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The following is a guest post by Otiti Jasmine of Radiant Soul Space

If you’ve ever embarked on serious personal development, you’re familiar with the point where it feels like your old layers are cracking and peeling away to reveal a truer you underneath. It’s exhilarating and frightening because you don’t know what you’ll find but can’t wait to discover it, yes?

At the same time, though, it can also be incredibly painful leaving behind the comfort of your old ways and trying on something radical to meet the growing need for more.

It’s not enough to have a job anymore; it has to be one that feeds your soul as well as your pocket.

It’s not enough to just have a partner or be in a relationship; it has to be with someone you can really be yourself with, someone you can grow with, someone who can return your love and support your decision to change.

It’s not enough to just say you “want change”, either; you have to know how far you’re willing to go to meet your dream and what you’ll sacrifice to get there.

As you move towards your vision, you inch farther away from your comfort zone and deeper into the wilderness that is unknown territory. The deeper you get into this wilderness, the more your old world breaks and rearranges around you.
So what do you do after you’ve taken the leap only to slam into a wall of pain and indecision?

1. Take a step back: figuratively speaking, of course. I’ve learned that inner change is a delicate process, and sometimes the huge burst of energy that drives you forward in the beginning fizzles out when your lizard brain figures out what’s going on. This is when resistance rears up and halts further movement.

Taking a step back gives room for a breather and a progress check. Have you celebrated how far you’ve come yet? It might be a good time to beam at your choice to change and reassure yourself you’re doing the right thing.

2. Meditate: either on the mat or with pen and paper. What’s this wall telling you? What’s the pain showing you? Maybe it’s time to ease off on intentional action for a while and just let your subconscious process the disruption of your old routine.

Using any books or other resources for inspiration and pointers? Could be you’re verging on information overload and need time away from all that, or you’re going too fast and trying to rush the process, in which case you’ve slammed to a halt so you can breathe and resume a more sustainable pace.

3. Reach out: no personal development journey is complete without a support network. Who knows about your evolution? Who’s up to speed on the changes in your spirit and the reasons behind them? Share with those who get the value of your mission and boost you when your resolve wavers. Transitions are tricky at the best of times, and they can be downright nasty if you lose focus of what you’re trying to achieve.

Bent on becoming more aware of your intuition and flowing with it? Determined to follow your dream of a more robust spiritual practice or an entrepreneurial venture? Get help and get it fast before you’re stuck and wondering if you can pull it off after all.

4. Remember. Circle back to what prompted your decision to change — is it still relevant? Does it matter enough for you to follow through? Being very clear about why you’ve chosen your path will help you in moments of doubt and fear of failure.

Working on your inner being isn’t exactly something you can track or measure with pinpoint accuracy; it’s something you have to allow unfold at its own pace. Sometimes you’ll have to make like an explosive and blow things up, and other times you’ll have to be as still as a clear pool of water so your inner landscape has a chance to settle.

Waiting in the space between old and new is giving yourself room to really make lasting change and stick to your plan. As such, realise that slamming into a wall of pain and indecision isn’t such a bad thing; in fact, it’s a very good thing.

It shows that you’re evolving, and breaking free of restrictive patterns, and it’s that break for freedom that feels so weird and uncomfortable. Bear with it because it’s good pain. You’re on the right track and just gotta hang in there to make it all worth it. Now is not the time to lose heart and slink back to your comfort zone; now is the time to stand strong and believe that rolling with the pain will get you even closer to where you want to be.

Why? Because when you’ve taken the time to pause and reflect, given yourself a chance to rest, you find that you’re ready for the next leg of your journey —clarity and all. Sometimes a pause is necessary so you know when to say “enough” and when to ask for more.
Whenever you feel like your world is breaking and your spirit can’t bear the change after all, remember that some time off and deep processing will have you pumped to continue before you know it.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not about how big or how fast change happens, it’s about how true it is and how deep it goes. Right? 😉

So I’ll leave you with this question: what are you going to do the next time it feels like your world is breaking and you can’t go on?

Hello! My name is Otiti and my passion is to ignite your soul to live your dreams. I’m fascinated by the deep questions and meaning of life, which is probably what turned me into a soul visionary, heart hugger, and huge love advocate. I believe we are all radiant souls, and you can find me urging you to dance in your brilliance at my blog Radiant Soul Space. Also come say hi on Twitter or Facebook; I love to connect! 

Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net

I can’t speak enough of the benefits of gratitude, and so I was thrilled to come across this article to share with you on the topic.  Check it out!

The 31 Benefits of Gratitude You Didn’t Know About: How Gratitude Can Change Your Life.

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Earthly possessions dazzle our eyes and delude us into thinking that they can provide security and freedom from anxiety. Yet all the time they are the very source of anxiety. ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I am in the process of writing a free guide to help people overcome their own personal mediocrity and tap into their unused potential to realize their inner greatness.  Yes, I know that’s a mouthful, but the guide is going to be awesome (and helpful and applicable)!  One of the many things I am going to discuss is what I call the “Hierarchy of Existence,” and while I am developing the idea, I wanted to share it with you to hear your thoughts.

I’ve already discussed with you how our conscious thoughts become our beliefs, and that our beliefs eventually come to fruition by us actually being what we believe.

Depending on our levels of needs, and depending on how well our needs are being fulfilled, we will generally fall into one of three categories, which I call the “strive,” “thrive,” or “alive” levels of existence.  Here’s a rough sketch of the “Hierarchy of Existence:”

You can see that the “strive” level is a level where a person struggles to have their basic needs met.  When a person feels that they are struggling to find security and safety, they are usually in a prolonged state of stress.  They find themselves emotionally fragile and see themselves regularly as victims of circumstance.

If someone is able to transcend this “strive” level of existence and move up to the “thrive” level, they will find that they are better able to meet their needs.  They now can provide for their basic needs and more.  Now, people in this “thrive” level typically buy a home, for example, and have a steady and stable career, and they start to amass material possessions and monetary savings.  People who find themselves in the “thrive” level of existence may be under the impression that they have “arrived,” but this is actually a paradoxical trap; the more possessions one owns, the more they fear losing all they have worked for, and the tighter they hold on to their possessions.  They may find that while they are financially successful and have many possessions, they are unhappy or unfulfilled, realizing that they are a slave to their possessions and the job that allows them to maintain that standard of living.  They still are largely victims of fate — they feel that they control some aspects of their lives, but still they are “limited” to what options they have available to maintain their way of life.

The “strive” and “thrive” levels of existence are enveloped in a belief system based on fear and scarcity.  The fear of losing what they have drives them to work very hard to keep what they have, because their belief system tells them that things like money, power, status, and other similar commodities are limited in quantity, and if they don’t work to keep what they have earned, they will lose it and have no way of getting it back.

This belief system rooted in fear and scarcity is based upon conscious acceptance of stimuli from the five senses, coupled with subconscious programming.  When we were too young to make decisions for ourselves, our parents and teachers made conscious choices for us, and we accepted those choices because we learned to trust the adults who were responsible for teaching us the ways of life.  Through their words and actions, we learned “how to live,” but if our parents and teachers themselves operated on belief systems based on fear and scarcity, then they just passed those beliefs on to us.

Subconscious programming of the conscious stimuli is not questioned.  It is simply carried out by our bodies.  If we are not aware of the programming that was fed to our subconscious over our lifetimes, we operate on autopilot and unknowingly speak and act in ways that are motivated by fear and scarcity.  We are all about the ego, concerned with our status compared to others.  We worry about how much power we have, or how much influence we hold.  We worry about getting our “piece of the pie,” because there aren’t necessarily enough “pieces” to go around.  We engage in negative behaviors like complaining and gossiping, because those emotional areas of our brains are so busy worrying about potential threats to our ego that we are constantly in self-preservation mode.

The key to breaking through our limited belief systems is becoming “alive.”  We become alive when we recognize that our actions and words are driven by fear and scarcity, and then do something to change.  We become alive when we start to become mindful of the present, quiet and still to listen to our inner genius, and we begin to operate out of abundant love and forgiveness.  When we can break through our existing beliefs based on fear and scarcity, we transcend all limits and experience the true bliss of being one with pure potentiality — 100% authentic and in tune with our intuition.  We become fearless and ready to live the lives we want to live, on our own terms.

We no longer are trapped by suffering caused by the fear of losing our possessions.  We live life fully “alive!”

It’s time to vanquish mental mediocrity.  It’s time to come alive and be the compassionate, empathic, loving, and generous being we were born to be!  It’s time!

Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net

Sketch of “Heirarchy of Existence,” by Victor Schueller – Copyright 2012

“The most fatal illusion is the settled point of view. Since life is growth and motion, a fixed point of view kills anybody who has one.” ~Brooks Atkinson

About five years ago, I attended what still stands as the most impactful seminar I ever attended.  I was attending the seminar with a friend who wanted to go to, but didn’t want to go alone.  It was a presentation on how to deal with difficult people, which sounded interesting to me, and I figured I could learn something along the way, so I went along.

It was a short and inexpensive seminar, but there was a lot crammed into that four hours.  I didn’t know what to expect, and even after attending, I wasn’t blown away by the content or the presenter; I just knew I had learned something during the session.

It wasn’t until I had some time to think about the presentation that it started to sink in, and then it started to have an impact on me and my life overall.  The lessons learned that day proved to be the beginning of this life path that I now find myself traveling, trying to help people live a better life, free of mental mediocrity and full of personal greatness.

Among all the lessons we were taught, there were two discussions that resonated within me the most.  The first one was that people have different preferences for how they address and solve problems.  Some people are more direct, while some are more indirect.  Some people are more social and talkative, while some are less talkative and pay more attention to details and the pursuit of perfection.  Some people are great with brainstorming ideas and coming up with possible solutions quickly, while others need to take some time away to really think things through.  This really spoke to me because I had always been one who prefers to observe and reflect before doing anything, and finally I understood why.  (This was essentially the DISC profile system, in case you want to Google it and learn more about it yourself).  I also realized that I had to stop thinking about how I liked to be treated, and start thinking about how others like to be treated.  Dr. Tony Alessandra calls it the “Platinum Rule.”  The rule states, “Treat others as they would like to be treated.”  It’s a great rule to live by!

The second major takeaway that I got from that seminar, and the one that was a complete paradigm shift was in regard to the topic of the seminar itself, which involved dealing with difficult people.

This second lesson was simple, but powerful…While some people may present themselves as a “difficult” person, you may present as a “difficult” person to someone else.  In other words, labeling someone as a “difficult” person is judgmental — it’s a label — and it’s purely opinion.  It’s not a fact.  It’s important to realize that we are not perfect, and while others may cause us difficulty, it may be us who causes difficulty for other people.

I’ll never forget that lesson, and it has changed my life ever since.

An opinion is only an opinion.  A judgment is just a judgment, and it is only a matter of perspective.  I learned that day that I cannot consider myself “above” or “better” than anyone else, nor can I assume that I never cause others difficulty.  I have to remember that I need to apply the “Platinum Rule” on a daily basis, and I have to remember to be careful to label others negatively without considering that I may be labeled the same by others.

It turns out this short and inexpensive seminar was probably the biggest bang for my buck to date for personal development!  It just goes to show that sometimes the best lessons come from the most unlikely of sources!

These two lessons have profoundly impacted my life for the better, and I hope that you find them to be just as beneficial and impactful in your life!

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I am no good at math. Well, that’s what I had said to myself for a large majority of my life. Also, I am horrible at remembering names. That’s also something I have said for most of my life. Physics is something that I was better off quitting early before I embarrassed myself any further.  Are those statements true? Well, the answer to that question is actually pretty complicated. If you asked me today to do algebra, trigonometry, or calculus, I would have a difficult time delivering. If you put me in a room with several new people and give me their names, I would not be as quick to learn them as some others. Physics? Ugh…Don’t get me started. I had to do Physics I and II twice before passing them with a grade of a “C.”

So, getting back to my question: “Are those statements true?” On the surface, one may answer yes, but looking deeper, the answer I would give you is “Only if I allow myself to believe it.”

You have been told by others many things. You may have been told that you’re not very smart or creative, or maybe people teased you or laughed at you at a young age about your looks or clothes or other things you simply could not control. You may feel you are left out of the crowd, or that other people have avoided you or put you down or put you in your place. You may have been criticized or humiliated by others.

Are they right? Are you any of those things?

Only if you allow yourself to believe it.

You see, every time we take something in through our five senses: taste, touch, hearing, vision, and smell, your brain processes it at the conscious level. You are aware of what you are taking in, and, more importantly, you have conscious control of how you react to the stimulus.  (This is the called the somatic nervous system, in case you were wondering…I’m guessing you really weren’t.)  So, for example, if you walked in to a very hot room, you can consciously control whether you stay in that room, start removing layers of clothing (hopefully not too many layers), or turn on the air conditioning.  You have the ability to choose your reaction to the stimulus.

This is what I call the critical crossroads — it is the time where you get to consciously choose what to do with the information you receive through your five senses.

What other people say or think about you is their opinion, not yours.  Whether you come to actually believe it and convert it into truth and become that “truth” is based on whether you make the conscious choice to believe it.  If you choose not to believe it, then it won’t become fed to your subconscious mind, where anything placed into it has no choice but to be physically manifested by your body.

If someone told me that I had green hair, I wouldn’t believe them.  For starters, I don’t have hair, and secondly, if I were to have it, it certainly would not be the color green.  I don’t believe it, so therefore it’s not true.  I reject that statement.  That’s easy to do, but it’s the “difficult” opinions that are harder to “un-believe.”  If someone tells you you aren’t good enough, either through what they say or do to you, it’s hard not to consider that they may be true.

When other people share their opinion of you with you, it’s the other person’s ego talking.  Their ego is trying to build itself up by reassuring itself how superior it is by comparing to and squashing another’s ego.  It feels better about itself when another ego feels worse about itself.  It’s a bunch of garbage.

This is the critical crossroads that makes all the difference when it comes to establishing and maintaining one’s self image, self esteem, self worth, and self confidence. Do you choose to believe what another person’s overblown suggests?

You are in control.  You can choose whether or not to believe what they say.  It’s a pretty powerful tool, once you know you have it and know how to use it.

The last, and most important thing to remember to do is to make sure you give yourself a heavy dose of positive thoughts about yourself…I’ll do that right now.

Yes, I am good at math.  Yes, I am good a learning faces.  Yes, I am good at physics!  And I believe it to be true!

Now it’s your turn! 🙂

Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net