“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” ~Theodore Roosevelt
About two months ago, in reaction to a post I wrote, my good friend, Dr. Ken Munson wrote about failure, or more appropriately, the fear of failure. To paraphrase his words, he said that sometimes people are afraid to take chances or challenge themselves to become better because they don’t want to face the possibility of failure. The end result is that people end up playing it safe, because to play it safe and never face failure is better (and less painful) than taking risks or challenging one’s self and having to feel the sting of failing.
It’s a great point — people who fail more often are likely people who challenge themselves more often. You’ll also find that the people who fail more often are likely the people who seem to succeed more often. Those people who continually challenge themselves and experience the failures and successes are likely people who are generally more satisfied with their lives as well.
It gives you something to think about. Failure is an option — however, I want to make it clear that there are different kind of failures. There is failure when you are taking risks and placing new challenges before yourself and then there is failure when you are lacking of accountability and responsibility, and so therefore you fail out of playing the role of the victim. Failing a college course because you are lazy and don’t exert any effort is not the kind of failure that indicates you are on the path to success!
Don’t be afraid to fail. Failure is indeed an option — an option that will enhance your ability to overcome the adversity that you will undoubtedly face many times in your life!
“Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.” ~Unknown
What if I told you that you can make a dramatic change in your life this year just by focusing on one key thing? Maybe it sounds overly simplistic, but it’s true. There is one aspect of you that is entirely within your control, which is the key to accomplishing great things.
Here’s you key to personal transformation — focus on one important area of your brain – the conscious mind. Here’s the challenge — you can’t find the “mind” anywhere in the brain. It’s one of the mysteries in science that challenges us to this day. What cannot be debated is that the mind does exist — we just can’t find where it “lives.”
Your mind chooses to allow you to engage in positive self talk, versus negative self talk; your mind chooses to listen with full empathy and allow others to express their needs and wants; your mind allows you to perceive what happens to you and it chooses to interpret the information it collects. These become your opinions, judgments, intents, reactions, and actions.
If you can control your mind, you can control everything in your life. You can live a fulfilled life; you can have better relationships; you can overcome fear; you can be more empathetic and understanding of others; you can be kinder; you can do ANYTHING.
If you’re still looking for a resolution for the new year, make a resolution to learn more about how the mind can impact every aspect of your life, and how by taking control of it you can change virtually any aspect of your life. It will be a major focus of mine this year to help you understand how the brain, along with the areas within, can significantly impact our lives on a daily basis. I want to help you learn how to control your mind to positively impact your life, and I would love to have you join me in this journey.
Learn how to control your mind to reach your greatest potential, and there’s no stopping you!
What can you do today to start working on controlling your mind to have a positive impact on your life? Here are some suggestions.
1. Whenever you feel uncomfortable (angry, upset, hurt, jealous, resentful, etc.), recognize that your uncontrollable unconscious mind is ramping up and preparing your conscious mind to attack or be defensive. Listen to my radio show about this concept by clicking here. You only have a few fleeting moments to recognize your feelings and remind yourself to intervene (consciously). By simply telling yourself, “I am not going to emotionally react to this right now” is a great start. Taking deep breaths will help deactivate your excitable nervous system, known as the sympathetic nervous system.
2. Look at other people’s opinions as just that — others have rights to their opinions, and you have the right to yours. Again, don’t emotionally react to others’ opinions. Remember that everyone interprets their environment differently depending on multiple factors. You don’t have to agree with them. You don’t have to participate in every fight you’re invited to!
3. Whenever you engage in some sort of interaction with another individual, especially someone whom you don’t know well, approach them with the mindset and purpose of establishing a connection with them. Make it your conscious goal to establish a harmonious relationship with them. Small talk about the weather, something humorous, or self-depreciating humor usually is a good way to break the ice and build a positive interaction. Make it your goal to build a bridge between you and the other person.
4. Remember you always have a choice. You can always choose how you will react to a situation. You can always choose what you say or what you do. Wen you feel your emotions are taking over, the lower, more primitive areas of the brain are taking over your actions, and you need to re-invigorate the higher, more refined areas of the brain to allow you to take back conscious control of your actions and words.
5. Above all, remember that YOU control your own destiny. Your life is not predicated on what other people say or do. To allow others to make you feel bad is to allow others to control your life! You are in control of your feelings — 100%. Don’t allow others to have so much power or control over your life. You are master of your own domain.
While I could go on, these five steps will do well to get you started.
Let me know how these work for you! Take care and best wishes!
“Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.” ~ Frank Tyger
One of the easiest ways to connect with someone and actually have a great chance at coming to a resolution to a problem (and avoid conflict) is through the art of listening. I know — you’re thinking that it’s an obvious statement…Keep your mouth closed and just listen…But, are you really listening to what is important?
If you’re listening so that you can formulate an argument through a “yes, but…” then you’re not listening. If you’re listening but thinking about how wrong the person’s perspective or viewpoint is, then you’re not listening. If you’re listening to someone but thinking about your grocery list, then you are certainly not listening!
When someone is upset or angry, it usually is stemming from a need that someone has that isn’t being met. Just think of a child — if it wants a toy, but can’t reach it, the child does a great job of letting people know they he or she is upset about not having something they want. A “need” is not being met. I am not trying to compare adults to children, but the concept is the same. If someone is upset or angry or frustrated or anything similar, it usually is because a need is not being met.
So, effective listening involves trying to listen for what needs are deficient. When someone is talking, find out what the other person wants or needs.
Here’s my simple, four-step process for listening effectively to reach a solution:
1. Close your mouth and let the other person talk.
2. Listen to what they have to say, putting aside your personal opinions, needs, and wants. The key is to accept their viewpoint as being accurate for them. Everyone “reports” or describes situations based on their perceptions of what is real or tangible. Simply accept what they have to say as fact for them. This doesn’t mean that you have to align with their viewpoint — simply accept that they have their right to their viewpoint, just as you have a right to your viewpoint.
3. Listen for what they need or want. Ask yourself, “What are they frustrated or angry about? What need or want are they being deprived of?
4. Take a stab at it and guess at their need. For example, you could say something like, “It sounds like you are very upset about the situation. Is it that you want the opportunity to return the item for your money back?” The other person will let you know if you are on the mark or not.
From there, you can then move into a problem-solving mode. Obviously this is a simplistic strategy, but you would be surprised at how effectively you can turn a potential conflict into a collaborative problem-solving session.
I will have a guest on my radio show on Monday, January 23, Peggy Smith, who is a certified Non-Violent Communication (NVC) trainer, and the founder & principal trainer of Open Communication. Peggy will enlighten us with some effective techniques and strategies which will lead, in many cases, to effective communication. You won’t want to miss it!
Simply taking the time to listen, and proving that you are listening by identifying needs and wants, is a great way to build bridges instead of burning them. Listening is the key to collaboration and problem-solving.
Give it a try, and let me know how it works for you.
“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.” ~Walt Disney
Happy 2012! I can’t believe the new year is finally here! I enjoyed “unplugging” myself from pretty much all email, internet, social networks and pretty much anything else electronic and spending quality time with my family over the past week and a half or so. I hope you also found time to enjoy the holiday season with those you love and hold dear!
Having that time to just enjoy life and appreciate the great things that we have as a family, I had a lot of time to reflect on the past year and look at the possibilities of the year ahead. As I was thinking about what 2012 has to offer, I couldn’t help but start feeling extremely energized and eager to get going on my objectives and goals for the new year!
If you would have asked me where I would have been at the beginning of 2012 when last year started, I would have been off the mark by quite a bit. To be honest, I would have never guessed at what 2011 had become. While my expectations did not match the actual outcomes, in reality I exceeded my expectations for the new year! I would have been surprised to know what I could actually do! With that thought, if I exceeded my expectations last year and consider how truly amazing things turned out, then I am excited for 2012!
Over the next few weeks, I plan to finalize the early part of my calendar for my radio interviews. If you would have told me in January 2011 that I would be getting a chance to talk to the people I am planning on talking to, I would have thought that to be virtually impossible, because, after all, I didn’t even know some of these people existed! Yet, in the course of a year, they have tremendously impacted my life to the point where I had the courage to contact them and ask them to join me on my show!
An unsolicited plug (regarging the impossible) — One of the people I plan to have on my radio show this year is the “king” of accomplishing the impossible. As a matter of fact, his blog is called the “Blog of Impossible Things.” The master of the impossible, Joel Runyon, wrote a post about the ten things he accomplished in 2011 that he would have thought to be impossible at an earlier point in his life. He is pushing the limits on what he believes is possible, and he is accomplishing great things — he is accomplishing the impossible! I can’t wait to share his story with you in the early part of this year!
So what is “impossible” for you? What can you push yourself to do — what can you do to surprise yourself at the end of 2012? As the great Walt Disney stated, “It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.” It’s true! It’s fun to do what some (or even you) think to be impossible, and then look back and realize how you really did accomplish the impossible!
Do the impossible! Be great! Surprise yourself! I wish you the best as you begin your own “impossible” journey!
“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” ~Theodore Roosevelt
