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“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.” ~May Sarton

Sometimes it’s not easy to march to the beat of a different drummer.  Sometimes it’s a bit unsettling to be one that is not like the others.

I experienced one of those times recently.  My wife and I were in the company of several other couples, and within this group there were a few that we had not met before.  We took a limo bus on a day trip to a remote city for some music and fun.  My wife and I had never been ones for drinking large amounts of alcohol, even during social occasions.  We prefer to consume soft drinks and other non-alcoholic beverages over alcohol, to be honest, but around these parts my wife and I are a bit “different” because of it.  You see, we live in Wisconsin, where some proudly say that drinking alcohol is a sport.  It’s not uncommon for many people to indulge in having a few (or many more) drinks while socializing.  This trip was no different — all of us consumed some alcohol, but between my wife and I, I think we drank about a cup and a half of some weak alcoholic concoction that tasted more like lemonade than anything else.  Otherwise, we just consumed a soft drink at the restaurant we stopped by during our trip.

One of the women who I had just met that day had noticed that I really hadn’t consumed any alcohol during my time with the group (I was just taking sips intermittently from my wife’s cup).  She first commented that I hadn’t really had anything to drink on the way down.  Once we arrived at our destination and the multitudes were indulging in the festivities and alcohol, she looked at me and remarked, “I take it you don’t really drink…”  I just looked at her and said, “No, I really don’t; I like to drink soft drinks and tea and milk and water,” and left it at that.  I didn’t apologize, and I didn’t make excuses.  I just answered the question truthfully, and that was that.

Sure, I was open to making new friends on this trip, but I wasn’t determined to “make new friends or bust” on this trip.  I wasn’t going to let the fear of failure or rejection from others change who I was or change my beliefs about drinking alcohol.  I wasn’t going to let the pressures of conformity change who I saw myself to be.

Let me tell you, it’s not easy sometimes.  After all, our brains are actually wired to experience pain if we are an outcast.  Call it a survival mechanism, if you will.  We are designed to want to conform to the masses, so that we aren’t cast out from the group in isolation, vulnerable to serious harm.  We naturally feel uncomfortable standing out from the crowd.  It’s just not the way we were designed to operate.

However, now days, we don’t live in tribes and face the possibility of major harm or death if we are cast out by the masses.  I always try to remember that over ninety percent of the general population operates on a belief system rooted in fear and scarcity, so why would I care if I was cast out by this large percentage anyway?  I want to be different!  I want to be me!

Have you ever felt that you were “different” from the “rest” of the people around you?  I sure have, and still do — a lot.  At first, it was hard, because I directed the questioning at myself…Something along the lines of “What’s wrong with me?  Why don’t I seem to fit in with the rest of these people?”  Now days, the questions have subsided.  I don’t worry about being rejected.  I just focus on being me and one hundred percent authentic.

I figure the worst that can happen is that I don’t forge a relationship with someone who doesn’t value me for being me!  Is that really so bad?

If you feel that you find yourself surrounded by people who operate differently from you, or if you find that you see the world a bit different, I ask you to not be discouraged.  Embrace the differences!  Be authentic, and don’t feel you need to make excuses or apologize for being different than others.  Trust me, for every one person who rejects you for being true to yourself, there are endless others who are waiting to get to know you better because you are one of the few who actually is authentic to the bone.

If you are up to the challenge, I ask you to join me in being one hundred percent authentic and apology free.  See the world the way you choose to, and don’t feel that you have to change a thing for the sake of others.  Get out that stamp of authenticity, and proudly place a mark where everyone can see that it reads, “I am one hundred percent authentic and apology free!”

*Check out my friend Jodi Chapman’s recent article about being different too!  It’s a great inspiration!

Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. ~Buddha

I used to be a very active performer in the arts.  I used to be heavily involved in music and theatre, and when you are involved in those venues, you come across a lot of personality types.  I have found that many of the very talented people who I have had the wonderful opportunity to have known were some of the most humble people you’ll ever come to know.  On the other hand, I have run into many an ego along the way.  One thing I had noticed over the years was that some of the more “marginally” talented individuals were some of the most egotistical people you could come across.

Some were never short of critical comment about others’ performances, and some thought that they deserved special treatment because of their “status” (whatever that was supposed to mean).  It was as if they had already put in the work and they had “arrived,” and others should feel blessed to hear their “constuctive criticism” and be in their mere presence, as if their talent and ability would rub off on the people around them.

So, what is the root of ego?  Where does it come from?  I believe that the root of ego stems from two related sources: fear and scarcity.  The reality was that those performers who were the least secure — the most fearful — were the most critical of others.

When I talk to groups as a speaker, I talk about what I call “mental mediocrity markers.”  Fear is my “mediocrity marker number two.”  From fear comes a sense of scarcity, because the reality is that many people fear losing something.  They may fear losing a feeling of having a special status, or losing the status quo, or fear losing the feeling of being included or in on information being passed along, or they may fear losing positive self esteem.

The fear of loss, unfortunately, stems from a scarcity-based mindset, meaning that there is only so much to go around, and once the resources are consumed, some will be left without anything.  This fear of being left out and without anything drives people to work so hard to make sure that, number one, they get what is “theirs” before “it” is gone, and number two, they will fight desperately to make sure they don’t lose “it” once they feel they have earned it.

The resulting behavior, as I have witnessed in performers and in other people, is an “ego-based” mindset, rooted in self preservation.  When we resort to this self-preservation mode, we become more self-centered and less aware of others.

The key to “crushing” this mediocre marker is to adopt a more abundant mindset.  When we remember that self-esteem comes from within, and that there are no limits on compliments, good feelings, positive feedback, special status, or that stagnation can decrease innovation and creativity, we become less self centered and more aware of others.  Love and positivity are in abundance.  There is always plenty to go around.

One technique I use is based on the premise that you can’t hold a negative emotion or thought while harboring a positive one.  One of the easiest ways I have found to adopt an abundant and loving mindset is to be in a “giving” mode.  Give something to everyone you see.  The technique I use is to say silently to everyone I come across that I wish them happiness, health, and prosperity.  By wishing someone well, I am passing along positive energy, and I instantly turn a potentially negative emotion into a positive one.

I think those super-talented performers understood it well; it isn’t about what others think about you — it’s what you think about yourself.  Positive self-esteem that comes from external sources is artificial self-esteem.  Positive self-esteem that comes intrinsically is true self-esteem, and the true source of self-confidence.  When you feel comfortable in your own skin, and you don’t rely on others’ opinions to establish your sense of worth, you become your most fervent motivator, and your biggest supporter of your own true personal success!

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“Dreams are like the paints of a great artist. Your dreams are your paints, the world is your canvas. Believing, is the brush that converts your dreams into a masterpiece of reality.” ~Unknown

Until about ten years ago, when I was well into my twenties, I never really challenged my belief system.  Truth to be told, even after I began challenging my belief system, I didn’t realize that I had done so!  All I knew is that I had made a conscious choice to stop living a life of suffering and struggling, and I made the choice to point my life into a new direction.

By March of 2002, life had become a struggle for me.  I was unhealthy and largely unhappy.  I was struggling in school, struggling to find meaning in life, struggling to figure out if the current career path I was undertaking was the right one, and struggling to be successful at anything.

The funny thing about it was that I didn’t know any different; I didn’t know that there could be another way to live or exist beyond the life that I was living, and the existence that was mine.  My belief system was already laid out for me.  My parents made conscious choices for me before I was old enough to make my own, and by the time I reached adulthood, I just continued to live out that same belief system, generating thought after thought that fulfilled that belief system.  The main problem with this was that it wasn’t helping me feel good about myself or where my life was headed.  Even worse, I didn’t know it was happening, and it’s hard to change something that you can’t identify as the culprit.  Why did I feel so miserable and lost, and why was I so unaware of alternative ways of living?  More importantly, how did I shake loose and set out on a new path?

It happened because I became inspired, then desired, and then believed.

I don’t know what struck me on that March day in 2002…I don’t know if it was my unconscious mind, reaching across the mental fog as I stared mindlessly into the television as I sat on the couch — my intuition showing me the path to my authentic self.  I don’t know what it was, but I am glad it got through to me.  I was immediately inspired to make a physical change.  I wanted to lose weight and become healthy again.  I got up, went to the phone book, found a local gym’s phone number, and called them up.  Once I knew the details about membership, I was in my car and on my way to signing up for one year.

After I signed my membership agreement, I knew I committed financially, and that was enough to make sure I saw it through, at least at the beginning.  As I started exercising, I visualized how good I would feel and look after reaching my goals.  I had the burning desire within me.  I had the developed the will to succeed, and I was not going to give up.

As I started to lose weight and gain physical fitness, I began to believe in myself.  The conscious choices I had made to get up, call the gym, sign up, work hard, watch what I eat, and fully commit to physical fitness had made their way to my subconscious mind.  I had no choice but to become the manifestation of my conscious choices.

Within a year, I had reached my goal and then some.  Instead of losing forty pounds, as I had originally decided would be adequate, I had lost seventy — in one year.  I had become who I wanted to be physically, and to no surprise, I had become alive again.  I felt motivated, excited, energetic, and full of hope and enthusiasm.  I haven’t looked back!

I encourage you to take time to be quiet — be still — and listen to that inner voice within you.  What is is nudging you to do?  What is it encouraging you to try?  Do you feel inspired to try something, or to make a change?

If so, see how you feel about it.  Do you have the desire — the will — to begin the journey?  Do you want to see it through?  If so, what conscious choices can you make, right now, to make it happen?  What will you choose to do to bring you one step closer to making it real?

Commit to your desires — your deepest dreams.  Your conscious endorsement of the pursuit of your dreams will pave the way toward the subconscious manifestation of them.  You can make it happen.  Find the inspiration, feel the desire, and believe that you can make it happen.

The transition from believing to being is very real and very possible.  It’s all before you.  You just have to choose to make it happen.

Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net