My daughters and I were watching an episode of “Goosebumps” on Netflix together, and the title of the episode was “Be Careful What you Wish For.”  The story was about a young girl who was continually teased by some of her classmates, and found herself in a position to make three wishes.  As you can imagine, no matter how well intentioned this young girl was when making her wishes to improve her life and eliminate her problems, she soon discovered that her careless wishing ended up causing her more problems than she had expected.

While this story was obviously based in fantasy, we constantly are making “wishes” on a daily basis, fully planted in a world of reality.  We never stop reaching for something that lies beyond our current state.  We may be wishing for better health, more prosperity and abundance, better friendships, less hardship, or better luck.

It’s not a bad thing to wish for something that we’d like.  There is no shame in asking for more money, more happiness, or better health.  Money is not evil, nor is being happy or healthy.  They are actually all representations of the flow of energy from one entity to another.  They represent the ever flowing current of abundance that the universe is just waiting to hand over to us.

You may be saying at this point, “Victor, I do wish for lots of things, but that’s not the problem.  The problem is that no matter how much I wish for something, it isn’t being granted.”

I hear you.  I’ve had my share of “wishes,” large and small, that went ungranted, much to my disappointment and frustration.  Because of this, I’d become disillusioned and doubtful.  I’d become discouraged and cynical.  “Why bother?” I’d ask.  I’d start to think things like, “It’s unrealistic and way too ambitious to ask for that,” or “These aren’t they types of things that I can just wish into my life,” and I’d just give up even wishing.  Have you found yourself there too?

Be careful what you wish for.  Okay, the poor grammar is getting under my skin now.  I know you’re not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition.  “Be careful for that which you wish.”  Is that better?  Nope.  Not really…

I’ll just stick to my original statement — “Be careful what you wish for.”

Just like the young lady in the story I watched with my girls, we may think we’re asking for something that will bring us better outcomes, but because we aren’t mindful of the way we are wishing for something, we end up frustrated or disillusioned because we’re not getting what we wanted.

There is no “bad” to go with the “good.”  There is simply “good,” and “resistance to good.”  There is polarity.  There is “something,” and then the “resistance to that something.”  When you make a wish, are you really desiring something, or are you just yearning for it, thus resisting the flow of that which you desire from coming to you?

Let me put it another way: If you are asking for more happiness in your life, are you really focusing on the happiness, or are you focusing on the fact that you are currently lacking in happiness?  If you are asking for more wealth in your life, are you really focusing on wealth, or are you focusing on the fact that you are currently lacking in wealth?

If you are focusing on feeling those good, warm feelings that come with happiness and wealth, and if you can maintain those warm, positive feelings that are focused entirely on how you’d feel if you were enjoying happiness and prosperity, you’ll place yourself right in line to allow the universe to bestow in its own way exactly what you’re looking for in due time.  However, if you are offering “resistance” to the “good” because you aren’t really thinking about what you want, but rather what or how you are lacking, you are placing yourself right in line for “more of the same.”  You’ll continue to experience what you don’t want, which is a perpetuation of what you are lacking.

What do you wish for?  How are you asking for it?  Be careful what you wish for and how you ask for it.  It can make all the difference in the world between staying right where you are and having your dreams come true!

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/topfer

Let me ask you a question: If a dear friend of yours was going through a difficult time, what would you do to help them feel better?  Maybe you’d kid around with them or tell them a joke.  Perhaps you’d offer to do something with them to help them think about something else for a while. No matter what methodology you would employ, you’re really doing one thing, which is trying to help your friend think of something that helps them find an emotion that puts them at a little bit better of a place and which helps them feel a little bit better in general.

You’d know whether or not your friend is feeling better about their current circumstances based on the visual cues you’d pick up from them.  You’d observe them to see whether they’re smiling a bit more, or whether they seem to be in a happier state of mind.

Just like we can use the emotions of other people to gauge their level of overall satisfaction, we can use our own emotions and feelings as a barometer for how much our resistance is getting between us and something wonderful.  If we feel joyful, happy, enthusiastic, and excited, we are at a low resistance level and we are primed to receive the wonderful things we so deeply desire.

On the other hand, if we feel any emotion that is the opposite of joy, happiness, enthusiasm, or excitement, then it’s an indication that we are not primed to receive what it is we desire.  We are actually resonating with something that is not in line with our desires.  We’re giving energy with our thoughts to something that distracts us and moves us further from what it is that we really desire.  Whatever we resist persists. We’re deviating further from what we want.  These feelings are an indicator of resistance, and resistance will continually put us at a distance from accomplishing and getting what it is that we desire.

To resist is to fight the ways of the universe.  The universe runs on laws, and if you resist and fight based on fear and apprehension, you are in essence violating universal law.  To fight against “what is” is to fight against the universe.  You’re stagnating the flow of abundant blessings that can come your way.

The key to overcoming resistance is just to treat yourself like you would your dear friend.  If you determine that you are experiencing emotions that are anything other than positive, all you need to do is find an emotion through thought that brings you to a more positive emotion than you are currently experiencing.  It doesn’t have to be a drastic change — it just has to be a change in the positive direction.

It’s all about self discovery.  It’s about awareness of your emotions in the present — in the here and now.  By staying in present awareness, you’ll quickly discover if your feelings are indicating whether you’re in line with that perfect version of yourself, the wonderful creator of awesome things and able to receive all the blessings life has to offer, or whether you’re resisting the flow of good things to you.

Use your feelings as a measuring device for how you’re doing.  If you’re feeling less than wonderful, just seek out feelings that bring you to a little bit better place.  That small shift in your thoughts will lead to better feelings, and better feelings will lower your resistance.  When you lower your resistance, good things will come your way.  Give it a try!

What makes a day an enjoyable day versus a not-so-enjoyable day?  It’s how you deal with what comes up throughout the day.  Simply put (and sometimes 0ver simplified), it’s your attitude that will define your day as wonderful or forgettable.

If you’re anything like me, above and beyond the simple “change your attitude” advice, I need some concrete recommendations, but not so many that it’s hard for me to remember them all, so that I can take some practical steps to ensure that I walk into a day setting it up to be as successful, wonderful, and peaceful as possible.

Without further adieu, here’s my simple four-step approach so you can create your own peaceful and happy day:

1. Let go of the “rights,” “wrongs,” and the other judgment talk.

We spend a lot of time trying to be “right.”  It’s a fruitless effort that just leads to debate and arguing.  Try to keep an open mind and be respectful of other people’s rights to have opinions that may differ from yours.  We all have preferences, just like we may prefer a certain color or flavor of ice cream.  Just because I like chocolate and you like vanilla, it doesn’t mean I’m right and you’re wrong.  By letting go of the need to be right, you will reduce the amount of frustration you endure.  Also, let go of the other judgment talk.  Let go of the “toos.”  We use an awful lot of “too” this and “too” that.  How much is “too” much and how much is “too” little?  How much is just right.  The truth is that the “toos” only exist in a judgmental mind.  Let go of the “toos” and you’ll find more peace.  One more recommendation: Stop using the word “should,” and replace it with “could.”  Instead of inserting your judgment on how to handle something, you soften it up by making a suggestion.  By letting go of the need to be right, eliminating the “toos,” and converting “shoulds” to “coulds,” you’ll find much more peace and less stress in your daily activities and conversations.  Trust me.

2. Give in to your feelings.

We spend so much time trying to keep our emotions out of our daily lives.   This is largely because we misunderstand what emotions really are.  Just because we use the word “feel” when we talk, it doesn’t mean we are talking about our emotions.  Many times we are diagnosing or judging.  If you say something like, “I feel you’re trying to take advantage of me,” we use the word “feel,” but as soon as we insert the “you’re” after it, we convert it from a statement about ourselves into a statement of judgment about someone else’s intents.  This no doubt will lead to defensiveness and frustration in the other person.  When you use the word “feel,” follow it with a real emotion.  You can say, “I feel sad,” or “I feel frustrated,” or “I feel overjoyed!”  According to the research of Dr. Antonio Damasio as described in his book Descarte’s Error, it has been determined that we are actually incapable of making decisions without emotions.  Emotions are important, and when we connect with our emotions, as well as the emotional state of others, we connect with others at the heart and establish a more loving and empathic level of communication, which greatly enhances our daily life.  Why wouldn’t it help?  Instead of creating feelings of defensiveness and anger in others, you will show them that you care and can connect with them at the heart.  That sounds much better to me!

3. Grab onto anything that you appreciate and “bank it.”

Dr. Rick Hanson speaks of this technique in his book Hardwiring Happiness.  When you experience something that leads to joy or happiness within you, even if it’s something relatively insignificant or routine, try to focus on that feeling for a good twenty seconds or more if you can.  Embrace it and enjoy it.  “Bank it.”  Save those feelings of joy in your memory banks.  Then, when you need it, you can always go back to that memory and those feelings and draw them out to bring happiness and joy to you no matter when you need it.  In this way, you’re not relying on external events and circumstances to bring you happiness and joy; you can find those right within yourself.  This allows you to bring joy and happiness to your life whenever you need or want it.

4. Focus on what you want, rather than what you don’t want.

One of my favorite games to play with my daughters is the “don’t” game.  If I want them to do something, I just tell them that I “don’t” want

them to do it.  When they aren’t getting ready in the morning and just kind of standing around and doing little of anything, I tell them, “I’m going to get myself dressed for work, and I don’t want you to get dressed before I finish.  Don’t get dressed.  Don’t do it.”  It doesn’t take long before they’re rushing to get their clothes changed before I do.  They do whatever it is that I “don’t” want them to do!  The truth is people listen right past the “don’ts,” and so does our subconscious mind.  It doesn’t hear the “don’ts.”  If we say that we “don’t” want something to happen, chances are greater than it will.  Energy is mass, essentially, according to Einstein.  Whatever thoughts we generate increases the amount of energy given to that thought.  When that thought grows in energy, it grows in mass.  So, if you’re spending your time thinking about the horrible things that might happen, you’re giving that energy and allowing it to grow in mass, making it more likely that it will manifest itself.  Not only that, but according to Bruce Lipton in his book The Biology of Belief,whatever thoughts you generate shape your perception, and that will shape the “environment,” this affecting your body at the cellular level.  Your body will have a physiological response to the thoughts you generate.  Your thoughts can affect your overall health and wellbeing.

By simply applying these four simple steps every day, you’ll find that you will enjoy a more wonderful day more often than not, and you will certainly bring more peace, love, and happiness to your day.

Let me know if you try these, and let me know your thoughts and how well they worked for you!

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/ctr

This past Monday on my radio show I had the privilege of interviewing Vironika Tugaleva, author of the book The Love Mindset (An Unconventional Guide to Healing and Happiness).  To say the least, I was left scrambling to listen to the replay of our conversation to gobble up all the great information, examples, insights, and profound thoughts that she had to offer!

Inspiring and wise beyond her years, Vironika helps people heal their minds and discover their inner strength.  She’s an author, speaker, reformed cynic, people lover, and a very different kind of spiritual teacher.

What Vironika teaches isn’t about fanciful fluff or indoctrinating dogma. Her approach to spirituality and love is unconventional, deep, and refreshingly real. Her deep understanding of life and love did not come from any university, organization, or church. Her wisdom flowered out of her recovery from a decade-long struggle with abuse, addiction, and self-loathing.

“For most of my life,” she says, “I had a love-sized hole inside of me. I tried to stuff it with all sorts of things. I gave it sex, money, drink, knowledge, and power. Then, I tried to ignore it. Then, when that didn’t work, I tried to display this gaping hole inside of me as some sort of proud symbol of victim-hood. Then, when that didn’t work, I found some people who had even bigger holes inside of them to try to make me feel better. None of that worked. I was empty. I was dying.”

Like many young, intelligent, and wounded people, she rejected religion and spirituality. She was isolated, cynical, and always wary of trusting people too much. With the same fiery passion that she now uses to spread love in the world, she ran herself down to a mental breakdown at the age of 23. At the bottom of a deep, dark hole, she found the true meaning of love.

From that day forward, Vironika embarked on a life-changing journey of self-discovery, healing, and epiphany. On that path, she discovered that the answers to healing and happiness lay within the hands of a subject that she (like many other academics and young people) dared not touch – spirituality.

Her teachings, including her newest book The Love Mindset, show us how we can transform our minds, our relationships, and the world by simply changing the way that we think about ourselves. Vironika teaches people about how amazing and powerful we really are.

I asked Vironika who her book was written for, and she said that it’s “written for the cynic.”  If words like spirituality and love seem “scary,” this book may speak to them as far as self-development resources go.

I followed up by asking her why this book is different from other books about love and spirituality, and why this book would help people.  She answered by saying, “When we look at books about love or when we hear about love we think that it’s this thing that other people give to us, and that the only way to get that love ‘better’ is to find ‘better’ people to give love to us, or to become more deserving of getting it.

So, we’re basically commercializing ourselves in the world of love, like ‘I am the product on the shelves,’ or ‘I’m the shopper in the aisles,’ and become either  a better shopper or a better product.”

She added that her book “takes people completely out of the store and commercialization and gives people love in such a way that they don’t need to go to anyone for it.”

When we discussed her own experience and how she bounced back from hitting rock bottom, I asked her if she thought that people had to hit “rock bottom” in order to change.  This is when such profound wisdom came pouring from her mouth:

“The change isn’t something that you make,” she said.  “The change is already occurring.  I like to think of life as a constant birth process — it’s painful, but it’s already begun.”

She added that she herself found that she was trying to crawl back into a womb of safety that was no longer there. “My mind and body were trying to tell me it’s time to go, change has already begun, get on the train, and I’m just trying to crawl back into the womb, running out of oxygen.”

“That’s when people hit rock bottom,” she explained.  “You’re trying to crawl back up and you realize I have to let go or I’m going to suffocate because there’s no oxygen in here.”

I still wanted to know what the title of her book, “The Love Mindset,” was really about and what it meant and why it’s important to adopt a love mindset, and I just loved her response.

“Love is awaiting if you just relax.  When you say “I love you to another person, you totally relax.  When we just let go into what’s already there, there is love.  Love is awaiting.

‘I love you’ means ‘you remind me of myself.’ Your spirit is coming to life, waiting for you.  The love mindset is the state of mind where you can just allow yourself to feel love all the time and allow it to heal you and fuel you.

We need love to live, and intuitively we all know that, but there isn’t a lot of practicing going on or we’re waiting for someone to help us.  We’ve got starving people everywhere, just completely suffocated from love.  By adopting a love mindset we can nourish our souls we can nourish those parts of ourselves that need love the most so we can be balanced in our lives.”

If you’d like to find out more about Vironika or buy her book (which I highly recommend), I invite you to visit her website: www.Vironika.org.

If you would like to hear our entire interview from my radio show, you can listen now by clicking here.

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**Do you want to find more positivity in a negative world?**

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I was coaching a married couple who were having trouble going through any sort of length of time without getting into an argument.  These weren’t any small arguments either — they would quickly turn into very heated and sometimes violent disagreements.  One of the ways that I got them to start to find a sort of middle ground was by helping them reconnect with their authentic selves.

You know and I know that at our very deepest core, we are not “bad” people, who seek out disagreements and yearn to argue with each other.  We don’t want to be violent in our words and actions, but sometimes we are.  We don’t want to be selfish and unforgiving, but there are times when it seems it happens so easily and effortlessly.  There are times when we know what we truly want to do and how we know we “should” conduct ourselves, yet knowing this, we do the opposite.

I’ve struggled with this many times myself.  Unfortunately for me, I sometimes lack patience and get frustrated very easily when things aren’t progressing quickly or as I had hoped they would.  I always joke that I inherited my “hot blood” from my mom, and that I am easily thrown into a bit of a temper at times.  I usually let my frustrations get the best of me, only to be filled with frustration with myself for not maintaining my composure.

We all do this — we all stray from our “highest” form of ourselves.  We do things that we aren’t proud of, and then we end up being filled with not-so-positive feelings afterward.  Some would call it regret, but I just care to keep it simple, and just say that it’s an emotion of frustration or sadness.  Besides, in my opinion, to operate from a position of regret is to pull one’s self down the road of guilt and shame, which can be harmful to one’s self (Maybe the topic of regret, guilt, and shame will be a future topic to cover on my blog).

So how do we get back “on track?”  How do we re-connect with that “authentic self” deep within ourselves?  One way I have found effective is to ask one simple question:

“What are my innermost values?”

From that question, you start on a journey of self-inquiry, and you find out what virtues define who you are and what you stand for.  When I asked this of my clients, they both responded with the same value, so I knew and they knew that deep down they both stood for the same thing and wanted the same thing, so it was just a matter of re-connecting with that value by being mindful of their words and actions.  They were asked by me if they could agree to speak only to each other using words that were aligned with their core values.  When they started doing this, the arguments between them decreased in number significantly.

So, what are your innermost values?  What does it look like when you speak and act in alignment with those values?  Usually our values speak of virtuous traits and characteristics, so if we can discover those innermost values within ourselves, we can easily define behaviors that are in line with those values.  The great thing is that if we follow those values we will likely be acting in a virtuous way, consistent with the “best” version of ourselves that we can.

My innermost values are love, respect, and, interestingly enough, authenticity.  I can easily explain to myself just how it would be to speak and act through these values.  I would speak to others in a respectful way and extend unconditional love and goodwill to others.  I would be authentic in my actions and words.  I would do my best to be the “same person” to everyone, no matter who they are.  I will make sure I treat everyone equally and fairly.  If I can speak and act in this way, I am certain that I would be very happy with who I am, and I would be very sure that I would be aligning with my authentic self!

Just by asking one simple question, and then, through self inquiry, answer it to the best of your ability, you can get a glimpse deep within you to discover just who you are.  Your authentic self will reveal itself to you, and you can then make the choice to act and speak in ways that align with who you really are.

I’d love to hear from you!  What are your innermost values?  What would it look like to speak and act through those values?  Let me know!

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/barunpatro

My radio show broadcast on Monday was my first of the year. I wanted something and someone who would start off the new year with a lot of energy and enthusiasm, so I invited none other than “the World’s #1 RADICAL True Self Facilitator” and author of one of my favorite books, The RADICAL Self Expert, Tiphanie Jamison Van Der Lugt, to join me for the show.

What totally caught me off guard was the suggestion of a topic to discuss, but I absolutely loved it, because I was so intrigued by it:

“Does fear really exist?”

As far as I was concerned, I just operated from a position of assuming that fear exists. After all, it is the emotion of fear that allows us to be in a position to protect ourselves, either by running away from or fight against the threat that caused the fear emotion.

However, Tiphanie contended that fear really doesn’t exist. What she believes is that fear is non-existent. Her theory is that instead of fear, there is either excitement or greater awareness.

Tiphanie said that we learn early on what fear is. For example, if a child is getting ready to do something and they start to experience emotions of excitement or butterflies in their stomach, the parent, trying to help the child cope with their feelings, may say something like, “Don’t be afraid.” However, when the parent says this to the child, as good as their intentions may be, the parent is now defining what was previously undefinable to the child. Before the word “afraid” entered the conversation, the child didn’t really have a word to describe that feeling of excitement that they are feeling.

“Fear and excitement are the same energy,” Tiphanie added. She introduced me to the quote from Fritz Pearls:

“Fear is excitement without the breath.” So true.

But, she didn’t stop there. She asked a great question: “Does fear really keep us from doing things?” She then gave the example of how it’s not really fear, but greater awareness that helps a mother lift a car off of her child or allows an eight-year-old child to deliver a baby. It’s not fear, rather it’s greater awareness. Tiphanie added, “We pull from our higher self and do tremendous things…We are stepping into the fullness of our greater being.”

I just love that!

So, thinking about practical application for myself, especially since I have young children, I thought of an instance where I actually applied this concept without even thinking. I recalled how when we were on a recent vacation my older daughter wanted to go on a roller coaster. I never mentioned “fear,” “scary,” or “afraid.” Rather, I kept telling her how much fun it was going to be. I told her the coaster would be fast, but I would be right there with her and it would be a lot of fun. It was!

My younger daughter is turning five in about a month, and she knows that she’s getting some shots during her doctor’s visit around her birthday. Applying this concept, whenever we discuss it, I’ll continue to reinforce to her how she will do just fine and that she has experienced worse. I can safely say this since she just got her ears pierced the other week and was in a bit of pain. Having gotten my ears pierced and sitting through an injection, I can safely say that piercing your ears is more painful. I’ll continue to remind her that she’s already been through a more painful process, so she should pull through the shots just fine.

What are your thoughts? Does fear really exist?

Can you think of a time in the past where “excitement” was defined for you as “fear?” Can you think of opportunities where you can instill excitement or confidence in someone instead of defining their feelings as “fear?”

Let me know your thoughts. I’d love to hear them.

If you’d like to hear my interview with Tiphanie, click here.

The following is a guest post by Adam Palmer of Astral Zen.  Please join me in welcoming Adam!

My college teachers always said I was a dreamer – ironic really. Dreaming is one of the greatest gifts we have available to us. We spend a third of our lives asleep, yet so little is known about sleep and dreaming. As we grow older, those long, vivid, childhood dreams start to fade to the point that we hardly dream at all. The good news is that we can reverse this, and we can do it quickly.

Why would you want to?

Don’t for one minute think that the dreams you have right now are all there is to dreaming. Imagine your own private universe, more vivid and realistic than this. Imagine a launch pad to alternate realities, unlimited potential and freedom. Imagine flying to the moon or diving to the depths of the ocean. We live in an immensely powerful dynamic multi-dimensional world. Remember when a good quality VHS was the best we had, and then contrast that to ultra-fine HD. This reality that you’re used to is the VHS – there’s so much more out there.

Now, I won’t lie – more advanced dreaming techniques take practice and patience.  The good news however, is that within just a couple of days, you’ll start to notice a big difference.

I’d like to set you off on the first few steps of your journey.

Step #1 – Stop destroying your sleep

You need to be doing everything you can to create favourable sleep and dream conditions. There are three main changes that you can make for the most profound impact –

1. Coffee, sugar, cigarettes, alcohol and most recreational drugs dramatically affect your dream sleep. Although many report vivid or bizarre dreams, it’s usually down to something called “REM rebound.” You’re not actually building on your dream or sleep quality, and you’re not going to be able to advance in dreaming whilst under the influence! Best avoided as much as possible.

2. Most pharmaceuticals interfere with dream and sleep to some degree, even if only subtly. Of course, I am by no means suggesting that you stop taking essential medication. If you do however take any medication that may not be strictly necessary, it may be worth considering a discussion with your doctor about stopping.

3. Mental stimulation comes in all forms, now more than ever. Try to avoid cell phones, TV, PCs and laptops for at least a couple of hours before bed. Reading a book in bed is the best way to prepare yourself for a sound sleep and clear dreams.

For some, these steps may require some significant lifestyle changes. I’m personally terrible when it comes to using the laptop in bed. It’s not an all or nothing decision – anything you’re able to do will help.

Step #2 – Dream Diary

Now you’ve set yourself up for a great natural sleep, it’s time to start getting those dreams back. Believe it or not, you do dream – you just don’t remember it any more. When you first wake up, either during the night or in the morning, don’t move a muscle or open your eyes. Run through everything you can remember about your dreams in your mind. Don’t worry if you can’t remember anything other than a vague feeling or emotion – that’s absolutely fine. Just mentally re-experience it as clearly as you can. As soon as you’ve got it straight, get it straight down in your dream diary. Feel free to include images as well as words.

As you’re about to sleep that night, take a few minutes to read through your dream diary. Try to re-experience the dreams, feelings and emotions in as much detail as possible.

Just keeping up this quick and easy practice will result in a huge increase in your dream quality and memory within a matter of days.

Step #3 – Lucid Dreaming

Your mind is clear, and you’re dreams are increasing in quality and quantity – it’s now time to go lucid. A lucid dream is a dream in which you know you are dreaming. Once that happens, you can do absolutely anything you want. Conjure up situations, fly, travel, explore and learn. As you wish it, it unfolds. Lucid dreaming in itself is a massive subject, but once you’ve hit one – believe me you’ll know it. Here are my top 3 techniques –

1. As you’re falling asleep, focus your mind and mentally repeat, “I am lucid dreaming.” Don’t just say the words, actually imagine it and put life into it. If you wake up in the night, don’t just roll over and go straight back to sleep. Get up for a few moments, go to the bathroom, take a sip of water, and start the repetition exercise above.

2. Throughout the day, perform “reality checks”. Try to push your finger through your opposite palm and try to pinch your nose and at the same time breathe through it. If you do this enough times during waking, you’ll find yourself doing it in dreaming, and guess what – it’ll work! You’ll then immediately realize you’re dreaming.

3. As you re-live the dreams from your dream journal, imagine yourself as fully lucid and aware within them.

Again, it’s not all or nothing. Any practice you’re able to do will be beneficial in increasing your chances of getting lucid. With practice, you’ll come to realize that dream and sleep isn’t just 8 hours each day written off – quite the opposite in fact. Sweet dreams!

About Adam: 

I’ve been consciously practising lucid dreaming and exploring the out of body state for over 10 years now. Now I want to help others share the experience.

Please take some time to leave your thoughts below on Adam’s piece, and please visit Adam at his site, www.Astralzen.com.

Photo: By Massimo Barbieri (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

I sure wish I would have known twelve or thirteen years ago what I have learned by now.  Back then I was right in the middle of the most challenging and trying years of my life.  Putting in well over twenty credits a trimester, I was immersed in the rigorous curriculum of chiropractic school.  Many people have equated going through that type of schooling with putting your mouth over a fire hydrant and turning it on.  You know you’re getting a lot, but you’re not sure what you’re really soaking up (no pun intended).

I battled anxiety and I was stressed out a lot.  It wasn’t unusual for us to have about a one to two-inch stack of papers to study for one exam, and then after finishing that exam, another exam one or two days later, which also had it’s own one to tw0-inch stack of papers to study!  All of our exams carried high consequences for failure too — if you failed one exam, you had to basically repeat the whole semester once again.  To say things were a bit “tense” would be an understatement!

Even though I have moved on (successfully) from that type of life and stress, there still are other stressors that I encounter on a regular basis, and I know you do too.  We all have commitments and responsibilities, and sometimes with those come stress and anxiety at times.  It’s hard to know what to do to get past those feelings.  It’s not easy.

One thing I have found is that if I can move out of my head and into my heart I can ease the emotions associated with stress and anxiety.  You see, when we get stressed, it activates the stress-responsive mechanism in our nervous and endocrine systems called the “HPA (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal) axis.”  When this mechanism becomes activated, it calls for the release of a short-term stress hormone called “adrenaline” (also known as epinephrine) and the body becomes activated to either run from danger or fight for preservation of life.

The negative side effects of this mechanism when we are not facing life-threatening situations is that our heart rate increases, our breathing rate increases, our pupils dilate, and the blood is shunted from our digestive organs to our muscles.  We also cut off support of our body’s defenses, and so our immune system is weaker.

One great way to break this cascade of events is by staying present.  One of the easiest ways to stay present, according to Rick Hanson, author of Hardwiring Happiness,” is to be aware of the positive experiences when they occur, stay in them for about 20 to 30 seconds, and just take it all in for that time period.  Just focus on those positive feelings (I had the pleasure of interviewing Rick late last year, and if you’d like to hear his awesome interview, just click here).

I’ve found that when I practice what Rick suggests, I get a very warm feeling that seems to come from the area of my heart.  It’s a wonderful feeling.  Rick suggests that once you create that feeling and let it sink into you, you can always go back to it as a “reference point” when you need to.

The way I look at this, and ask you to try applying it, is that when you start to feel that overwhelm, stress, or anxiety, go back to that “anchor.”  Go back to that warm, loving, happy feeling in your heart.  Just concentrate on that positive feeling and let it sink in once again.  By focusing only on this positive feeling, you will move from the anxiety caused by focusing on the past and the future and simply remain in the present and the “now.”

Continue to focus on the positive feeling.  Feel it in your heart.  Let it warm you as you think of that wonderful experience.  Feel as that warmness calms you and brings you serenity and inner peace.

When you can move to your heart and enjoy the feelings of love and warmth and pleasure, you have a much better opportunity to find the calm and serenity you desire when you need it the most.

Give it a try, and let me know how it works for you!  I’d love to hear from you!

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Ayla87

A couple of years ago there was major road construction taking place in the city in which I live.  They were completely re-doing some of the intersections and putting in roundabouts to improve the flow of traffic through the major traffic areas in town.  Because of the construction being done, there were some major detours and it caused a lot of extra time and inconvenience to make what were previously simple trips throughout the neighborhood.

I remember traveling past one of the “road closed” signs with my wife when we saw a car that had ignored the signs and tried to navigate through the construction.  Apparently they didn’t notice that a major section had been cut out of the concrete before driving their front tires into the hole which was several feet deep.  The car was upended, its back end up in the air, and going nowhere fast.

Sometimes, when we ignore the signs that are intended to prevent us from inconvenience, damage, or danger, we can end up just like that car, upended and going nowhere fast.

I’ve been around people, and maybe you’ve been too, who experience what seems like nothing but hard times.  It seems like they constantly battle negativity, face adversity, fall upon hard times, have bad luck, and can’t seem to have anything positive happen without something negative following close behind.

I’m no exception.  I’ve struggled through my own hard times, and I know you have too.  It took me much longer than I care to admit to realize that the reason why I faced so many hard times and struggles was because I ignored the warning signs.  I drove right past the “no not enter” signs of life.  I disregarded the “road closed” warnings.  I neglected to acknowledge the “detours” that were placed before me.  I paid the price.

If we choose to ignore the traffic signs when we are traveling in our vehicles, the journey we experience will be a direct reflection of our choices.  We should expect potential damage to our vehicles, delayed transit time, possible vehicle breakdowns, and rough terrain.  The journey will likely be unpleasant.

However, if we heed the warning signs and take the detours, unpleasant and inconvenient as they may be, we will experience a much safer, happier, and more successful journey in the end.  The degree to which the trip will be pleasant is in direct correlation with the choices we make along the way.

Similarly, the life journey that we experience day to day, week to week, and month to month, is in direct correlation with the choices we make along the way.  Our life experiences are a reflection of what is going on within us.  If we ignore the nudges from our heart and if we don’t follow our intuitive senses, we can end up making decisions that will lead us straight into some form of suffering and displeasure.

The great news is that we do have the ability each and every day to turn things around.  Just because we find ourselves on a rough and difficult journey because of our previous choices, it doesn’t mean that we are stuck on that same road forever.  We can always change the journey by changing our choices and by starting to look for the warning signs.  We always have the ability to quiet ourselves and listen to the internal “nudges” coming from our souls.

Take time to ask yourself how you feel about a certain situation.  Feel within your heart whether you get a “yes” or a “no.”  If you experience any discomfort or uncertainty, maybe that’s a “no” from within.  Sure, sometimes when we try something new or are considering making a change there is some resistance to change which causes anxiety.  I’m not talking about that type of feeling.  I’m talking about that “gut” feeling that something just isn’t right about a situation.

For example, I was considering working with a potential coaching client.  Every interaction I had with that person, whether it was through email or over the phone, left me feeling uneasy and just “not right.”  Eventually, I listened to my heart and felt the “nudge” to say “no” to this client, and the relationship ended right there.  If I were to have ignored the “nudge” and continued with this person, perhaps it would have led to suffering and less than wonderful experiences.

After you get the “yes” or “no” from your heart, then ask one simple question: “What do I want?”  After you determine what it is you want, then go for that.  Yes, it can be that easy!

For example, let’s say you are struggling in your relationship with your spouse.  You are having difficulty communicating with them.  Take time to ask yourself how you feel about the situation.  You may ask yourself, “Do I want to continue this marriage?”

Perhaps you’ll get a “yes” from your heart.  You know you want to be with them, despite your struggles.  You feel that there is a chance you can work through these difficulties.

Then, you can ask yourself, “What do I want?”  Perhaps you’ll come to the conclusion that you want better communication with your spouse, and then you can start to investigate what it is that you can do to improve the communication between you two, such as looking to hire a communication coach or see a relationship expert or marriage counselor or another similar professional.

If this process seems fairly intuitive, to the point where you find yourself saying that it’s common sense, you’re right!  This is an intuitive process, because you’re using your intuitive gifts to help you navigate through your life choices.  Sometimes, however, the choices are more difficult, such as when you find yourself working a job you don’t enjoy, but you still need the financial benefits of staying in that job.  The “yes” or “no” from within may be a bit harder to hear.  However, if you find that this job brings little more than stress, suffering, hard times, bad luck, and negativity, perhaps those are those “warning signs” that are trying to tell you that maybe the path you’re on is not the path for you.

This simple two step process of asking your soul “yes” or “no,” and then asking what it is that you do want can help you navigate through those tough decisions in life.  It can also help you get to the bottom of any current situation that is causing your life to be less than wonderful.

It’s never too late to read the “warning signs” of life and make different choices and smooth out life’s journey.  Sometimes all you need is to plug into that “internal GPS” found deep within you to help you navigate through the difficult aspects of the journey.  The tools are within you to turn any unpleasant aspect of your trip into a more pleasant one.  Just take the time to use introspection and ask the simple questions.  Then, all you need to do is listen!  A wonderful journey awaits!

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/valike