The end of 2013 is fast approaching.  Two things always amaze me at the end of the year:

1. The year went so quickly and so much has happened.  I can’t believe what transpired this year!
2. So much has changed within me over the past year.  I can’t believe how much I have changed!

Part of the personal development I enjoy each year comes from the spectacular wisdom from an all-star list of personal development experts, coaches, bloggers, and just plain wonderful people in so many ways.  Best of all, I can call them my “friends” from across the web and the globe.  I was honored when they obliged to share with me what they felt were their top blog posts from this past year, so that I could share them with you, all at one place!

If one of these articles inspires you, I invite you to check out the author’s website and follow their work!

I wish you a safe and healthy end to the year, and I wish you a 2014 filled with much happiness, health, success, and prosperity!  Happy new year!  Enjoy this “best of 2013” collection of wisdom and inspiration!

Sandi Amorim of www.DevaCoaching.com

8 Truths to Getting Unstuck and Reclaiming Your Freedom

About Sandi:  I am an instigator, and champion for freedom; a coach and writer committed to liberating you from limiting beliefs and “someday thinking.” Our work together is an excavation of what’s stopped you, followed by the experience of freedom – like deep tissue massage for your spirit.

Angela Artemis of www.PoweredByIntuition.com

Intuitive Guidance – 8 Tips to Help You Get Through a Crisis of the Soul

About Angela: I’m here to teach you to develop and follow your intuition so you can stop hiding from life, follow your inner voice, and become inspired and motivated to follow your biggest dreams so you too can say, “MY LIFE IS AWESOME!”

Dani DiPirro of www.PositivelyPresent.com

Being Barkley: 17 Life Lessons from a New Pup

About Dani and Positively Present: Living a “positively present” life means in the moment while focusing on the positive in every situation— and that’s exactly what Positively Present strives to help you do. Though many of us try to, it’s impossible to live happily in the past or in the future. And if the now is all we have, why not make this moment a positive experience? Posts on Positively Present strive to support the idea that life is best lived if it’s lived right now with a positive attitude. Be positive. Be present. This is your life.

Melody Fletcher of www.DeliberateReceiving.com

Are You In Control Of The Matrix Or At The Mercy Of It?

About Melody: Well Hey there! I’m Melody Fletcher, and I’m here to change your life by reminding you that you are WAY more powerful than you’ve been led to believe and that you do, indeed, create (and receive!) your own reality. Basically, pretty much everything you’ve been taught about how the world works is Bullshit, and I’m not afraid to say so.

Zeenat Merchant-Syal of PositiveProvocations.com

9 ways to Shine a brilliant blaze and really LIVE

About Zeenat and Positive Provocations: I strive for a happier, more loving & positive world in me and around me. On this blog I share my heart, my soul & all that I know to help YOU heal completely. *Positive Provocations* is a Self-Improvement, Self-Empowering & Self-Healing Blog. I hope the articles here motivate and inspire you to be the best and happiest you. By Passion&Profession I’m a practicing Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor/Motivational Speaker/Naturopath/Holistic Healer/Writer.

Otiti Jasmine of OtitiJasmine.com

6 Months After I Chose to Live

About Otiti: I’m a visionary strategist, heart hugger, and huge love advocate. I believe in living on your edge and acting on the desires bubbling deep in your heart. I champion bolder self-expression and setting your soul on fire.  I teach women how to embrace bolder self-expression because I believe more of us need to know how to speak up for ourselves. We’re not taught to constantly voice our opinions, because what if we’re called: bitchy, confrontational, bossy, a know-it-all, and so forth? We aren’t taught to own our power and stand firm in our principles + beliefs because we don’t even trust our inner voices and intuition.

Anne-Sophie Reinhardt of www.annesophie.us

A Farewell to NYC (for now)

About Anne-Sophie: I’m a twenty-something German girl pursuing her dream of living in NYC.  For the longest time, I was caught in a circle of self-doubt and self-loathing. Now, I’m free, confident and happy with myself and my body.  My mission is to help you achieve the same.

Elle Sommer of ReflectingALife.com

12 Simple Suggestions For Living An Extraordinary Life

About Elle: Whether you want greater prosperity, love or spiritual development, there’s something here for you to help transform the life you have into the life you truly desire. My mission for this site is to enhance your world in more ways than you could imagine. To show you how gifted you already are, how talented you truly are and share with you tools and ideas that you can easily use right here and now to live the life you dream of.

Fran Sorin of FranSorin.com

How To Boost Creativity With A Morning Routine

About Fran: In addition to being a recognized garden expert and deep ecologist, I am a broadcaster, journalist, Ordained Interfaith Minister, and Soul Tender. All of my work — whether I am writing, designing a garden, or guiding someone to a broader understanding of their potential through my soul tending practice – is based on my deep belief that our need to connect to the earth is an inherent trait – and that by doing so, we heal and experience more joy in our lives.

David Stevens of www.DavidStevensLifeCoach.com.au

7 Killer Mindsets for thriving in your Mid Life

About David: After surviving my 40′s, breaking free of my own mediocrity, learning new skills and re- discovering older ones, my passion to help others achieve the same has exploded. I am excited by the prospect of motivating & assisting you to realise your dreams & achieve the goals that you aspire to. It will be an honour to do so.

Jessica Sweet of WishingWellCoach.com

What I Hate About Living Your Dreams

About Jessica: Don’t like your job? I help frustrated employees figure out what they really want to do and escape the world of the working dead. The best part? You can do what you love even if you have real life responsibilities like a mortgage and kids. In fact, I’ll help you discover your dreams right from your suburban living room.

Vidya Sury of VidyaSury.com

Self Love: Did You Hug Yourself Today?

About Vidya: I am a shutterbug and enjoy sharing my photography. I enjoy  the little things in life. While I am not about statistics and numbers, I certainly care about writing well for you, dear Reader, and I am constantly amazed at my lovely community that helps me grow. I know for a fact that my writing has improved over the years. I am honored that you take the time to read and comment and share your thoughts. It makes my heart sing when you comment and tell me how much you liked a post or a picture. My goal is to make a positive difference in your life.

Hiten Vyas of HitenVyas.com

How Being an Introvert Can Help You to Lead

About Hiten:  Hiten Vyas is a Life Coach.  Early on in his life he has experienced extreme amounts of fear and anxiety because of difficulties due to stammering, which pretty much crippled all aspects of his life. He entered the personal development field in 2003, and since then has changed himself into a successful individual. It is his passion to help you overcome your own difficulties, and assist you in living the life you want and deserve. He has a PhD in Biomedical Information Systems, is a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), trained by Dr. Bobby Bodenhamer in the United States, and is an Associate Member of the Association of Coaching.

And mine:

How Can I Gain More Control over My Happiness?

 

Thanks so much for reading!  Have a happy new year!

 

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/ba1969

 

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart” ~Helen Keller

A couple of years ago I was preparing to take a trip to California.  I remember packing a handful of honeycrisp apples into my luggage for snacking when I reached my destination.  Once I got to my room, I took out the apples and had one or two a day until they were gone.

For me, it was my first trip to California, and I was alone, so it was nice to bring something with me to remind me of home and actually (and literally) provide me with a taste of home while I was far away from it.

It’s a simple concept, really.  If I wanted to enjoy the taste of honeycrisp apples when I was away from home, I just needed to bring some along with me so that I could enjoy them while I was there.  We can take this same concept and apply it when it comes to our own emotions to do essentially the same thing.

In many ways we have been conditioned to allow our external environment to influence our feelings inside.  We allow what people say or do to impact us and define our feelings.  We allow the circumstances of the world around us to shape our emotions.  We process internal emotions after taking in the external.  We’ve got it backwards in a sense.  We need to go inside first, and allow our internal feelings to have the first crack at establishing our emotional setpoints and dispositions.

If we want to be happy and positive no matter where we find ourselves, we have to take the first step and “bottle up” the positive emotions we wish to carry with us.  When I say “bottle up” the feelings, I don’t mean to suppress them.  I mean to capture them and internalize them.

For example, one of the most wonderful emotions I bottle up every chance I get is a positive experience with my daughters.  If it’s a hug, or a kiss, or a picture that one of them draws for me, I bottle it up.  If it’s a little hand holding mine, or a light moment, or an engaging conversation, I hold on to it.

Grab that positive emotion.  Bring it down to your heart.  Feel it as it warms you.  Notice the smile on your face as you dwell on that positive feeling for a few seconds.  Capture it.  Feel it.  Experience it.  Love it.

The next step is to remain present.  Always live in the present.  Life exists in the present.  Tomorrow never comes, and we can never get yesterday back.  Live moment to moment, just like our emotions and feelings.  Our feelings change quickly as time progresses.  They are always changing and never constant.  Just as feelings can come and go, we can always move quickly to bring back into present awareness those positive feelings that were bottled up and captured.

Think of those positive experiences.  Bring them back to the heart.  Feel them as they warm you.  Notice that you’re smiling again.  Enjoy it.  Embrace it.  Love it.

As long as you pack along your positive emotions of love, compassion, warmth, and positivity, you will never be without them when you need them the most.  Bring along with you those most prized possessions that you carry in your heart no matter where you go.  Bring that internal warmth and love along with you as you venture into unknown situations and locations.  Carry with you compassion and positivity as you step into the uncertainty of life.

As long as you bring them along with you, your positive emotions will be your constant companions, ready to warm your heart and bring you love every step of the way.  No matter where you go, you’ll be ready.

What positive experiences can you or do you “bottle up” to bring with you?  I’d like to hear from you!

Photo source: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/jan-willem

 

“Losing weight and getting fit isn’t something you do for yourself — It’s something you do for those you love.” ~Victor Schueller

I still remember that pivotal moment in my life twelve years ago.  I was sitting in class, and we were talking about the link between obesity and heart disease.  We were discussing how people who are obese have a much higher chance of developing heart disease, and how heart disease is the number one killer in the United States.

“Wow.” I thought.  “Obesity and heart disease.”

It was the first time that the thought of developing a serious health condition weighed heavily on my mind.  I believe that the primary reason it weighed so heavily on my mind was because I was dealing with weight issues at the time.  At my worst I weighed 250 pounds, and at that time I weighed 225 pounds.

I started to take inventory and notice that I was the one being called up to serve as a model for demonstration at my chiropractic college whenever we discussed how to handle “larger patients.”  I was starting to realize that I was not the picture of health, and I was larger than most of my classmates in chiropractic school, many of which were in good health and physically active and fit.

“Obesity and heart disease.”  I was in denial.  I was fat, but I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t that fat.  I wasn’t obese.  Or was I?  I checked into it.  I realized that for my height and age and gender, I fell into the “obese” category, according to my BMI calculation.  Everything started to sink in.  I started to get a little scared.

I wanted to start a family.  I was engaged to be married.  I wanted to have children.  But, I was also setting myself up to suffer from heart disease, high cholesterol, diabetes, and a whole host of other health issues.  My obesity and potential health issues were staring me right in the face every time I looked in the mirror.

I didn’t want to die earlier than I needed to, simply because I was fat.  I didn’t want heart disease.  I didn’t want to leave children behind because I died from something that I could work to prevent.  I wanted to live a full life, and I wanted to enjoy every minute of it, too.

I continued to think about it, and it continued to bother me.  This was a change for me because my weight never really bothered me before.  It was never more than just a casual thought that I probably should do something about my weight.  But something was different.  I was getting more scared, but then I noticed that the fear started to morph into something else: anger.

It kind of snuck up on me.  I was just sitting on the couch watching television.  All of a sudden, out of seemingly nowhere, all the pent-up fear and anger reached its peak.  I remember looking down at my belly and grabbing it.  An internal “voice” within my head, which spoke to me as a very strong “thought,” said, “Victor, you’ve got to get up.  You’ve got to get moving.   You just can’t continue to go on like this.  You’ve got to do something with your life.”

All of that fear and anger was enough to get me off the couch and into the kitchen, where I grabbed a phone book and called a gym that was close to my residence.  I signed up for a one-year membership and started exercising.  Two weeks later I started to modify my diet, and the rest is history.  I worked hard and lost the weight.  One year later I weighed in at 148 pounds.

I realize now that the fear of dying young was the motivating force to make a change in my life.  I realized that losing weight and getting fit is not something I did for myself — it was something I did for those I loved.

I’m so glad it did motivate me, because my life has been so much better in so many ways since I made the change.  My physical and emotional health improved substantially, and I enjoy a healthy and active lifestyle today.

I also realized that I stumbled upon a formula that allowed me to not only lose lots of weight, but to keep it off.  I did it naturally without any pills or “diet plans.”  I did it using food I could get anywhere, and engaging in physical activity that didn’t require any fancy or sophisticated equipment.

When people asked me how I lost the weight, I just casually told them that I watched what I ate and exercised.  While this was true, it wasn’t the whole story.  As a matter of fact, I really have never told anyone exactly how I did it, and exactly what I still do today to keep the weight off and stay healthy, active, and fit.

Well, that’s all changing, because now, for the first time, I am going to be sharing my secrets with those who are are serious about making a change for themselves.  Maybe you’re in a position now where you’re sick of being overweight and out of shape.  Maybe you’re where I was — scared and fearful of what your poor health is going to mean in the future.

 

If this sounds interesting to you, I recommend that you take advantage of my free videos, where you can get over two hours’ worth of lessons from me.  On those videos, I share how I lost 70 pounds in one year, I discuss whether someone can eat junk food and still lose weight, and and I answer to the question, “How can I speed up my metabolism?”

Those videos are all available by visiting: http://victorschueller.com/fit-for-life-videos

I hope that these videos help you rediscover the you that you’ve been looking for!  Enjoy!

“Favorable situations are vitamins for the body; unfavorable situations are vitamins for the soul.” ~Dadashri

I can think of three big moments in my life where I fought against “what is.”  The reason why I am sharing these stories is because I could just write a piece about how it’s okay to be “okay” with “what is,” but then it turns into one of those “easier said than done” discussions, and I don’t want to go there. So, here are my “big three” moments where I learned a valuable lesson about being okay with “what is.”

Moment Number One: The “Big One”

If you know anything about my story, then you know this one.  If you watched the video on my website home page, then you know what’s coming.  I was sixteen years old and riding in the car with my mom, returning home from a shopping trip.  The next thing I know there was a truck that had blown a stop sign and was heading toward the driver’s side of our vehicle.  The truck slammed into my mom’s side of the car and she died instantly.

I struggled mightily with the loss of my mom.  Boy, did I struggle.  It took me ten years to shake it.  I definitely asked on more than a handful of occasions just to go back and re-live the moment and change the story.  I fought against “what is” tooth and nail, but to no avail.  No matter how not “okay” I was with “what is,” I had to live with it and all that went along with it.

Years later, I realized that because I had to be “okay” with “what is,” I ended up going to a college I probably wouldn’t have if my mom wouldn’t have died that day.  If I hadn’t gone to college where I did, I would likely not have met my wife and I would not be enjoying my wonderful two daughters right now.  I have learned to be okay with “what is.”

Moment Number Two: “I’m sorry, Victor”

Like I had mentioned before, I was struggling mightily to put my life back together after my mom died.  Trying to go to college and keep it together both academically and emotionally was hard for me.  I was battling through major depression and post-traumatic stress disorder during my college years, and life was just tough for a lot of reasons.

Somehow I was able to get through college and get my Bachelor’s degree in four years, and that was after switching majors.  However, I was heading off to chiropractic college the fall following my spring graduation.  Before I could get into chiropractic college I had to take two physics classes.  In order to start chiropractic school that coming fall, I had to take two physics classes that summer in an accelerated format.

I needed at least a “C” grade to have my physics classes accepted by the college.  I got a “C” in the first physics class offered the first half of the summer, but then we switched professors and started Physics II.  Believe me, it was all on me, and not the instructor (I can say that now since I am a college instructor), but I struggled to just keep my head above water.

I finished the summer getting a “CD” in the Physics II course.  This was not a high enough grade for me to get into chiropractic college, and college was scheduled to start in two weeks.  I called my professor and asked if there was anything I could do to improve my grade, and she said no.  I then asked her, “So you’re telling me that I can’t start chiropractic college in two weeks?”

I’ll never forget her words: “I’m sorry, Victor.”  She hung up the phone.  I was devastated.

I had to put off chiropractic college for one year, so that I could retake Physics II and get the grade I needed.  I ended up with a “B” on my reattempt.  Because of that year delay before going off to college, I ended up getting out of chiropractic college at an ideal time for me, and it has worked out favorably for me to this day (more on that in a bit).  Plus, I was able to come to peace with what happened at the school years later.  So, I have learned to be okay with “what is.”

Moment Number 3: “Try again, Victor”

It seemed like a recurring theme for me during my college years: “Try again, Victor.”  First it took me a couple tries and a year’s delay to get into chiropractic school, and once I got into chiropractic college I was woefully unprepared.  I still was battling my personal issues, but also trying to balance anywhere between 25 and 28 credits a trimester.  Talk about a challenge.

I was barely keeping myself afloat at the onset of chiropractic school before I got a “D” on one of my module exams.  Because of the way the curriculum was set up, getting anything less than a “C” on a module exam meant I had to repeat the module.  Oh, and did I mention that there is only one module offered per trimester?

That “D” grade meant that I had to stop where I was and wait to re-take the module again the next trimester.  This also meant that I was going to graduate one trimester later than I had originally planned.  Instead of graduating in December of 2003, now I was slated to graduate in December of 2004.

When I returned to classes the following trimester, I jumped back in and was surrounded by a group of awesome people.  Not that the people I was with in the previous semester were not nice people, by any means, but I felt that I fit in much better with this group of people.  I made friends with two people in particular who showed me that it’s possible to have fun even when working hard (Thanks Ken and Eric), and I think that really helped me along.  I learned some valuable life lessons from that setback, and it was the starting point of my personal recovery.  I didn’t look back after that, and my grades dramatically improved from then on.

So, the whole timing thing about graduating from chiropractic college a year and a trimester later than I had originally planned worked out.  I was able to get a job right out of college in a clinic close to home.  I was able to start growing professionally immediately, but then I was presented with an opportunity to teach at the college level.  I was able to leave my job as a chiropractor with no strings attached because I hadn’t really invested in anything professionally up to that point.  Had I worked with this employer a year and a third earlier, I probably would have been too far invested to be able to get out of it without things turning ugly for me.

See?  The universe has a plan for us all.  I have learned to be okay with “what is.”

All the events in the universe have transpired to get us to “what is.”  It’s the way things were meant to be.  Why fight it?  We can’t change “what is.” Even if “what is” is not what we think it “should be,” we have to remember that we can’t change things now.  We can only move forward.

When we think about how things “should be,” all we’re doing is injecting ourselves with negative energy and spending time in our head space, facilitating stress through fear and worry.  It’s all for naught, because as fearful and as worried as we are, we can’t do a darn thing about “what is.”  We can only grow to accept it.  Even if it takes years to finally realize it was all part of a larger plan, the setbacks along the way are putting us in a position to learn and grow.

That doesn’t mean we’re powerless to the universe.  We can create the future based on “what is.” We can say, “now what?” and move forward thinking from our heart space.  Move down from the head and move into the heart.  Love “what is” the best you can, knowing that it is what is meant to be for you right now for whatever the reason.

It’s okay to be “okay” with “what is.” You never know what valuable lessons and growth opportunities are just around the corner.

Do you have any stories to share?  Do you have any similar “big moments” where you were not okay with “what is,” only to find out that things worked out very well for you?  I’d like to hear about them if you don’t mind sharing!

 

Photo source: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/cempey

“There is nothing you can do about a present negative emotion you feel; emotions are simply the result of holding on to negative thoughts.” ~Yogi Kanna

Do you get frustrated when you struggle to keep certain emotions in check?  Maybe you struggle with anger, sadness, anxiety, or some other type of emotion.  For me, my biggest struggle is with patience.  Even though I remind myself to be patient regularly, I still struggle with maintaining patience.  If you’re anything like me, you know that it’s just so hard to keep emotions under control at times, and when they do get the best of us, we certainly don’t feel good about ourselves.

If I want to play the blame game, I can pin my emotional volatility problems onto my genetics.  I can just look at my lineage and have all the evidence I need to support the fact that I struggle to keep my emotions in check sometimes.  Unfortunately, genetics can only do so much.  As much as we’d like to blame our DNA, we do have the ability to control our emotions.  We can’t simply chalk it up to our genetic makeup, and we certainly can’t just look at our lineage and excuse ourselves from keeping our emotions in check.

So here we are at the “easier said than done” part of the discussion.  Sure, it’s easy to say we have the ability to control our emotions, but it is hard to do it, or even to know where to start.

One thing I have found particularly helpful, and I want to share it with you today, is moving from what I call the “head space” into the “heart space.”  In other words, we have to move from thinking and move toward loving.

Let me explain.  When I lose patience, it’s because I am thinking about how I want things “to be.”  The lack of patience comes from knowing how I want things “to be,” but knowing things “aren’t” what I want them “to be.”  This sort of “inner conflict” that arises because I am thinking about how things are not what I want them “to be” is the source of my negative emotion.  You could extend this line of thinking to really any sort of emotion, like anger, frustration, sadness or anxiety.

If we can get to a place where we accept things as they are, realizing that we can’t change what got us to “now,” it will help.  Just move your focus from “thinking” about how things aren’t how you want them “to be” with your head and move “down” into your heart and just fill that space with warmth and love.  

Understand that things are as they are.  Things will be as they will be.  Come to peace with what “is.”  All the events in the universe have transpired to get us to where we are now.  To “fight” against “what is” is like fighting against the universe.  You are going against the flow.  What “is” simply “is.”  We can’t change what “is.”

Just continue to surround what “is” with that warm and loving feeling that comes from the heart.  Don’t judge anything as good or bad.  Come to peace with it.  Accept it.  You can’t change it.  You can only influence what is yet to come.

Next, ask yourself what you can do in a loving way to resolve the thought.  If you can’t find an answer, then ask yourself if it’s better to move forward in love or cling to what you want things “to be.”  I am confident that if you continue to fill your heart with love, the emotion which was a cause of discomfort within will eventually soften and transition to feelings of love and warmth.

The next step, if you want to go to that next level, is to engage in meditation, to continue to return to those feelings of love.

This has done wonders for me, and I hope it helps you to help keep your emotions in check.  Give it a try, and please let me know what you thought about it.  I’d love to hear from you!

 

Photo source: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/svilen001

I am so delighted to share the newest book from my friend Alex Blackwell, titled Letting Go: 25 True Stories of Peace, Hope and Surrender.  I am even more delighted to share it with you because I am thrilled that my story, “The Man in the Store,” was included among the 25 stories in this book. I am happy to share this interview with Alex about his newest work.  Be sure to check out his offer below if you are interested in getting your hands on this book. What is the inspiration behind the book? 10 years ago it was clear that I had to let go of fear, shame and guilt if my marriage was going to survive. For the first 18 years of my marriage, I was insecure, thinking that my wife, Mary Beth, was going to leave me. My obsession put pressure on her to tell me constantly, and show me, that she loved me. My insecurities were born back in my childhood. As a child of an alcohol parent, I thought I was the reason my mother drank – I thought it was my fault and I thought it was impossible to be loved authentically and unconditionally. To save my marriage, I had to start learning to let go of these negative attachments and embrace the life in front of me. By letting go of the pain, shame and guilt a little at a time, Mary Beth started seeing the positive changes in me. Last June, we celebrated our 28th anniversary. We’ve never been happier – I’ve never been happier. So, the inspiration behind this book is to celebrate the amazing and life-changing gifts that letting go provides. Who should read the book? 25 True Stories of Peace, Hope and Surrender is for anyone who wants to put a painful memory or experience in the past. It’s also for people who are holding on too tightly to their children, even though it may be time to let them go. The book doesn’t offer a formula or guide for letting go, it just offers the inspiration and encouragement needed to begin the process. I also think there is value in reading about the experience of others so you won’t feel alone with how your experiences. The stories in the book will elicit an emotional response because each one is filled with honesty, truth and hope. Do you share a “true story?” I do. My story appears in Part Four – Letting Go: Parenting. The title of the story is World – I Present My Daughter. It’s about the day my older daughter, Caitlin, graduated from college. That day was full of so much pride and happiness. It was also a bittersweet day because I knew my daughter belonged to the world now, and not just to my family. Even though her mother and I have always encouraged her to make a life of her own, when that day actually came, it was harder than I thought. But by realizing I had to let go, allowed Caitlin and me to begin building a wonderful adult relationship that is growing stronger each day. What bonuses are you offering people who purchase your book? I’m happy to give everyone who purchases Letting Go: 25 True Stories of Peace, Hope and Surrender, the Peace and Balance Book Bonus Pack. This bonus pack provides 10 free tools from some inspirational people. Highlights include:

• Guy Finley: You will receive Guy’s popular course, Seven Steps to Oneness: Journey to a Whole New Life, which is a FREE 8-hour course on 8 MP3 downloads. During this groundbreaking audio program you will discover, explore, and learn to work with timeless principles that will help you to empower the evolution of your soul.
• Tiny Buddha: Book purchasers will get Lori Deschene’s Tiny Wisdom, On Mindfulness. Part of the Tiny Wisdom eBook series from tinybuddha.com, this book shares 20 short reminders for a more present, peaceful life.
• Andrea Owen: Andrea shares her book, How I Turned My Mess into My Message, detailing exactly how she came from a place of darkness, despair and self-loathing, to a place of happiness, self-confidence and self-love.

How does someone receive the Peace and Balance Book Bonus Pack? It’s easy. Simply email the Amazon purchase confirmation email to: bookbonus@thebridgemaker.com. How is your book different from the thousands of other self-help books on the market? As I mentioned earlier, this book isn’t intended to be a how-to guide or a self-help manual full of obvious advice, it’s a transparent, and sometimes raw, look at real-life experiences that have nudged people to let go of negative attachments that were no longer serving them. I think there’s value, and a sense of connectedness when we discover that we aren’t walking alone. What is next for you? I will continue learning how to let go of the things that keep me from enjoying life to the fullest. It’s a daily choice to do this. Some days I stumble and hold on to the garage a little too tight; and on some days I throw it as far away from me as I can, but on all days I attempt to move forward with dignity, self-respect and lots of hope. I will also continue to share inspiration at my blog, The BridgeMaker. As far as my next book? It will be fiction, a novel, but a novel with message that is rooted in the themes that most important to me like forgiveness, seeking positive change and of course, letting go. Thanks, Alex, for joining me, and thanks so much for including me in your book!

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.”  ~Aristotle

Happiness is so important in maintaining a feeling of well being, but as important as it is for our positive self-esteem and health, it seems ever so elusive.  It’s almost as if the moment we find happiness there is something looming in the future, poised and ready to knock us out of our happy state.  Maybe it’s an unfortunate turn of events, or maybe it’s a feeling you get of not being accepted or good enough, or even a feeling of being excluded and alone.

Yet, there are some people who seem to be happy most of the time, no matter what happens to them.  What is it about them that allows them to be happy so often, while it seems to be a continual struggle for others?  What is going on within them that isn’t going on within those who struggle to find happiness?

In his book, The Emotional Life of Your Brain, Dr. Richard Davidson discusses “the vast diversity of ways to be human: emotional states, emotional traits, personality, and temperament.”

Happiness is categorized by Davidson as an “emotional state.” An emotional state is “The smallest, most fleeting unit of emotion…Typically lasting only a few seconds, it tends to be triggered by an experience.”

So perhaps the unrealized flaw in trying to secure happiness is that we are caught up in the pursuit of something that is fleeting and transient in nature.  Maybe this is why we grow so frustrated when we want happiness so badly, but it seems like as soon as something comes up, our happiness disappears.  Perhaps pursuing happiness is like trying to catch a butterfly with your hands.  As soon as you think you’ll capture it, it slips away at the last second.

Davidson goes on to say that a feeling that persists for a few hours to days is categorized as a “mood, of the ‘he’s in a bad mood’ variety.”  A feeling that extends beyond days into years can be described as an “emotional trait.”  This would describe people who seem to always be happy and pleasant.  This is because, as Davidson describes it, “An emotional trait increases the likelihood that you will experience a particular emotional state because it lowers the threshold to feel such an emotional state.”

The “deepest” level of feeling is categorized as an “emotional style.”  This is described as “…a consistent way of responding to the experiences in our lives.”  Davidson says, “Emotional style influences the likelihood of feeling particular emotional states, traits, and moods.”

In other words, in order for us to experience “happiness,” we really need to address the way we choose to respond to the experiences of life.  If we can alter the way we respond to life experiences, we’ll make changes to our emotional traits.  In turn, when we modify our emotional traits it will affect our emotional state.”

So this is fine and well, except for the fact that you may be wondering just how we can go about changing the way we respond to life experiences.  I think the first step in doing this is in the book Global Healing: Thinking Outside the Box, written by one of my favorite guests on my radio show, Vipin Mehta.

Vipin writes, “The majority of human beings live their lives according to the life script written by others.  However, a small percentage of humanity rewrites their life script by creating new choices and decisions based on what they want to become.  By rewriting their life script, they change their beliefs and attitudes of the subconscious mind.”

I agree with him.  How many times do we define whether we are “happy” or “not happy” based on what happens “to” us?  I believe we do it very often.  Actually, Davidson said as much when he said that an emotional state “tends to be triggered by an experience.”  This usually is an “external” experience.

Therefore, the shift needs to be made from choosing to allow the “outside” experiences to trigger an emotional state of happiness toward allowing “internal” experiences to trigger an emotional state.  Insight on how we can do this also comes from Vipin’s book.

Vipin describes “three major compelling, propelling, and driving forces in life.”  These are “human needs, human desires, and the human drive to know the mysteries of Life.”  When it comes to human needs, where are we looking for satisfaction of these needs?  Are we looking for “external” or “internal” fulfillment?  Is our happiness contingent upon outside forces?

Vipin describes two types of esteem: one is “false” esteem and the other is “true.”  The “dividing point” between the two, or the vehicle to get from “false” to “true” esteem is “self-esteem.”  However, in order to get to “self-esteem,” we need to address and meet three other needs first.  Those needs are “survival, security, and belonging.”

When you think of your need for security, can you think of someone who, when you think of them, provides you with feelings of safety, trust, stability, and security?  Picture that person in your mind right now.  Take a moment to feel within you how you feel when you’re with them.  Feel that warmth in your heart.  Capture that feeling.  Try to re-create that feeling at will.

When you think of your need for belonging, can you think of one or more people who, when you think of them, provide you with feelings of unconditional love, respect, trust, and acceptance?  Imagine that you are with that person right now.  Take a moment to feel within you how you feel inside when you’re with them.  Feel that warmth in your heart.  Capture that feeling.  Try to re-create that feeling at will.

You’ll find that when you can create these feelings within you, you are meeting your needs for security and belonging.  You’ll also realize that you are meeting those needs based on your own feelings, and not the feelings of someone else.  You’ll find that your sense of value and worth and belonging does not originate from outside factors.  You’ll see that your own feelings, created within you, are establishing your sense of belonging and security.

Once you can make the transition of “triggering” your emotions from an internal event, rather than outside, you can move from “false” esteem to “true” esteem.  When you can go within to create the emotional conditions you desire at will, you will make a fundamental shift in your self-esteem.  You’ll find that you are not dependent on the approval of others or at the mercy of unexpected events to define your emotions.

The power to be happy is within you.  It is in your ability to create, at will, those warm feelings of love, security, safety, acceptance, and trust within you.  When you can create those feelings internally, you will create an internal environment that will change your perceptions of the events that are happening around you.  Your emotional style will be reflected in your emotional traits, and your emotional traits will give way to the positive emotional state of happiness which you desire.

 

Photo source: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/winjohn