many times we find ourselves intimidated when we respect another person’s right to be respected or listened to than our own.

So here’s the crux of the lesson — The amount of “power” a person has over you is the amount of “power” you give them permission to have over you.  That’s it!  If you allow yourself to be intimidated, then you will be intimidated.

I learned this principle about halfway through my course of study at chiropractic college, and I noticed a huge difference once I applied it.  I no longer felt like a subordinate to my professors, classmates, or anyone else, for that matter.  I remember one time I asked a particular clinician (who had a reputation for being intimidating by most students and interns) to sign a document for me during a clinical observation, and another student remarked afterward, “That was ‘ballsy’.”  Darn straight it would have been…If I allowed myself to be intimidated, that is.  While I respected this clinician (remember it’s a balance of respect — it has to be a 50/50 proposition at all times), I didn’t give an inch of my “power” to him.  I maintained my composure and asked for the signature.

Remember that we all have the right to be respected and listened to.  If we respect the rights of others more than our own, we give the balance of power to someone else, and the usual result in these encounters is the feeling of being intimidated.

Now that you have learned this tactic, I encourage you to use it.  Remember — this is a tool, and not a weapon.  I don’t recommend that you go out and now try to play power games with other unsuspecting people.  They deserve a 50/50 split of power too!  This should be used as a tool to assert your right to be respected in any exchange between another person.  You have the right to be respected, and you should not feel obligated to surrender any of your “power” to anyone else.  It’s yours, so hang on to it!  I recommend using positive affirmations prior to any encounter that may potentially be intimidating.  It doesn’t have to be anything fancy.  You could just say something like, “The only power someone has over me is the power I choose to give them, and I choose to give them no power.”  That usually suffices.  Just repeat it to yourself over and over again before the encounter.

Have a great weekend, and may you find yourself less intimidated in the future!

-Victor

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