Category Archives for "Brain and mind"

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Earthly possessions dazzle our eyes and delude us into thinking that they can provide security and freedom from anxiety. Yet all the time they are the very source of anxiety. ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I am in the process of writing a free guide to help people overcome their own personal mediocrity and tap into their unused potential to realize their inner greatness.  Yes, I know that’s a mouthful, but the guide is going to be awesome (and helpful and applicable)!  One of the many things I am going to discuss is what I call the “Hierarchy of Existence,” and while I am developing the idea, I wanted to share it with you to hear your thoughts.

I’ve already discussed with you how our conscious thoughts become our beliefs, and that our beliefs eventually come to fruition by us actually being what we believe.

Depending on our levels of needs, and depending on how well our needs are being fulfilled, we will generally fall into one of three categories, which I call the “strive,” “thrive,” or “alive” levels of existence.  Here’s a rough sketch of the “Hierarchy of Existence:”

You can see that the “strive” level is a level where a person struggles to have their basic needs met.  When a person feels that they are struggling to find security and safety, they are usually in a prolonged state of stress.  They find themselves emotionally fragile and see themselves regularly as victims of circumstance.

If someone is able to transcend this “strive” level of existence and move up to the “thrive” level, they will find that they are better able to meet their needs.  They now can provide for their basic needs and more.  Now, people in this “thrive” level typically buy a home, for example, and have a steady and stable career, and they start to amass material possessions and monetary savings.  People who find themselves in the “thrive” level of existence may be under the impression that they have “arrived,” but this is actually a paradoxical trap; the more possessions one owns, the more they fear losing all they have worked for, and the tighter they hold on to their possessions.  They may find that while they are financially successful and have many possessions, they are unhappy or unfulfilled, realizing that they are a slave to their possessions and the job that allows them to maintain that standard of living.  They still are largely victims of fate — they feel that they control some aspects of their lives, but still they are “limited” to what options they have available to maintain their way of life.

The “strive” and “thrive” levels of existence are enveloped in a belief system based on fear and scarcity.  The fear of losing what they have drives them to work very hard to keep what they have, because their belief system tells them that things like money, power, status, and other similar commodities are limited in quantity, and if they don’t work to keep what they have earned, they will lose it and have no way of getting it back.

This belief system rooted in fear and scarcity is based upon conscious acceptance of stimuli from the five senses, coupled with subconscious programming.  When we were too young to make decisions for ourselves, our parents and teachers made conscious choices for us, and we accepted those choices because we learned to trust the adults who were responsible for teaching us the ways of life.  Through their words and actions, we learned “how to live,” but if our parents and teachers themselves operated on belief systems based on fear and scarcity, then they just passed those beliefs on to us.

Subconscious programming of the conscious stimuli is not questioned.  It is simply carried out by our bodies.  If we are not aware of the programming that was fed to our subconscious over our lifetimes, we operate on autopilot and unknowingly speak and act in ways that are motivated by fear and scarcity.  We are all about the ego, concerned with our status compared to others.  We worry about how much power we have, or how much influence we hold.  We worry about getting our “piece of the pie,” because there aren’t necessarily enough “pieces” to go around.  We engage in negative behaviors like complaining and gossiping, because those emotional areas of our brains are so busy worrying about potential threats to our ego that we are constantly in self-preservation mode.

The key to breaking through our limited belief systems is becoming “alive.”  We become alive when we recognize that our actions and words are driven by fear and scarcity, and then do something to change.  We become alive when we start to become mindful of the present, quiet and still to listen to our inner genius, and we begin to operate out of abundant love and forgiveness.  When we can break through our existing beliefs based on fear and scarcity, we transcend all limits and experience the true bliss of being one with pure potentiality — 100% authentic and in tune with our intuition.  We become fearless and ready to live the lives we want to live, on our own terms.

We no longer are trapped by suffering caused by the fear of losing our possessions.  We live life fully “alive!”

It’s time to vanquish mental mediocrity.  It’s time to come alive and be the compassionate, empathic, loving, and generous being we were born to be!  It’s time!

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Sketch of “Heirarchy of Existence,” by Victor Schueller – Copyright 2012

“The most fatal illusion is the settled point of view. Since life is growth and motion, a fixed point of view kills anybody who has one.” ~Brooks Atkinson

About five years ago, I attended what still stands as the most impactful seminar I ever attended.  I was attending the seminar with a friend who wanted to go to, but didn’t want to go alone.  It was a presentation on how to deal with difficult people, which sounded interesting to me, and I figured I could learn something along the way, so I went along.

It was a short and inexpensive seminar, but there was a lot crammed into that four hours.  I didn’t know what to expect, and even after attending, I wasn’t blown away by the content or the presenter; I just knew I had learned something during the session.

It wasn’t until I had some time to think about the presentation that it started to sink in, and then it started to have an impact on me and my life overall.  The lessons learned that day proved to be the beginning of this life path that I now find myself traveling, trying to help people live a better life, free of mental mediocrity and full of personal greatness.

Among all the lessons we were taught, there were two discussions that resonated within me the most.  The first one was that people have different preferences for how they address and solve problems.  Some people are more direct, while some are more indirect.  Some people are more social and talkative, while some are less talkative and pay more attention to details and the pursuit of perfection.  Some people are great with brainstorming ideas and coming up with possible solutions quickly, while others need to take some time away to really think things through.  This really spoke to me because I had always been one who prefers to observe and reflect before doing anything, and finally I understood why.  (This was essentially the DISC profile system, in case you want to Google it and learn more about it yourself).  I also realized that I had to stop thinking about how I liked to be treated, and start thinking about how others like to be treated.  Dr. Tony Alessandra calls it the “Platinum Rule.”  The rule states, “Treat others as they would like to be treated.”  It’s a great rule to live by!

The second major takeaway that I got from that seminar, and the one that was a complete paradigm shift was in regard to the topic of the seminar itself, which involved dealing with difficult people.

This second lesson was simple, but powerful…While some people may present themselves as a “difficult” person, you may present as a “difficult” person to someone else.  In other words, labeling someone as a “difficult” person is judgmental — it’s a label — and it’s purely opinion.  It’s not a fact.  It’s important to realize that we are not perfect, and while others may cause us difficulty, it may be us who causes difficulty for other people.

I’ll never forget that lesson, and it has changed my life ever since.

An opinion is only an opinion.  A judgment is just a judgment, and it is only a matter of perspective.  I learned that day that I cannot consider myself “above” or “better” than anyone else, nor can I assume that I never cause others difficulty.  I have to remember that I need to apply the “Platinum Rule” on a daily basis, and I have to remember to be careful to label others negatively without considering that I may be labeled the same by others.

It turns out this short and inexpensive seminar was probably the biggest bang for my buck to date for personal development!  It just goes to show that sometimes the best lessons come from the most unlikely of sources!

These two lessons have profoundly impacted my life for the better, and I hope that you find them to be just as beneficial and impactful in your life!

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I am no good at math. Well, that’s what I had said to myself for a large majority of my life. Also, I am horrible at remembering names. That’s also something I have said for most of my life. Physics is something that I was better off quitting early before I embarrassed myself any further.  Are those statements true? Well, the answer to that question is actually pretty complicated. If you asked me today to do algebra, trigonometry, or calculus, I would have a difficult time delivering. If you put me in a room with several new people and give me their names, I would not be as quick to learn them as some others. Physics? Ugh…Don’t get me started. I had to do Physics I and II twice before passing them with a grade of a “C.”

So, getting back to my question: “Are those statements true?” On the surface, one may answer yes, but looking deeper, the answer I would give you is “Only if I allow myself to believe it.”

You have been told by others many things. You may have been told that you’re not very smart or creative, or maybe people teased you or laughed at you at a young age about your looks or clothes or other things you simply could not control. You may feel you are left out of the crowd, or that other people have avoided you or put you down or put you in your place. You may have been criticized or humiliated by others.

Are they right? Are you any of those things?

Only if you allow yourself to believe it.

You see, every time we take something in through our five senses: taste, touch, hearing, vision, and smell, your brain processes it at the conscious level. You are aware of what you are taking in, and, more importantly, you have conscious control of how you react to the stimulus.  (This is the called the somatic nervous system, in case you were wondering…I’m guessing you really weren’t.)  So, for example, if you walked in to a very hot room, you can consciously control whether you stay in that room, start removing layers of clothing (hopefully not too many layers), or turn on the air conditioning.  You have the ability to choose your reaction to the stimulus.

This is what I call the critical crossroads — it is the time where you get to consciously choose what to do with the information you receive through your five senses.

What other people say or think about you is their opinion, not yours.  Whether you come to actually believe it and convert it into truth and become that “truth” is based on whether you make the conscious choice to believe it.  If you choose not to believe it, then it won’t become fed to your subconscious mind, where anything placed into it has no choice but to be physically manifested by your body.

If someone told me that I had green hair, I wouldn’t believe them.  For starters, I don’t have hair, and secondly, if I were to have it, it certainly would not be the color green.  I don’t believe it, so therefore it’s not true.  I reject that statement.  That’s easy to do, but it’s the “difficult” opinions that are harder to “un-believe.”  If someone tells you you aren’t good enough, either through what they say or do to you, it’s hard not to consider that they may be true.

When other people share their opinion of you with you, it’s the other person’s ego talking.  Their ego is trying to build itself up by reassuring itself how superior it is by comparing to and squashing another’s ego.  It feels better about itself when another ego feels worse about itself.  It’s a bunch of garbage.

This is the critical crossroads that makes all the difference when it comes to establishing and maintaining one’s self image, self esteem, self worth, and self confidence. Do you choose to believe what another person’s overblown suggests?

You are in control.  You can choose whether or not to believe what they say.  It’s a pretty powerful tool, once you know you have it and know how to use it.

The last, and most important thing to remember to do is to make sure you give yourself a heavy dose of positive thoughts about yourself…I’ll do that right now.

Yes, I am good at math.  Yes, I am good a learning faces.  Yes, I am good at physics!  And I believe it to be true!

Now it’s your turn! 🙂

Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net

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“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.” ~May Sarton

Sometimes it’s not easy to march to the beat of a different drummer.  Sometimes it’s a bit unsettling to be one that is not like the others.

I experienced one of those times recently.  My wife and I were in the company of several other couples, and within this group there were a few that we had not met before.  We took a limo bus on a day trip to a remote city for some music and fun.  My wife and I had never been ones for drinking large amounts of alcohol, even during social occasions.  We prefer to consume soft drinks and other non-alcoholic beverages over alcohol, to be honest, but around these parts my wife and I are a bit “different” because of it.  You see, we live in Wisconsin, where some proudly say that drinking alcohol is a sport.  It’s not uncommon for many people to indulge in having a few (or many more) drinks while socializing.  This trip was no different — all of us consumed some alcohol, but between my wife and I, I think we drank about a cup and a half of some weak alcoholic concoction that tasted more like lemonade than anything else.  Otherwise, we just consumed a soft drink at the restaurant we stopped by during our trip.

One of the women who I had just met that day had noticed that I really hadn’t consumed any alcohol during my time with the group (I was just taking sips intermittently from my wife’s cup).  She first commented that I hadn’t really had anything to drink on the way down.  Once we arrived at our destination and the multitudes were indulging in the festivities and alcohol, she looked at me and remarked, “I take it you don’t really drink…”  I just looked at her and said, “No, I really don’t; I like to drink soft drinks and tea and milk and water,” and left it at that.  I didn’t apologize, and I didn’t make excuses.  I just answered the question truthfully, and that was that.

Sure, I was open to making new friends on this trip, but I wasn’t determined to “make new friends or bust” on this trip.  I wasn’t going to let the fear of failure or rejection from others change who I was or change my beliefs about drinking alcohol.  I wasn’t going to let the pressures of conformity change who I saw myself to be.

Let me tell you, it’s not easy sometimes.  After all, our brains are actually wired to experience pain if we are an outcast.  Call it a survival mechanism, if you will.  We are designed to want to conform to the masses, so that we aren’t cast out from the group in isolation, vulnerable to serious harm.  We naturally feel uncomfortable standing out from the crowd.  It’s just not the way we were designed to operate.

However, now days, we don’t live in tribes and face the possibility of major harm or death if we are cast out by the masses.  I always try to remember that over ninety percent of the general population operates on a belief system rooted in fear and scarcity, so why would I care if I was cast out by this large percentage anyway?  I want to be different!  I want to be me!

Have you ever felt that you were “different” from the “rest” of the people around you?  I sure have, and still do — a lot.  At first, it was hard, because I directed the questioning at myself…Something along the lines of “What’s wrong with me?  Why don’t I seem to fit in with the rest of these people?”  Now days, the questions have subsided.  I don’t worry about being rejected.  I just focus on being me and one hundred percent authentic.

I figure the worst that can happen is that I don’t forge a relationship with someone who doesn’t value me for being me!  Is that really so bad?

If you feel that you find yourself surrounded by people who operate differently from you, or if you find that you see the world a bit different, I ask you to not be discouraged.  Embrace the differences!  Be authentic, and don’t feel you need to make excuses or apologize for being different than others.  Trust me, for every one person who rejects you for being true to yourself, there are endless others who are waiting to get to know you better because you are one of the few who actually is authentic to the bone.

If you are up to the challenge, I ask you to join me in being one hundred percent authentic and apology free.  See the world the way you choose to, and don’t feel that you have to change a thing for the sake of others.  Get out that stamp of authenticity, and proudly place a mark where everyone can see that it reads, “I am one hundred percent authentic and apology free!”

*Check out my friend Jodi Chapman’s recent article about being different too!  It’s a great inspiration!

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Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. ~Buddha

I used to be a very active performer in the arts.  I used to be heavily involved in music and theatre, and when you are involved in those venues, you come across a lot of personality types.  I have found that many of the very talented people who I have had the wonderful opportunity to have known were some of the most humble people you’ll ever come to know.  On the other hand, I have run into many an ego along the way.  One thing I had noticed over the years was that some of the more “marginally” talented individuals were some of the most egotistical people you could come across.

Some were never short of critical comment about others’ performances, and some thought that they deserved special treatment because of their “status” (whatever that was supposed to mean).  It was as if they had already put in the work and they had “arrived,” and others should feel blessed to hear their “constuctive criticism” and be in their mere presence, as if their talent and ability would rub off on the people around them.

So, what is the root of ego?  Where does it come from?  I believe that the root of ego stems from two related sources: fear and scarcity.  The reality was that those performers who were the least secure — the most fearful — were the most critical of others.

When I talk to groups as a speaker, I talk about what I call “mental mediocrity markers.”  Fear is my “mediocrity marker number two.”  From fear comes a sense of scarcity, because the reality is that many people fear losing something.  They may fear losing a feeling of having a special status, or losing the status quo, or fear losing the feeling of being included or in on information being passed along, or they may fear losing positive self esteem.

The fear of loss, unfortunately, stems from a scarcity-based mindset, meaning that there is only so much to go around, and once the resources are consumed, some will be left without anything.  This fear of being left out and without anything drives people to work so hard to make sure that, number one, they get what is “theirs” before “it” is gone, and number two, they will fight desperately to make sure they don’t lose “it” once they feel they have earned it.

The resulting behavior, as I have witnessed in performers and in other people, is an “ego-based” mindset, rooted in self preservation.  When we resort to this self-preservation mode, we become more self-centered and less aware of others.

The key to “crushing” this mediocre marker is to adopt a more abundant mindset.  When we remember that self-esteem comes from within, and that there are no limits on compliments, good feelings, positive feedback, special status, or that stagnation can decrease innovation and creativity, we become less self centered and more aware of others.  Love and positivity are in abundance.  There is always plenty to go around.

One technique I use is based on the premise that you can’t hold a negative emotion or thought while harboring a positive one.  One of the easiest ways I have found to adopt an abundant and loving mindset is to be in a “giving” mode.  Give something to everyone you see.  The technique I use is to say silently to everyone I come across that I wish them happiness, health, and prosperity.  By wishing someone well, I am passing along positive energy, and I instantly turn a potentially negative emotion into a positive one.

I think those super-talented performers understood it well; it isn’t about what others think about you — it’s what you think about yourself.  Positive self-esteem that comes from external sources is artificial self-esteem.  Positive self-esteem that comes intrinsically is true self-esteem, and the true source of self-confidence.  When you feel comfortable in your own skin, and you don’t rely on others’ opinions to establish your sense of worth, you become your most fervent motivator, and your biggest supporter of your own true personal success!

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“Dreams are like the paints of a great artist. Your dreams are your paints, the world is your canvas. Believing, is the brush that converts your dreams into a masterpiece of reality.” ~Unknown

Until about ten years ago, when I was well into my twenties, I never really challenged my belief system.  Truth to be told, even after I began challenging my belief system, I didn’t realize that I had done so!  All I knew is that I had made a conscious choice to stop living a life of suffering and struggling, and I made the choice to point my life into a new direction.

By March of 2002, life had become a struggle for me.  I was unhealthy and largely unhappy.  I was struggling in school, struggling to find meaning in life, struggling to figure out if the current career path I was undertaking was the right one, and struggling to be successful at anything.

The funny thing about it was that I didn’t know any different; I didn’t know that there could be another way to live or exist beyond the life that I was living, and the existence that was mine.  My belief system was already laid out for me.  My parents made conscious choices for me before I was old enough to make my own, and by the time I reached adulthood, I just continued to live out that same belief system, generating thought after thought that fulfilled that belief system.  The main problem with this was that it wasn’t helping me feel good about myself or where my life was headed.  Even worse, I didn’t know it was happening, and it’s hard to change something that you can’t identify as the culprit.  Why did I feel so miserable and lost, and why was I so unaware of alternative ways of living?  More importantly, how did I shake loose and set out on a new path?

It happened because I became inspired, then desired, and then believed.

I don’t know what struck me on that March day in 2002…I don’t know if it was my unconscious mind, reaching across the mental fog as I stared mindlessly into the television as I sat on the couch — my intuition showing me the path to my authentic self.  I don’t know what it was, but I am glad it got through to me.  I was immediately inspired to make a physical change.  I wanted to lose weight and become healthy again.  I got up, went to the phone book, found a local gym’s phone number, and called them up.  Once I knew the details about membership, I was in my car and on my way to signing up for one year.

After I signed my membership agreement, I knew I committed financially, and that was enough to make sure I saw it through, at least at the beginning.  As I started exercising, I visualized how good I would feel and look after reaching my goals.  I had the burning desire within me.  I had the developed the will to succeed, and I was not going to give up.

As I started to lose weight and gain physical fitness, I began to believe in myself.  The conscious choices I had made to get up, call the gym, sign up, work hard, watch what I eat, and fully commit to physical fitness had made their way to my subconscious mind.  I had no choice but to become the manifestation of my conscious choices.

Within a year, I had reached my goal and then some.  Instead of losing forty pounds, as I had originally decided would be adequate, I had lost seventy — in one year.  I had become who I wanted to be physically, and to no surprise, I had become alive again.  I felt motivated, excited, energetic, and full of hope and enthusiasm.  I haven’t looked back!

I encourage you to take time to be quiet — be still — and listen to that inner voice within you.  What is is nudging you to do?  What is it encouraging you to try?  Do you feel inspired to try something, or to make a change?

If so, see how you feel about it.  Do you have the desire — the will — to begin the journey?  Do you want to see it through?  If so, what conscious choices can you make, right now, to make it happen?  What will you choose to do to bring you one step closer to making it real?

Commit to your desires — your deepest dreams.  Your conscious endorsement of the pursuit of your dreams will pave the way toward the subconscious manifestation of them.  You can make it happen.  Find the inspiration, feel the desire, and believe that you can make it happen.

The transition from believing to being is very real and very possible.  It’s all before you.  You just have to choose to make it happen.

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