Category Archives for "Self-empowerment and dealing with difficult people"

“Whatever results you’re getting, be they rich or poor, good or bad, positive or negative, always remember that your outer world is simply a reflection of your inner world. If things aren’t going well in your outer life, it’s because things aren’t going well in your inner life. It’s that simple.” ~T. Harv Eker

E=mc² — Ask almost anyone who is an adult and they will recognize this equation.  We attribute that equation to the great Albert Einstein, and when we think of this equation, we usually think of an application related to physics.  Did you know that this equation can also be used as a determinant of whether you live a life of continual suffering, complaining, worrying, anger, frustration, and resentment, or whether you live a life of continual love, abundance, compassion, empathy, fulfillment, happiness, and gratitude?  Well, it’s true!

Take some time to look at what activities in which you find yourself engaged.  Do you spend your time complaining about things which with you do not agree?  Do you stand back and look at all the bad things that are happening to you, completely powerless to the circumstances in which you find yourself?

There was a time where I didn’t see the world as I do now.  There was a time when it felt good to tease other people.  There was a time when it felt good to judge and criticize others.  There was a time when I got myself so stressed out about thinking about the past, and worrying about the future.  There was also a time when my life was just miserable, with much suffering and unhappiness, and I wondered why other people seemed to have “everything” just fall into place, while I couldn’t enjoy those same things.  I wondered why some people enjoyed so much abundance, while I just scraped by with very little.  I wondered, “How could other people find so much happiness?”

Now, having the benefit of hindsight and perspective, I realize that the reason why I was not finding happiness in my life was because my life was a reflection of the activities in which I was invested.  I’m not proud of how I spent my time complaining, criticizing, judging, and teasing others.  Not at all.   “Things” would happen to me all the time — unfortunate “things,” and then I got angry about it…I complained about those “things,” feeling powerless to change anything.  I was a victim of circumstance, and I was a complaining, criticizing, judging, and miserable soul.

My life was a product of my investment of energy…

E=mc²

When you look at this equation, the “E” stands for “energy;” the “m” stands for “mass;” the “c” stands for “the speed of light.”  When balancing an equation, when a value increases on the left side of the “equals” sign, you need to increase the value on the right side by the same amount.  Because the speed of light is considered a constant, we only can play with the values of the “energy” and the “mass.”

We are energy at our most fundamental level.  Our bodies are energy, and our thoughts are energy.  By investing increasing the energy related to complaining, criticizing  and judging, I was increasing the “E” on the left side of the equation.  This means that the “m” has to increase on the right side.  When I invested my energy in these types of behaviors, I was growing them (in mass)!  It’s no wonder why my life was reflecting back to me all the negativity and “dark” energy!

If we invest in complaining and criticizing and judging, we grow that.  If we invest in being loving, compassionate, generous, and empathic, we will grow that.

It’s time to look at your emotional investment portfolio…When you look at what you have been “investing,” is it consistent with what you have been “getting?”  Remember, we were meant to be loving, compassionate, and empathic.  The easiest way to make those positive qualities grow is to “invest” in them by modeling what you want to come back to you!

Invest wisely!  Invest positively!  It surely is a worthy investment.

P.S. Thanks to Dianne Collins, Author of Do You Quantum Think, for teaching me this wonderful fundamental concept! 🙂

Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net

“When the ego is quieted, then the soul can truly emerge and you can be the being you were meant to be in this lifetime.” ~Jeanette Dobransky

My younger daughter is three and a half years old now…How time absolutely flies!  One of the things I enjoy most about my time with her is her youthful enthusiasm and vigor.  Like I often say, “Everything she says is a ‘proclamation.'”  She wears her heart on her sleeves, and she is a passionate young girl.  I just love that about her — the passion in her eyes and in her voice.

One thing I have also noticed about this sensitive soul is that she cares a great deal about what other people think.  It’s not unusual for her to remark as we get her dressed in the morning about how people are going to think the clothes she wears are going to “look funny” or how “people are going to laugh” at her outfit.  For the life of me, I don’t get where this comes from, because we certainly don’t discuss those things or encourage that type of thinking in our home.  From such a young age she has shown this concern about the future.

To me, the most remarkable part of it all is the early stage in which the ego takes hold — she had to have been showing this side at around the time she turned three years old.  I just never would have thought that it would manifest itself that early.  It just goes to show that the conscious mind starts to take hold at an early age, and unless we awaken to what it does within us, it may never surrender its control over us!

As I had mentioned in a previous post, the ego loves time travel.  The ego loves to live in the past and the future.  After all, it is only in the past and the future that the ego can survive in the first place.  The ego loves to rub our noses in our mistakes and difficulties of the past — it loves to remind us of our insufficiencies and shortcomings.  It loves to make us feel uncomfortable about our inadequacies, doesn’t it?  The ego also loves to “scare” us about our future…Even if the future looks bright, we have that nagging voice somewhere inside, reminding us that it’s only when things are going great that we are hit with an unexpected setback or unfortunate incident.  “We can’t be happy for long,” it reminds us.

So, now that we’ve developed some great reasons for why the ego doesn’t do us any good, let’s look at what we can do to keep it a bit quieter, or to just shut it up for once.  One of the easiest ways to shut the ego down is to stop living out the past and stop obsessing and worrying about the future.  Remember, the ego doesn’t exist in the present.

The focus in quieting the ego is to live in the present — to enjoy the now, and let the now rule your daily activities.  Don’t worry about what happened in the past or what may happen in the future.  Give your full attention to the now.

Now, you may be thinking, “Sure, Victor, this sounds so great, but it’s not that easy, especially for me, who needs a little guidance in how to make this happen.”  I understand, and even more, I can help provide you with the guidance you seek! 🙂  It’s a nifty little trick, and it’s easy to do!  It’s all about what I call “prayers.”

Many times, when we “pray,” we throw out a “hope” for something to happen (or not happen) in the future, right?  We “pray” by saying something like, “Please give me the strength to stand up to people when they are negative.”  This is a great “hope,” but let me ask you this — by asking for something to occur in the future, are you staying in the present, or are you providing your ego with the chance to step in and sabotage your hope and prayer, simply by suggesting how the negativity will get to you eventually?  In case you hadn’t figured it out, of course this is playing into the ego’s hands.

That’s the “problem,” if you want to call it that, with praying for something to happen in the future.  It serves the ego.  Instead of praying for something to (or not to) happen, may I suggest an alternative that quiets the ego and lets it know it is not welcome anymore…

Try one of these:

“I love it when I feel confident in myself even though I am surrounded by negativity.”

“I am so grateful I can pass along love and compassion to others who seem to need it from me.”

“I enjoy the opportunity to find solutions to problems and let my true greatness shine though.”

“I love how I feel when I allow my inner greatness to rise to the surface and shine out toward others.”

“I feel confident in myself and I love myself, and I love how it feels when I love myself and believe in myself.”

They don’t sound like “prayers,” but they are — they are prayers that help you stay in the present, and avoid feeding the ego.  The last thing the ego wants is for you to dissolve it or render it useless.  It’s going to kick and scream until you give it attention — it wants you to beat yourself up over mistakes of the past, or obsess and worry about what may happen in the future.

Stay in the present; love the present; love who you are in the present.  Continue to let the greatness that resides within you come through!  You are great, and by remaining present in your prayer, you will have the opportunity to bask in the love you have for yourself.  Love who you are first, and the rest of the world around you doesn’t matter.

Let your greatness shine through!  You are great, so remind yourself in the present how great you are!  Let your light shine!

“Each day provides its own gifts.” ~Marcus Aurelius

As a rule, there are two topics I don’t discuss publicly, especially on my Facebook page, or my website — I don’t talk religion or politics (and many of you would say that’s probably a good thing).  Don’t worry, because while I will mention the election, I am just using it to set the stage for my post today. 🙂

On Tuesday, I was waiting in line to cast my vote.  I was sandwiched between two people who apparently knew each other, and I heard this exchange:

Person 1 to Person 2: “Hey, how are you doing?”

Person 2 to Person 1: “Oh, hi!  I’m doing alright.  How about you?”

Person 1 to Person 2: “Alright…Another day…”

Person 2 to Person 1: “That’s right…Another day…”

It was just a quick snapshot, but as the conversation sunk in, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Just another day?”

Every day is a gift…Cherish it…

Every day is an opportunity to learn something new…Grow from it…

Every day is a new beginning…Write your life story…

Every day is a challenge…Be victorious…

Every day is an opportunity to change someone else’s life…Be loving and compassionate…

Every day is a blessing…Every day contains opportunity…

What are you going to do with your day today?  Is it going to just be “another day?”

I know I am going to make the most out of my day, and every day to come.  How about you?

“I want people to walk around delusional about how great they can be – and then to fight so hard for it every day that the lie becomes the truth.” ~Lady Gaga

One of the things I love about watching my children (and other children too) is their lack of inhibition.  They love to sing, dance, draw, color, laugh, tease, and experiment.  I love the innocence of young children — how everything is new and exciting.  It’s such a treat to be able to have a conversation with my younger daughter, because I can witness first hand the life, vigor, and enthusiasm she shares for so many experiences in her life!  I just love it!

Children are so absolutely awesome — without realizing.  Their naivete and newness to the ways of the world reveals a pure image of their subconscious.  It’s like looking through clear water at the bottom of a river.  You can see what lies below, free of any murky sediment or overgrown vegetation.  We can learn so much from children, yet many times we simply laugh about how credulous they can be at times, or simply humor their enthusiasm for newly-made life discoveries, because we just plain know better, or have seen it all already.  I’ve been guilty of both, and I could stand to take another look at the pureness of the innocence of youth, as I attempt to discover some of that same awesomeness that resides inside of me.

We all are truly awesome, deep within.  At our most basic and most fundamental level, there is a true awesomeness that resides in all of us, just waiting to be rediscovered.  Within us all is someone who is loving, compassionate, truthful, empathetic  and generous.  Within us all is an aspect of the divine — that absolutely perfect model of a person we would love to be. 

It’s there, just waiting to be discovered — within me; within you; within all of us.  The problem is that years of conditioning have led us to believe that we are something else besides awesome.  We have been led to believe that our egos run the show.  Our self image and attachments define who we are, along with how we have chosen to react to life’s circumstances.  Our trials and tribulations have “hardened” us and have taught us valuable lessons.  We have suffered through heartache and disappointment, only to come out of these difficult times believing that we are better because of it.

Are we really better because of the adversity we have faced?  Would we be just as strong and resilient if we had not suffered through difficulties?  It’s hard to say, because we can’t create alternative universes to test whether or not that would be the case.  All we are left to do is realize that our life experiences have shaped our beliefs and how we feel about the circumstances we have faced, we currently face, and will face in the future.

Unlike children, whose subconscious lies clearly below the water, our subconscious lies buried beneath years of debris and dirt; beneath overgrown vegetation and murky water.  Our conscious minds along with the ego have assumed control, telling us about how we either are above average when compared to others or not worthy of being around some other people.  The result?  We end up hurting other people and hurting ourselves, simply because we desire to give the ego what it wants.  The problem is the ego is never happy — it’s never satisfied!

Our conscious minds create clutter for us — a distraction from our true and authentic selves.  We deserve better.  After all, we are better!

What reality are we creating for ourselves?  What are we leading ourselves to believe?  What are you telling yourself about yourself?  Are you telling yourself that there is pure awesomeness inside of you, or are you telling yourself that your days of being awesome are over, just like your childhood? 

What beliefs that were handed to you during your childhood are you still carrying with you today?  Are you saying and doing the same things that your parents and other adult role models did?  Are those words and deeds productive and beneficial?  Are they bringing out the awesomeness within you, or are they feeding your ego, helping it muddy up the waters?

What are you saying to yourself?  What are you believing?  Is it time to re-write the script of your life with more productive and positive reminders of the greatness that lies within you?  Is it time to believe that you can do anything you choose to accept as true?

It’s time to clean up the water — it’s time to believe in yourself again.  It’s time to find the awesomeness that lies within you, just waiting to be rediscovered — and uncovered!  It’s easy to get started.  All you need to do is believe that there is greatness within you, and start finding it by practicing love and compassion, directed at anyone who is going through the human experience.

Be loving — be compassionate.  Walk a mile in another person’s shoes…Practice gratitude for the blessings you have come to experience in your life.  Make the shift to positivity and contemplating what’s possible.  You can get what you want in life when you are your awesome self.

It’s time to again be awesome — without realizing.  It’s time to uncover the great you!  It’s your time!  Go and be awesome!

P.S. My guest on last week’s radio show, Melody Fletcher, wrote an article about what we say to ourselves.  I invite and encourage you to check it out.  It’s a great piece!  You can access it by clicking HERE!

Are you ready to get down to business?

You are invited to take a seat and join me for my radio show on Monday, October 29 at 12:00 PM Central!

You can listen by clicking HERE!

I will be welcoming guest Melody Fletcher of Deliberate Receiving.

Melody is amazing.  She has such a profound knowledge of the Law of Attraction and she is an absolute expert when it comes to breaking down this law into ways that anyone can understand.  She joined me a couple of months ago, and we had such a great time that I wanted to have her come back — this time to discuss how we can use the Law of Attraction in business applications.

If you don’t know what the Law of Attraction (LOA) is, I can sum it up for you by saying that it’s a way of asking for help in turning your wishes or requests into reality.  When you know how to do this, you find that things start to happen in a way that makes your wishes and requests come true!  Wouldn’t that be awesome in workplace applications?  I think so!

What I love about Melody is she “doesn’t believe that spirituality or personal development have to be so damn serious all the time.”  Through tons of free articles, audios and blog posts, as well as her LOA Membership Site, she helps people to finally make some freaking sense of LOA, and to remember who they really are, so they can annoy their friends and co-workers with their new-found happiness.

She dares you to subject yourself to the pure awesomeness of her wisdom, by checking out her site at DeliberateReceiving.com.

If you are new to the concept of LOA, I invite you, of course, to listen to our interview, but I also highly recommend taking up Melody’s offer, and checking out her site.  There is a ton of information there, and you’ll find her blog posts to be invigorating, informative, and uplifting.

Join me today, and let’s get down to business (and some LOA)!

Don’t miss the interview!

“I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear.” ~Oprah Winfrey

I just received an email, stating that my interview on the show “Spiritually Raw” is available online.  I was contacted and asked if I was interested in being on the show, and I thought, “Why not?”  I interview people all the time, and so it’s nice to be interviewed once in a while too! 🙂  I invite you to follow this link and check it out.  Vote for me when you’re there too, so I can be asked to be on again.  It was a fun time!

I was asked during the interview if it’s really that easy just to change your mind and change your life.  Can you really just “flip the switch” and make the change?

My answer was that yes, theoretically it’s easy to do, but in reality many people struggle.

So if you are confronted with a difficult situation — one that causes you to make a choice in how you approach and address it, what do you do?  It feels so good to let the other person “have it,” and give them a piece of your mind.  Research has revealed that the area of our brain that derives pleasure from seeing someone get a “taste of their own medicine” is the same area that gives us pleasure when we eat chocolate.

We also learn from observing.  If we’re surrounded by people who cope with discomfort by acting out or being aggressive, we passively accept that this is the appropriate way to behave, and without even thinking, we may tend to act in the same manner when we feel uncomfortable.

The reality is this — many people, when confronted with a difficult situation, resort to coping mechanisms that are built upon a belief system that is rooted in fear and scarcity.  This means that they are in a defensive physiological condition, which means they are engaged in (what is supposed to be) a short-term stress response.  They are acting out the “fight or flight” mechanism.  While our muscles are getting much of the blood that is distributed to our body, our brain gets deprived.  Now, not only are we trying to cope with our discomfort stemming from this difficult situation, but we also face the problem of a lack of a proper blood supply to the noggin.

Additionally, our reptilian brain is kicking in, emotionally hijacking the rest of our brain, so logic, rationalization, and positivity usually go out the window.

So what do we do?  How do we deal with this difficult situation?  The answer is to “flip the switch.”  Ask yourself three questions:

Question 1: How do I feel, emotionally, about this right now?

Question 2: Do I like how I feel about this emotion?

Question 3: If I don’t like this emotion, how would I like to feel, emotionally, about this right now?

The answer to question three is key.  This is the “switch.”  Yes, it can be done, just like that, but in reality, it is oh so hard to do it just like that.

“Flip the switch.”  Easier said than done, but if done, it can really change your life.  Think about what you intend to have happen, drive it with positive energy, allow that energy of the positive thought to grow in mass.  Remember, what you think about grows!

Grow positively.  “Flip the switch.” Be a “better” person tomorrow than today.  Choose what you know is more desirable for you — choose love and compassion over fear and scarcity.

That’s the “switch.”  Now go “flip” it!

Photo: Courtesy of http://www.rainerberg.de/