I came upon an article today that reminded me of some research pioneered by the psychologist Paul Ekman, who theorized that people’s ability to not only make faces that reflected their basic emotion, but to also interpret the facial expression of others is biologic, and not something based on social or cultural conditioning or influence.
Ekman determined there were six basic emotions: sadness, happiness, anger, fear, disgust, and surprise. By combining these emotions, we could form others, such as compassion, rage, boredom, embarrassment, and others.
But how do we go about interpreting these basic emotions in others? What is the mechanism behind it? Studies suggest that two areas have been isolated which help us make this determination. One is the small, almond-shaped structure in the brain called the amygdala. Studies of people who have had this structure removed to cease epileptic seizures were shown to no longer be able to interpret emotions such as fear or anger in others.
Another study published in the Journal of Neuroscience in 1996 indicated that there were regions of the right side of the brain that allowed for recognition of negative emotions in adults. The results of the study confirmed, “Of 37 people who had suffered cerebral damage, mainly due to strokes, only those whose injuries involved one of two right-brain areas-one that interprets visual input and one that perceives body states-showed difficulty in recognizing fear and anger in faces.”
Would you like to test your ability to detect one of the basic emotions? Here’s a link to a quiz called, “Spot the fake smile.” A fake smile, according to Ekman, is called a “Duchenne smile.” In this quiz you are shown twenty video clips of people smiling, and it’s your task to spot the smiles which are genuine, and which ones are fake. I got 18 out of 20 right. Try it out and let me know how you scored.
If you haven’t read his stuff already, please check him out. Joel Runyon and his Blog of Impossible Things continues to turn out great stuff, and great inspiration.
Are we just “robots,” simply carrying out commands from our unconscious mind, or are we actually capable of making a conscious choice and exercising free will? I was watching an interesting educational film, titled, “The Final Mystery: What Is Consciousness?” and it revealed some very interesting studies and contrasting theories. I wanted to share them with you and ask for your thoughts.
In one segment, the work of Benjamin Libet suggested that “unconscious brain activity precedes conscious decisions to perform. These results, the subject of much debate, suggest that human thoughts and actions are initiated unconsciously.” What the studies of Libet revealed was that whenever we made a conscious choice, it was preceded by a wave of unconscious signals coming from the brain that rapidly cascaded and intensified until people “consciously” performed an action. People in Libet’s “camp” tend to believe that nothing we do is of conscious choice — everything we do is a result of unconscious processes in the mind.
This differs from the viewpoint of philosopher and professor John Searle, who suggests that “…there is no way that we can think away freedom…The refusal to exercise freedom is already an exercise of freedom.” He would suggest that free will is fundamental and inseparable from us as beings.
What do you think? Is our free will just as some suggest — a myth or illusion created by our consciousness to try to explain the unconscious stream of decisions coming from the left side of our brains, or do we actually control our own free will and conscious choices?
The question was asked in the film, “If everything really starts in the subconscious, do we have any freedom, or are we sophisticated machines, our responses determined by the mechanics of our brains?”
What do you think? Are we capable of free will or are we just sophisticated machines?
This article asks, ” Have you ever clammed up at a party or found yourself tongue-tied at a meeting for fear of saying something stupid…?” If you are answering yes, you’re not alone. Check out this article for clues as to why:
“The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy.” ~Meryl Streep
One day I met up with someone whom I had never met at a coffee shop. We talked, and hit it off. We ended up having an engaging conversation, and I know that we built a great rapport over the hour that we had talked, even though we had never met before and knew little about each other.
How was this done? Through the use of “mirroring.” It’s a very simple concept, and it’s easy to do. The concept of mirroring has been around for a while and has been talked about many times before, but I hope to throw a little science in to explain how and why it works!
So what is mirroring? Simply put, you observe and match the movements and vocal inflections and rate of speech of the person you are talking with. If someone leans forward, for example, and places their arms on a table that is placed between you and the other person, after a few seconds, subtly (and in your own way) place your arms on the table too. Listen to the other person’s vocal inflections, tonality, and pace, and try to match it (again in your own way). You don’t want to make it obvious to the other person that you are essentially copying them, because they may get a bit suspicious and wonder what you’re up to. 🙂
The aim in mirroring is essentially to move or position your body in a way that is similar to the other person. You can even go so far as to try to match their rate of breathing. By doing this, you will synchronize yourself with the other person in a way that they really can’t detect at all. You’ll feel that the rapport starts to build gradually.
If you want to run a “test” to see if you are building a rapport with the other person, you can initiate your own, non-mirrored movement. Watch for a few seconds to see if the other person “mirrors” you! It’s really cool when it happens, because chances are the other person doesn’t even realize they are doing it! You know now that you have buy in, and you are well on your way to building a great relationship!
How does this work? Let’s look into it a little more — On the surface, by mirroring someone else’s actions, you are actually mimicking the emotional state of the other person. To put it another way, by mirroring another person, you actually start to “feel” within yourself what the other person feels! How cool is that?
The key to this phenomenon lies in what we call “mirror neurons.” These mirror neurons were discovered around 1990 in the laboratory of Giacomo Rizzolatti, a neuroscientist at the University of Parma, Italy. They essentially stumbled upon this discovery when they were studying brain activity in macaque monkeys. The monkey’s nerve cells in a certain region of the brain fired when a monkey performed a certain action. When the monkeys saw an action performed, but didn’t actually physically perform the action, the cells in this same region of the brain fired — even though the monkey wasn’t doing anything!
Since then, we have discovered that we humans have these same mirror neurons that fire when we watch an action being performed, just as they would if we were actually doing the action ourselves. If we watch someone play tennis, our brain is “mirroring” the tennis match as if we were playing it ourselves!
Our “system” of mirror neurons turns out to be even more complex than that of the monkeys. Not only do we mirror actions, but we actually also seek the intention of the action, its social meaning, and the emotion behind the behavior. In other words, when we see someone doing something, we wonder (neurologically, not consciously) what it’s like “in the other person’s shoes.” This is also known as — you guessed it — empathy!
So as you can see, we are “wired” to be empathetic toward others. In observing other people’s actions, and actually mirroring them, we are stimulating the empathetic regions of our brain. The effects of mirroring are clearly advantageous to everyone involved — not only do we establish a rapport with the other person, we become more empathetic toward them. On top of that, when the other person starts to “mirror” us, they essentially grow more empathetic toward us! It’s a win-win!
Give the mirroring technique a try! If you’ve experienced success with this technique already, I would love to hear about it!
Sandra’s article on 6 phrases to repeat to yourself when you start to get down on yourself is very helpful. Self-talk is so helpful (when it’s positive)!
According to studies, regular exercise has been shown to help prevent normal cognitive decline due to aging and dementia.
If you were under the impression that you couldn’t grow new brain cells (and that you could kill them by excessive alcohol consumption), you aren’t alone.
Research, however, suggests that there indeed is one area of the brain that does grow new brain cells, and it is involved with the formation of new memories (and therefore linked to cognition, commonly known as “thinking”). This area is called the dentate gyrus, which is found in the hippocampus, which has been shown to grow when people are learning new information, such as when a taxi driver is learning the “maps” of the streets they will be navigating as part of their job.
In her book titled Pictures of the Mind, author Miriam Boleyn-Fitzgerald discusses studies of the dentate gyrus which revealed a link between exercise and dementia. According to studies, regular exercise has been shown to help prevent normal cognitive decline due to aging and dementia. The reason this appears to be so is not so much about exercise as it is about elevated levels of glucose in the blood, and how it affects the growth and development of cells in the dentate gyrus (GC).
Glucose (sugar) is needed by the brain to create the energy we need to fuel our bodies. Our cells “suck” up the glucose (okay, it’s not really “sucked” in, but just go along with me here) and convert it into an energy form called “ATP.”
So, you may be wondering why too much glucose would even be an issue — if a little glucose was good, wouldn’t more glucose be better? Not really…It has to do with sensitivity to sugar…
When blood sugar levels increase, our pancreas is told to release insulin, which is like the “key” that fits in the “locks” of our cells, telling our cells to let glucose in. If our cells are continually “bathed” in insulin due to high blood glucose levels, the cell becomes lazy and complacent, assuming that there will always be insulin around, so it starts to break down some of the locks that would normally allow glucose to get in.
The more the locks are broken down, the less glucose is able to enter the cell. The less glucose enters the cell, the more glucose is left behind in the blood. The more glucose remaining in the blood, the more the pancreas releases insulin. The more insulin that is released, the more the cell is bathed in insulin. The more the cell is bathed in insulin, the more locks are broken down. It’s a vicious cycle, and you may have heard of it — it’s called Type 2 diabetes.
Glucose is a good thing, but too much is not. It contributes to our blood becoming thicker and more ‘sticky.” The blood doesn’t flow well, and the glucose starts causing damage to the walls of blood vessels, as well as contributing to a host of issues. One of those issues is a relatively decreased blood flow, especially to areas that need it to create new growth. Without blood, there is no oxygen or nutrients — both are needed to create new cells of any kind.
If you decrease the blood flow to the dentate gyrus, then it is less capable of producing new nerve cells, or “neurons” (in a process called “neurogenesis”), and it is believed that these nerve cells created in the dentate gyrus when we are forming new memories or learning new information are key to maintaining a certain “mental sharpness” as we age. As brain cells degenerate with age, why wouldn’t we want to add more new ones?
Getting back to the brain — now here’s how exercise affects blood glucose levels…The more one exercises, the more the cells are using up energy. This increased demand for energy creates an increased demand for glucose. By exercising, you make your cells more “thirsty” for glucose, thereby prompting the cell to create more locks that can interact with insulin, so that it can “soak” up the glucose as soon as it’s available. If you remove more glucose from the blood, the blood is now able to flow more freely and effectively, thereby allowing for better cell growth (and neurogenesis).
More exercise, more glucose “soak,” and more new cell growth. It’s that easy! It doesn’t hurt to eat a bit healthier too — less refined or simple sugars and more complex carbohydrates. Reach for the fruits and vegetables instead of the chocolate bars and sodas.
It’s for the good of your brain!
-Victor
Here’s an article from the New York Times on a study regarding this very concept, in case you are interested.
“If we change the way we interact with others, they will have no choice but to change the way they interact with us.” ~Victor Schueller
After my interview with yesterday’s guest, Janice Harper, I thought about some of the things we discussed, particularly in regard to labels and the “consequences” of labeling people. It reminded me of one of the most significant lessons I learned a few years ago, and I wanted to share it with you today.
A few years ago, my wife and I attended a seminar titled something like, “Dealing with difficult people.” The information we gleaned from that session was extremely valuable. I learned a lot, and to be frank with you, I do consider that session that day to be the start of this chapter in my life of helping people forge better relationships. I still have the workbook and notes I took, and from time to time I refer back to it when I need to refresh my memory of some of the concepts of that session.
Who is a difficult person anyway? How do you define it? Is it someone that doesn’t agree with you? Is it someone who shares a different way of dealing with problems than you? Is it someone who makes you feel uncomfortable?
The reason it is so difficult to deal with difficult people is because it’s very difficult, if not impossible to define exactly what a “difficult” person is. This doesn’t mean that people who give us difficulty don’t exist, or that we are excusing what we would consider “poor” or “ineffective” behaviors…It just means that it’s hard to know who the difficult person really is and how they are defined as such.
Whenever you start attaching “labels” to a person, you are judging them. When you judge someone, you are unconsciously putting them into a category of either “good” or “bad,” and when someone ends up on your “bad” list, it’s darn hard to get them off of it. What’s more is that once you are convinced that your judgment about that person is correct, you will go through significant lengths to validate your opinion. You will seek behaviors and words that support the fact that you believe this person to be difficult.
One major take-away that I got from the session, and the real “ah ha!” moment that I experienced had everything to do with perspective. Some people call it a paradigm shift. Once I figured it out, there was no going back…Are you ready for it?
Here it is:
Did you ever stop to think that everything the difficult person is to you may be the “everything” you are to them? Did you ever think that perhaps — get ready for this one — you (yes you) could be considered a difficult person in the eyes of someone else?
That’s why it’s so hard to define who a difficult person is, because everybody has the potential to be labeled as “difficult” in the eyes of another. It’s all about perspective.
So, now that I perhaps broadened your perspective a bit, you may be thinking what you can do about it, now that you have this person who you think is difficult, while at the same time may think you are difficult. It’s a bit of a dance.
Here’s my list of 5 things you can do about your dealings with people you may perceive to be difficult:
1. Accept people’s perspective to be 100% accurate in their eyes. We all view the world through our own eyes, mind, past experiences, emotions, assumptions, judgments, and thought processes. We are in no position to question the validity of what others perceive. This doesn’t mean we have to agree with their perspective — we just have to accept that what they see is what they see.
2. Show that we value another person’s needs (the need to be listened to, respected, valued, etc.) as much as our own. If we put our own needs as a priority over the needs of others, we will come across as being aggressive and uncaring, which rarely leads to positive outcomes. If we put others’ needs before our own, then we will come across as passive (or passive-aggressive, which is even worse), and we will soon find ourselves unhappy and unfulfilled. We need to maintain a healthy balance of valuing others’ needs as much as our own.
3. Realize that others do not make us “feel” anything. Other people do not make us feel angry, upset, sad, disappointed, or happy for that manner. By believing this to be true, two things happen…One, we shift blame on to someone else, excusing our role in our emotions and we become powerless; two, we assign tremendous power to someone other than ourselves, and then we become extremely “dependent” on this other person’s actions and words to provide a “barometer” to how we feel. We need to maintain control of our own feelings, and the number one way to do this is to realize we — and we alone — make us “feel” the way we do.
4. Think about how the actions of others really impact our lives. We naturally are curious about what other people are doing. One downside to this is that if someone is doing something that we feel is wrong or incorrect, we can spend an awful amount of time pointing out the fact that they are doing something wrong without any real power or ability (or real motivation) to change what we see as wrong. Another downside is that we start focusing more on what other people are doing wrong and letting it influence what we do than we really need to. A great question to ask is “How is this really impacting my ability to do what I need to do?” If we find that the actions, either wrong or right, are not interfering with our ability to complete our tasks, then we have to return our focus on to ourselves, and let things be.
5. Above all, practice empathy and compassion for others. Peggy Smith, a certified N0n-Violent Communication trainer who joined me on my radio show a few weeks back, recommended (I am paraphrasing) that we interact with other people with a sense of wonder and curiosity. When someone does or says something, we can try to ask ourselves why the person may have said that, and more so, what the person feels they need, which is contributing to their words or behavior. Many times, when people yell or shout, it is really because they have a need they feel is being unmet. If we can truly attempt to seek out what the other person needs, and why this unfulfilled need is leading to their words or behaviors, we will find ourselves exercising empathy — we’re trying to put ourselves in the “shoes” of another, and trying to understand what they are going through. By practicing empathy and displaying compassion, we will have a much softer approach toward others and it will show, because we’ll be demonstrating that we value their needs.
If you hadn’t noticed, everything we can do to deal with people we may perceive as difficult has nothing to do with external actions or behaviors. It all has to do with how we process our thoughts and feelings internally. The key to dealing with people we believe to be difficult is that dealing with them is an internal job. Our goal is not to eliminate those who we feel may be difficult, but to figure out how we can mentally manage our relationships with them. If we change the way we interact with others, they will have no choice but to change the way they interact with us.
