Category Archives for "belief systems"

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“It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.” ~Sally Field

I was at a conference in California last year, and I was talking with a group of people after the first day of the conference had come to an end.  We were hanging out in the hotel bar…I can’t remember what I had said to one of the people in the group, but it had to do with her willingness to physically do something that I would have categorized as rather “silly” in front of the other members of the group.  Perhaps alcohol had something to do with it. 🙂

Her response to me was this: “You’re from the Midwest, aren’t you?”  Shocked that she was dead on (I live in Wisconsin), I responded with, “Yes…How did you know?”

She responded by saying, “Because you care about what other people think.”

Now, whether she button-holed me into a stereotype or not, she was right — I did care about what other people thought of me.  There is no way I would have done anything “silly” like that in front of people I didn’t know.  No way.

I still struggle with this…Do you?  I still have that little voice in the back of my mind, saying something like, “Yes, but what will other people think?”  I have gotten a lot better at quieting that little voice over the past year, and I have gotten much better at saying some not so pleasant things to it, to get it to stay quiet!

Regardless of where we live, the fact remains the same: sometimes we worry about what other people think. Sometimes we worry about whether people will approve of us or not, and our worries about garnering this approval from others sometimes suppresses our true selves from being revealed.  Simply put, sometimes we worry more about loving other people rather than loving ourselves.

Why do we seek validation from others?  Our brains are designed to make us want to be part of the group.  It’s actually painful to be isolated from others!  That’s a big reason why.  The other reason?  I think it’s because to be accepted boosts our self esteem and morale.  However, to rely on outside validation to boost our self esteem, according to Vipin Mehta, is to rely on what is called “false” self esteem.  It’s self esteem that comes from outside sources, rather than “true” self esteem, which stems from self validation and self love.

If we simply spend more time working on excavating new treasures within us, rather than seeking approval from others, we’ll have a lifetime of lessons to learn.  It sure it takes a lot of work, but the rewards are substantial — just like an archaeologist has to work hard to dig and find the buried treasures in the earth, we have to work hard to uncover the subconscious glory that resides within each of us — the greatness that lies buried and covered with all the conscious beliefs and perceptions we have laid over the top.

So it’s time to get started — it’s time to focus on loving ourselves.  If we love ourselves and continue to unearth the hidden treasures buried within us, we won’t have to worry about what other people say or do.  It just doesn’t really matter.  All that matters is that we learn how to love ourselves and love how great we really are inside.  We just need to take the time to find the greatness that lies within each of us.

It’s time to seek validation from within!  It’s time to dig out those treasures that reside within us, ready to enrich our lives with the love and greatness that is inside!  It’s there — we just have to keep digging.  Love yourself, and the rest doesn’t matter.

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“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” ~Peggy O’Mara

My three-year-old daughter has learned to operate the zipper on her jacket and zip it up.  She was very pumped when she mastered it for the first time.  It’s pretty awesome to watch her as she continually adds more skills to her repertoire of physical feats.  I remember back to when my older daughter was learning to tie her shoes.  I got out a long rope-like piece of clothing that was actually a belt for one of my wife’s outfits.  I watched as she wrapped the long rope around her waist, and then used the ample length of the rope to her advantage, as she carefully navigated through the twists and loops of our pseudo “shoelaces.”  I captured it on vide0 — the triumph over the ever-so-challenging shoelace!  She was so proud of herself!  You could just see how her self esteem soared.

When do we feel good about ourselves?  Do we feel better about ourselves when we admit defeat or think we can’t accomplish something, or when we overcome a difficult challenge and arise victorious?  The answer is obvious — we gain tremendous self esteem and self confidence when we present ourselves with challenges, and then responsively rise to those challenges and overcome them!  As we continue to grow and learn, the challenges get to be larger, but that’s okay.  I am guessing that it’s pretty routine for you to zip a zipper or tie some shoelaces.  You’d feel pretty silly if people around you celebrated every time you zipped your jacked or tied your shoelaces.  You’ve accomplished those now-mundane and routine tasks — you’ve moved on to bigger and more challenging things.

Now, what if, being a well-intentioned parent, I continued to step in and tell my younger daughter that it’s too hard for her to zip her own jacket, and I would do it for her?  What if I would have told my older daughter that tying shoes is a tough job, and I can just do it for her in a quarter of the time it takes her, so I’ll just do it for her?  Would you think that’s healthy and healthy for my daughters?  Or, would you suggest that my verbal expressions of their insufficiencies does more harm than good?  What about their development as young people?  What about their confidence in their abilities?  What about their feelings of self esteem and self worth?  What about their future ability to overcome challenges, or simply the willingness to accept challenges?  What about their feelings of competence to even consider a challenge?

It’s obvious that my voice, expressing non-confidence in my daughters would be an obstacle to future growth and development, as well as diminishing their self worth and self confidence.  So, if it’s obvious to us that our audible voices of non-confidence can be negative, why do we allow the non-audible voice of the ego continue to tell us that we’re not good enough?  Why do we continue to listen to the voice as it tells us that we’ll never succeed, so we might as well give up?  Why do we continue to tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough, or that we are incapable of accomplishing some things?  Why do we continue to tell ourselves that we aren’t good at learning names, or doing math problems, or striking up small talk with strangers?  Why?

The voice within limits our potential.  The voice within covers up the truly awesome person that we are.  The voice within wants to maintain power over us, and keep us from realizing our true potential and authentic self.

How long are we going to listen to the voice?  Maybe it’s time we speak back to that voice with our own non-audible voice.  Maybe it’s time for us to say that our voice is wrong, and we’re not going to listen to it, believe it, or even acknowledge it anymore.  Don’t you think we’re better than that anyway?  What do you think?

Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net

“Whatever results you’re getting, be they rich or poor, good or bad, positive or negative, always remember that your outer world is simply a reflection of your inner world. If things aren’t going well in your outer life, it’s because things aren’t going well in your inner life. It’s that simple.” ~T. Harv Eker

E=mc² — Ask almost anyone who is an adult and they will recognize this equation.  We attribute that equation to the great Albert Einstein, and when we think of this equation, we usually think of an application related to physics.  Did you know that this equation can also be used as a determinant of whether you live a life of continual suffering, complaining, worrying, anger, frustration, and resentment, or whether you live a life of continual love, abundance, compassion, empathy, fulfillment, happiness, and gratitude?  Well, it’s true!

Take some time to look at what activities in which you find yourself engaged.  Do you spend your time complaining about things which with you do not agree?  Do you stand back and look at all the bad things that are happening to you, completely powerless to the circumstances in which you find yourself?

There was a time where I didn’t see the world as I do now.  There was a time when it felt good to tease other people.  There was a time when it felt good to judge and criticize others.  There was a time when I got myself so stressed out about thinking about the past, and worrying about the future.  There was also a time when my life was just miserable, with much suffering and unhappiness, and I wondered why other people seemed to have “everything” just fall into place, while I couldn’t enjoy those same things.  I wondered why some people enjoyed so much abundance, while I just scraped by with very little.  I wondered, “How could other people find so much happiness?”

Now, having the benefit of hindsight and perspective, I realize that the reason why I was not finding happiness in my life was because my life was a reflection of the activities in which I was invested.  I’m not proud of how I spent my time complaining, criticizing, judging, and teasing others.  Not at all.   “Things” would happen to me all the time — unfortunate “things,” and then I got angry about it…I complained about those “things,” feeling powerless to change anything.  I was a victim of circumstance, and I was a complaining, criticizing, judging, and miserable soul.

My life was a product of my investment of energy…

E=mc²

When you look at this equation, the “E” stands for “energy;” the “m” stands for “mass;” the “c” stands for “the speed of light.”  When balancing an equation, when a value increases on the left side of the “equals” sign, you need to increase the value on the right side by the same amount.  Because the speed of light is considered a constant, we only can play with the values of the “energy” and the “mass.”

We are energy at our most fundamental level.  Our bodies are energy, and our thoughts are energy.  By investing increasing the energy related to complaining, criticizing  and judging, I was increasing the “E” on the left side of the equation.  This means that the “m” has to increase on the right side.  When I invested my energy in these types of behaviors, I was growing them (in mass)!  It’s no wonder why my life was reflecting back to me all the negativity and “dark” energy!

If we invest in complaining and criticizing and judging, we grow that.  If we invest in being loving, compassionate, generous, and empathic, we will grow that.

It’s time to look at your emotional investment portfolio…When you look at what you have been “investing,” is it consistent with what you have been “getting?”  Remember, we were meant to be loving, compassionate, and empathic.  The easiest way to make those positive qualities grow is to “invest” in them by modeling what you want to come back to you!

Invest wisely!  Invest positively!  It surely is a worthy investment.

P.S. Thanks to Dianne Collins, Author of Do You Quantum Think, for teaching me this wonderful fundamental concept! 🙂

Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net

“I want people to walk around delusional about how great they can be – and then to fight so hard for it every day that the lie becomes the truth.” ~Lady Gaga

One of the things I love about watching my children (and other children too) is their lack of inhibition.  They love to sing, dance, draw, color, laugh, tease, and experiment.  I love the innocence of young children — how everything is new and exciting.  It’s such a treat to be able to have a conversation with my younger daughter, because I can witness first hand the life, vigor, and enthusiasm she shares for so many experiences in her life!  I just love it!

Children are so absolutely awesome — without realizing.  Their naivete and newness to the ways of the world reveals a pure image of their subconscious.  It’s like looking through clear water at the bottom of a river.  You can see what lies below, free of any murky sediment or overgrown vegetation.  We can learn so much from children, yet many times we simply laugh about how credulous they can be at times, or simply humor their enthusiasm for newly-made life discoveries, because we just plain know better, or have seen it all already.  I’ve been guilty of both, and I could stand to take another look at the pureness of the innocence of youth, as I attempt to discover some of that same awesomeness that resides inside of me.

We all are truly awesome, deep within.  At our most basic and most fundamental level, there is a true awesomeness that resides in all of us, just waiting to be rediscovered.  Within us all is someone who is loving, compassionate, truthful, empathetic  and generous.  Within us all is an aspect of the divine — that absolutely perfect model of a person we would love to be. 

It’s there, just waiting to be discovered — within me; within you; within all of us.  The problem is that years of conditioning have led us to believe that we are something else besides awesome.  We have been led to believe that our egos run the show.  Our self image and attachments define who we are, along with how we have chosen to react to life’s circumstances.  Our trials and tribulations have “hardened” us and have taught us valuable lessons.  We have suffered through heartache and disappointment, only to come out of these difficult times believing that we are better because of it.

Are we really better because of the adversity we have faced?  Would we be just as strong and resilient if we had not suffered through difficulties?  It’s hard to say, because we can’t create alternative universes to test whether or not that would be the case.  All we are left to do is realize that our life experiences have shaped our beliefs and how we feel about the circumstances we have faced, we currently face, and will face in the future.

Unlike children, whose subconscious lies clearly below the water, our subconscious lies buried beneath years of debris and dirt; beneath overgrown vegetation and murky water.  Our conscious minds along with the ego have assumed control, telling us about how we either are above average when compared to others or not worthy of being around some other people.  The result?  We end up hurting other people and hurting ourselves, simply because we desire to give the ego what it wants.  The problem is the ego is never happy — it’s never satisfied!

Our conscious minds create clutter for us — a distraction from our true and authentic selves.  We deserve better.  After all, we are better!

What reality are we creating for ourselves?  What are we leading ourselves to believe?  What are you telling yourself about yourself?  Are you telling yourself that there is pure awesomeness inside of you, or are you telling yourself that your days of being awesome are over, just like your childhood? 

What beliefs that were handed to you during your childhood are you still carrying with you today?  Are you saying and doing the same things that your parents and other adult role models did?  Are those words and deeds productive and beneficial?  Are they bringing out the awesomeness within you, or are they feeding your ego, helping it muddy up the waters?

What are you saying to yourself?  What are you believing?  Is it time to re-write the script of your life with more productive and positive reminders of the greatness that lies within you?  Is it time to believe that you can do anything you choose to accept as true?

It’s time to clean up the water — it’s time to believe in yourself again.  It’s time to find the awesomeness that lies within you, just waiting to be rediscovered — and uncovered!  It’s easy to get started.  All you need to do is believe that there is greatness within you, and start finding it by practicing love and compassion, directed at anyone who is going through the human experience.

Be loving — be compassionate.  Walk a mile in another person’s shoes…Practice gratitude for the blessings you have come to experience in your life.  Make the shift to positivity and contemplating what’s possible.  You can get what you want in life when you are your awesome self.

It’s time to again be awesome — without realizing.  It’s time to uncover the great you!  It’s your time!  Go and be awesome!

P.S. My guest on last week’s radio show, Melody Fletcher, wrote an article about what we say to ourselves.  I invite and encourage you to check it out.  It’s a great piece!  You can access it by clicking HERE!

Take a look at the shoe above.  Then, answer these two questions:

1. Does a pair of these shoes cost more than $2000 per pair?

2. How much would you expect to pay for a pair of these shoes?  Write down the amount you come up with. 

While you think over the answers to those questions, I want to tell you about a very fascinating video I watched on YouTube of Leonard Mlodinow, who was talking about his newest book, titled Subliminal: How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior.

During his discussion about the subliminal mind, he talked about how our brains are designed to patch various past experiences, prejudices, and other neurological aspects together to bring about what we perceive to be an experienced event.  The video was excellent at pointing out how our memories of what we saw or heard, or what we think we saw or heard may not really be what we thought it to be.

Through provocative and entertaining examples, you can see what images really look like to our eyes, how we fill in what consonants we think were spoken when covered up by a cough, and how we listen to records played backwards to hear odes to Satan.  It was quite interesting, and a remarkable eye-opener on how impressionable our unconscious mind can be!

One theme that Mlodinow hit on was especially appealing to me — when we think about how our brain patches together this information to create something that “is” but in reality “isn’t,” we usually think of this process as a negative — how we’re not really experiencing reality, or how we’re making things up but they really aren’t accurate representations of what really “is.”  However, I like how Mlodinow said that we can use this function of the brain to be a benefit to us.

When we are faced with a challenge, Mlodinow explains, we have an advantage, because we are capable of creating an over-inflated view of what we are able to do, or how “above average” we are.  He pointed out, for example, that in a survey of high school students who were asked if they thought they were above average, the results showed 100% of those surveyed thought they were above average!  We can take this over-inflated view of ourselves to change the way we treat incoming data.  Mlodinow points out this is called “motivated reasoning.”

What happens during this motivated reasoning is that when we are looking at data, our unconscious minds adjust the weight of the data, and then adjust the view of the methodology to confirm what pre-existing beliefs or desires we have.  In other words, we are really incapable of making an objective decision about something.  Our minds determine the viewpoint we want, and then we adjust the data to support the conclusion we desire — like a lawyer, sifting through evidence and constructing an argument for their client or position.

Who knew?  Our minds are like lawyers! 🙂  So, we can really use this aspect of the mind to our advantage — we can focus on what it is that we want, and then our mind will adjust whatever data we need to support what we desire.  This is a tremendous tool that can provide us with a tremendous advantage!

Another concept Mlodinow played with during his presentation was one called “anchoring.”  So, going back to the shoe example, what amount did you write down?

The cost of the pair of shoes was actually $34.95 at Payless.  How close were you?  If you inflated the price, it was because I “anchored” you to a higher number, even if you knew there was no way that pair of shoes was $2000.  Just another way the subconscious and subliminal mind can play tricks on us.

Please leave a comment to let me know what number you wrote down, and so we can see what other people thought the shoes were worth!  I’d love to see how this experiment worked! 🙂

If you are interested in watching the full video of Mlodinow’s presentation, here it is…

“I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear.” ~Oprah Winfrey

I just received an email, stating that my interview on the show “Spiritually Raw” is available online.  I was contacted and asked if I was interested in being on the show, and I thought, “Why not?”  I interview people all the time, and so it’s nice to be interviewed once in a while too! 🙂  I invite you to follow this link and check it out.  Vote for me when you’re there too, so I can be asked to be on again.  It was a fun time!

I was asked during the interview if it’s really that easy just to change your mind and change your life.  Can you really just “flip the switch” and make the change?

My answer was that yes, theoretically it’s easy to do, but in reality many people struggle.

So if you are confronted with a difficult situation — one that causes you to make a choice in how you approach and address it, what do you do?  It feels so good to let the other person “have it,” and give them a piece of your mind.  Research has revealed that the area of our brain that derives pleasure from seeing someone get a “taste of their own medicine” is the same area that gives us pleasure when we eat chocolate.

We also learn from observing.  If we’re surrounded by people who cope with discomfort by acting out or being aggressive, we passively accept that this is the appropriate way to behave, and without even thinking, we may tend to act in the same manner when we feel uncomfortable.

The reality is this — many people, when confronted with a difficult situation, resort to coping mechanisms that are built upon a belief system that is rooted in fear and scarcity.  This means that they are in a defensive physiological condition, which means they are engaged in (what is supposed to be) a short-term stress response.  They are acting out the “fight or flight” mechanism.  While our muscles are getting much of the blood that is distributed to our body, our brain gets deprived.  Now, not only are we trying to cope with our discomfort stemming from this difficult situation, but we also face the problem of a lack of a proper blood supply to the noggin.

Additionally, our reptilian brain is kicking in, emotionally hijacking the rest of our brain, so logic, rationalization, and positivity usually go out the window.

So what do we do?  How do we deal with this difficult situation?  The answer is to “flip the switch.”  Ask yourself three questions:

Question 1: How do I feel, emotionally, about this right now?

Question 2: Do I like how I feel about this emotion?

Question 3: If I don’t like this emotion, how would I like to feel, emotionally, about this right now?

The answer to question three is key.  This is the “switch.”  Yes, it can be done, just like that, but in reality, it is oh so hard to do it just like that.

“Flip the switch.”  Easier said than done, but if done, it can really change your life.  Think about what you intend to have happen, drive it with positive energy, allow that energy of the positive thought to grow in mass.  Remember, what you think about grows!

Grow positively.  “Flip the switch.” Be a “better” person tomorrow than today.  Choose what you know is more desirable for you — choose love and compassion over fear and scarcity.

That’s the “switch.”  Now go “flip” it!

Photo: Courtesy of http://www.rainerberg.de/

“You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it fearlessly.” ~Steve Maraboli

Why are we here?

It’s a thought that has crossed my mind several times in my life.  The funny thing is that I have always had the same answer, even though I have asked myself that question when I was very young.  My answer is and always has been (using a complete sentence), “We are here to go through various experiences so we can appreciate and get a ‘flavor’ for what it is to ‘live a life’ as a human on this earth.”

As the years have gone on, however, while my answer has not changed, the explanation and rationale for the answer continues to develop.  I keep adding layers, and it keeps getting more interesting.  The more I investigate and do my “detective work,” the more I find.  The encouraging news is that the prognosis keeps getting better and better the more I look.  I have more and more hope for humanity at a time when some have little hope.

Yes, we are here to “live a life,” in my humble opinion.  But, what life is that?  A life of suffering, so we can learn from the painful experiences?  Do we really have to suffer?  Or, can we simply get past the suffering part once we gain a certain perspective and experience certain experiences?

Do we have to deal with negativity?  Is dealing with and then overcoming negativity something that we are “obligated” to deal with on this earth?  Do we have to experience hate as part of the experience?  Can we just get past the negativity once we gain a certain perspective and experience certain experiences?

Life — the “human experience” — is not easy.  We all know that.  When life gets tough for me, I always go back to that simple question: “Why are we here?”  the next question is, “What am I supposed to learn from this?”

So, what have I learned up to this point?  What do I feel life is all about?  Here’s my two cents:

We are on this earth to grow — to realize the true greatness that resides in each of us.  Within each of us, there is an authentic being, covered up by the processes of the machine that is the human body.  Inside this exquisitely-designed body, we struggle to find ourselves.  We struggle to set aside the automatic functions of our bodies that were designed to make us more efficient and keep us safe.

Why are we here?  We are here to discover the awesomeness that lives within us.  Some of us are right there — living life and understanding that the sky is the limit and that we all are capable of being great.  Some of us aren’t quite there yet, as we are suffering and struggling through hardships.

We are here to discover we always have a choice — our lives are not scripted.  The book is not written.  Just because it has been doesn’t mean it will be or has to be.  We have the power to choose — we always have the power to decide whether we want to serve the ego and live out of fear, or if we want to turn the page and serve others and live out of love and compassion for others.  We always have a choice.

The good news?  We all possess the potential to be great.  We all possess the raw tools necessary to transcend the suffering and the negativity, and to bring out the great person we were meant to be.  We all have the potential to realize who we know, deep down, we would love to be.

Why are we here?  We are here to figure out who we are, and who we were meant to be, free of the physical and neurological restrictions of our physical bodies.  We are awesome at the core — we just have to find it.  

Because I believe in us, and because I believe in the potential within us all, I will continue to work to help people discover how great they can be.  I’ll tell anyone who will listen.  It’s my mission, and I am sticking to it.  I believe in us — I believe in you.  I believe that we were meant to be great!  We all possess the potential.

We are here to be great.  That’s my two cents. 🙂

Do you have an opinion as to why we are here?  Please comment below with your thoughts!  I would love to read them! 🙂



Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net

“I would say the biggest failures I’ve had were at a time when I believed my own hype.” ~Simon Cowell

When I talk to audiences, I tell them that I want to do a quick quiz with them, and I’ll do the same with you…Let’s see how you do…

Question one: Is it better to live out of love and compassion toward others, or is it better to live out of fear and scarcity?

(I am guessing at this point you are picking option number one, like most people do)

Question two: If you know it’s better to live out of love and compassion toward others, why don’t we do it?

(Here is where I get mostly the sound of crickets chirping)

It’s a perplexing question — one that baffles and mystifies my audiences.  We know how we want to act — we know what’s the proper way to act, yet, for some reason, the human species seems hard-wired to be negative, full of complaints, prone to arguing, bullying, teasing, and many more negative behaviors.

Sometimes we just cast it off as “Well, everyone does it,” or even better, “That’s how my parents acted, so it’s no surprise I act that way.” Really?  That’s the best you’ve got?

It usually is the best we’ve got, because we have absolutely no clue as to why we aren’t living out of love and compassion for other people.  It’s as if we can’t help but not be that way much of the time, and we’re not alone — over ninety percent of the population can’t help it either, and they don’t even know why.

Fear and scarcity are protective mechanisms — mechanisms designed to help preserve us — to help us save our bacon when we’re exposed to dangerous or life-threatening situations.  This fear mechanism worked great for our cavemen ancestors, who, because of the fear mechanism, lived to see the next day of their lives, thus furthering the species, but also passing along the genes of being fearful and worrying about others taking things from us.

Because of this fear and scarcity mentality and the genetics that code for such, we have inherited a brain that is prone to looking out for potential threats and worrying about whether others are going to take something from us.  We don’t worry about people taking things like food from us anymore, but we worry about things like power, control, self esteem, proprietary knowledge, happiness, comfort, the status quo, and others, just to name a few.

When we fear that someone is going to take some of these things from us, we become self-centered in the interest of clutching tightly to what it is we fear losing.  Our inner contemplation as to why we are being “targeted” starts to chip away at our self esteem.  Fear sets in.  We start to listen to the ego as it tells us that we are not worthy or not good enough.  If we let our ego tell us we’re not worthy, we start to resort to letting our “false” or “external” self esteem get the best of us.  The result of this is that we are driven by what other people think, and we then become unauthentic and we live our lives to satisfy other people.  If we continue down this road, we won’t be happy.

At the same time, our ego takes a beating, and we start to over-compensate by defending our bruised ego with offenses directed at others.  We usually end up involved in judging, criticizing, teasing, or other behaviors that satisfy the ego and fulfill the inner “need” of reassurance that we are better than others, not the other way around.

Even though we inherited belief systems rooted in fear and scarcity, it doesn’t mean that it’s the best way to go for us, and it certainly doesn’t mean that we were hard wired to only operate in this fashion.

While it’s not an easy choice, on the surface, to make a change, it’s not the hardest choice either.  The first step is awareness — an awareness that we are serving the ego and letting it get between us and our personal greatness.  If we can awaken to the realization that we are acting like robots, automatically and unknowingly carrying out the programming we were genetically handed down by our caveman ancestors, we can then override this program and upgrade to the divine program — the program we were meant to run on our hardware.

We can all be great if we make one simple change — the change from caring so much about “me,” and start caring so much about “we.”

We weren’t designed to be mediocre; we weren’t designed to live our lives on auto-pilot, simply put here to be fearful and serve the ego.  We were designed to be great!  We are here to make a difference!  So, let’s get to it!  Make the change!

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