Though I don’t believe it is intuitive to the human species, we have become conditioned to be pretty adept at self blame, feelings of guilt, shame, and self doubt.
The whole thing goes something like this:
Step one: We reflect on something that we did. Things didn’t turn out as we would have liked, or we realized we may have made an error, and as a result, negative feelings arise within us.
Step two: We’ve been conditioned to interpret those negative feelings as a feeling of self blame, guilt, or shame.
Step three: We’ve been conditioned to determine that feelings of self blame, guilt, or shame arise because we did something “bad.”
Step four: Because we did something “bad,” we follow the template we’ve been conditioned to follow: We do something “bad,” we get punished. Since we are self-identifying that we did something “bad,” we are conditioned to believe that we need to punish ourselves.
Step five: We are conditioned to accept our self-punishment as a recurring reminder of how “bad” we are for doing something so “wrong.”
Step six: We’ve been conditioned to throw in the occasional thoughts about how “stupid” we are for “always messing things up.”
Out of those six steps, do you realize how many of them are creations of conditioning? If you missed it, steps two through six are all based on social conditioning.
That means that only step one, where we have negative feelings, is the only “authentic” step in the process. This is where we can “re-write” the whole process. Let’s do that, starting from step one, but now let’s write a new “program” to replace the “old” one.
Step one (again):
We reflect on something that we did. Things didn’t turn out as we would have liked, or we realized we may have made an error, and as a result, negative feelings arise within us.
Step two:
We realize that the negative feelings arise because we did something that is not in alignment with our core values, or because there is a need that was not met.
Step three:
Determine what core value you will adhere to next time, or determine what you’ll do differently to meet the need.
Step four:
Move on and forget about it.
Step five:
The next time we are in a similar situation, refer back to step four.
There is no need to assign blame unto ourselves for something. We all make mistakes. Ninety-nine percent of the time whatever we did carries no major negative ramifications, penalties, or consequences. Go easy on yourself. Just determine what you’ll do differently next time, and move on.
That really is good enough, and that’s all that matters. Don’t hold yourself up to a picture of perfection. Just be a “good enough” person, and you’ll be just fine.
Was this article helpful? Do you see how you can apply this to a situation that happened in the past so you can rise above guilt and shame? I’d love to hear what you think! Scroll down and leave a comment below. I’ll promise to reply.
About a year ago, my older daughter, Brianna, approached me outside as I was doing some yard work.
“Dad?” she asked. “How tall are you?”
I said, “I’m five foot eleven. Five one one.”
“Okay,” Brianna said, as she retreated back into the house.
A couple of minutes later, she came back out.
“How much do you weigh?” she asked.
“One hundred seventy-five pounds. One seven five,” I answered.
“Okay,” she said again, and as before, she went back in the house.
Once again, she came out of the house, and she handed me a piece of paper. It was a Fathers’ Day gift:
It all looked good, until the part where she described that when I was younger I used to “pretend to be a woman.”
Never, ever let a child see a picture of you dressed as a woman for Halloween. No doubt it burns itself into their memory.
Now you also know that I “yell” when I am angry.
Stories are so powerful. They have the ability to capture our attention. They take us somewhere we’ve never been. They turn a dull presentation into an exciting adventure, where time flies and our hearts and souls sing.
If you’re a great storyteller, it can really be to your benefit in building relationships and talking with other people.
On the other hand, your strength in telling stories can be holding you back.
How so?
One of the great things about stories is that they can be told by one, and then repeated by others, fairly accurately, time and time again. It’s how many of the great books we have come to know have been written. However, this can work against us as well.
We all tell ourselves and other people our stories. I’m not talking about stories like the one I told you above. I’m talking about the “stories” we have come to believe about ourselves, our talents, our abilities, our limitations, and our shortcomings.
For example, one of my stories was always, “I’m not good at math.”
Another one was “I’m a horrible salesperson.”
I’ve heard other people say that they’re not creative, or that they are not smart, or even, “It’s just the way it is. I can’t change it.”
They’re all stories. But, they get in our way.
Here are three reasons why our stories can work against us:
1. Some of our stories are simply the reflections of what others have told us and we’ve accepted as true.
This is why we must be so careful of what we say to other people. If you tell your child, for example, that “mom and dad aren’t very good athletes,” and that the child “probably won’t be very good at sports either,” you’re feeding your child a story about how they probably won’t be good at sports.
The problem with this is that whatever your child consciously hears, and then chooses to accept as true, it will become a “program” for your body to execute as instructed.
With children, this is especially powerful, because why would a child ever question whether what their parents say is true? Parents tell their children to look both ways before crossing the street. They tell their children not to talk to strangers. They tell their children all sorts of things to help keep them safe, and they continue to teach them so much about everything!
The next thing the child knows, they’re playing soccer with their friends, and they clumsily dribble the ball just as any other learning soccer player would. What do they say to themselves when they see other children who appear to be better dribblers?
“I’m just not good at sports, just like my parents. My parents were right.”
Years go by, and the story continues…”I’ve never been good at sports.”
2. The stories we tell ourselves continue to shape our perceptions of truth
Just like above, the new (or old) stories we have come to tell ourselves as we continue throughout our lives shape our perceptions of what “is.” If we tell ourselves that we can’t or never have been able to do something, and we accept it as true, our bodies follow the “program” and perpetuate it.
And then we also wonder why we can’t grow or accomplish new things…
3. Having a “convenient” story to tell gets us “off the hook.”
Our stories then become our excuses. “I can’t paint the walls in my house because I’ve never been good at the ‘small details.'”
“I can’t be successful in business because I would have to sell things and I’m not a good salesperson.”
“I can’t be financially successful because whenever something goes well in my life something else comes along and I end up losing my job. I’ll always mess things up and I’ll always be poor.”
“I can’t change things because it’s always been done this way.”
Stories are great for teaching lessons, entertaining others, or connecting authentically with someone else. On the other hand, our stories can really set up obstacles that stand between us and the changes we would like to see take place in our lives. Sometimes our stories keep us safe and give us an excuse to stand pat and not make any changes. Sometimes our stories stop us before we even get started.
Do you have a story that you tell that you feel may be holding you back? Do you have examples of stories you used to tell yourself and others that you’ve stopped telling?
I’d love to hear about it. Please scroll down and leave a comment below! I promise to respond.
Well, not only other people, but pretty much anything…Like cooked rice, for example.
So, I set up the experiment. Here’s what I did:
I took some rice and cooked it according to the instructions. Next, I divided the rice in half and put each half into identical Tupperware containers. I closed both lids so that the seal was air tight, and then I labeled each container as seen below:
Finally, I broadcast a network stream of the two containers of rice, so that people could view them at any time and send thoughts or even audible words of love and gratitude to one container, and thoughts or audible words of negativity to the other. (Thank you to all of you who participated in the experiment).
I left this feed up for one week, and then I discontinued the feed, and then I just placed the picture above within the post so people could continue to send their thoughts and words to the containers at my home while I was vacationing in Nashville. The entire time that this rice was displayed through the feed or simply sitting there I did not refrigerate the rice. It stayed at room temperature for two weeks.
So, before I get to the results, let me just make a confession to you about this whole thing: I think I may have sent thoughts and words to the rice maybe a handful of times. That’s about it. I wanted to see how much of an effect we could collectively have on the rice, but I wanted to largely leave it up to all of you who were participating!
The results:
Well, at first I didn’t see much of anything. I opened up the top of each container, and they pretty much looked the same. “Bummer,” I thought, full of disappointment. But then, I thought perhaps the top only told part of the story, so I closed the lids on the containers, and flipped over the containers. This is what I saw…
Here’s a picture of the bottom of the “Love and Gratitude” container of rice:
And, here’s a picture of the bottom of the “Hate and Disease” container of rice:
What do you think? Pretty remarkable, huh? I thought so.
So, what does this all mean?
Thoughts are energy
Our words are articulated thoughts. By thinking or saying something, it has a vibrational energy to it.
Matter and non-matter is energy
The components of the universe are made up of charged particles — atoms and molecules made up of protons, neutrons, and electrons. They also have a vibrational energy.
When we send out a certain vibrational energy and direct it toward a component of the universe, we establish a vibrational resonant frequency, and it can affect the universal components. I had mentioned the works of Masaru Emoto, who famously takes pictures of water crystals that are exposed to various stimuli to see the effects of the stimuli on them. Similar to the rice experiment, the thoughts and words directed at the water crystals had a profound effect on their shape and geometry.
The reason why I did this experiment was twofold. One, to see this experiment and the results with my own eyes, for validation. Two, to impress upon you how what we think are simple and non-harmful words and thoughts can have an impact on everything around you. It can position you for success and failure. It can help or harm your relationships. It can be the difference between you liking yourself and not liking yourself. It can impact your health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally.
The next time you think or say something, just remember that if simple words or thoughts can impact a bunch of cooked rice simply sitting in a container at room temperature, they certainly can have a substantial impact on living, breathing beings who co-exist on this planet along with you.
Take heed of your words and thoughts. Never forget the powerful effects they can have on everything around us.
What are your thoughts about this experiment? How does it affect your viewpoint of the power or our words and thoughts? I’d love to hear from you! Scroll down and leave a comment, and I’ll respond.
That’s what I led myself to believe for years. After all, I had evidence to support that fact, going back to my childhood years. When I was in elementary school, we were asked to do fundraisers. I had all the ambition, even walking up to a mile to find people who would buy from me (I lived out in the country, so there weren’t too many neighbors close by), but unfortunately, no matter who I visited, they all said no when I asked them to buy something.
After a while, I became discouraged, and began to absolutely hate it when I was asked to participate in fundraising efforts. “People won’t buy from me anyway,” I thought. “I am just bothering them,” I thought, and eventually, I just left the materials at home, and I never ventured outside my front door to engage in any selling efforts.
In college, I worked at a mall in the customer service department. We were not only to work the customer service desk, but also to try to get people to sign up for the mall’s “perk” program, where they gained incentives for shopping.
“I hate trying to push things on to people that they don’t want,” I thought. “If they wanted to buy, they’d come asking what I am promoting,” I thought. “I’m just bothering people who just want to shop,” I thought.
“After all, I am a bad salesman anyway.”
I’d never enjoyed selling anything, and I’d always thought I was bad at it.
However, I’ve learned, over time, that it just isn’t true. It was only true because I believed it. Perception is reality, right?
I applied for a job at an insurance agency, and the agent asked me to sell him a picture frame sitting on his desk. I started by asking questions about what he looks for in a picture frame and what he would use it for. He was blown away by my approach.
I can convince people to buy things that I believe in, even if I don’t use the product myself. I’ve encouraged people to do something like this many times.
I worked at a restaurant which was looking for more people to work there, and I either directly or indirectly recruited and got five people jobs there.
So, yes, clearly, in certain contexts, I thought myself into believing I was a horrible salesperson, while at the same time, in other contexts, I was easily sharing the value of certain things to the point where people were convinced and were “sold” on my “pitch.”
So, what was the difference between the two contexts? Simple.
In one context, no matter how hard I tried to “sell,” I secretly believed that the person would not buy. In the other, I had no resistance.
To remove the limitations, you need to increase your allowance!
It’s not about removing the limitations. The limitations I faced were only there because there was resistance to the idea of selling. My thoughts were incongruent. I was pitching a product, but my inner self was saying “they’re going to say no.”
My resistance was high. I didn’t believe I had it in me.
Whereas, in the other instances, where I was able to convince people, there was no resistance. My thoughts and actions were in line. I was allowing the desired outcome to come to me, and I didn’t resist or believe I didn’t have a chance before I even started. That was the difference!
Is there something that you’re struggling with? Is there a “story” you’ve been telling yourself, and knowing fully that you’ve been believing it, even though it’s not true? Have you been fighting to overcome the limitations you are placing upon yourself?
If so, focus on allowing things to come to you. Allow yourself to just “let it in.” Believe in yourself. Allow more. Resist less. Give in. Let it all in!
I’ve found myself that when you simply allow, and don’t fight or tell yourself how you can’t do something, your actions and thoughts find themselves in alignment, and when they find alignment, you are primed to let the good things happen and come to you.
I’d love to hear from you! Do you have limitations or “stories” that you’ve told yourself, such as mine, where I thought I was a bad salesperson? Does this article resonate with you? Is it helpful? I’d love to hear from you. Scroll down and leave your comments, and I promise to respond!
I used to be such a believer in the physical, and the physical only. It began and ended in my head. It was all about the brain and the body, and not too much else. Truth to be told, I felt a little uncomfortable and skeptical about the “woo woo” stuff — you know, talking about spirituality, and our soul, and our life purpose, and all of that.
Fortunately for me, my life has been made all the better by being introduced to a great network of wonderful people who’ve helped bring more spirituality and higher aspirations to my life, and one of those people who has greatly impacted my life is my dear friend, Jodi Chapman.
Jodi is rolling out a wonderful new opportunity for people to connect with her and a wonderful community of like-minded individuals in what she calls her “Soul Life Sanctuary.” She wants you to be involved in this great group of people, and I invited her to my blog so that I could introduce you to her and learn more about the sanctuary. Welcome Jodi!
For those who are meeting you for the first time, please tell us more about yourself.
If you’re just meeting me for the first time, I would love to start by saying hello. I’m grateful that our paths have crossed, and I look forward to being on this journey together!
I live with my heart on my sleeve. I’m sensitive, loving, sappy, authentic, and soulful. I’m an inspirational writer. I found my voice just a few years ago when I connected with my soul, and we’ve been non-stop ever since – writing books, blogs, columns, and ecourses! It fills me up to connect with others authentically and lovingly, which is why I love creating communities and sites that allow for this deep interaction.
I live in southern Oregon with my super loving, always supportive, best friend/husband/soulmate, Dan Teck. We share our lives with three sweet cats: Biddle, Buncom, and Elsie.
I am a recovering perfectionist who is learning that loving myself and knowing that I am enough exactly as I am is far more important than finishing the to-do list or crossing every “t” or dotting every “i” or doing everything so far above and beyond. This has been something that I continue to remind myself of each day, and it feels pretty good to put work away and slow down and allow myself to simply be. It’s different but definitely something that I’m getting used to. 🙂
You’ve just created the Soulful Life Sanctuary, and I would love for you to share more about it with us!
I would love to! It’s been a dream of mine for quite awhile now, and I’m so excited that it’s here! The Soulful Life Sanctuary is a sacred community where we lift each other up and support each other in listening to our soul’s whispers. It’s a gathering of like-minded friends and a collection of soulful tools and resources to help you along your journey. You’ll be supported every step of the way by me, plus a dozen Soul Guides and a loving community of like-minded friends. It’s a place where we can slow down, share authentically, reconnect with our soul, and open our hearts to others who are on a similar journey.
What inspired you to create the Soulful Life Sanctuary?
I created the sanctuary for a few reasons: to give each of us a sacred community where our hearts could share openly and expand with others who are on a similar journey, to create a loving space where we could slow down from all of the DOing and simply BE, and to bring together soulful tools to help each of us along our journey.
I have found in my own life that it’s sometimes easier to disconnect from our true voice – our soul, our purpose, the deeper meaning of life – than it is to stay connected. Life gets so busy, we’re all driven by our to-do lists, and DOing sometimes seems to be given more priority than BEing.
This is something that I’ve struggled with throughout my life, actually. I’ve accomplished some really great things through doing and pushing and achieving. And I’m so grateful for that. But I found that all of these achievements didn’t mean anything to me if I lost my connection to my soul and to the universe and to what’s truly important in my life. If I wasn’t present, grounded, or connected, I wasn’t able to enjoy these accomplishments. They felt hollow to me, and I couldn’t feel grateful for them.
On the other hand, I found that when I was connected with my soul, to others, and to the universe, I could appreciate everything that happened in my life much more easily.
It’s my intention that the Soulful Life Sanctuary will be a space for all of us to go when we’re ready to reconnect with our soul, connect with each other from an authentic space, and breathe a collective exhale.
Can you tell us more about what’s included in the Soulful Life Sanctuary?
I would be happy to! The Soulful Life Sanctuary includes a supportive community, a virtual classroom/retreat center, and a set of tools/resources to help you live your most radiant, authentic, soulful life!
Here’s a taste of what’s included:
Unlimited Sanctuary Access for 12 Months + Discounted Price for Life! – You’ll be able to pick and choose from a huge “buffet” of soulful offerings—from ecourses and live classes to blogs and forums…and so much more! Plus, you’ll be grandfathered in at the super-low earlybird price for as long as you stay a member, regardless of future price increases!
Sacred Spaces and Soul Guides – Over a dozen virtual “rooms” focused on soulful topics such as Spirituality, Wellness, Abundance, Soulful Parenting, Self Love and Relationships, and much more—led by the Soul Guides.
Ecourses – You’ll have instant access to ALL of my ecourses—including the popular “Coming Back to Life” course and many others (eight available immediately, with at least three more being added within the year)—on topics including soulful journaling, relationships, soulful business tips, gratitude, manifestation, daily spiritual practice, and much more!
Live and Archived Classes – You’ll get free access to online classes on a wide variety of topics—ranging from intuitive readings to life coaching and nutrition. You can attend live or through an archive, which you can access at any time during your membership. You can even apply to teach your own class!
Private Facebook Community – As a member, you’ll have access to the sanctuary’s private Facebook community, which is a safe space for you to connect with the other members and also myself and the Soul Guides.
Your Own Personalized Page – You’ll be able to create a personal page where you can upload photos, share about yourself, see your latest activities, and read and respond to comments that other members have left for you.
Soulful Blogs – As a sanctuary member, you can share your soulful wisdom through your blog, and you can also be inspired by reading others’ blogs! It’s a great way for us to connect and learn from each other.
Sanctuary Shop – You’ll have access to a wide variety of soulful gifts and services—all from sanctuary members. You can also apply to have your products/services listed in the shop, where you’ll be able to reach thousands with your own soulful offerings!
Optional Monthly Skype Sessions and Facebook Parties – As a sanctuary Member, you’ll also have the option to be part of the Soul Shakers’ community, which includes monthly Skype sessions (in groups of 9 or fewer), as well as a private forum where we can connect more deeply and support each other in reaching our dreams authentically and soulfully!
More than anything else, though, the Soulful Life Sanctuary is a sacred space where you can slow down, listen to your soul’s whispers, and connect with that deepest part of yourself and others! It’s a place where you can reconnect with that beautiful light that shines within you and share it with the world. It’s a place where you can come home to your true self.
Who is the sanctuary for?
The Soulful Life Sanctuary is for those who are:
feeling called to slow down and reconnect with their soul, their purpose, and their place in the world.
tired of feeling like they’re walking through life alone and are wanting to connect with others who are on a similar journey.
excited to immerse themselves in a loving community that offers soulful tools to help them become more grounded and connected to both the physical and spiritual world.
ready to show up authentically and openly, ready to get real (with themselves and also with others), and ready to be in a supportive, safe space where they can take off the mask and share their true self.
open to spiritual growth and want to feel free to explore through ecourses and live classes.
ready to step into their soul’s purpose (or at least explore what that purpose might be).
ready to give themselves permission to Do less and Be more.
ready to love and be loved, to give and to receive, and to stay open to the magic.
I see that you have invited 12 Soul Guides to join you in the sanctuary. Can you please share more about them and what their role in the sanctuary will be?
Sure! I used to be someone who tried to do everything on my own. And not only was it a lonely way to walk through life, it also was exhausting. When I opened up and began to live a soulful life, I realized that inviting others to be on the journey with me felt so much better. I saw that we are much more powerful together than we are alone. And my heart was happy to have others to share my experiences with.
This is why I invited these beautiful souls to join me when I created this sacred community. I chose people who were already living their soul’s purpose and were already serving others in loving ways. Each of the guides is an expert in their area, and I’m so happy that they will be sharing their wisdom with all of us. They each have a sacred space inside the Sanctuary where they will be supporting the members.
Here list a list of the Soul Guides and their Sacred Spaces (in alphabetical order):
Christine Callahan-Oke – Soulful Guidance
Leanne Chapman – Creativity
Robin Chellis – Soulful Love & Relationships
Cassandra Herbert – Soulful Wellness
Sue Kearney – Soulful Astrology
Caroline Kirk – Soulful Spirituality
Becky McCleery – Soulful Parenting
Astra Spider – Soulful Abundance
Dan Teck – Joy and Gratitude
Lori Thiessen – Earth Angels
Shann Vander Leek – Soulful Self-Care
Nukhet Hendricks – Intuition
What does soulful living mean to you?
For me, it means being connected to our soul – to that magical, neverending part of ourselves who is so wise and loving. It’s so easy to walk through life feeling disconnected, and so this would be the first part of living soulfully – plugging back in.
It also means that we’re open to giving and receiving love, and we’re open to allowing ourselves to embrace our life. We open to the possibility that the world is for us rather than against us, and we see our life through a lens of expansion and possibility. We open ourselves up to miracles.
It also means living authentically – bravely sharing our true selves with the world – letting our uniqueness shine through. It means that we come back to the present moment – over and over again. We know that it’s natural to leave it (we’re human after all), but we also know that we have the power to come back to it – to get into the habit of grounding ourselves and breathing this exact moment into our hearts.
Living soulfully means living a balanced life. It means taking time for ourselves as well as supporting others.
It means saying yes to our soul’s whispers – acting on them and honoring them, even if we are afraid (especially if we are afraid).
I believe that a soulful life is a life filled with so much love.
How has your life changed since you started paying attention to the whispers of your soul?
Wow – it’s changed in so many ways! I used to be so disconnected from my soul that I didn’t even remember I had a soul, much less listen to what it whispered to me. It’s only been a few years since I opened up to this part of myself, and everything has changed.
I used to be very mistrusting of others, and living soulfully has helped me to move through life trusting others and being open – assuming the best rather than fearing the worst. The lens that I see the world through has changed – it’s now loving and filled with possibility rather than fearful and cynical. My world is now expansive rather than constricted. And I’ve found that what I focus on becomes my reality – we’re truly that powerful. So if I focus on love and gratitude, I automatically am going to attract more love and gratitude into my life.
I am awake now rather than walking through life feeling numb. Because of this, I feel everything – the good and also the bad. But I feel alive, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
I get to spend my days sharing from my soul through my writing and in my communities, which is so magical.
My soul has led me to such a beautiful life, and I will continue to put all of my trust and faith into this wise part of myself. I know that it knows more than I ever will, and I’m so grateful that we all have this special gift to tap into.
What are the benefits for people who join the sanctuary?
Oh my gosh, there are so many!
First, I would say that the biggest benefit for anyone who joins is to know that they are a part of a loving community of like-minded souls where they can show up authentically and soulfully and be completely supported and accepted.
Second, joining means that you are letting your soul know that your connection to this wise part of yourself matters to you, and you are committing to making space to honor and expand on this connection. The more you make connecting with your soul a regular part of your life, the easier it will become and the more benefits, love, and wisdom you will receive from it.
Third, you’ll have access to so many tools to support you in reconnecting with your soul, slowing down, and embracing your life. You’ll receive access to all of my ecourses immediately when the sanctuary opens, plus there will be classes offered frequently, which are free to the members!
Can you share one way that you would suggest we can begin connecting with our soul?
Definitely! Our soul oftentimes speaks to us in whispers, and the only way we’ll be able to hear it is to slow down, get still, and listen. So I would suggest scheduling some “soul time” each day – time away from the to-do list, time away from others, time where you can be still and simply BE. It doesn’t have to be a huge amount of time either – just a few minutes is sometimes all we need to ground ourselves enough to hear our soul. I’ve found that doing this regularly creates space for magic. It really is that easy.
I saw that you’re offering an amazing bonus package worth over $800 for everyone who signs up by July 31st – can you tell us more about this?
I’m beyond grateful to all of the sweet souls who have donated their products/services for the sanctuary’s launch! I’m just blown away by their huge hearts! To celebrate the grand opening, everyone who joins the sanctuary by July 31st will receive this bonus package, which is worth over $800! It includes ecourses, meditations, ebooks, and so much more!
That’s great! I also saw that you’re offering a special discount for everyone who joins the sanctuary in June! Please share more about that!
It’s true! The sanctuary opens on July 1st, and I wanted to kick it off early with a special discount for everyone who signed up now! So I’m offering $100 off the regular price all month long! You’ll receive over $1300 in goodies when you join + over $800 in bonus gifts. It’s pretty amazing, and I know that your soul will be so full when you dive into all that’s included! I can’t wait to see you inside!
This sounds so wonderful! Where can everyone go to learn more about the sanctuary and sign up?
You will find all of the details here: http://www.jodichapman.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-affiliate-platform/api/redirect.php?url=http://www.soulfullifesanctuary.com&ap_id=victorsch (Please shorten using either Bitly or Goog.li)
Great! Is there anything else you would like to share?
I know that we’re all busy. I know that life seems to be speeding up. I know that we think we don’t have time to join one more thing or put anything else on our plate. I get that – I really do. But here’s the thing: all of these to-dos mean nothing if we aren’t connected to our soul, to ourselves, to each other, and to our purpose. I don’t want any of us to spend even one more day running around and saying that we’ll put ourselves on the list “someday.” The time truly is now. You’re worth slowing down for. You’re worth taking time to get grounded. You’re worth living a life that feeds your soul and brings you joy. And it’s up to you to say yes to yourself and yes to your soul. I can’t wait for you to join me in the sanctuary. We’re going to have so much fun together!
About Jodi:
Jodi Chapman is a bestselling author, an award-winning blogger, and an inspirational community builder. She wears her heart on her sleeve and tends to attract others into her life who do the same. It’s her heart’s desire to help others reconnect with their soul and plug back into their life.
After experiencing a spiritual awakening in October 2010, she went from being a complete skeptic to a believer in miracles and the magic that is always occurring all around us. She now lives her life with love and faith in the driver’s seat, and she hopes to leave a trail of inspiration wherever she goes. She believes that we each have the ability to hear our soul’s whisper and create our best lives.
This past week I was at a conference in Atlanta, and I was eating lunch with my friend, Andria Molina, and she was telling me about an interesting experiment that she conducted.
She cooked some rice, and then placed the rice in a container. With one container, she expressed positive thoughts and said loving words to it. With the other, she expressed negative thoughts and said not-so-loving things to the rice.
The results were amazing. You could clearly see how the rice which was the recipient of the positive thoughts and words never really changed in its appearance, while the other rice which received the negative thoughts underwent some changes.
Her experiment was based on the studies done by Masaru Emoto, who famously takes pictures of water crystals that are exposed to various stimuli to see the effects of the stimuli on them. The results are astounding. If you’re not familiar with his work, feel free to visit his website, http://www.masaru-emoto.net/english/index.html
You can also see some evidence of his intriguing discoveries by watching this video:
So, I want to do this experiment myself, to see what results I can get, but I want you to help and be a part of this experiment! I just cooked some rice, and I am placing it into two airtight containers. One is going to be labeled “Love and Gratitude” and the other is going to be labeled “Hate and Disease.”
Here’s where I want your help:
I am going to stream a live feed of the two containers of rice, and I want you to visit the stream. When you view the two containers of rice, I would like to ask you to send thoughts of love and gratitude, or happiness, or joy, or any other positive emotion to the container labeled “Love and Gratitude.” You can even actually say kind things to that container.
Next, I want you to send thoughts of negativity and criticism to the container labeled “Hate and Disease.” You can even say things like, “Yuck,” or “I hate you,” or anything else negative or critical toward that rice.
I’m going to leave the stream up throughout the week, and I invite you to come back as often as you’d like to participate in the experiment. I’ll take a “Before and After” photo of the rice, and then I’ll share the results of the experiment with you.
I want to see how powerful our thoughts and words are, and I hope you can join me in this fun experiment!
**Please note: The stream is no longer active, but the rice is still in the same spot. I want to continue the experiment by having you view a picture of the rice, and continue to send your thoughts to the rice. I want to see how this affects the rice. The picture is below:
Thanks for participating! I am looking forward to the results! I’ll be sure to share them with you in an update!
UPDATE!
The results are in! CLICK HERE to see the results of this experiment!
We seem to say it so often. We seem to think it even more:
“When I get ______ (fill in the blank), then I’ll be happy.”
My daughters say it all the time!
“Daddy, I want to get _______ (fill in the blank). I’ll be so happy when I get it!”
I ask them, “So, you think that happiness comes from ‘getting’ things?”
They reply with the usual, “Yes!”
So, the question I ask you is the same — Does happiness come from getting “things?” Do we think that once we get something our lives will be better?
Now, truth to be told, yes, if we think about what we usually seek, which is more money, chances are we will be happy about the fact that we don’t have to worry about where the next dollar is going to come from. But, here’s the rub: Even if we were to experience more happiness by getting “things,” we’re not going to get those “things” or reach our highest potential if we continue with the same mentality which got us to where we are now, which is not enough “things” at the moment.
It’s “If…Then” thinking. We say, “If I get _____ (fill in the blank), then my problems will go away, and then life will be better.”
So, how are you going to get whatever you filled in the blank with if you don’t change what you’re doing? You didn’t really think about that, did you?
The truth of the matter is that we think that we have to change what we do between now and the future, when we actually “get” the “thing” we want. The reality is that it’s flawed thinking.
Here’s what really has to happen: We need to change what we do “now” to have an effect on what happens in the “between,” which then will impact what will transpire in the future.
By continually thinking that all we need is to get that “thing” what we’re really doing is focusing on the “lack” of that “thing” in the now. We’re vibrating with an energy that says, “I don’t have what I seek. I lack it.” When you send this signal out into the universe, the universe hears you essentially saying, “Hey Universe, I want more of this!”
The universe doesn’t discern what you “think” you want from what you are shouting out from your vibration and energy, so the universe will respond by saying, “You want more? You’ve got it!” And, for you, nothing changes. You still go on, lacking what it is you really desire, and you keep sending out those vibes saying that you lack it and you like it.
So you really need to change what you think. You actually have to think about what it is you desire, and you have to act as if that comes easily to you, and it’s just a matter of time before the “thing” you desire is on it’s way to you.
I suggest instead of thinking, “When I get _____ (fill in the blank), I’ll be happy,” instead ask yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice if ______ (fill in the blank with what you desire)?”
When you make this switch, you make it more playful. You are just enticing the universe to play along. You say, “Hey Universe, wouldn’t it be fun if _______?” and the universe will say, “You want to find out? Here you go! On it’s way.”
Even if you’re not buying this whole “universe” thing, let me ask you this — What harm does it do to give it a try? Are you going to be in a worse position than before if you give it a shot? What do you have to lose?
Nothing, I believe. You have nothing to lose by giving it a try.
We transmit vibrational energy. That brings things to us that have a similar energy. If you want to keep focusing on what you lack, the lack is what you’ll get. Shift. Focus on what it is you want, but make it playful. Act as if you have it, or that you have always had it. That simple change can really make a difference.
I’d love to hear from you! Do you engage in “If…Then” thinking? Do you see how perhaps making the small shift can be helpful to you? Let me know! Scroll down and leave a comment below. I want to hear about it!
We spend a lot of time and energy judging and analyzing what we see around us. Part of that comes from our body’s desire to make sure that we “size up” the scene to make sure things are safe, but as many things go that we’ve picked up from our caveman ancestors, much of what we engage in these days has little to do with safety and survival.
Instead, we have more time on our hands, coupled with fewer bodily threats, so we spend our time making judgments about what we see other people doing. Here’s the funny thing about it all: Number one, we can’t really do anything about what other people do, and number two, even knowing this, we still spend so much time talking with other people about what other people do as if it’s going to make a difference!
When we spend our time thinking about how “wrong” other people’s actions and behaviors are, it doesn’t do anything productive. We just expend a significant amount of time and energy in something that is so frivolous and useless all at the same time. When we purport others to be “wrong,” then we also have to in some way convince others (and sometimes reassure ourselves) how we are indeed right.
One of the ways that we so surreptitiously slide judgmental thoughts into our conversations is by utilizing what I call the “terrible toos.” Here are a couple of examples of uses of the “terrible toos:”
“He’s too short.”
“That’s way too loud.”
“She spends too much time on her phone.”
“People take things way too seriously.”
“He talks too much.”
All of the above examples illustrate the serious flaw in the utilization of the “terrible toos” — By using the “terrible toos,” there is an assumption that there is a “just right” amount of something.
So, let me ask you…How tall is “just the right amount of height?” How loud would be “not too loud,” but the perfect amount of “loudness?” How much time is “just the right amount of time to spend on the phone?” Just how much “seriousness” is a person supposed to inject into “things?” And, just how much talking is “just the right amount” of talking?
Do you see? It’s all based on judgment. And, it’s just a load of crap! There is no “magic” or “perfect” amount. It’s simply our opinion, but it comes across as if we know better.
Now, in the event that you don’t really intend to communicate that someone is doing something “wrong,” and that you’re “right,” there is an easy way to eliminate the use of the “terrible toos.” All you have to do is state the facts or your preference. Let’s look at the “terrible too” phrases above, now written (or spoken) by avoiding use of the “terrible toos:”
“He’s shorter than many people his age.”
“That’s louder than I would prefer.”
“She spends more time on her phone than I would prefer.”
“I would like it if he were to try to have a little more fun with this activity.”
“He talks more than I would prefer.”
By rephrasing these statements, now you are more accurately communicating what it is that you’re really trying to say, which is essentially, “The way you’re going about it is not necessarily how I would prefer going about it.” But, at least now you’re saying what you mean, instead of allowing for a potential defensive reaction from the other person, because they have a different preference as far as how to go about things.
Yes, there are times when it’s perfectly fine to use the word “too,” because it’s not a judgment. For example, if a recipe calls for one cup of flour, and you pour in two cups, it would be accurate to say that you used “too much flour.” If it’s entirely measurable, and someone uses more or less than what is called for, of course you can use the word “too” and you wouldn’t be judging. What I am speaking to is when the subject or observation is clearly subjective, yet we are trying to determine a “magic” or “perfect” am0unt of something.
When we avoid using the “terrible toos,” we’ll find more peace with others, because we’re not judging them, thereby avoiding a defensive response, and we’ll find more peace with ourselves, because we are free to share our opinions and preferences without claiming to be “right” and pointing out how others are “wrong.” Give it a try, and you’ll see how liberating it can be to make that simple omission of the “terrible toos” from your conversations!
Did you find this to be helpful? Do you know of times when you have caught yourself using the “terrible toos?” How do you think things can change for you by avoiding them? Scroll down and leave your thoughts! I’d love to hear from you!
Powerful people. People of power. Both the same, or different?
I guess it depends on your point of view and what you have come to learn about what power is. For me, personally, there is a huge difference between powerful people and people of power. And it all has to do with what the person does with the power and how they use the power they have.
Here’s where perception makes all the difference, because here’s the thing — when you are in the presence of a powerful person or a person of power, where does your power go? Does it suddenly evaporate?
Yes, you do have power too, but you may be allowing yourself to allow it to disappear faster than a piece of steak dropped on the floor in front of a dog.
Why is it that we give our power to other people? More importantly, how can we keep our own power and not give it to someone else?
Power is all about perception, as I easily pointed out above, when I showed you how power (or at least the perception of your power) vanished in a flash. The truth is that power is not a physical entity. It’s just energy. Furthermore, power really doesn’t appear or disappear. Instead, think of power as a transferrable entity. It is transferrable energy. It can be easily passed from another person to you, or you can pass it on to another person.
So clearly this is all about your perception of your worthiness to hang on to your own power without transferring it to someone else. Are you worth anything in your own estimation? Do you have value? Of course you do, so own your power! You deserve to have power, and it’s yours to keep, not to give away to anyone else.
Now, back to the idea of a potential difference between a powerful person versus a person of power. It all has to do with what they do with the power they have. But, where does the power come from?
If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll answer that question easily: they don’t “have” the power bestowed upon them. Power is transferred to them by the people who allow it to be transferred from themselves to the person who possesses the power.
This clearly establishes a point that I want you to remember forever and ever, and that is this:
The only power that a person has over you is the power you give them permission to have over you.
If you can keep your power, you possess the power. If you allow yourself to give away your power to them, you’ve just lost it because you’ve transferred it to them.
A powerful person needs power. Without power, they are nothing. And, they know it. When someone needs something desperately, and they feel they only have a limited supply and they aren’t certain they’ll get any more, what do they fear more than anything?
They fear that they’ll lose it.
When someone fears that they’ll lose their power, they’ll do anything to make sure they keep it. The most effective way to keep power coming to them is to continually transfer the power of others to themselves. This is done by engaging in behaviors that encourage or facilitate the transfer the people from “less powerful” positions to themselves. In other words, it could be interpreted or diagnosed that they engage in “power plays.” They “throw their power around” so everyone knows they’re in control.
No, they’re not in control. Au contraire! You are always in control of your power, and it’s always your choice as to whether you’ll allow it to transfer from you to someone else.
Have you already given your power away? If you have, no big deal. It’s just energy. You can get that power back any time you wish in a flash, literally. It’s just a matter of respecting your own worth and value, and by performing that simple act of valuing yourself, you will re-deposit the power back to yourself.
People of power are different. They empower other people. They use their position to encourage people to not only maintain their power, but to use it in ways that benefit others. People of power know that power is only energy, and it’s not a possession that can be kept, or even belongs to them in the first place. In fact, they know that if they just value themselves, they have more than enough power within them to do what they need to do. They don’t need to “suck” the power from others. They’ve already got everything they need!
So, in the end, remember that power is only energy. Power is not a possession. It is a transferable commodity, and it can be transferred in a flash, either to you or from you.
Own your power. Hang on to it. You deserve to. Don’t give your power away to people who operate through a fear and scarcity mentality.
The truth is, powerful people have all the power they need, but they don’t believe they have enough. They feel that power has to be given to them, and they demand that it be given to them. Furthermore, they desperately fear that their power won’t hold, and they fear that one day their power will be gone. It was never their power to have in the first place. The power they have accumulated and cling to belongs to someone else. It needs to be refunded.
Don’t allow yourself to give your power away to anyone else. It’s yours to have for your own benefit. As long as you honor and value yourself, and as long as you remember that the power others have over you is entirely up to you, you’ll quickly realize that you can retain and reclaim your personal power from anyone and any time you’d like.
Power to the people, baby.
Did you find this article helpful? Have you given your power away, and do you now plan on getting it back? I’d like to hear your stories. Scroll down and leave a comment below! I’d love to hear about it!
There’s a Polish expression that can be translated to read, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
I think that the use of this expression, or at least the thought of, can really help you out when it comes to letting go of other people’s dramas or other things that just consume your time and your energy.
When we look at the injustices that are going on in the world around us, the first question to ask is “What power do I have to make a change?”
If we’re bent out of shape because we don’t like what someone else is doing, say a co-worker or someone over which you have no authority, you truly lack the power to get this person to stop doing what we don’t like. The only way change is going to happen is if it comes from that person or from a person who possesses the authority over them to demand the change.
When it comes to the injustices and atrocities of the larger world, we definitely have the power to make a change. However, then we have to ask the next question, which is “What actionable step am I going to take to make a change?” If you are motivated enough to identify something wrong with the world, like this guy, and make a difference, by all means do it.
However, many people find it much more convenient to just sit back and talk about what’s wrong with the world, but that’s as far as it goes. Now, let me make something very clear. There’s no problem with that — there is no shame in inaction. But, what is the benefit? All we get out of it is bent out of shape because we don’t agree with what other people are doing, and we don’t like what we see.
“Should” leads to judgment
Instead of moving to make a change and reach a solution, we sit back and talk about how they “should” not do this or “should” not do that. When we “should” on other people, we are led down the path to judgment. We are led to a belief that there is a right and there is a wrong. We believe that there is “too much” or “too little” of that.
We say, “That’s just wrong,” and then we carry on about just how “wrong” it really is, as if that is making a difference or a change.
Here’s the thing: If you’re not in a position to, or willing to remedy the “problem” and right the “wrong,” you’re just wasting your time and energy.
It’s not your circus, and they’re not your monkeys. Just let it go. Don’t worry about it if you’re not going to take action.
Simply complaining about what you don’t like or how you would do things differently serves absolutely no positive purpose. All it does is solidifies you in a judgmental position and puts you in a position in which you are deviating from compassion and migrating toward violence.
Let it go. It’s not your problem. Injustices and horrible things are happening each and every day all over the world. We can’t save the world by ourselves. Let it go.
I’m not saying to turn a blind eye to the opportunities we have for change. But, I still know how people can be, which consists of standing by and pointing out all that’s wrong with the world, but still offering no real attempt or proposed solution to make a difference.
So, to borrow another phrase, “Either sh*t or get off the pot.” But, if you’re gonna get “off the pot,” then let it go.
It’s not your circus, and they’re not your monkeys. So you don’t like what someone’s doing. So?
Don’t waste your time and energy pointing out what’s wrong with the world if you can’t or are unwilling to change it. It’s just not worth it. Spend your time and energy on positive things, like focusing on what you can do, or thinking about something that generates within you loving, positive, warm, or happy feelings. We can greatly benefit from the efforts directed at the generation of positivity within us, and guess what? Others will benefit as well.
More monkeys, more problems. Just let the circus go.
What did you think of this article? Did you find it helpful? Will it make a change in how you view your current circumstances? I’d love to know! Scroll down and leave a comment below!
On Monday at 12:00 PM Central I will be welcoming Angela Artemis to my radio show to talk about how we can use our intuition to help us discover our true life purpose!
Click on Angela’s picture above to listen to the show!
