Have you ever read a book that had such an impact on you that you were never the same after reading it? I’ve been positively impacted by many books, and so I thought I would share my list of the top 6 influential books I’ve read with you. Below is a list of the books that, to date, have impacted my life the most after having read them. Included with the names of the books are links to the books and my explanation as to why these books were impactful for me.

Here they are, in no particular order:

Tribal Leadership: Leveraging Natural Groups to Build a Thriving Organization

Why it was impactful:  This book was instrumental in my understanding of human nature and how we organize ourselves into “tribes” when we work in communities, namely organizational communities.  I learned about how people (and organizations) can settle into “stages” that are both identifiable and predictable, and more interestingly and importantly, how to use leverage to move people to a higher level of functioning to have a positive impact on the organization.  It was by reading this book I learned the importance of core values and what can happen in a negative way when we don’t identify and embrace them.  Whether you are a leader in a business or not, this book can be an eye-opener.  Anyone who works in or for any sort of organization, whether it be a for-profit or non-profit, will benefit tremendously from reading this book.  If you enjoy research-based publications, this one is for you.  The back of the book is loaded with the research that substantiates the observations and conclusions shared throughout the book.

I actually interviewed Dave Logan on my radio show, and if you’d like to hear that interview just click here.

Autobiography of a Yogi

Why it was impactful:  This book introduced me to the work of Paramahansa Yogananda, and through Yogananda, I was introduced to the concept of self-realization.  Self-realization has come to mean to me that I need to search within myself to make a difference on the outside of my life.  Through the personal pursuit of self-realization, I’ve come to seek a personal relationship with God, and I made meditation something that I don’t just talk about, but actually practice regularly (daily).  In the pursuit of self-realization, I’ve reduced my blood pressure, improved my diet, improved my overall health, and have less stress and anger.  I’ve come to recognize God’s grace and God’s presence in everyone and everything in the world.  This book opened the door to the embedded messages in sacred scripture and has allowed me to read these books with a new perspective and forge a closer relationship with God, as well as enhancing my spiritual and physical health.

The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter and Miracles

Why it was impactful:  Bruce Lipton’s’ breakthrough book shows how our beliefs can switch on and off our genes which can have a positive impact on health.  He also shares a very interesting take on how biology bridges into spirituality later on in the book.  The reason I enjoyed this book so much was because Bruce has a great way of taking difficult concepts and making them easy to understand and blowing your mind at the same time.  For example, he shares how the cell membrane is very similar to a microprocessor and is actually the brain of the cell, not the nucleus like we’ve always been told.  If you’re looking for proof that validates how what we think has a tremendous impact on our physical being, look no further than this book.  You’ll not only learn a lot about science but about how the human body and mind are intertwined and inseparable.

I also interviewed Bruce Lipton on my radio show, and if you’d like to listen to that interview, click here.  Part 2 is found here.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

Why it was impactful: This book has really changed the way I interact with other people and, quite honestly, has served as the foundation for much of my coaching work, my book, and much of what I do in my work as a speaker and presenter.  Our interactions with other people start with what we say and how we say what we say to others.  This book has shown a new way of communication to me, and it has positively impacted my personal and professional relationships.  It has helped reduce stress and angst in my life, and it has helped me move from expectation to understanding and empathy.  Marshall Rosenberg has really left us a wonderful gift in this book, as he gets us to understand that concepts like “good and bad,” and “right and wrong” don’t belong in our dialogue.  He helps us move from damaging our relationships to saving them through connecting at the heart.  And, to be honest, if you’ve ever watched Marshall in a YouTube video, where he uses his jackal and giraffe puppets or puts on his “special” listening device, you can’t help but laugh in amusement and appreciation for his special way of transforming our interpersonal relationships.  If you’re ever looking for a comprehensive and thorough way to transform your interactions with other people, this book will give you all you need.

Holy Bible

Why it was impactful: When I have struggled for answers, I’ve looked to the Bible for help.  The most refreshing thought about my relationship with the Bible is that even though it has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, I get more out of it now than I ever have.  What I have come to understand about the sacred books is that there are different ways that we can read them.  We can read the book at face value like we would read any other storybook.  If you read the Bible this way you’ll be treated to a story that provides lessons for living along the way.  However, if you read the Bible in a “deeper” way you will pull meaning out of the words that are metaphysical and even more spiritual than meets the eye upon the first read.  The Bible is chock-full of symbolism in its words and stories.  If you’re searching for a deep and personal relationship with God the messages are there, hidden in plain sight.  Once I started reading the Bible with a deeper appreciation for the symbolism and hidden messages in it, it became much more intriguing, educational, and spiritually valuable to be as a guide.  If you have a hard time making sense out of the Bible, I recommend finding a study Bible, which provides interpretations and meanings of the passages throughout the text.

Bhagavad-Gita

Why it was impactful: If you’re not familiar with the Bhagavad-Gita, it is a Hindu scripture – sort of an equivalent to the Bible.  Again, you can read this book from cover to cover like a storybook and be treated to a very compelling story that will provide you with some life lessons.  However, this book was not intended to be read just like a storybook.  The symbolism and references to a deep relationship with God and the pursuit of self-realization are very much alive in this book.  To be honest, because of my Christian background the Bhagavad-Gita was a bit of a confusing read for me at first.  If you are taking it on for the first time and want to get as much benefit as you can from it I recommend that you purchase a version of the text which includes an interpretation of the passages.  Otherwise, the read will be quick and you’ll wonder where the wisdom can be found on the pages.  The link I provided is to a version of the book called “Bhagavad-Gita As It Is,” and it is the most widely used version of the book because of the interpretation that it includes.  For first time Gita readers the translation and explanation will be most valuable.

My Honorable Mentions:

Global Healing: Thinking Outside the Box

177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class: The Thought Processes, Habits, and Philosophies of the Great Ones

The Emotional Life of Your Brain: How Its Unique Patterns Affect the Way You Think, Feel, and Live–and How You Can Change Them

Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain

The Divine Romance: Collected Talks and Essays on Realizing God in Daily Life – Volume 2

Do you have some books that you think others would enjoy reading? Feel free to share your top influential books in the comments below.  I’d love to see your recommendations!

As a parent, it seems every weekday morning I find myself dancing along a “spectrum” of emotions, anywhere from giddy and excited to downright angry and frustrated.  It’s like riding a rainbow of feelings every morning!

But I really dislike anger.  It’s ugly.  It’s an emotion that can arise more quickly than I am able to prepare for its arrival, and it brings along with it a wrath like no other, leaving hurtful words and actions in its wake.  As I’ve made attempts to be more mindful of my words and actions, anger has only left me increasingly frustrated because I can see it coming, I can see it erupting, and then I can see the hurtful results in the end.  The most frustrating part about it for me is that even though I see it coming and going, I find myself “locked” into it and I can’t shake it until it’s over.  I know I am experiencing it, yet I struggle with stopping it before it completely unfolds.

But, in retrospect, as I reflect upon the arrival and departure of anger after the fact, I have found myself asking, “What is anger, really?”  What is this emotion?  And, more importantly, where does it come from?

In my book, Rise Above Criticism, Negativity, and Conflict, I dive into the origin of negative emotions.  I explore the core principles of nonviolent communication, where we learn that negative emotions simply arise from an inability to meet one’s own needs.  And, of course, the “wrath” that sometimes accompanies our negative emotions in the form of hurtful words or actions, is usually our “tragic,” yet inadequate attempt to ask others to help us meet our needs.

So, I get it — anger comes as a result of an unmet need.  But, what is “it” that we “need” which is actually leading to the anger?  To me, this is the core question which will reveal the true nature of anger and help us understand what we can do to actually overcome it and (hopefully) eliminate it from our “arsenal” of emotions to make our lives and the lives of others more wonderful.

As I’ve taken the time to reflect upon this, I’ve arrived at the conclusion that anger arises when our expectations of an outcome that we desire are not met.  Anger comes along when we want and expect a certain outcome, but we then realize that the outcome will either not be realized, or there is the possibility of that outcome not materializing.  When we make this realization, anger rears its ugly head.

Based on this determination, anger comes from clinging to an expectation.  If we can eliminate the expectation, we can eliminate the anger.  However, eliminating expectation is not an easy task for any of us, especially when we’ve been conditioned to set goals and create visions of what we would like the future to hold for us.  After all, successful people are the ones who establish goals and create vision boards and then work tirelessly to make it all happen.  So, when does a person decide that their ambitions and expectations are doing more harm than good?

Here’s where we all need to do our part and reflect mindfully on our own source of anger.  We need to take some time to think about where anger arises in our own lives and determine where that expectation resides, and what is its source.

For example, when I get angry as I’m trying to get my girls out of the house to get to school on time, my expectation to be out the door by a certain time on the clock is my hangup.  I’m expecting to leave by that time, and if I don’t leave at that time, or events are transpiring which are making it obvious to me that we may not make it out of the house at that time, that’s when the anger arises for me.

I realize that the anger is directed at something that is predicated upon the actions and behaviors of my daughters.  I have little control, other than my cheerleading and encouragement to keep moving forward and to keep getting ready.  Sometimes that lack of control leads to frustration too.

So, what can we do when we realize that anger is coming as a result of expectation, and specifically, the expectation we hold which is not being met?  We can start by ditching the expectation and replacing it with understanding.

What is understanding?  For me, understanding is being mindful and empathic.  Being mindful includes being totally aware of what is unfolding, realizing that things are unfolding because that’s the way it is happening, and being indifferent and unattached to an “idea” of how things “should” happen.  There is no “should.”  There is only what “is.”

Understanding in the form of empathy brings along with it an understanding of what is happening in the lives of other people.  When I am empathic, I put myself into my daughter’s shoes (figuratively, not literally, of course) and think about how they may be tired, or how they may not be really into going to school that day.  Maybe there’s a social situation that is on their minds and that’s occupying their thoughts.  Perhaps they’re not feeling well.  There’s a myriad of things that could be occurring that I am missing when I am fixated on meeting my own expectations and neglecting what’s happening in real time with my family members in the morning.

While it’s not an easy task, at least it’s an understandable and reasonable undertaking here.  I know that anger comes from clinging to an expectation — our expectation.  When I can eliminate expectation, and replace it with understanding in the form of mindfulness and empathy, I can not only see how I can overcome anger but also replace it with a much softer and more loving approach that benefits not only me but those I love and care about.

Do you have opportunities where you can inject more understanding into your life?  Can you think of ways that you can be more mindful of what is transpiring at the present moment, and can you be more empathic and understanding of the situations in which others may find themselves, which is contributing to their actions and behaviors?

Perhaps if we all can make a more conscious effort to be more understanding when the opportunities arise, we can all make this world a much less angry and a much more loving place to live in, and we can serve as a positive example for others to follow.  While it’s not easy, if we can expect less and understand more, we can bring to those around us a version of ourselves that motivates and empowers those we love and care about.

Photo: https://www.flickr.com/photos/aigle_dore/15136545574

“I can retract what I did not say, but I cannot retract what I already have said.” ~Solomon Ibn Gabirol

I just finished reading a delightful book titled Words That Hurt, Words That Heal: How To Choose Words Wisely And Well by Joseph Telushkin.  It was a relatively quick read, full of wonderful stories that really helped drive home the points being brought across.  It also included many great takeaways and things to ponder that I hadn’t really thought about or considered before reading the book.

One of the many major points of wisdom that I walked away with as a major takeaway came very early on in the book.  It was found in the chapter titled, “The Irrevocable Damage Inflicted by Gossip.”  In that chapter Telushkin talks about “three types of speech that people should decrease or eliminate.”  They are as follows:

1. Information and comments about others that are nondefamatory and true

2. Negative, though true, stories — information that lowers the esteem in which people about whom it is told

3. Lies and rumors — statements that are negative and false

Were you as surprised as I was with number one above?  Information and comments about others that are nondefamatory and true should be decreased?  Eliminated?

As a matter of fact, Telushkin even offers the question right up: “What possible reason could there be for discouraging people from exchanging such innocuous, even complimentary, information?”

That’s a great question, and I was curious to find out the rationale for adopting such a stance.  It turns out that there are about three reasons for doing so.  The first reason for shying away from nondefamatory and true statements is because, as Telushkin offers, “…the listener might not find the information so innocuous.  While one person is describing how wonderful the party was, the other might well wonder, ‘Why wasn’t I invited?  I had them over to my house just a month ago.'”

The second reason for staying away from this practice is because “gossip rarely remains so.”  Most of the human population is more likely to focus on “critical evaluations” rather than “exchanging accolades.”  The truth is that most people, left to their own devices, will focus on the one thing they don’t like about a person when there are many other characteristics and qualities about that same person that are admirable and honorable.

Finally, the third reason we would be best served to decrease or eliminate nondefamatory and true statements about others is found in the Book of Proverbs: “He who blesses his neighbor in a loud voice in the morning, it will later be thought a curse” (27:14).  Telushkin explains in more understandable and relatable terms: “if a person comes to public notice even as a result of a neighbor’s ‘blessing’ (a positive association), the intense scrutiny engendered by his newfound fame ultimately will probably damage his good name — or worse.”

Telushkin makes a compelling argument as to why it may be in our best interest to stay away from these true, but nondefamatory statements.  I can certainly relate to all three of the points he had mentioned, both on the giving and receiving end!  I must admit, however, that it does seem counterintuitive and seemingly more harmful to refrain from doing so.  Then, I am left to wonder: is it simply social conditioning?  Are we “programmed,” so to speak, to offer compliments and positive statements about others as a social nicety? But then again, even as we do this, and speak kindly of others, are we actually harming those of which we speak?  At the very least, it gave me pause for thought.

What are your thoughts?  Do you believe it is better to compliment and speak kindly of others, or have you experienced, either on the giving or receiving end, that to do so causes more harm than good?  I’d love to hear what you have to say.  Please leave a comment below and I promise to respond.

Photo copyright Ethan Lofton. Images shared via creative commons license. Click here for link to image.

Eldon Taylor is an award winning, New York Times best selling author of over 300 books, and audio and video programs. He is the inventor of the patented InnerTalk technology and the founder and President of Progressive Awareness Research. He has been called a “master of the mind” and has appeared as an expert witness on both hypnosis and subliminal communication.

I’m excited to share that Eldon is celebrating the launch of the paperback version of his book Choices and Illusions: How Did I Get Where I Am, and How Do I Get Where I Want to Be?

I was happy to be included as part of this launch celebration, and I’m happy to share an interview with Eldon that will give you insight into what he’s about, where he’s been, and what wonderful things he has done for so many people through his work.  I hope you enjoy it!

You came from a fascinating background.  How did you get inspired to write your books?

ET: As a practicing criminalist, nearly every day I saw someone, who had a world of potential, blow it over some silly stupid notion.  Perhaps they stole from their employer and rationalized it away since in their minds the employer was a bum who treated and paid them unfairly.  The fact is, every perpetrator of a criminal act can tell you why they did it, and when you stand back, their answers are justifications more than reasons.

It became clear to me that many people were making choices that were simply self-sabotaging.  Not just those who committed crimes, but the average person on the street.  At a certain point in my career, I became acutely aware of just how persistent this characteristic was with so many folks and the question became, “Why?”  Answering that question changed my life, as well as my vocation, and led to the research and books that I publish today.

What are the basic principles in your life and how did your life lead you to these principles?

ET:  I try to live my life from what I think of as the four-corner philosophy.  These corners consist of forgiveness, self-responsibility, gratitude, and service.  Let me unpack that some.

Back in the early ‘80’s we conducted a double blind study at the Utah State Prison.  The technology used was a cognitive engineering tool that used a shadowing method to deliver what most think of as a subliminal message.  The technology is known as InnerTalk today. The goal of the study was aimed at lowering hostility and aggression, and perhaps interrupting the recidivist rate.  We used some elaborate psychometrics to determine our intervention affirmations, but in the end, it was the dialogue with our inmate volunteers that led the way.

The inmates generally displaced responsibility for their actions via blame.  There were all sorts of people and events to blame, but the bottom line argument came down to something like, “All but for the grace of God, you’d be here.”

As such, we created a set of affirmations to prime the inmates self-talk and thereby change the way they talked to themselves, consequently changing their expectation.  The affirmations included three forgiveness messages, something I have referred to as the forgiveness set ever since.  Those affirmations are: I forgive myself.  I forgive all others.  I am forgiven.  We also included messages regarding self-responsibility and general well-being.  The results of the study were very positive and that led to the prison system installing voluntary libraries throughout, from the Youth Offenders facility to Maximum Security.

I took a cue from this study, for I saw that I too blamed many people in my life for many things.  My life changed as a result of practicing what I preached.  Indeed, for a few years I lectured about the power of forgiveness and our InnerTalk Forgiving and Letting Go program was our best seller.  We found as our research continued that forgiveness was a key for all walks of life.  It was just as powerful for the business executive, the athlete, the truck driver, the live in mom, and so forth.

Then one day it dawned on me, if forgiveness is really the starting point for self-actualization, then the program should be free.  So about twenty years ago we began offering the program for free and it remains free to this day.  Your readers can download it from InnerTalk.com.

As for service and gratitude, that would take longer than we have here, if I am to answer your other questions, but this short video on luck may prime the pump.

In your book, Choices and Illusions, you say that our choices are not our own.  What do you mean by that?

ET: Research clearly shows that there is activity in the subconscious before a conscious thought occurs. In other words, our so-called conscious thoughts are given to us by our subconscious. My work has shown that it is this subconscious information that dictates the kind of life we will experience, and understanding that helps us clarify why the prison intervention I discussed earlier was so powerful.  Change truly must happen from the inside out.  We must choose to take control of everything we put in to our minds.

How does this information get into our subconscious?

ET:  Most of it comes from our environment – our friends, family, peers etc. Unfortunately negative information, such as “you won’t amount to anything” has a much greater sticking power than positive information, and scientists estimate that 90% of the incoming information is negative. Additionally, we have actually been trained in many ways not to think.  In fact, in a very real sense, we have all been raised in our own little chicken yards.  I think a story is worth much more than data, so to this end I have posted a YouTube video that is the prefect illustration of how this entire process works.  The story is called The Chicken and the Eagle and can be seen here.

What do you mean, “we have been trained not to think?”

ET:  We are taught things in limited ways. Logic and linguistics make assertions about many things that are simply false to fact. For example, logic asserts that a gallon is equal to a gallon. This is simply not true from many perspectives, including the most obvious. A gallon of water added to a gallon of alcohol does not equal two gallons of combined fluid. Ergo, 1 + 1 = 2 is not necessarily so in the “real” world, for no two things are alike in every way.

I know you tell us what we can do about this limited thinking in your book, Choices and Illusions, but can you give us an example right now?

ET:  We need to realize that most of our lives we have been choosing as though we were taking a multiple-choices test, choosing between A, B and C when in fact there exists an entire alphabet that we could have chosen from.  I love to illustrate this point with one of my favorite stories. The story is called the Flower Pot story and I’d love for your audience to check it out on YouTube.  It’s a short 3 minute video but well worth the time.

Did you have any heroes or influences on your work?

ET:  In the large sense, everyone who has contributed to the knowledge that we have today is one of my heroes.  Everyone who has paved the way for more civility and greater freedom is one of my heroes.  Everyone who takes a moment to go to the aid of another human being is one of my heroes.  I think we improve our world one person at a time and the best way for each of us to begin is to help one another.  That said, I have the larger than life heroes such as Martin Luther King, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, Aristotle and so forth.  And I have my close heroes, Roy Bey, my partner in business who believed in what we might be able to do if we made giving back our primary motive, and my partner in life, my lovely bride Ravinder, who for over twenty five years has been my constant source of encouragement and my reservoir of strength.

What exactly is mind programming?

ET:  I could be a bit of a smart aleck and answer by simply saying, “The title to one of my books.”  The truth is, we are all programmed in some degree.  The science behind our programming is so sophisticated today that it bares the name, Neuromarketing.  Literally billions and billions of dollars have been spent learning how to motivate you to act in a given way, while making you believe that you made the choice to behave accordingly.  This is truly big business today, and whether it is a product or political platform, it’s all about choosing your choices for you.

The irony is, the research data reveals clearly that once you make a decision, you will vigorously defend it even if you must make up reasons to justify it.  That may sound absurd on the surface, but believe me, it’s quite true!  Take for instance this scenario.  We know that if we place a bottle of hand sanitizer on a table with a questionnaire designed to measure your beliefs according to a scale of conservative verses liberal values, that the bottle of sanitizer will skew your answers toward the conservative side.  Once you provide the more conservative than usual answer, you will defend it and thus become even more conservative.  The fact is, this sort of “prime,” as it is called in the business, is quite often used to influence your choices in all areas of life.  So we must really begin to ask ourselves, especially if we’re like most people and believe that these things can influence others but not ourselves, “What was our last truly original thought?”

How can we uncover our true potential?  Is mastering our mind the key to our happiness?

ET:  The Buddha is credited with saying, “We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think.”  Science supports this assertion today whole-heartedly.  Indeed, not long ago I attended a CEU for health care professionals dealing with the latest in neurological research.  There were some powerful concluding remarks, but the bottom line take away is one that is particularly relevant here.  Let me digress just a bit first.  When I attended University, the prevailing thinking asserted rather axiomatically that personality became fixed early in life, ages 4 to 6, IQ was fixed, brain cells begin to die and do not replace themselves somewhere beginning in our thirties, and so forth.  All of this is patently untrue!  Today the research shows us that among the best things we can do to improve our lives is change our personalities.  We know IQ is not fixed and indeed, the brain is amazing!  Voila, today we become excited about the possibilities inherent to neuro plasticity.  So now, fast forward to those concluding remarks and the big take away: YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN CHANGE BUT YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN CHANGE!

How can we find out more about your work?

ET:  I am pretty easy to find.  My web site is www.eldontaylor.com.  My books are available at all fine bookstores and on line.  My work with InnerTalk can be found at www.innertalk.com.  I host a two hour radio show each week called Provocative Enlightenment, and you can learn more about it at my web site, www.provocativeenlightenment.com.

Thank you Eldon.

ET:  Thank you for the opportunity to share.

Eldon Taylor’s New York Times Best-Seller, Choices and Illusions, is available at all fine online and retail bookstores. However, to participate in the online event that Eldon has put together, including a chance to win a customized $500 InnerTalk library, please CLICK HERE.