Category Archives for "health"

How Do We Deal with Difficult People? | VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | communication

One of the most impactful seminars I ever attended was my first “self-development” seminar.  The title of it was “Dealing with Difficult People.”  The reason why I would say the seminar was “impactful” is not only because of the lessons I learned that day, but because of the reflections I still experience today on a seminar I took years ago!

So how does one exactly deal with “difficult” people?

If you asked me for my answer, after all these years, and all that I’ve reflected upon, it would be this:

“Eliminate them.”

Wow.  Harsh, right?

Not so fast.  Let me explain, but first, let me ask you a question:

“What is a ‘difficult’ person?”  Could you please tell me?

Perhaps you may tell me that a difficult person is someone who “gets under their skin,” or “always has an unpleasant disposition,” or someone who “talks all the time,” or “always passes the blame onto other people.”  Maybe a “difficult” person is “obnoxious,” or a “know it all.”  Still, some may describe a “difficult” person as “gripers,” or “yes people,” or “passive aggressive.”

Now before I go on, I’ve been there.  Trust me.  If you search my blog archives long and hard enough, you’ll find that I had little compassion for those “difficult” people at one time.  I was just trying to figure out how to help other people deal with them at the same time I was trying to figure out what to do with them.

But, here’s the revelation I’ve experienced about all of this…All of the above descriptions are either interpretations or diagnoses.  For example, when someone “talks all the time,” do they really, literally talk all the time?  Maybe it’s just that they talk “more than you’d prefer?”

Or how about the “unpleasant disposition?”  When does one go from having an “unpleasant” one to a “pleasant”  one?  Where’s the “magic” threshold they would need to cross?  And who’s the judge as far as what’s pleasant and what’s unpleasant anyway?  Would your idea be in alignment with others’?

And, what’s a “griper?”  What is “griping?”  What’s a “yes” person?  Someone who always says “yes?”  Do they always say yes?  They never say no?  Actually, I happen to know of a lot of people who would be categorized as “yes” people who say “no” more often than I’d prefer!

Okay, so maybe you get the point.  But if you don’t, I’ll lay it down for you like this:

To label someone as “difficult” is to judge.  And, that judgment comes through diagnoses and interpretations that lead you to that label.  As you can see, diagnoses and interpretations are not actual factual representations of what a person did or said.  All the labels do is increase the distance and difference between people, namely you and that other person.

What do you and that other person have in common?  Have you ever thought about that?  Have you ever considered what it may be like for that person to be who they are, in their shoes?  Did you ever stop to think how the things you do and say may be interpreted or diagnosed by others?

That’s why I say to “eliminate” the “difficult” people.  When we eliminate the labels, judgments, diagnoses, and interpretations, we get through all of that and get to what really may be going on, which is…

You!

How do you feel when you are in the presence of this person?  Do you have negative feelings?  Remember, nobody “makes” you feel a certain way.  Only you “make” yourself feel the way you do.  So, given that your negative feelings are originated and generated within you, what is going on inside of you that is leading to those feelings?  Is there something that you need and are not getting?  Is there something you can do — is there a request you can make — to allow others to help you get what you need?

Sometimes the things that frustrate us most about other people are actually mini-stories about what’s alive in us.  We may have been led to believe that by learning how to better “deal” with a “difficult” person may “make” us feel better about ourselves, but in reality, it has nothing to do with the other person.

When we can start to look inward, and reflect upon how we deal with our own feelings, that is when the “difficult” people will begin to disappear, because we come to realize that “difficulty” has everything to do with what’s alive inside of us, and very little to do with the people we interact with on a daily basis.

Photo source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/therikpics/7913754434/

Guest Post: 5 Simple Habits to Make You Happy, Successful, and Wealthy

By Dr. Victor Schueller | health

Do you brush your teeth twice a day? If you’re like the majority of Americans, you do.

You might think that this is an odd question to start off with on the topic of happiness, but it actually couldn’t be better placed. One of the few habits that has become universally accepted focuses on the health of teeth. And just like perfect teeth don’t come without daily brushing, success and wealth don’t just happen overnight; they are the result of a lifestyle. A set of simple, daily tasks that, compounded over time, lead to one’s ultimate success. If perfect teeth, wealth and success are the result of simple actions repeated daily, could a qualitative trait such as happiness develop in the same way?

After over a decade of research, Shawn Achor, a world-renowned positive psychologist and the author of the Happiness Advantage, has finally found the answer to this question; and I want to share his findings with you. In just two minutes (the time it takes to brush teeth) we can form habits that are scientifically proven to improve mental health and happiness over time. To make matters even more exciting, Shawn has discovered through his research that it is actually happiness that ultimately leads to success, not the other way around like the age-old theory suggests. So if happiness is the result of a simple set of daily habits, and also ultimately leads to success, what can we do to become happier?  Without further ado, I present to you Shawn’s five habits of happiness:

1. Gratitude

An extensive study on the subject of gratitude cites that a one-time act of thoughtful gratitude produced an immediate 10% increase in happiness and 35% reduction in depressive symptoms. Although the effects disappeared after six months, there is a way to permanently increase happiness. In another test, participants were instructed to write down three positive occurrences and their causes every night for one week. The long-lasting impact was incredible.

 “After one week, participants were 2% happier than before, but in follow-up tests, their happiness kept on increasing, from 5% at one month, to 9% at six months. All this, even though they were only instructed to journal for one week.”

There will always be positives and negatives in life, so you’re far better off directing your attention to the positives.

 2. The Doubler

An article by Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., suggests that the human brain cannot distinguish between imagination (visualization, dreams) and actual experience. We can use this knowledge to live a much happier existence. Once per day, especially when feeling down, focus on one positive experience in your life and write down as many details as you can remember from it. The details should range from the environment of the experience, to emotions you felt during it, to the clothes you were wearing at the time. If we simply bring ourselves back to a positive experience in our imagination, our brains will react in the same way as if we were actually there.

 3. Fifteen Minutes of Cardio

Doing fifteen minutes of cardio per day has been scientifically proven to be as effective as taking a daily anti-depressant. I could write more on this subject, but you’re probably already aware of the endless benefits of daily exercise. It puts you in a better mindset, releases endorphins, and promotes clearer thinking.

 4. Meditation

It’s hard to deny the remarkable short and long-term benefits of meditation; it helps to reduce stress, decrease anxiety, lower blood pressure, boost the immune system, increase optimism, and the list goes on. You can read about some of the science behind meditation here, here, and here. The goal is to slow down, be mindful, and focus on nothing but your breath for as little as two minutes every day. As long as you are consistent, you will see tremendous changes in your life due to this simple practice.

 5. Send a Positive Email

Before doing anything else in the morning, open up your computer and send one positive email or text to anybody who has had an impact on your life. It could be a thank you note to a middle school teacher, a coach, a professor, a co-worker, or even the hippie you randomly met at a festival. In his book, Shawn Achor describes a study done at Harvard that shows a significantly stronger correlation between happiness and social connection than the one between smoking and cancer. If you do nothing else, do this for twenty-one straight days. There is a much better chance that this simple practice will increase your levels of happiness than there is that you will get cancer from smoking. Make your messages personal and do it first thing in the morning.

If you want to start living a happier, healthier, and ultimately more successful and abundant life, try doing just one of the five things listed above every day. If you can, turn all five into daily habits; it may be easier than you think. If you brush your teeth for 2 minutes a day in order to have a healthier mouth, why not focus on keeping the most important part of your body healthy…? Your mind.

About the Author, Emily Cedar:

Emily is one of the “kids” who started The Kid Monks blog.  In addition to working on her blog, she loves to explore, create, travel, do crossfit, meditate, and chill outdoors.  She bleeds maize and blue and considers herself an optimist when it comes to Michigan Football.  You can contact Emily at emily@thekidmonks.com.

Image: Vishwas Krishna http://goo.gl/5KhRZ4

Blessing Your Misfortunes – An Unconventional Approach | VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | belief systems

I don’t know about you, but it occurs often while I am reading a book that the author makes a reference to another author or book that inspired them.  I immediately stop reading the book and go searching for that author or that book to check it out.  It’s hard to finish a book that way, when you keep interrupting your reading because you’re going off on a scavenger hunt for more books to read!

shinn bookNevertheless, on one of my excursions I came across the writings of Florence Scovel Shinn.  She was born in the 1870s, and she died in 1940.  Behind her she left some absolute gems of writing, one of them, published in 1925, titled The Game of Life and How to Play It.  It is described as down to earth and filled with anecdotes, covering topics that include prosperity, healing, forgiveness, faith, and Divine Design.

The book is an easy read, and it teaches some valuable lessons through many stories and examples.  One of the ideas that I really took to was the idea of essentially “blessing your misfortunes.”  Instead of being angry or fearful about what happened, what may happen, or what is happening, Shinn recommends changing the way you view your circumstances.

Why would you do this?  She explains it this way: “We must substitute faith for fear, for fear is only inverted faith; it is faith in evil instead of good.  The object of the game of life is to see clearly one’s good and to obliterate all mental pictures of evil.  This must be done by impressing the subconscious mind with a realization of good.”

In other words, if you seek all the reasons why you are justified to be suffering from the unfortunate situation, if you affirm that unfortunate things seem to always happen to you, or if you are convinced that people have it in for you and are plotting against you or have evil intentions, you are giving into fear.  You are exhibiting “faith in evil,” instead of having faith in the good in you and the good in everyone and everything around you.

It’s only natural when things go wrong that we brood over it and curse and sit in that place of frustration, anger, and resentment.  The problem with letting this go on is that our mental dialogue starts to take over, and we begin to think about perhaps the other person that’s involved.  We start to think about how they may have done something intentional to us or had ill intentions.

Our mental dialogue may start to chime in about how bad things always happen to us but don’t seem to happen to other people.  We may get more frustrated as we start to compile a list of our misfortunes and start comparing it to those around us, especially those who have a shorter list.

But what does all this do?  It creates a resonance of negative energy within.  It activates the stress centers of our brains, thrusting us into a stress response.  We begin to shut down the thinking parts of our brains, and we crumble to fear and negativity.

By blessing your misfortunes, thanking them for the lesson they taught, and by blessing others who are involved and seeking the good in them, affirming your faith in the good in them, you will begin to have faith in yourself.  You’ll start to activate the loving, compassionate parts of your brain, and you’ll begin to think loving thoughts and bring to mind memories of pleasant experiences and examples of times when things did go well for you.

In short, if you curse your misfortunes, you’ll begin to see misfortune in your world.  If you bless your misfortunes, you’ll begin to see blessings in your world.  Your world becomes a reflection of your thoughts and active concentration.  Concentrate on the good.  BE the good in the situation.  By being, you will shape your environment. By being, you will influence those around you. By being, you will have the power to create your own circumstances and attitude about them.

Begin with blessings, and blessings will follow.  Begin by expressing your faith in the good, and the good will come as a result. When you start counting your blessings, even in your misfortunes, you’ll quickly see that more good will come out of it as a result.

 

Photo: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/cjn

Why I’ve Given Up Radio | VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | health

For the better part of a month now, I’ve given up radio.  It used to be part of my daily routine.  I used to listen to it as I got ready in the morning, and while I drove to work as well.  And then, it dawned on me — the radio was a distraction from things that really mattered to me.  It was noise which was drowning out what I really wanted to hear, so I gave it up.

To be more specific, I used to listen to a lot of sports radio.  I did it because I loved to listen to sports news.  I’d love to keep informed on what was happening with my favorite sports teams (namely the Green Bay Packers), but then I realized something: sports radio (and radio in general) was a lot about things that just didn’t matter that much.

Do I really need to know about a pending contract of a player?  Do I really need to know how much money someone is making or about this change or that?  Do I really need to hear about what a player has to say about a game, which serves most of us as mere entertainment?  Do I need to hear commercial after commercial?

The truth is that listening to radio — any type of radio for that matter — doesn’t help me grow as a person.  It doesn’t help me become more of who I want to be.  It doesn’t help me search inward to find out what discoveries I can make to improve the things I don’t like about myself.  All it does is help me focus on other people and their affairs — things that absolutely make no difference to me or my life at all.  I can truthfully live without knowing over 99 percent of what I’d hear on the radio or other news outlets.

Does that leave me out of the loop on certain breaking news?  Absolutely.  Am I clueless when it comes to the latest controversy or riot or gossip?  Yes, most of the time.  But, you know what?  If I really want to know what’s going on after someone brings it up, I have no problem finding all the information I need by looking online.  Not counting sports radio, I’ve really not watched or listened to the news for years — literally.  Did I know the ins and outs of what was going on in Ferguson?  No, not really.  Did I need to know everything that was going on?  Obviously not.  Still here, still living, still doing okay in the world.  I still know the latest news when it’s big enough because I see or hear other people talking about it — either in person or on social media.  I get what I need.  And, we don’t need much, in my opinion.

You see, I’m trying to be more in tune with myself, and I’m trying to listen to me — the real me — the deep me that has the answers I need.  I don’t need more noise on top of everything else.   I don’t need distractions.  What I need is silence.  What I need is the opportunity to have the space to reflect.  I need the silence to talk to the “me” that I want to talk to.  Silence provides me with the opportunity to ask questions, find the answers, and search deeper and deeper within myself.  That’s what I need.

And that’s why the radio stays off, and that’s why I have felt more grounded and more connected ever since.

Are you thinking of doing the same?  Here are some things I have done to take the place of the “noise.”

I’ve been using Spotify.  I found a radio station which is simply called “meditation.”  It’s great.  YouTube also has some great relaxing music.  Do a search for “meditation music,” or “relaxing music” or even “relaxing soundscapes.”  As a matter of fact, one of my favorites is  soundscape which is ten hours of the sound of running water.  I love it.  If you’re a fan of Pandora or i-Heart Radio, you can essentially do the same thing with those apps.

I use my smartphone and plug it into a FM transmitter in my car.  My car then becomes a “meditation machine,” and I can ride to work listening to music that allows me to reflect.  Sometimes I’ll grab a lecture or lesson from a teacher on YouTube and convert it to an MP3 and load it onto my phone to listen to as I drive too.  There are lots of options.  Regardless of what you choose, simply making the choice to do something for yourself, rather than immersing yourself in the affairs of others, has the potential to connect you with much more satisfying experiences.  I encourage you to give it a try if it sounds like something you’d enjoy.

Have you grown tired of entertainment?  Has it just become “noise” to you too?  Are you looking for deeper inquiry and deeper self reflection?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear about it.  Leave a comment below.

P.S. – And, for the record, I have not given up doing my radio show, which is intended to help people.  I’ve given up listening to radio that doesn’t help me (or others).  I just realized the title of the blog may be misleading… 🙂

Image source: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/phre3a

Can Compliments Cause Harm to Others?

By Dr. Victor Schueller | belief systems

“I can retract what I did not say, but I cannot retract what I already have said.” ~Solomon Ibn Gabirol

I just finished reading a delightful book titled Words That Hurt, Words That Heal: How To Choose Words Wisely And Well by Joseph Telushkin.  It was a relatively quick read, full of wonderful stories that really helped drive home the points being brought across.  It also included many great takeaways and things to ponder that I hadn’t really thought about or considered before reading the book.

One of the many major points of wisdom that I walked away with as a major takeaway came very early on in the book.  It was found in the chapter titled, “The Irrevocable Damage Inflicted by Gossip.”  In that chapter Telushkin talks about “three types of speech that people should decrease or eliminate.”  They are as follows:

1. Information and comments about others that are nondefamatory and true

2. Negative, though true, stories — information that lowers the esteem in which people about whom it is told

3. Lies and rumors — statements that are negative and false

Were you as surprised as I was with number one above?  Information and comments about others that are nondefamatory and true should be decreased?  Eliminated?

As a matter of fact, Telushkin even offers the question right up: “What possible reason could there be for discouraging people from exchanging such innocuous, even complimentary, information?”

That’s a great question, and I was curious to find out the rationale for adopting such a stance.  It turns out that there are about three reasons for doing so.  The first reason for shying away from nondefamatory and true statements is because, as Telushkin offers, “…the listener might not find the information so innocuous.  While one person is describing how wonderful the party was, the other might well wonder, ‘Why wasn’t I invited?  I had them over to my house just a month ago.'”

The second reason for staying away from this practice is because “gossip rarely remains so.”  Most of the human population is more likely to focus on “critical evaluations” rather than “exchanging accolades.”  The truth is that most people, left to their own devices, will focus on the one thing they don’t like about a person when there are many other characteristics and qualities about that same person that are admirable and honorable.

Finally, the third reason we would be best served to decrease or eliminate nondefamatory and true statements about others is found in the Book of Proverbs: “He who blesses his neighbor in a loud voice in the morning, it will later be thought a curse” (27:14).  Telushkin explains in more understandable and relatable terms: “if a person comes to public notice even as a result of a neighbor’s ‘blessing’ (a positive association), the intense scrutiny engendered by his newfound fame ultimately will probably damage his good name — or worse.”

Telushkin makes a compelling argument as to why it may be in our best interest to stay away from these true, but nondefamatory statements.  I can certainly relate to all three of the points he had mentioned, both on the giving and receiving end!  I must admit, however, that it does seem counterintuitive and seemingly more harmful to refrain from doing so.  Then, I am left to wonder: is it simply social conditioning?  Are we “programmed,” so to speak, to offer compliments and positive statements about others as a social nicety? But then again, even as we do this, and speak kindly of others, are we actually harming those of which we speak?  At the very least, it gave me pause for thought.

What are your thoughts?  Do you believe it is better to compliment and speak kindly of others, or have you experienced, either on the giving or receiving end, that to do so causes more harm than good?  I’d love to hear what you have to say.  Please leave a comment below and I promise to respond.

 

Photo copyright Ethan Lofton. Images shared via creative commons license. Click here for link to image.

One Practice You Can Do to “Wow” Yourself | VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | belief systems

Everything has its season, and I firmly believe that this is the season for us to take time to participate in one very important practice.  As a matter of fact, if you’re going to only focus on doing one thing between now and the end of the year — one thing that can have a huge impact on you, and absolutely allow you to “wow” yourself, you’re going to want to do this.  The best part of it is that it doesn’t take a lot of time, it is totally pleasant and fun, and it’s super easy to do.

Here’s what you do: grab a piece of paper and a pen or pencil.  Reflect on the year gone by, and try to recall as many things as you can that happened during the year for which you are grateful, or that which was a pleasant surprise.  When you think of or recall something, write it down.  See how many things you can write down.

Something you can do to help you better recall what happened would be to grab your calendar from the year.  Take a look at the months.  Maybe you wrote in a get-together with some family friends.  Perhaps you went to a concert, or watched one of your child’s events at school, or went along on a field trip.  Maybe you took a vacation or small family trip or celebrated a milestone like a birthday or anniversary.

What’s the reasoning behind this?  I have a couple of reasons I can share with you.  First of all, for some, the holidays can bring feelings of melancholy or a longing to reunite with people who have passed either this year or years past.  It’s easy to dwell on how much we miss the people who are no longer with us, and those feelings can lead to other emotions that bring us down.  By focusing on those things that we do have, rather than those we do not, we are reminding ourselves of the joys of life and things that we can be appreciative of because we still can enjoy them today.

Secondly, when we are focused on gratitude-based activities, we are affecting the neurology of the brain, setting it to a frequency consistent with joy, happiness, and positivity, which helps us see the world that we live in in a more positive light, and it helps us adopt a mindset that makes us more appreciative of life in general.  It’s kind of like when you are at the baggage claim at the airport, looking for your luggage.  If you have a red bag, you will pay attention to all the red bags that pass along, ignoring the other colors as they go by.  If you are grateful, you’ll pick up on the joys in life and sort of ignore the negatives as they pass by.

Third, I firmly believe that people underestimate how phenomenal their year was when it comes to an end.  This is your chance to “wow” yourself by looking back and seeing just how awesome it was for you, and how much you accomplished!  Just take a look at all the great things that happened throughout the year, and just think about the possibilities that lie ahead in the upcoming year!  You’ll be surprised at what you discover when you commit to this practice at year’s end.

One last thing you can do as the “icing on the cake” is to just look at your life in general.  Did you get up this morning?  Are you healthy?  Are your family members healthy?  Are you cancer free?  Do you have the full use of all of your body parts?  Can you walk?  Do you have food on your table?  Can you provide for your family?  Think about the abundant blessings that you simply take for granted every day, and realize how fortunate you truly are each and every day you’re alive.

The year’s end is a fantastic time to focus on your blessings, and remember all that is good in your life.  As you look forward to the new year, you can even start writing down the good things that come along, or you can write down some things you’d like to accomplish in the upcoming year, or simply enjoy the holiday season as it unfolds.

As I write my final blog entry for 2014, I wish you a wonderful holiday filled with blessings and gratitude.  I wish you a wonderful start to the new year, filled with anticipation, hope, and wishes for the future.  May you enjoy your blessings, and may your heart be filled with joy and love.

Take care, and as always, many blessings to you.  Happy holidays, and have a very happy new year!

Photo: http://www.clipartsfree.net

Video: What to Do When Someone Is Agreeable but They’re Really Not

By Dr. Victor Schueller | Brain and mind

Have you ever had someone who was agreeable to something you said, but at the same time you believed that they were not totally agreeable?

Check out this video which gives you some recommendations on how to handle this situation, either if you find someone to be “falsely” agreeable, or if you’re asked to do something that you’re not really agreeable to doing.

If you liked this video, and you’d like more, make sure you click here to SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube Channel!  I do a new video about once a week.

 

 

How to Get past the Criticism of Others | VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | belief systems

It’s not easy being criticized by others.  It cuts to the core, and it hurts.

Why does the criticism hurt?  It hurts because we are experiencing negative emotions as a result of the criticism, obviously, but why do we experience the negative emotions?

Rise_Above_Criticism_Cover_for_Kindle with border

In my book, Rise Above Criticism, Negativity, and Conflict, I dive into the investigation of our emotions and why we experience them.

Essentially, when we are experiencing a positive emotion, our needs are fulfilled, but when we are experiencing a negative emotion, one or more of our needs are not being met.

So now it’s clear that our negative emotions that arise as a result of the criticism are coming from a need within us that is not being met.  Maybe it’s a need to be understood, or a need to be recognized as competent.  Maybe it’s some other need that arises and is not fulfilled.  The beauty of the system is that it’s really up to you individually to determine what the need is.

Once you identify that need, then it’s also up to you to either fulfill that need or to ask others to help you to fulfill that need.  So, for example, if you have a need to be understood, perhaps you could say, “Could you please help me understand where I’m not being entirely clear so that I can clarify and clear up any misunderstandings?

This would allow the other person to provide you with the information so that you can resolve your unmet need.

However, this doesn’t help you necessarily get past the criticism of other people.  It just helps you get to a place of more positive emotions.

To get past the criticism of other people, it’s important to remember one important thing:

The criticism of others toward you has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with their feelings and unmet needs.

So, when someone tells you that your idea is horrible, what they’re really saying is that they’re not getting something they need, and they are (in a very masked way) asking you to help them meet that unmet need.

But, before you can even start to move to a place where you can help them meet their unmet need, you need to check your ego at the door.  You can’t be thinking in the back of your head that they are just trying to be manipulative, cover up their mistakes, play politics, or that they have other ulterior motives that are suspect.  When you move to this place you are simply interpreting and diagnosing their behaviors, and when you move to that type of thinking you’ll get nowhere.  Interpreting and diagnosing is a form of judging — it’s a form of labeling something as “right” and “wrong.”

Sensitive issues such as criticism need to be handled delicately and sensitively.  It’s hard to be sensitive and delicate when someone is criticising you, but that’s exactly what is called for.  Because it seems so counterintuitive, so few people handle criticism this way.

Perhaps “Bob” said that your idea was horrible because he is frustrated because he feels that his ideas aren’t being included in the discussion.  All you can do is guess.  Maybe just asking Bob what specifically he doesn’t like about the idea will shed light on what his unmet needs are.

Once you can determine what the unmet need is, you can either ask if that’s what Bob needs, or you can just make a suggestion to move in that direction, and see what his reaction is.  If he responds peacefully and cooperatively, chances are you’ve met a need of his, and he’s experiencing a more positive emotion internally as a result.

Criticism is never really about us.  It is completely about what’s going on internally with the person who criticizes.  That doesn’t mean that we’re not relieved of responsibility toward helping them meet their needs, however.  If you can identify that there is an unmet need, you can do a tremendous service to the criticizer by helping them meet their needs, and for that, you’ll be recognized as a master communicator and a tremendous leader, and people will know that they can count on you to help them get to a better place.

Did you find this post helpful?  Do you think you can apply this to your own situations?  Let me know in the comments below!

Why It’s a Good Time to Put Away the Label Maker | VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | belief systems

About five years ago I was in the middle of a remodeling project where we were finishing off our basement.  One of the things that I really wanted to have was a great entertainment system, complete with the big-screen television, home theater system, and the whole nine yards.

I remember running wires all over the place from one room to the next, running cables where I thought I may need a connection somewhere down the line, through the walls and above the ceiling tiles and to and from the amplifier.  It was a quite complicated setup, and to keep it all straight I had my best friend to help me out: my label maker.

I used that label maker to tag every single cable and cord and wire that I ran to and from the entertainment system.  I had so many cords that were identical, and the only way that I could ever hope to tell them apart, especially after the drywall was hung and the ceiling was in place, was through the use of labels.

When labels are not such a good idea…

While the use of a labels was vital to the success of the remodeling project and wiring process, the use of labels can be extremely counterproductive in our social interactions with other people.  Labels are used to discriminate or distinguish otherwise identical components from each other.  In my opinion, this is why the use of labels is more harmful than helpful to us in building meaningful and peaceful connections with other people.

We all are human.  We all have the capacity to love and not to love.  We all have the capacity to feel emotions, and we all have the ability to choose how to respond to the emotions that we are experience and that change many times throughout the day.

What makes you different from me is only what we choose to recognize as distinctions or differences.  Socially we have been conditioned throughout our lives to distinguish and differentiate.  Tragically, in my opinion, we have been conditioned to view different as non-desirable.  We then attach “labels” to those distinctions, calling other people, “stupid,” “weird,” “crazy,” and other things.

We look at the religions of other people, and automatically make assumptions.  We determine someone’s political stance and judge them.  We look at someone who is attracted to another of the same gender and think it’s “wrong.”

Labels distinguish, differentiate, and discriminate.

They divide us based on differences, rather than uniting us based on similarities.  Labels create an uneven playing field in our minds.  We look at others as “less than” or “not good” simply because they fall into a nicely-created category that we’ve created for everyone just like them.

The further we divide ourselves from others, the further from peace and closer to violence we find ourselves.  They key to peace, harmony, happiness, and joy is seeking and finding similarities with other people.  It’s about bringing ourselves closer to others in commonality while celebrating what makes us unique.

Put down the label maker.  There’s no real need for us to distinguish or discriminate.  This whole planet full of people will be so much better off when we can start loving each other for who we are, without our pre-conceived (and often inaccurate) notions of who and what other people are based on a category in which we’ve placed them.  Seek to find commonalities, and celebrate uniqueness.

Consequently, over the years, as I’ve revisited the wiring in my home entertainment system, I’ve found that the labels have faded, making it difficult if not impossible to determine which wire is which anymore.  To me, it’s a symbolic reminder that labels can be temporary and can fade over time if we don’t maintain or nurture them.

Don’t you think it’s time for a change?  Don’t you think it’s time to move beyond labels and categories?  I’d love to hear your thoughts!  Please leave a comment below and I’ll promise to respond.

 

On my radio show this week:

 

dani dipirro2This week I am happy to welcome back to my show Dani DiPirro of Positively Present.  During our talk, we’ll discuss her upcoming book, as well as some easy ways to stay in the moment.  She’s always a great interview, because she shares such valuable advice. If you haven’t heard her yet, or if your aren’t a follower of her website, I encourage you to take a listen.

Click on Dani’s picture to listen to the show!

 

 

 

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