“You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it fearlessly.” ~Steve Maraboli
Why are we here?
It’s a thought that has crossed my mind several times in my life. The funny thing is that I have always had the same answer, even though I have asked myself that question when I was very young. My answer is and always has been (using a complete sentence), “We are here to go through various experiences so we can appreciate and get a ‘flavor’ for what it is to ‘live a life’ as a human on this earth.”
As the years have gone on, however, while my answer has not changed, the explanation and rationale for the answer continues to develop. I keep adding layers, and it keeps getting more interesting. The more I investigate and do my “detective work,” the more I find. The encouraging news is that the prognosis keeps getting better and better the more I look. I have more and more hope for humanity at a time when some have little hope.
Yes, we are here to “live a life,” in my humble opinion. But, what life is that? A life of suffering, so we can learn from the painful experiences? Do we really have to suffer? Or, can we simply get past the suffering part once we gain a certain perspective and experience certain experiences?
Do we have to deal with negativity? Is dealing with and then overcoming negativity something that we are “obligated” to deal with on this earth? Do we have to experience hate as part of the experience? Can we just get past the negativity once we gain a certain perspective and experience certain experiences?
Life — the “human experience” — is not easy. We all know that. When life gets tough for me, I always go back to that simple question: “Why are we here?” the next question is, “What am I supposed to learn from this?”
So, what have I learned up to this point? What do I feel life is all about? Here’s my two cents:
We are on this earth to grow — to realize the true greatness that resides in each of us. Within each of us, there is an authentic being, covered up by the processes of the machine that is the human body. Inside this exquisitely-designed body, we struggle to find ourselves. We struggle to set aside the automatic functions of our bodies that were designed to make us more efficient and keep us safe.
Why are we here? We are here to discover the awesomeness that lives within us. Some of us are right there — living life and understanding that the sky is the limit and that we all are capable of being great. Some of us aren’t quite there yet, as we are suffering and struggling through hardships.
We are here to discover we always have a choice — our lives are not scripted. The book is not written. Just because it has been doesn’t mean it will be or has to be. We have the power to choose — we always have the power to decide whether we want to serve the ego and live out of fear, or if we want to turn the page and serve others and live out of love and compassion for others. We always have a choice.
The good news? We all possess the potential to be great. We all possess the raw tools necessary to transcend the suffering and the negativity, and to bring out the great person we were meant to be. We all have the potential to realize who we know, deep down, we would love to be.
Why are we here? We are here to figure out who we are, and who we were meant to be, free of the physical and neurological restrictions of our physical bodies. We are awesome at the core — we just have to find it.
Because I believe in us, and because I believe in the potential within us all, I will continue to work to help people discover how great they can be. I’ll tell anyone who will listen. It’s my mission, and I am sticking to it. I believe in us — I believe in you. I believe that we were meant to be great! We all possess the potential.
We are here to be great. That’s my two cents. 🙂
Do you have an opinion as to why we are here? Please comment below with your thoughts! I would love to read them! 🙂
“Listening From Not-Knowing frees you in the moment from automatically conditioned responses. You move from Success to Mastery.” ~Dianne Collins
On Tuesday I was on the phone, conducting an interview for an upcoming radio show broadcast with Dianne Collins, author of the book, Do You Quantum Think? I had Dianne on my show before, and between our conversation and her book, I have learned so much about quantum thinking, quantum physics, and the characteristics of the mind. I knew I just had to have her on again.
This time, I was going to make sure I asked her one question — and get her response: “Why is it that we know that living out of love and compassion is the way we want to act, but we struggle so hard acting upon it?”
The answer turned into a conversation that lasted well over an hour! Don’t worry — I captured it all, in case you want to hear the totally awesome conversation. I was just stunned and in awe over the information she shared with me during that conversation, and I walked away having learned so much, and wanting to still know more! One of the things we discussed was the concept of “mastery” of our minds, and using this “mastery” to choose our relationship to the thoughts that enter our minds, and thus allow us to embody the type of life we know we want to live (one that is rooted in love and compassion).
One technique or strategy that Dianne recommended to achieve this “mastery” was to practice “Listening from Not-Knowing.” She explained that if you have a conversation with someone, especially someone you have a long history with and in which you know pretty much everything, it’s easy to come into that conversation as if you already know “what this person is, what she or he is going to say, or you are listening as if you already know ‘the answer.'”
She continued to say that if you approach the conversation instead from a position of “not knowing,” then a couple of things happen…First of all, you allow for a space to develop that the other person can fill with information and insight; secondly, by being receptive and open to everything they are saying, as if you hadn’t known this before, you exchange an energy with the other person that conveys that you are “locked in” and fully engaged in the conversation. It decreases the stress placed upon the other person in the conversation. I thought this was a great tip.
I shared how I was eating lunch with my daughter at her school right before our conversation, and one of her classmates was sitting next to me pointing out various objects in the cafeteria, and sharing with me what she thought the objects were. For example, she pointed to something hanging from the ceiling, and she was telling me how she believed it was a camera that the principal used to “spy on the kids” when they were eating to make sure they weren’t causing any trouble. Instead of correcting her or shutting her down, I simply accepted what she said, from a position of not-knowing. This allowed her to feel comfortable continuing the conversation and communicating further.
Dianne also stated in her book, “When you listen from Not-Knowing you connect to the realm of creativity, of ingenuity, of the ability to dance with what reveals itself to you. There is excitement in the air. Just doing this consciously brings you into a highly present state, into the ‘now’ moment. Then instead of being stale, you will be fresh. The moment will be alive. This is what gives you access to your own Mastery.”
I love it…So true…
So beyond simply trying to embody what you know you want to be, by listening from “Not-Knowing,” you can accomplish a couple of things — number one, you can deepen your relationships with other people (your lover, spouse, child, friend) by being a better listener, and, number two, you can develop a state of Mastery, where you can become more creative, innovative, present, and alive.
I see no downside to this! Give it a try today! Practice listening from “Not-Knowing” and see if you (or those around you) notice a difference! 🙂
It’s wonderful to have Dr. Sherman back on my show today! We had a wonderful conversation last time about how old, automatic programming can affect our behaviors and whether we will be successful in life or continue to struggle, and this time she’s coming back to talk about marriage — specifically how to find the magic, and once you find it, how to keep it! I can’t wait!
Dr. Karen Sherman, a licensed psychologist in New York, has been in private practice 25 years. Her focus is relationships/marriage and helping people achieve their greatest potential.
Karen is the author of “Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life” which enables people to let go of conditioned responses and empower them to make their own choices; the co-author of “Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last;” and a contributor to “Your Mental Health Questions Answered,” “The Complete Marriage Counselor,” “Power of Persistence,” “Recovering the Self, Vol. 2, #3,” and “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Vol. 2.” She writes for ThirdAge.com, and Hitchedmag.com and is a relationship expert on Selfgrowth.com. Karen also conducts workshops, teleseminars and speaking engagements. She’s a frequent guest on national radio and her expert opinion has appeared in numerous publications. Additionally, she was a former relationships expert on the “Bo Griffin Morning Show,” and a marriage expert on ClubMom.com. Her memberships include American Psychological Association, American Counseling Association, Nassau County Psychological Association. She’s certified as a Nationally Board Certified Counselor and a National Family Life Educator and belongs to The National Registry for Marriage Friendly Therapists. She serves on the undergraduate Psychology Dept. at CW Post University.
Her websites, www.YourEmpoweredRelationship.com and www.DrKarenSherman.com, offer free newsletters and programs. She and her husband have enjoyed over 35 years of marriage and have two daughters, a son-in-law, and 2 grandchildren.
“When we understand the needs that motivate our own and others behavior, we have no enemies.” ~Marshall Rosenberg
Over the past two weeks, I have had the wonderful opportunity to speak to two wonderful groups in my local area — the Sheboygan Area SHRM and LAHRA. Because the groups I presented to were human resources organizations, the focus of my topics were related to improving relationships and productivity in the workplace. As I talked with people afterward, I couldn’t help but think about how so many of the issues and problems we deal with on a regular basis, whether it is at work or in our personal relationships and interactions with others, can be worsened because of how we communicate with each other.
Sometimes, when someone says or does something that gets under our skin, or when someone says or does something and we become uncomfortable (angry, frustrated, hurt), our human tendency is to seek ways to eliminate that uncomfortable feeling. I look at this as a reflexive response, caused by our own “lizard brain” that resides deep within our skulls. When we feel we are attacked or threatened, we do what seems almost instinctive — we retaliate through words or actions…It’s sort of our way of giving others a “taste of their own medicine” (which sometimes feels oh so good), or our way of basically saying “Don’t you ever cross me again, or this is what you’ll get from me.” No matter which way you slice it, retaliation is not, in my humble opinion, the way to go here. All we do when we retaliate is activate the defense mechanism of the other person’s brain, and we perpetuate the cycle. That’s not where we want to go.
Where we would love to go, however, is to a place where we can communicate how we felt when something was said or done, get others to be a bit receptive to our concerns and be open (even if just a bit) to helping us resolve our uncomfortable feelings. If it sounds too good to be true, well, maybe you should just try it out and see what results you get!
I found this communication technique, or “script,” as I like to call it, in a great book titled Creating Harmonious Relationships: A Practical Guide to the Power of True Empathy, by Andrew LeCompte. After reading this, I was trying to get a hold of Dr. LeCompte to let him how how much this book changed my life and how I look at the world around me, but I ran into a dead end. It’s too bad, because I absolutely love this book, and I would love to thank him for his great publication!
The concept is based off of a model of communication called “Nonviolent Communication,” pioneered by Marshall Rosenberg. The basic premise of this type of communication (from my interpretation) is that if we can identify and address our needs or the needs of others in our communication, we can communicate effectively and without violence. Sounds good, right?
So, in Dr. LeCompte’s book, he includes what he calls a “Speaking Worksheet,” which is a template for a version of a conversation, nonviolent communication style.
Here’s what it looks like:
OPENER:
Name of person with whom you are in conflict:
“___________________,”
Your hope for the conversation “I ________________________ .”
Test their readiness ______________________ (Is this a good time?)
FACT:
“When you _____________________ (My note: make sure this is something observed, not a judgment, diagnosis, interpretation, etc…Instead of saying “When you blamed me for the missed deadline,” you may want to say, “When you spoke loudly and told others in the meeting that I caused the deadline to be missed…” The word “blamed” is an interpretation or judgment, not fact.)
FEELING:
“I felt ________________________ (emotion, such as angry, annoyed, afraid, frustrated, sad, hurt)
HOPE:
“because I __________________________ (was hoping, wanted)
___________________” (whatever you were hoping for or wanted)
REQUEST:
“Would you be willing to ______________________?”
If you’re just trying this out, you can always leave some parts out. Usually, for “first timers,” I recommend they focus on the “Fact, Feeling, and Hope” sections. These alone turn a potentially conflicting situation around into something that is non-threatening and civil. It takes the blame out of the situation, and there is no finger pointing, because you are just reporting on observed behaviors and sharing how you felt when those behaviors occurred. One of the most dangerous things to say is “…you made me feel…” In stating this, you are diagnosing the cause of the behavior. This activates the defense mechanism in the other person. Keep diagnoses out of it. As Rosenberg states, “When people hear needs, it provokes compassion. When people hear diagnoses, it provokes defensiveness and attack.”
If you try out this method, please let me know about it and how it worked for you. I have shared this advice many times with people and groups who have experienced deeply wounding conversations in the past, and it has worked well. Let me know what it does for you! Good luck! 🙂
Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net
Sometimes we let fear get between us and our dreams. Sometimes we know what we want to do, but we aren’t bold enough to step forward and go for it. I think anyone can relate to letting our fears get the best of us, and it’s very frustrating when we know where we want to be, but we are to afraid to go after what we want.
I am so delighted to have Tess Marshall join me for my radio show today, to talk about living a more “bold life” and going after what your heart desires! Tess is a fear-shattering, risk taker, author, and courage coach with a master’s degree in counseling psychology. She has a wonderful website and blog called, “The Bold Life – Inspiration for Fearless Living,” and it’s a fantastic place to go for inspiration, strength, and discovering the courage that resides within!
On her website, Tess shares, “I believe we’re here on planet earth to grow in kindness and love. In order to do so we need to let go of fear and take bold action. Doing so will impact every area of your life in a positive way.” I completely agree!
If you’re interested in learning more about Tess, I invite you to visit her site, The Bold Life, where’ you’ll find seemingly endless inspiration. While you’re there, check out her books and e-Course, “Take This Fear and Shove It: Be Bold, Play Big, and Shine Bright.” It’s a fantastic course, if you’re interested in overcoming your fear and going after your dreams!
I am looking forward to our discussion, and I invite you to grab a seat and listen today as we talk about living bold and overcoming fear on “Positively Empowered Radio!” We’ll see you today at 12 PM Central! 🙂
“I would say the biggest failures I’ve had were at a time when I believed my own hype.” ~Simon Cowell
When I talk to audiences, I tell them that I want to do a quick quiz with them, and I’ll do the same with you…Let’s see how you do…
Question one: Is it better to live out of love and compassion toward others, or is it better to live out of fear and scarcity?
(I am guessing at this point you are picking option number one, like most people do)
Question two: If you know it’s better to live out of love and compassion toward others, why don’t we do it?
(Here is where I get mostly the sound of crickets chirping)
It’s a perplexing question — one that baffles and mystifies my audiences. We know how we want to act — we know what’s the proper way to act, yet, for some reason, the human species seems hard-wired to be negative, full of complaints, prone to arguing, bullying, teasing, and many more negative behaviors.
Sometimes we just cast it off as “Well, everyone does it,” or even better, “That’s how my parents acted, so it’s no surprise I act that way.” Really? That’s the best you’ve got?
It usually is the best we’ve got, because we have absolutely no clue as to why we aren’t living out of love and compassion for other people. It’s as if we can’t help but not be that way much of the time, and we’re not alone — over ninety percent of the population can’t help it either, and they don’t even know why.
Fear and scarcity are protective mechanisms — mechanisms designed to help preserve us — to help us save our bacon when we’re exposed to dangerous or life-threatening situations. This fear mechanism worked great for our cavemen ancestors, who, because of the fear mechanism, lived to see the next day of their lives, thus furthering the species, but also passing along the genes of being fearful and worrying about others taking things from us.
Because of this fear and scarcity mentality and the genetics that code for such, we have inherited a brain that is prone to looking out for potential threats and worrying about whether others are going to take something from us. We don’t worry about people taking things like food from us anymore, but we worry about things like power, control, self esteem, proprietary knowledge, happiness, comfort, the status quo, and others, just to name a few.
When we fear that someone is going to take some of these things from us, we become self-centered in the interest of clutching tightly to what it is we fear losing. Our inner contemplation as to why we are being “targeted” starts to chip away at our self esteem. Fear sets in. We start to listen to the ego as it tells us that we are not worthy or not good enough. If we let our ego tell us we’re not worthy, we start to resort to letting our “false” or “external” self esteem get the best of us. The result of this is that we are driven by what other people think, and we then become unauthentic and we live our lives to satisfy other people. If we continue down this road, we won’t be happy.
At the same time, our ego takes a beating, and we start to over-compensate by defending our bruised ego with offenses directed at others. We usually end up involved in judging, criticizing, teasing, or other behaviors that satisfy the ego and fulfill the inner “need” of reassurance that we are better than others, not the other way around.
Even though we inherited belief systems rooted in fear and scarcity, it doesn’t mean that it’s the best way to go for us, and it certainly doesn’t mean that we were hard wired to only operate in this fashion.
While it’s not an easy choice, on the surface, to make a change, it’s not the hardest choice either. The first step is awareness — an awareness that we are serving the ego and letting it get between us and our personal greatness. If we can awaken to the realization that we are acting like robots, automatically and unknowingly carrying out the programming we were genetically handed down by our caveman ancestors, we can then override this program and upgrade to the divine program — the program we were meant to run on our hardware.
We can all be great if we make one simple change — the change from caring so much about “me,” and start caring so much about “we.”
We weren’t designed to be mediocre; we weren’t designed to live our lives on auto-pilot, simply put here to be fearful and serve the ego. We were designed to be great! We are here to make a difference! So, let’s get to it! Make the change!
Have you signed up yet? I am helping bring others “back to life!” The course starts October 1! Get in now! Click the banner below for more information! 🙂
Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net
Note: As an affiliate, a percentage of all sales of this program will go toward vanquishing mental mediocrity around the world! 🙂
Are you tired of feeling numb and disconnected? Are you ready to “wake up” and start living fully?
If you’re ready to come back to life, I have a wonderful interview to share with you that may be your ticket to guiding you back to your soul to help you reconnect with how it feels to be truly alive!
I’ve gotten to know Jodi Chapman over this past year, and I have been asking her to join me on my show for a few months, so I was thrilled when she agreed to join me this week! Jodi is in the process of preparing to unveil her new program, called “Coming Back to Life,” and I wanted her to share her story and details of the program with listeners, so that she can get the message out there to those who need it!
Jodi describes herself as being “passionate about helping each of us listen to and be guided by our soul.” But, as she explains, her life wasn’t always so overtly spiritual. She spent most of my life in the left side of her brain – focusing on logic, proof, and anything black and white. After receiving a degree in Technical Editing and Sociology with plans to become a statistician, she spent several years working for a publication that focused on debunking spiritual/mystic claims and several more working as a technical editor. However, she just didn’t feel fulfilled.
In October of 2010, she experienced a spiritual awakening. (The complete story is detailed in her upcoming book, Coming Back to Life: How An Unlikely Friend Helped Me Reclaim My True Spirit.) Because of this, she slowly began to open up to the miracles that had always been all around her. And in doing so, her entire life changed – it became brighter and filled with love. She now knows that we are never alone, we are always taken care of, and all of the answers – every single thing we need to know about our time here on Earth – have always been inside of us.
I can verifiably say that if you are looking for someone to help get you “off the floor” and come “back to life,” Jodi is the one you want to have as a guide through the process. I am blessed and honored to know her, and I am so excited to have her join me on my radio show this week to talk about her course!
The “Coming Back to Life” e-Course is a six-weekjourney that begins on October 1. It is a helping hand, a set of tools, and a community all wrapped up into one loving course to support you when you are feeling numb and unsure of which way to go. Itt’s packed with TONS of goodies to help you reconnect and feel alive again.
If you have ever felt disconnected from life – from your soul – this course is for you. If you’ve ever felt your light dim, this is for you. If you know that there is more to life than simply getting through the day, but you aren’t sure how to take the step forward out of the darkness, this is for you. If you are ready to plug back into this magical universe, reconnect with your soul, and open your heart again, this course is for you. If you are no longer willing to just “get by” and sleepwalk through your day, this is for you. If you are ready – truly ready – to start living fully – this course is definitely for you!
When you register for Jodi’s e-Course, you’ll receive instant access to over $150 in amazing bonus gifts—including books, affirmations, meditations, and more!
If you’re ready to:
♥ live fully and love fully.
♥ take responsibility for your life.
♥ push past your fears & reach your dreams.
♥ forgive, let go, and move forward.
♥ see the world with childlike wonder.
♥ reconnect with your soul.
♥ believe in miracles again.
♥ open up to this amazing universe.
♥ join a community of loving souls.
♥ be completely authentic and vulnerable (in a good way).
♥ join a course that comes from the heart and soul.
♥ come back to life.
…then this course is for you!
What you’ll receive:
♥ Over 150 pages of love – including weekly lessons + soulful activities. This is where you get to show up for yourself. This is where you get to reconnect with your soul and discover who you are deep down at your wisest, most loving core.
♥ Heartfelt Videos. Each week includes at least three videos – one from Jodi sharing that week’s message, one from an inspirational soul sharing their story, and one designed to teach, inspire, and offer concrete tools that you can apply to your own life.
♥ Guided Meditations. Each week contains a guided meditation that is specific to that week’s message. They are grounding and calming.
♥ Beautiful offerings from over 30 friends who are also on this journey of self discovery. Each week is filled with heartfelt messages from inspirational messengers who are on similar journeys and are brave enough to share their experiences with you. Whether they share their stories through video, audio, artwork, or writing – they all serve the same purpose: to help lift you up and see that you are not alone. We have all experienced the darkness, and we have all opened up to the light.
♥ A private Facebook community. In this community, we can all join to support each other on our journeys, ask questions, and share our experiences. This community will be available to you even after the course ends.
♥ Weekly chat sessions. This will be a space where we can go deeper into the material, truly support each other at the soul level, and really create a tribe filled with love and nurturing energy.
♥ Jodi’s guidance/story. Each week includes Jodi’s story and experiences and what she has learned along the way. She hopes that you can learn from some of her mistakes and also feel inspired to know that you’re not alone in feeling disconnected. She’s been there, too.
♥ Soul Art. Jodi has designed printable posters to go with each week’s message. Perfect for hanging up around your sacred space and filling your soul with love each time you see it!
♥ Surprises. Who doesn’t love surprises? Jodi has a few fun things up her sleeve that she’ll be sprinkling throughout the course – gifts of love that she can’t wait to share with you!
♥ Bonus gifts. When you register for this course, you’ll receive instant access to over $150 in amazing bonus gifts—including books, affirmations, meditations, and more!
Here are the weekly topics:
♥ Week 1: Starting Where You Are
In Week 1, we spend some time exploring where we are starting from. We pat ourselves on the back for being brave enough to begin such a powerful, life-changing journey. And we clear the way for lasting transformation to take place.
♥ Week 2: Getting Real
In Week 2, we recognize the importance of pure authenticity when reconnecting with our soul. We stand strong in who we have become, and we honor our past – while at the same time, we recognize that our present moment can be anything we want it to be. We can be anyone we want to be. And that’s so powerful.
♥ Week 3: Letting Go
In Week 3, we spend a lot of time healing, forgiving, and letting go. We leave behind anything that no longer serves us – anything that will hinder us from soaring toward our dreams and reconnecting with our soul.
♥ Week 4: Opening Up
In Week 4, we open up to the spiritual, magical world that has always been around us. We look for signs. We tap into our own intuition. We practice being still. We embrace the feeling of being completely open to it all.
♥ Week 5: At the Heart of it All
In Week 5, we drop into our core and recognize that we are all love. We honor the love within ourselves, and we embrace the love in others. We rejoice that we are no longer alone. We are completely surrounded by love.
♥ Week 6: Leaping and Dreaming
In Week 6, we push past our comfort zones and fully embrace faith. We leap with abandon toward our dreams. We listen to our soul’s desire, and rather than question what it is asking us to do, we just do it!
When you register, you’ll receive over $150 in bonus gifts that you can download immediately!
We all have a light inside of us that shines so brightly, and this beautiful ecourse will help you remove some of the veils that have been covering your light. Isn’t it time you allowed yourself to shine? To live fully? To feel completely alive? Isn’t it time for each of us to allow ourselves to have that?
If your Soul is jumping up and down saying YES, YES, YES…
Then, register by clicking the banner below:
I am so thrilled to speak with Jodi about this wonderful course! Don’t miss this three-part interview! It’s going to be fantastic! Grab your seat now!
Don’t miss the interview!
Please note: As an affiliate for this e-Course, a percentage of any sales will go toward vanquishing the mental mediocrity of people around the world. 🙂
“The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.” ~Tom Bodett
Last week, I heard my daughter say something that was absolutely music to my ears. My older daughter, Brianna, was playing with her younger sister, and they were engaged in a dialogue. It’s not unusual for them, as they are playing with their “Barbie” dolls and various other toys for them to make comments about the dolls or how the dolls look or act. My younger daughter, Ava, must have said something about the appearance of one of the dolls or something to that effect, and it must not have resonated well with Brianna.
The next thing I know, Brianna said to me, “Daddy, when Ava said that to me, I told myself that I didn’t agree with her, and if I don’t feel that way, then it’s not true, right?”
My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe it. I responded with a cool and collected “Yes, your absolutely right, Brianna,” but inside I was jumping up and down and pumping my fist and hooting and hollering, just absolutely ecstatic that she got it!
She just turned seven, but she had just shown me that she actually gets it and understands it — she understands that when someone shares an opinion, we have a conscious choice. We have the conscious choice to accept or reject the opinions (and thoughts) of other people. If we don’t accept it, then it doesn’t get passed to our subconscious where it can be processed by our body and manifested to come true.
It was so gratifying to hear her say those words, because we have been working so hard with her to understand and grasp that concept. No doubt, as it served her well in this safe environment where she can test out these methods, it will serve her well as she continues to mature and deal with some of the social challenges she will no doubt as she continues school and deals with other people who sling insults and hurtful comments toward anyone who is close enough to hear.
As an afterthought, it was also very impressive to observe that she didn’t condemn or correct her younger sister. She didn’t say that her opinion was wrong or that she shouldn’t say something like that. She understood in that moment that her younger sister had the right to voice her opinion, and while she didn’t agree with it, she respected her sister’s opinion. That in itself is another important skill to develop along the way. I was so proud of her. I always knew she was a great kid — a mature soul — and her mastery of these two important skills at such a young age is simply proof of that fact.
To hear what I heard the other day was just awesome. It was the best music to a dad’s ears!
“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” ~Angela Schwindt
The other day I was taking a jog with my wife. The jog quickly turned into a walk because of the heat and humidity, and quite frankly, because I had run out of gas. (If you are a runner, maybe you can relate, when you just don’t have any more fuel left in the tank) I’m glad we had the opportunity to make a walk out of our outing, because we had the time to spend alone to just talk. It just so happened that our older daughter’s birthday was this past weekend, and we were marveling at the fact that she was already seven years old. Our discussion turned to talking about how remarkable children are, and how their personalities, in some ways, mirror their parents’, but then in other ways, how they are their own unique personalities.
As we had talked about our daughters, I got on the topic of “why” we are here, on this earth. I was sharing something that I had read recently, how an author suggested that children don’t “belong” to us as parents. The author had suggested that, instead, children enter this world “through” us, but they have their own independent place in this world, and while we parents are “vehicles” for their entry, they are their own unique spiritual beings, ready to make a difference in the world. I had never thought of it this way, but it really helps start to sort out why some children come out of their mothers almost like “adults in a box;” they seem to have a sense of maturity and a sort of self-confidence that is so intuitive and unlearned. Our older daughter, Brianna, is one of those people. She knows what she wants, and she has such supreme self confidence.
Our younger daughter, Ava, wears her heart on her sleeve. She definitely lets you know how she feels. She is extremely bright, just like her sister, and she is so emotionally in tune with others. She is a supreme empathic being, who really sorts out the feelings of others and draws upon that to formulate how she interacts with those around her. This is a remarkable feat for someone under the age of four, and no doubt it’s a talent, but how can you teach empathy and compassion and understanding of other people’s feelings to someone that young? You really can’t!
As our conversation about our girls continued, we talked about how we as parents are important in the development of our children, because we are responsible for teaching them life’s lessons. I wrote two posts about the lessons I hope to teach my daughters, and here are the links, in case you are interested in reading them — “Life Lessons I Hope to Teach My Daughters – Part 1” and “Life Lessons I Hope to Teach My Daughters – Part 2”
While we need to teach our children life lessons, we also need to take the time to realize that lessons are to be learned from these little spiritual beings as well. My wife was saying that she can stand to learn from our older daughter’s supreme self-confidence and assertive skills, and I was saying that I can stand to learn a bit of patience and understanding from our younger daughter, as she takes time to sort out her feelings and as she responds empathically to others.
These are just two life lessons that we are trying to learn from our children, and it’s important that we get all we can from them before they get too old. Children provide a wonderful example of how we can get back in tune with our true, great selves, free of ego and prejudice and judgment. If you watch and listen to children, you can see how pure they are. They don’t have an ego; they ask lots (and lots and lots) of questions (sometimes so many I get frustrated); they have a sense of wonderment in regard to their environment and animals and the laws of nature; they always want to know more, and know there is more to learn.
If we can just learn some of these lessons from these wonderful teachers, we will go a long way in getting back in touch with our inner child — our true spirit, who was meant to do great things, before we learned from adults how to be critical, judgmental, concerned about our ego, and thought we knew it all, filled with understandings of limitations and impossibilities. It takes time to “unlearn” all that we have “learned” from the adults who supposedly “knew” how the world works. While parents and adults are valuable in teaching children important social and interpersonal lessons, we adults need to realize that we are on this earth to learn from the little ones that grace us from time to time and have the potential to change us into something greater than we already are. We need reminders from these “short” teachers; reminders of the greatness we possessed as younger beings — greatness we still have within us.
If you have a “short” teacher in your life, take some time to ask yourself what you can learn from them, spiritually pure and full of limitless potential. Children are truly remarkable beings, and it’s our job as adults to continue to remind them of the greatness they possess, without tainting their pure waters with limited thinking, judgmentalism, and ego-centrism. We can learn much from these “short” teachers, as they can reacquaint us with the great spirit that resides within us!
I wrote a post about a year ago on some lessons I have learned from my older daughter, Brianna. It was on my old “Blogger” site, so I copied it over to this blog. If you’re interested in reading it, here’s the link: “A Winning Personality”
My five-year-old daughter never ceases to amaze me.Like any parent, I simply adore everything about her.My wife, Shelly, and I were both discussing the other day how remarkable she is.Right now, she is playing the role of Gretl in a local community theatre’s production of The Sound of Music.She has done a fantastic job through the long rehearsals and all of the memorization of lines, songs, blocking, choreography, and the like.As proud as we are of her accomplishments on stage, we are even more proud of her accomplishments off the stage.We can’t believe how well she just gets along with everyone in general, no matter where she is, and no matter who she’s around.
We tried to put our fingers on what it is about her that is so dynamic – so gravitating (besides the fact that she’s a cute and polite little girl).We both agree that she has all the qualities of a winning personality.I was reflecting the other day on what exactly are the qualities of a winning personality, and I have done my best to identify those qualities within my five-year-old daughter, so that I can actually learn from her and be a better person too! (Thanks Brianna!)
Here’s what I have learned from sweet Brianna:
1. Learn (and remember) people’s names.You can establish a much better relationship with anyone when you remember their names.It shows you genuinely care about them. We nickname Brianna “the elephant” because it seems she never forgets anything!
2. Learn (and remember) something about someone that is unique.Again, remembering something unique about a person shows them that you genuinely care about them.Brianna usually asks if people have pets, because she loves animals!
3. Show your sense of humor.Having a sense of humor endears you to others, because it shows you enjoy life and like to have fun!
4. Find quality in other people.By valuing the other person and sincerely enjoying your time with them, you are showing that you care about them sincerely.
5. Enjoy giving.Brianna always thinks of special people in her life, and likes to get us to buy gifts for other people.She loves giving things to people (she gets that characteristic from her mom).
6. Listen to other people.As I had mentioned before, Brianna has a remarkable memory, and it is greatly enhanced because she truly listens to what other people say.
7. Ask questions – be inquisitive.By continually learning new things, you have a wealth of information to share with others in conversation, if necessary.
8. Be enthusiastic, honest, and authentic.Brianna is truly an authentic individual.What you see is what you get (as with many people her age).
9. Be respectful.Brianna is so very respectful, especially for her age.She really shows her mom and dad that she respects what they have to say, even if she doesn’t like to hear what they have to say!
10. By doing all of the above, bring the best out of everyone else.Brianna has a remarkable way of taking all of the above and blending it together to make the lives of everyone around her that much brighter.
Old or young, big or small, Brianna likes them all.She surely is a blessing to have in my life, and Shelly and I are just so ever thankful that she is our daughter.She makes us very proud!
I continually challenge myself to be more like my daughter.Sometimes we learn best from the least likely sources!
