“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” ~Joseph Campbell

I was talking to my best friend last week, and we were discussing a theatre group that I helped start at the tender young age of nineteen.  It was sixteen years ago, to be precise, that I, with the help of two of my friends who were also nineteen, started a community theatre organization.

One of the things we had talked about in regard to getting this group started was the fact that, even though I was in the midst of a deep depression, I was still able to function pretty reasonably, given the circumstances.

I hadn’t really thought about it, but it did seem quite strange that I found a few hours each summer day to be inspired and creative enough to contribute to this organization.  Looking back, the things that we accomplished as nineteen year olds was quite astounding.  To think of what it took to get sponsored, funded, approved, supported, not to mention the buy in from the community along with all the other things we needed just to get the organization started, it makes my head spin just thinking about it.  It also makes me shake my head at the sheer magnitude of the project we took on back then!

Oh yes, that and the fact that sometimes people don’t take nineteen year olds too seriously, especially when they are trying to tackle such a daunting task.  We had to be bold, courageous, fearless, and risky.

For some strange reason, even though my life was just a mess otherwise, I seemed to not just hold it together during those times when I needed to for rehearsals; I actually stepped up and did some pretty remarkable things — things that would challenge me greatly now, sixteen years later.  To be honest, I don’t know if I even could do some of those things these days.  I’ve matured a bit! 🙂

My friend, during our discussion, suggested that perhaps the time spent with the theatre organization was an escape for me — it was an escape from all the garbage that I had to deal with.

Almost immediately, it hit me — it was a revelation — an epiphany of sorts.  For years I had struggled to figure out what the “deal” was for me, during all those years of suffering.

It all came to a head, and I actually figured it out — I was afraid.  That’s it.  I was afraid.

“Afraid of what?” you may ask.  It’s simple — I was afraid of losing the life path I thought I “should” be living.  Before my mom died in 1993, when I was sixteen, I had a pretty basic idea of what my life was going to be like as the years progressed.  Yes, I know that one’s perspective of life when one is sixteen years old differs greatly from the perspective one has when they are older, but still, I had a general idea of what I wanted to do with my life, not to mention the fact that I was operating under the assumption that my parents would be around for a significant portion of my life.

Yet, on that July day in 1993, everything got screwed up — I had to adopt a different life path, because now my mom was gone.  I was so terrified at what may happen to me in the future that I struggled so mightily to stay as close to that “original” life plan as possible.  The harder I struggled to prevent losing my way on my life path, the more fearful I was, which limited my personal potential.

Because I was so attached to this life path, and also so fearless of losing my way, I lived a life of fear.  This was my “real” life, as I believed it to be, full of suffering and fear due to attachment:

 This differed starkly from my “escape,” as my friend had suggested, which was a time where I was bold and fearless, open to creative possibilities:

You can see when you compare them, side by side, that they are almost opposites of each other:

My “epiphany” came when I realized that I had this all wrong!  My perspective was “flipped!”  What “I believed” to be my real life was not really that at all!  As a matter of fact, what I believed to be my “escape” was simply a glimpse of my true, authentic self, when I was unincumbered and liberated of my fear and my attachment to the life path I believed I was supposed to be “traveling.”  It was then that I discovered the greatness that was within!

How often do we obsess over how we thing things “should” be?  How often do we fear change that lies ahead?  When we become fearful of the changes that we face — when we become afraid of losing what we think we “should” maintain — the fear and desperate attempts to preserve or protect the loss often limits our potential.  We are so consumed with preventing a loss that we lose perspective — we develop “tunnel vision.”  Because we lose perspective, we miss out on the potential that we possess, and we miss an opportunity to discover our inner greatness.

It’s time to let go of the fear of losing what we think we “should” have.  It only limits our potential.  We were destined to be great!  We can achieve our true inner geatness if only we let go.  We have to let go, and dare ourselves to live, fully unleashed, ready to bring out the greatness that lies within!

It’s time to be great!  Live unleashed!

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The following is a guest post by Diane Wing of InnerMagick.com

The kids are all set for camp or other fun summer activity, your husband is playing golf, and you…well, you are probably playing taxi driver for the kids or using the time to catch-up on errands or chores around the house.  When was the last time you had fun?

You have thought about it, dreamed about it, but your family needs a lot of attention and you want to make sure you take care of them.   Now you are too tired to make plans of your own; besides, what if they need you while you are off doing something you enjoy?

You have now entered the zone of what I call Selfless Devotion Syndrome.  This is where you are tired from doing everything for everyone else, giving to the point of personal sacrifice and exhaustion.  You are feeling edgy, agitated, and easily upset.  You feel guilty if you say no to someone who asks for your help.  Often times, it is upbringing, whether religious or family or other societal influences, that guided you to believe that if you are not giving, you’re not a good person, or someone will not get what they need, hence the reason you feel guilty and are labeled as “selfish.”

And so taking care of yourself always gets pushed off to the side so that you can give others what they need.  You are worried that if you put yourself first, others will get mad at you or not get what they need.  Ultimately, the more you give, the more people want.  You get taken for granted, attracting needy people, with those around you, including your family, assuming you’ll just “do it” for them.
You can see that a new way of being would feel great, yet you are worried that if you change, there will be many consequences.  Keep in mind that there is a real risk of losing yourself in these selfless acts.  You get to the point where you don’t know who you are anymore; your identity is dependent upon what others need from you and want you to be for them.

The Gift of You

You are caring and compassionate.  You tend to your family and make sure they are happy and healthy.  You do it out of love, not obligation.  Remember, that you are a gift to others.  Your help and guidance is given willingly, and at the same time there are things that they may be able to do for themselves at this stage.  Leverage your resources and allow those who can to take responsibility for certain tasks that you have taken on will give you some desperately needed free time for yourself.

It is amazing to see that when you treat yourself differently, the whole world treats you differently.  You teach others how to treat you.  Turn that caring toward yourself and be as compassionate with yourself as you are with those around you.

6 Keys to Putting Yourself First…Without the Guilt

Step 1: Decide that you want things to be different.

Step 2:  Set boundaries – say “no” when it’s something that doesn’t fit into your schedule or if it’s something you really don’t want to do.

Step 3: Take care of yourself first – by looking good and getting the right sleep, exercise, and nutrition, you’ll have higher energy and a positive outlook.  It also sets a good example for those around you.

Step 4:  Give people back responsibility for themselves – this lets them learn the lessons they need to get in this life, if they so choose.

Step 5: Balance your needs with the needs of those around you.

Step 6: Understand the role you play in your relationships.

When you feel good, you are in a better position to take the best care of those around you.

Diane Wing is an author, intuitive consultant, teacher, and personal transformation guide dedicated to liberating you from negative thoughts, behavioral patterns, and energies so you can release your Inner Magick and be empowered to create the life you really want!   www.InnerMagick.com

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“Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering” ~Ida Scott Taylor

I know I’ve been guilty of time travel.

“Guilty?” you may ask?

Yes, guilty.

That’s right…Time travel.  Don’t think you haven’t done it either.  We all do it.

Now, I understand that you may be thoroughly confused at this point, because, as far as you know, you believe that we are not capable of traveling through time.  I’ll be happy to help you do some time travel right now!  Ready?

Think back to your most fond birthday memory.  Where was it?  Who was there?  What was so special about it?

Think back to a memory of your mother.  Think back to a memory of your father.  What are the memories?  Where did they occur?  Why are they so special?

Our minds are virtual entities.  They are not harnessed by time or space.  Think of the internet.  Where does it exist?  It’s virtual.  When does it exist?  It exists now, in the future, and in the past, all at the same time.  Our minds are the same way.  They are capable of transcending and existing outside of the normal constraints of time and space.

While time travel is wonderful for doing the exercises that I asked you to complete above, time travel can also be counter-productive.  I’m not going to ask you, because I know the examples come easily enough, to think of instances where you were hurt or made regrettable decisions in the past.  We all can look back at how we lived and what we did and let that hurt come back to bother us — to stir our emotions — to essentially re-live the pain.

While we store these painful emotions to help us make better decisions for the future, they serve little other productive purpose.

Similarly, no doubt you have something weighing on your mind that lies ahead for you in the future.  Perhaps it’s financial, physical, emotional, or work related.  Maybe you’ve got a date on the calendar or a task on a “to do” list that keeps staring at you, and every time you think about it, all it does is stir up emotions of anxiety and worry.

It’s time to stop suffering the effects of time travel.  Why worry about mistakes and hurt from the past, and why be anxious over a future that does yet not exist?  To render yourself powerless, especially to the future, is to accept and admit that you are powerless to influence the events that are yet to come!

The other major side effect of time travel is that it robs us of the wonderful gifts that exist right before us, but we’re too busy worrying or obsessing to recognize them.  We don’t exist in the present!  We live in the past and the future, and we ignore the here and now!

Last week I took my daughters to a local children’s museum.  I just reveled in watching them as they explored and played together, because I was fully embracing the here and now.  I could have pulled out my phone and started checking Facebook or my emails, but I made a conscious effort to just enjoy the present.  How many more opportunities am I going to have to have my two daughters alone, ages three and (almost) seven, in the museum, and having a great time like I was?  How many?  None.  No more opportunities.  After that moment passes, it will be just a memory of the past.

The present moment, the here and now, is so powerful, so productive, so enlightening, so joyful, yet we ignore it for the sake of reliving the past and obsessing over the future.  

“The future creates the present against the backdrop of the past.” ~Lazaris

It’s so true…We can create beautiful a beautiful future by living in the here and now, and getting the most out of it — by making the conscious effort to enjoy the gift that it is.  We can create beautiful memories by harnessing the power of the here and now, and recognizing the wonderful present that we have given ourselves.  My memories of the time with my daughters last week will now be a fond memory — not a memory filled with sketchy details and interruptions to my checking of emails and Facebook account!

Take time to recognize the power of now!  Time travel can be wonderful for reminiscing, but even wonderful memories are no match for the beauty and sheer power of the experience of the present.  It’s time to stop travelling through time.  It’s time to simply enjoy “now.”

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“Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.” ~Joyce Brothers

To say the years that I attended chiropractic school were some of the most difficult years of my life is an understatement.  I didn’t get off to a good start there.  I was battling the effects of depression, my grades were suffering, and my life seemed to consist of varying levels of suffering.  Good times were rare, to put it bluntly.

I was in serious danger of seeing my goal of becoming a chiropractor end, because academically I wasn’t cutting it.  I remember my first exam at school was a wake-up call for me.  It might as well have been written in a foreign language, because I didn’t understand most of the questions (which makes it hard to come up with the right answer).  My study skills were woefully inept, and I didn’t know what to do to improve my grades or my study habits.  I felt lost and alone.

I ended up ultimately failing one of my early trimesters.  The way that our curriculum was set up, if you got less than a “C” in one “module,” which was a course of study, like “the spine,” for example, then you “failed” that module.  If you failed one module, you had to re-take the entire trimester, because each trimester had several modules that followed in sequence.  I passed the other module in that semester, so I just had to re-do one module, but I found myself now one semester behind, thus scheduled to graduate four months later (if I were to make it that far) than originally planned.

I felt like a colossal failure.  A failure to myself; a failure to my future wife; a failure to everyone who knew I was in chiorpractic school. After all, if I failed, everybody would know that I failed.  Not only that — I would have to figure out what else I was going to do.  I found myself at a crossroads, and I wasn’t sure if I should just continue to try to convince myself that I was cut out to be a chiropractor or if I should just throw in the towel and give up while I was ahead.

There was a long walking path near the apartment in which I resided, and I decided to take a long walk and contemplate what and where I was at that time, and what my future held for me.  Ultimately, my intent was to come to some sort of conclusion by the end of the walk as far as what I was going to do — was I going to keep trying, or was I going to give up and try something else?

I didn’t know what it was at the time, but I was opening up my mind and seeking the wisdom of my intuition.  I was seeking an answer from “above.”  It didn’t come through very strongly, but I did feel a significant feeling of a self-induced “pressure” to maintain my current course.  I just couldn’t see how giving up was going to be the right solution to this problem.  I just couldn’t see myself giving up so easily.  I knew I had it in me — I just had to find it…Somewhere…

Because I only had to take one module the next trimester, I had time to do some substitute teaching at the local school district, and re-organize my priorities.  My focus was on succeeding and improving my efforts, which, to be honest, had much room for improvement. Upon my return to school, I successfully completed the module I had failed before.  Soon after, I received a much stronger message that I needed to change my lifestyle and physical fitness, and I did that too.  From there, the rest is history…I dramatically improved my grades, dramatically improved my outlook on life, and I became a competent and successful student and intern and ultimately a Doctor of Chiropractic!

In retrospect, as I reflect back on those early years of chiropractic school, I realize now that I was living out a belief system handed to me by my family and those who surrounded me.  In short, I didn’t expect that much of myself.  To be honest, I wasn’t surprised that I was struggling — I sort of expected it!  I was still reeling emotionally from my mom’s death years before, and I guess that I just assumed that I was supposed to be depressed and suffering, thus I struggled and suffered as a result!

It wasn’t until I took that walk, and decided that failure was not an option for me, that it started to turn around for me.  I wish I would have known then what I know now, because I could have saved myself a lot of suffering and struggling back then!  I realize now that the shift in concentration — that shift in focus — made all the difference in my outlook and ultimate success.

I spent all my time focusing on what I didn’t want to happen — I didn’t want to suffer; I didn’t want to fail; I didn’t want to struggle.  Yet, little did I realize that by focusing on those, I was actually giving them energy and allowing them to become larger and become real!  After taking that walk, I began to focus on succeeding, working harder, putting more effort in, finding enjoyment in my studies, and getting better grades.  Albeit inefficient at the time, I was now giving energy to what I intended to have happen!  I was allowing my success to become reality!

Sometimes we don’t notice the subtle difference between wanting not to fail and wanting to succeed.  Little do we know that focusing on what we don’t want actually gives energy and life to the things we are trying to prevent from happening.

By making that little shift, and focusing on what it is we actually want, we can provide tremendous energy and life to the dreams and goals we possess inside.  By making that little shift, we can realize our true potential, and become the person we ultimately know we are destined to be!

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