““When we compared leaders of different ranks and levels, we found that higher-ranking leaders reported a greater sense of control in their lives. This helped explain why they had lower levels of stress,” says Sherman. Simply thinking that you have control, whether or not you actually do, changes the way the brain responds to stress and makes it less toxic.”
Have you signed up to “Come Alive” yet? You have one more week, and I’ve “sweetened the pot” for you with a fantastic offer when you sign up for my friend Jodi Chapman’s e-Course “Coming Back to Life!” You only have one more week to sign up! Find out more by clicking the banner below!
“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit
Before 1989, I couldn’t care less about the sport of football. That was until my dad was watching the Green Bay Packers in our family room, and I climbed into the chair next to him and started watching games. That year, they had an exciting season, winning several games by three or fewer points. I was hooked…For life, it seems.
Fast forward to recent history, and, well, I have a hard time watching games. 🙂 The highs get high for me, and the lows get low for me. I guess you would say I’m a typical fan (short for “fanatic,” of course), and while I don’t parade around in more than the occasional Green Bay Packers sweatshirt in the colder months, I am still a very close follower of the team and very staunch supporter. I started to realize that I was watching games and going through a huge swing of emotions (as many fans do). The breaking point was when I was watching a game on a Sunday afternoon, from beginning to finish, only to see the team squander away a lead and eventually lose a game because of missed opportunities to claim victory. I couldn’t help but think I wasted an entire afternoon, just to end up being disappointed after it all ended.
After that game, I decided it was better for me, emotionally and physically, to just do whatever I wanted on Sunday afternoons, and then, after finding out whether they won or lost, watch the highlights from the game. This seemed to work out very well, because I could swallow the disappointment of losing quickly and move on, without the huge, three-hour emotional investment.
That’s my routine for Sunday afternoon games, but I still enjoy sitting down and catching a prime-time evening game when the Packers are playing. I seem to handle those better for some reason.
Last night, the Packers lost their prime-time matchup with the Seattle Seahawks. Ultimately, they lost the game on a very controversial call made by the referees. You can read about how it went down here, if you wish.
I processed my disbelief in the outcome, and then, something happened — something much different than in other disappointing games before, and believe me, this was near the top when it came to disappointing finishes…
I moved on…
Nothing I could do would change the outcome of the game, so I’ve moved on.
No matter how much I could complain about the way the game ended, it wouldn’t change the score, so I’ve moved on.
No matter how much I shook my head in disbelief, the game was still over, and I knew the sun would come up tomorrow, so I’ve moved on.
No matter how much I could have blamed the referees for the call, the game was already decided, so I’ve moved on.
No matter how many times I watched the replays of the incident, and was convinced that they got the call wrong, the game still ended the same way, so I’ve moved on.
Sometimes we cling too closely to what “should have” happened. Looking at the responses to the game on social media, there was a lot of that going on…A lot of “They need to…” and “They should have…” and “If only they would have…” It doesn’t only occur in athletic competitions and controversial finishes; it happens everywhere in life.
We say, “If only I would have done it differently…” or “If only they would have…” or “If only this wouldn’t have happened…” It’s victim talk, and we’re living in the past! What can we do about the past, other than reflect on it and learn from it? Why should we continue to re-live the emotional turmoil that resides within by going over it and over it again and again?
I should have known better anyway. After losing my mom in a car accident, I lived the “If only…” game for the better part of ten years. I have lots of practice in obsessing over and suffering because of the past. I learned to move on in that regard, and it’s about time I finally figured it out when it came to a form of entertainment!
Football is a game. Yeah, it stinks they lost, but what are you going to do? You can either continue to play the “If only…” card, and suffer, or come to terms with what is, and move on.
“Thomas Ågren, a doctoral candidate at the Department of Psychology under the supervision of Professors Mats Fredrikson and Tomas Furmark, has shown, that it is possible to erase newly formed emotional memories from the human brain.” Very interesting!
This study on gluttony showed that rats injected with a component were shown to eat chocolate at a rapid pace — basically they kept eating without stopping until the food was actually removed. Very interesting study.
“I would say the biggest failures I’ve had were at a time when I believed my own hype.” ~Simon Cowell
When I talk to audiences, I tell them that I want to do a quick quiz with them, and I’ll do the same with you…Let’s see how you do…
Question one: Is it better to live out of love and compassion toward others, or is it better to live out of fear and scarcity?
(I am guessing at this point you are picking option number one, like most people do)
Question two: If you know it’s better to live out of love and compassion toward others, why don’t we do it?
(Here is where I get mostly the sound of crickets chirping)
It’s a perplexing question — one that baffles and mystifies my audiences. We know how we want to act — we know what’s the proper way to act, yet, for some reason, the human species seems hard-wired to be negative, full of complaints, prone to arguing, bullying, teasing, and many more negative behaviors.
Sometimes we just cast it off as “Well, everyone does it,” or even better, “That’s how my parents acted, so it’s no surprise I act that way.” Really? That’s the best you’ve got?
It usually is the best we’ve got, because we have absolutely no clue as to why we aren’t living out of love and compassion for other people. It’s as if we can’t help but not be that way much of the time, and we’re not alone — over ninety percent of the population can’t help it either, and they don’t even know why.
Fear and scarcity are protective mechanisms — mechanisms designed to help preserve us — to help us save our bacon when we’re exposed to dangerous or life-threatening situations. This fear mechanism worked great for our cavemen ancestors, who, because of the fear mechanism, lived to see the next day of their lives, thus furthering the species, but also passing along the genes of being fearful and worrying about others taking things from us.
Because of this fear and scarcity mentality and the genetics that code for such, we have inherited a brain that is prone to looking out for potential threats and worrying about whether others are going to take something from us. We don’t worry about people taking things like food from us anymore, but we worry about things like power, control, self esteem, proprietary knowledge, happiness, comfort, the status quo, and others, just to name a few.
When we fear that someone is going to take some of these things from us, we become self-centered in the interest of clutching tightly to what it is we fear losing. Our inner contemplation as to why we are being “targeted” starts to chip away at our self esteem. Fear sets in. We start to listen to the ego as it tells us that we are not worthy or not good enough. If we let our ego tell us we’re not worthy, we start to resort to letting our “false” or “external” self esteem get the best of us. The result of this is that we are driven by what other people think, and we then become unauthentic and we live our lives to satisfy other people. If we continue down this road, we won’t be happy.
At the same time, our ego takes a beating, and we start to over-compensate by defending our bruised ego with offenses directed at others. We usually end up involved in judging, criticizing, teasing, or other behaviors that satisfy the ego and fulfill the inner “need” of reassurance that we are better than others, not the other way around.
Even though we inherited belief systems rooted in fear and scarcity, it doesn’t mean that it’s the best way to go for us, and it certainly doesn’t mean that we were hard wired to only operate in this fashion.
While it’s not an easy choice, on the surface, to make a change, it’s not the hardest choice either. The first step is awareness — an awareness that we are serving the ego and letting it get between us and our personal greatness. If we can awaken to the realization that we are acting like robots, automatically and unknowingly carrying out the programming we were genetically handed down by our caveman ancestors, we can then override this program and upgrade to the divine program — the program we were meant to run on our hardware.
We can all be great if we make one simple change — the change from caring so much about “me,” and start caring so much about “we.”
We weren’t designed to be mediocre; we weren’t designed to live our lives on auto-pilot, simply put here to be fearful and serve the ego. We were designed to be great! We are here to make a difference! So, let’s get to it! Make the change!
Have you signed up yet? I am helping bring others “back to life!” The course starts October 1! Get in now! Click the banner below for more information! 🙂
Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net
Note: As an affiliate, a percentage of all sales of this program will go toward vanquishing mental mediocrity around the world! 🙂
This was an interesting study. It shows how a diet high in saturated fats seems to actually change our genes and affect our ability to control our appetites. Check it out by clicking the link below:
“The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.” ~Tom Bodett
Last week, I heard my daughter say something that was absolutely music to my ears. My older daughter, Brianna, was playing with her younger sister, and they were engaged in a dialogue. It’s not unusual for them, as they are playing with their “Barbie” dolls and various other toys for them to make comments about the dolls or how the dolls look or act. My younger daughter, Ava, must have said something about the appearance of one of the dolls or something to that effect, and it must not have resonated well with Brianna.
The next thing I know, Brianna said to me, “Daddy, when Ava said that to me, I told myself that I didn’t agree with her, and if I don’t feel that way, then it’s not true, right?”
My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe it. I responded with a cool and collected “Yes, your absolutely right, Brianna,” but inside I was jumping up and down and pumping my fist and hooting and hollering, just absolutely ecstatic that she got it!
She just turned seven, but she had just shown me that she actually gets it and understands it — she understands that when someone shares an opinion, we have a conscious choice. We have the conscious choice to accept or reject the opinions (and thoughts) of other people. If we don’t accept it, then it doesn’t get passed to our subconscious where it can be processed by our body and manifested to come true.
It was so gratifying to hear her say those words, because we have been working so hard with her to understand and grasp that concept. No doubt, as it served her well in this safe environment where she can test out these methods, it will serve her well as she continues to mature and deal with some of the social challenges she will no doubt as she continues school and deals with other people who sling insults and hurtful comments toward anyone who is close enough to hear.
As an afterthought, it was also very impressive to observe that she didn’t condemn or correct her younger sister. She didn’t say that her opinion was wrong or that she shouldn’t say something like that. She understood in that moment that her younger sister had the right to voice her opinion, and while she didn’t agree with it, she respected her sister’s opinion. That in itself is another important skill to develop along the way. I was so proud of her. I always knew she was a great kid — a mature soul — and her mastery of these two important skills at such a young age is simply proof of that fact.
To hear what I heard the other day was just awesome. It was the best music to a dad’s ears!
“I do not whine – kids whine.” ~ Exerpt from Tough Mudder Pledge
This past Saturday I strapped up and took on the Tough Mudder challenge here in Wisconsin. It was so nice and convenient to participate, because the event was only about 25 miles from home. How could I resist? You may recall, back in February, I wrote a post about how I was gearing up for the event, and my thoughts about taking on this challenge.
In my post, I asked the questions, “Am I fearful? Am I worried?” I answered with a resounding “Heck yes!” It’s funny to look back on those words, now over six months later, after I prepared for this major challenge. I was thinking about how I would have to consciously change my habits and adopt a new workout and eating regimen to prepare, and how I was going to have to beat my subconscious mind into submission.
So what was the end result? Over six months of physical preparation — I faithfully did the exercises “prescribed” by Tough Mudder. There were sixteen exercises that were recommended. I remember the first day I started doing those exercises — I was huffing and puffing and sweating profusely. That wasn’t the worst of it — I experienced that the next day, when the soreness set in! I could feel the areas that were weak and just begging for mercy from the punishment of the new routine.
I kept pushing myself and didn’t give up. The exercises became easier and the soreness subsided. I could soon do them without being sore the next day. I could then start to increase the weight resistance, and increase the number of repetitions. I could feel and see my body get stronger and leaner. I started to gain confidence that I was going to be in the proper shape to take on the challenge.
I purposely didn’t revisit my blog post until after completing the event, because I wanted to have the opportunity to look back at my “concerns” regarding the challenge. I wanted to see what “really” resulted, compared to what I “thought” was going to happen. Looking back, I am absolutely astounded at how relatively “easy” the event was…Okay, it wasn’t easy easy, but it was easier and less intimidating than I thought it would be.
So, what happened?
First of all, I was prepared; I never slouched or slacked when it came to the physical preparation. I changed my diet and I changed my exercise routine. I was physically ready for the challenge. By being physically prepared, I minimized the anxiety in that area. I no longer feared the physical task, because I knew I had done what I needed to be ready.
As I was progressing through the course, and completing the events that seemed so daunting at first, I realized that it was all mental. It wasn’t so much that the obstacles were physically challenging; it was actually the mental challenge. Once I realized that by controlling my mentality I could overcome my fears, I was no longer intimidated by the challenges. I actually looked forward to them.
I was able to overcome my claustrophobia and crawl through underground tunnels and tubes filled with water. I was able to do something that I had never done before, which was jumping off of a platform and landing in water over fifteen feet below! I submerged myself in ice water; I crawled under (and got shocked by) electric wires (over and over again); I scaled walls that were well over ten feet tall. I met and overcame all the challenges — and it felt damn good!
I also met these two scantily-clad guys — the two “Presidential candidates,” as I called them. They were standing right in front of me as we waited to start the race. The event organizers kept telling us to keep moving forward to let everyone get into the starting gate, and so I was subsequently thrust closer and closer to their briefs! I asked them if they had brought along any spare underwear, just in case they lost their current pair, and they said n0 — no pockets. I got high fives and hugs from them right before the race. I still don’t know how I feel about that. It was a bit awkward. 🙂 I was trying to bribe some people to pull down their briefs and throw them into a nearby dumpster when the race started by putting some money on the line, but nobody took the bait. 🙂
In the end, I would say it was definitely a fun time. Sometimes we look at the challenges that lie before us, and we fill our minds with all sorts of preconceived notions of how terrible or hard it’s going to be. Sometimes we look at those around us, and sensing their fear, we adopt the same fears. What’s even worse is sometimes the fears of others, planted in our own minds, paralyze us and keep us from even attempting to tackle the challenge. My experience this past weekend taught me that as long as you make the necessary preparations and do what you can to make sure you are in a position to take on the challenge, sometimes all that’s left are the fears you create in your mind.
If you can win the battle of your own mind, there’s no stopping you. You can go after and get anything you want. Once you get what you want, the self confidence and self esteem that you gain from accomplishing your goals and overcoming your fears will propel you to new heights and new levels of ability. You can realize how truly great you can really be, once you allow your true self, free of fear, to shine through.
I’ll do it again! Tough Mudder, I’ll see you again in the future. You don’t stand a chance. 🙂
