I’m happy to announce that my radio show interview with Joel Runyon of the “Blog of Impossible Things” is finally up and running for people to hear. I was originally going to do a post about an “Impossible Interview,” not realizing how much of a fiasco it was going to be to host this “impossible interview.” 🙂
I usually join my older daughter for lunch at her school on Tuesday mornings. I was conducting a training session with a company on Tuesday, so I wasn’t able to join my daughter this past Tuesday. When conflicts like this occur, I move my “lunch date” to Mondays, and then I move my radio show start time back to 12:30 PM, instead of the normal 12 PM start time.
I came home on Monday, and logged into the studio I use to broadcast my shows. Once I dialed in, I was told by the system that I only had eight minutes of broadcast time left! I forgot to push the start time back to 12:30! Well, I called Joel, and we did the interview, and then I just had to wait until later in the week until I could run the show live and play the recorded interview. It all worked out in the end, but when I was thinking of doing an “Impossible Interview,” I didn’t mean it literally!
I hope you enjoy my “almost impossible” interview with Joel. It’s available now by visiting my radio show page.
“No one is spared the pain of rejection, except the ignorant and the fool.” ~Unknown
I’ve worked with groups who have been struggling with workplace culture issues on several occasions, and in many cases we keep coming back to one basic theme: people don’t feel valued or respected by either the organization they work for or the people they are supervised by. This, of course, presents a major problem for these organizations, because, for starters, the workers in these organizations don’t feel motivated to go above and beyond, and they don’t feel that what they do even makes a difference.
Making someone feel valued isn’t a tall task, but it requires effort and time. People have two sets of needs that need to be fulfilled — they need to have procedural needs met, and they need to have individual needs met. Procedural needs include being provided with details, consistency, and information in an efficient and organized manner. Individual needs include being respected, valued, and listened to. If you can meet these needs, you go a long way in building positive working relationships with others, because you show others that you care.
This got me to thinking about what the feeling of being “valued” really is. We know how to address the issue, but what is it to feel valued, and where does it come from? More so, why do we even need to be valued and respected?
It turns out that the feeling of being valued and respected has ties to social status — that is, whether we are socially “included” or socially “excluded.” If we feel valued and respected, we find ourselves with the “in” group, and we feel that we are being “included” socially. If we don’t feel valued or respected, we find ourselves “rejected” and in the socially “excluded” club.
I found an interesting fact sheet on social inclusion, which starts out by explaining, “A socially inclusive society is defined as one where all people feel valued, their differences are respected, and their basic needs are met so they can live in dignity. Social exclusion is the process of being shut out from the social, economic, political and cultural systems which contribute to the integration of a person into the community.”
Okay, well that makes sense…I get it. So now I am wondering why we have this need to be socially included. Is it an evolutionary survival mechanism? Did it contribute to survival of the species? It turns out that yes, this is probably the case…So much so that apparently it “hurts” to be rejected. An area of the brain called the anterior cingulate cortex, is involved with providing us with a perception of pain. This area has been shown to be active in studies of people who played video games which made them feel rejected.
Perhaps the quote found on this website sums it up best: “Thus our social-attachment system seems to use our physical-pain system to ensure that we maintain relations with other people. Accordingly, being separated from a loved one or rejected by a group is painful to us, and we tend to avoid such situations when we can.”
So, it appears that the human need to feel valued and respected is in some way our mind’s attempt to circumvent the pain associated with rejection, which is tied to a social-attachment system. It just goes to show that the pain of rejection is very real and runs very deep. It’s important that we listen to what people have to say, and understand their feelings and concerns. It’s important that we show that others are important to us, and that we value what they have to say. By being empathetic, we can go a long way in showing people that we do really care about them. After all, it turns out that we can be “pain killers” by simply demonstrating to others that we truly care!
A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties – Harry Truman
“Every cloud has a silver lining;” “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade;” “the glass is half full;” “there’s a light at the end of the tunnel;” “things could always be worse…” These are all idioms that represent a positive outlook, also known as optimism. I came across some information about a very interesting study, which looked into some of the areas located in the front of the brain that are involved in formulating thoughts which we come to know as optimism.
I’m a “glass-half-full” kind of guy, personally. After being through the traumatic loss of my mom in a car accident, suffering through a major depression, gaining one hundred pounds, making it through college and a rigorous course of study in chiropractic college, and other trying times and life experiences, I try to take everything into perspective. I’ve already been through a lot, so while it’s not impossible, it would take a heck of a lot for something to register as majorly “bad” in my life at this point. Keeping things in relative perspective, much of the negative experiences I face these days are merely “bumps in the road” along the path of life. “It could be worse,” is a common phrase I use while maintaining this sense of perspective.
So, needless to say, I was surprised to find out that my “glass-half-full” outlook may be considered to be a “defect” of the workings of the brain. The good news is that most of us are “defective” (which begs the question: If we’re all “defective,” then wouldn’t that be considered “normal?” Anyway…). The research suggests that we are wired to view the world through “rose-colored glasses.” My personal take on this finding is that we really need to be optimistic. If we spent our time obsessing over the fact that we will die one day, that we (for those who are married or have a significant other) may experience the loss of our loved one(s), that we may end up with cancer and die a horrible death, that we may experience any host of unpleasant experiences and the like, we would develop significant stress and anxiety. How could we live day to day thinking obsessively about death and suffering? We couldn’t — or at least we couldn’t very well. The downside to this type of thinking, however, is that we become more risky or underestimate the negative consequences of certain actions or events that we embark upon.
All things considered, I’ll take my “defective” thinking, and remain on the “glass half full” side of things. After all, when I face an accusation from another that my mind isn’t quite right, now I have the documentation to support that they are correct! 🙂 If I have the choice, I will choose to believe that there is always a solution out there to every problem. If I have the choice, I am going to choose to empower myself to inspire others. I’m not going to wallow in self pity or worry about what may be around the corner. I would rather focus on the positive, and enjoy continual consideration of the possibilities that lie ahead!
If you like topics regarding the brain, then I would recommend checking out Brain Pages. On the page they have a Brain Channel, and on it I found a very intriguing video. I hope you enjoy it!
