“Every man can, if he so desires, become the sculptor of his own brain” ~ Santiago Ramon Y Cajal

I couldn’t believe that the 10th anniversary slipped by me unnoticed until yesterday!  Where has the time gone?  I thought for sure I would be marking the calendar to pause and observe the event!

Well, actually, truth to be told, I don’t know the exact date, but it’s somewhere within the first ten days of March.  You would think that such a date of significance would be marked and circled for me to remember for eternity, but it’s not.  I don’t know why I didn’t note the date; perhaps it is because once that day came, I didn’t want to look back, and I just wanted to move forward.  I was done thinking about the past — it was time to look ahead to the future, from that day and forever more.

So, sometime in early March of 2002, I began one of the most significant journeys of my life.  Prior to “the day” I was wallowing in self pity and some residual depression, and weighing in at about 225 pounds.  I wouldn’t say I was a “wreck,” but I wasn’t doing that well either.  It all started nine years earlier, when I was in an actual wreck — a car wreck with my mom, and as a result of the accident she was killed.  To say watching your mom die right in front of your eyes is a traumatic experience that changes you is an understatement.  The effects were deep and long lasting.

Without belaboring the point, I slipped into a depression, gained a lot of weight, and struggled in pretty much everything.  I look back and wonder how I made it through college in that state (and how much better I could have done had I made it through “normally”).  I had a hard time keeping a job and staying motivated, and I was lazy.

“The day” came out of nowhere.  Actually, I can pin it down to “the moment.”  I was sitting on the couch watching television in the early evening hours, after supper.  Suddenly, I looked down at my big fat belly, and something snapped within me.  For the first time, I was disgusted and frustrated with what I saw.  Something in my mind was screaming, “This is enough!  Get off your lazy butt and do something!  I’m sick of being fat and lazy!  It’s time for a change!”

The voice continued, “Do something now before you change your mind!  Get up!  Now!  Quick!”  So I did.  (More on this later)  I went into the kitchen, grabbed the phone book, found a gym nearby, and called and inquired about a membership.  I hopped in my car, drove to the gym, and signed up.  I left the gym, went to the store, got some exercise clothes and shoes, and came back to the gym for my first workout in years.  I went at it five days a week, taking off on the weekends.  I changed my eating habits, and within a year, I had lost seventy-five pounds.  I felt great!

Now I thought that the benefits of being healthier and losing weight were going to be mostly physical.  What I didn’t realize (until years later) was the significant impact getting in shape had on my brain and mind.  Not only did I build a better body, but I also rebuilt a better mind!

Through my journey that started ten years ago, I learned some valuable lessons and shaped my brain as a result.  The eventual outcome was that I was more motivated, more positive, and just had a better outlook on life and its possibilities.

Before I end my post today, I want to quickly go back to the “voice” in my head that was screaming at me to do something before I “changed my mind.”  I am forever indebted to my “conscious” mind, because it was “the voice” that was screaming at me.  It must have caught my “unconscious” mind sleeping, or it must have gagged it or knocked it out or something, but it knew it could get through to me at that single moment, and as long as I was motivated to change, I could overcome my “unconscious” mind’s desire to remain fat and lazy and unmotivated.  Maybe your “conscious” mind has been trying to shout over your “unconscious” mind to tell you it’s time for a change, and I encourage you to listen to it, because it can change your life!

I want to share with you the lessons I learned as I built a better mind for myself, and I plan on doing so through a series of posts to come.  I hope you enjoy hearing about my journey to a better brain, and how changes in how I thought led to many revelations that forever changed my life.  As I look back on what I had learned, and now consider what science has revealed about the brain and the workings of the mind, it all makes sense.  I look forward to sharing my stories with you.  Until then, have a great day!

-Victor

“They may forget what you said…but they will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Carl W. Buechner

As a homeowner, parent and a spouse, I am inundated with decisions to make.  The decisions are endless, and the insight into what makes an intelligent one still escapes me.  I can make many a decision, however, it’s the whole “intelligent” modifier that presents the biggest obstacle. 🙂

Here are two of the most common thoughts that I have endorsed through my life of making decisions: 1. “I’m trying to make an objective decision,” and 2. “I don’t want my emotions to get involved in making this decision.”

It tuns out that those two comments, or some variation of such, underscore two of the biggest misconceptions and mis-truths that exist in regard to the human mind and decision making.  The truth of the matter is that essentially all of the decisions that we make are a result of an emotionally driven thought process.  Great…It turns out that deciding to endorse those two misconceptions is another “non-intelligent” decision on my part.  Add it to the tally…

Antonio Damasio, professor of neuroscience at the University of Southern California, has done extensive research on how emotions are involved in decision making.  His research has suggested that people are unable to make decisions when they are unable to tap into their emotions.  The basis for this conclusion?  He has studied those who have suffered from brain damage to areas involved in generating emotions, and has found those people unable to make even the most simple of decisions.  You can see an interview where he discusses this by clicking here.

Does this knowledge really change anything?  It can.  The best leaders are the leaders who tap into their emotions when making tough decisions.  The literature is out there across multiple authors who say it.  It doesn’t mean that they are subject to emotional swings — it just means that they are in tune with their emotions when it comes to making decisions.

Maybe knowing how significantly emotions are involved with future decisions that I make in my life and by becoming more in tune with my emotions, perhaps I can become a better dad and spouse.  I need to remember that it’s not necessarily the words that I use, but rather how I make others feel when I say them.

We are emotional beings, whether we like it or not.  Our emotions have a profound influence on us daily, as we are responsible for making a seemingly endless number of decisions.  Not only that, but we have to consider the fact that we respond to how people make us feel more than what is actually said.  Let’s look to embrace emotions as a strength of ours, rather than a shortcoming.  Actions speak louder than words, but emotions speak loudest of all!

Have a great day!

-Victor

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” – Helen Keller

In 2007, I was a contestant in a singing contest which was modeled in many ways after the show “American Idol.”  One week we were to do a song in the category of “oldies,” and I picked Frankie Valli’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You.”  In preparation for the show, I choreographed a sequence where I would pick someone from the audience and play it up, hopefully to both have some fun with the audience and get some votes from the judges.  The thing is I never let on to anyone that I was going to spring this choreographed sequence during the competition.  I just sang the song like normal throughout the rehearsals, with no choreography.

When the time came, I took a deep breath and just went with it.  I had a great time, running all over the stage, sliding on my knees, jumping over a chair, and playing it up with the audience.  The audience seemed to like it.  As I was walking off the stage, the next competitor waiting in the wings looked at me with a forced grin on his face.  He motioned over to me, and pulled me close so he could say something in my ear.  His words were, “Thanks for showing me up, @sshole.”

Thinking back to that moment when he said that to me, I often think to myself about how it could have been different.  Just think about how it would have been for both of us if he had flashed a huge grin on his face, pulled me close, and screamed, “You nailed it!  Awesome!  Great job!”  Just think how that would have affected his performance.  He would have been jacked up, and he would have absolutely nailed his number.  Instead, it was clear my performance got to him.  He thought so much about my performance that it negatively affected his performance on the stage (in my humble opinion).  I saw a missed opportunity, but how often do we all miss these opportunities?  How often do we allow single, small moments to define our days, weeks, months, years, or lives?  How often do we allow the actions of others to have such a profound influence on our actions?

The choice to be competitive versus collaborative, in my humble opinion, is the difference between being good enough and great.  It is the difference between a “me” mentality versus a “we” mentality.  There exists this huge chasm that separates the “me” thinkers from the “we” thinkers.  The jump is huge.  In order to achieve any level of true greatness, one needs to make that jump from “me” to “we.”

Whenever we feel threatened or that someone has invited us to a fight, our “thinking” part of the brain isn’t the first to react.  It’s the lower, more primitive areas that become active.  These areas shoot stress hormones down our spines, and the adrenaline kicks in, causing our hearts to beat faster, our lungs to breathe more quickly, and we prepare to defend ourselves.  It negatively affects our performance, and usually results in undesirable (and potentially embarrassing) behaviors.  If we allow it, the lower, more primitive centers will hijack the rest of our thoughts, and our thinking brain never really gets involved.

I ask you to join me in taking on the challenge of catching yourself when you start feeling those emotions of fear, jealousy, competition, anger, or any other feeling that is based on your desire to further your own agenda at the cost of, or at least without consideration to, the agendas of others.  Let’s work on consciously being aware of our feelings, and let’s remind ourselves to step back and think about how we can become more collaborative.  Let’s work to continually strive to bring out the best in everyone.  Let’s celebrate the successes of others, help each other, and do what we can to bring the greatness out in the collective whole.

True greatness comes from collaboration, not competition.  Let’s be great together!

Have a great weekend!

-Victor

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