I will be welcoming back guest Dianne Collins, Author of the award-winning book Do You Quantum Think?
I am delighted to welcome back Dianne Collins to the show today! The last time I had Dianne on my show, we really had a great conversation about the mind and the basics of “quantum thinking.” I asked her to come back so we could discuss one of the major discussions in her book, which is the answer to the question, “If we know that we desire to be more loving and compassionate, why aren’t we?”
Dianne is an original thinker and one of the foremost thought-leaders of our time. She consults with executives in the world’s leading corporations as well as enterprising entrepreneurs, celebrities, students and evolutionaries in the new system of thinking, QuantumThink. Her life is dedicated to people living spirited, joyful, and masterful lives through leaps in awareness and the expansion of their approach to reality. She is a master of translating ancient knowledge into modern “quantum” terms that provide a practical and transformative platform for the way we conduct our business and personal affairs.
Dianne shared some wonderful news with me in regard to her book, Do You Quantum Think? She said that her book won the Global eBook Award 2012 for Best Non-Fiction New Age! I was overjoyed! I invite you to grab a seat and listen in on our conversation; it promises to be a very insightful and informative discussion!
“Listening From Not-Knowing frees you in the moment from automatically conditioned responses. You move from Success to Mastery.” ~Dianne Collins
On Tuesday I was on the phone, conducting an interview for an upcoming radio show broadcast with Dianne Collins, author of the book, Do You Quantum Think? I had Dianne on my show before, and between our conversation and her book, I have learned so much about quantum thinking, quantum physics, and the characteristics of the mind. I knew I just had to have her on again.
This time, I was going to make sure I asked her one question — and get her response: “Why is it that we know that living out of love and compassion is the way we want to act, but we struggle so hard acting upon it?”
The answer turned into a conversation that lasted well over an hour! Don’t worry — I captured it all, in case you want to hear the totally awesome conversation. I was just stunned and in awe over the information she shared with me during that conversation, and I walked away having learned so much, and wanting to still know more! One of the things we discussed was the concept of “mastery” of our minds, and using this “mastery” to choose our relationship to the thoughts that enter our minds, and thus allow us to embody the type of life we know we want to live (one that is rooted in love and compassion).
One technique or strategy that Dianne recommended to achieve this “mastery” was to practice “Listening from Not-Knowing.” She explained that if you have a conversation with someone, especially someone you have a long history with and in which you know pretty much everything, it’s easy to come into that conversation as if you already know “what this person is, what she or he is going to say, or you are listening as if you already know ‘the answer.'”
She continued to say that if you approach the conversation instead from a position of “not knowing,” then a couple of things happen…First of all, you allow for a space to develop that the other person can fill with information and insight; secondly, by being receptive and open to everything they are saying, as if you hadn’t known this before, you exchange an energy with the other person that conveys that you are “locked in” and fully engaged in the conversation. It decreases the stress placed upon the other person in the conversation. I thought this was a great tip.
I shared how I was eating lunch with my daughter at her school right before our conversation, and one of her classmates was sitting next to me pointing out various objects in the cafeteria, and sharing with me what she thought the objects were. For example, she pointed to something hanging from the ceiling, and she was telling me how she believed it was a camera that the principal used to “spy on the kids” when they were eating to make sure they weren’t causing any trouble. Instead of correcting her or shutting her down, I simply accepted what she said, from a position of not-knowing. This allowed her to feel comfortable continuing the conversation and communicating further.
Dianne also stated in her book, “When you listen from Not-Knowing you connect to the realm of creativity, of ingenuity, of the ability to dance with what reveals itself to you. There is excitement in the air. Just doing this consciously brings you into a highly present state, into the ‘now’ moment. Then instead of being stale, you will be fresh. The moment will be alive. This is what gives you access to your own Mastery.”
I love it…So true…
So beyond simply trying to embody what you know you want to be, by listening from “Not-Knowing,” you can accomplish a couple of things — number one, you can deepen your relationships with other people (your lover, spouse, child, friend) by being a better listener, and, number two, you can develop a state of Mastery, where you can become more creative, innovative, present, and alive.
I see no downside to this! Give it a try today! Practice listening from “Not-Knowing” and see if you (or those around you) notice a difference! 🙂
This article discusses a study that showed that we are likely to be more forgiving of those people we like than people we dislike, even when they are observed doing the same thing. Very interesting…
It’s wonderful to have Dr. Sherman back on my show today! We had a wonderful conversation last time about how old, automatic programming can affect our behaviors and whether we will be successful in life or continue to struggle, and this time she’s coming back to talk about marriage — specifically how to find the magic, and once you find it, how to keep it! I can’t wait!
Dr. Karen Sherman, a licensed psychologist in New York, has been in private practice 25 years. Her focus is relationships/marriage and helping people achieve their greatest potential.
Karen is the author of “Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life” which enables people to let go of conditioned responses and empower them to make their own choices; the co-author of “Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last;” and a contributor to “Your Mental Health Questions Answered,” “The Complete Marriage Counselor,” “Power of Persistence,” “Recovering the Self, Vol. 2, #3,” and “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Vol. 2.” She writes for ThirdAge.com, and Hitchedmag.com and is a relationship expert on Selfgrowth.com. Karen also conducts workshops, teleseminars and speaking engagements. She’s a frequent guest on national radio and her expert opinion has appeared in numerous publications. Additionally, she was a former relationships expert on the “Bo Griffin Morning Show,” and a marriage expert on ClubMom.com. Her memberships include American Psychological Association, American Counseling Association, Nassau County Psychological Association. She’s certified as a Nationally Board Certified Counselor and a National Family Life Educator and belongs to The National Registry for Marriage Friendly Therapists. She serves on the undergraduate Psychology Dept. at CW Post University.
Her websites, www.YourEmpoweredRelationship.com and www.DrKarenSherman.com, offer free newsletters and programs. She and her husband have enjoyed over 35 years of marriage and have two daughters, a son-in-law, and 2 grandchildren.
“When we understand the needs that motivate our own and others behavior, we have no enemies.” ~Marshall Rosenberg
Over the past two weeks, I have had the wonderful opportunity to speak to two wonderful groups in my local area — the Sheboygan Area SHRM and LAHRA. Because the groups I presented to were human resources organizations, the focus of my topics were related to improving relationships and productivity in the workplace. As I talked with people afterward, I couldn’t help but think about how so many of the issues and problems we deal with on a regular basis, whether it is at work or in our personal relationships and interactions with others, can be worsened because of how we communicate with each other.
Sometimes, when someone says or does something that gets under our skin, or when someone says or does something and we become uncomfortable (angry, frustrated, hurt), our human tendency is to seek ways to eliminate that uncomfortable feeling. I look at this as a reflexive response, caused by our own “lizard brain” that resides deep within our skulls. When we feel we are attacked or threatened, we do what seems almost instinctive — we retaliate through words or actions…It’s sort of our way of giving others a “taste of their own medicine” (which sometimes feels oh so good), or our way of basically saying “Don’t you ever cross me again, or this is what you’ll get from me.” No matter which way you slice it, retaliation is not, in my humble opinion, the way to go here. All we do when we retaliate is activate the defense mechanism of the other person’s brain, and we perpetuate the cycle. That’s not where we want to go.
Where we would love to go, however, is to a place where we can communicate how we felt when something was said or done, get others to be a bit receptive to our concerns and be open (even if just a bit) to helping us resolve our uncomfortable feelings. If it sounds too good to be true, well, maybe you should just try it out and see what results you get!
I found this communication technique, or “script,” as I like to call it, in a great book titled Creating Harmonious Relationships: A Practical Guide to the Power of True Empathy, by Andrew LeCompte. After reading this, I was trying to get a hold of Dr. LeCompte to let him how how much this book changed my life and how I look at the world around me, but I ran into a dead end. It’s too bad, because I absolutely love this book, and I would love to thank him for his great publication!
The concept is based off of a model of communication called “Nonviolent Communication,” pioneered by Marshall Rosenberg. The basic premise of this type of communication (from my interpretation) is that if we can identify and address our needs or the needs of others in our communication, we can communicate effectively and without violence. Sounds good, right?
So, in Dr. LeCompte’s book, he includes what he calls a “Speaking Worksheet,” which is a template for a version of a conversation, nonviolent communication style.
Here’s what it looks like:
OPENER:
Name of person with whom you are in conflict:
“___________________,”
Your hope for the conversation “I ________________________ .”
Test their readiness ______________________ (Is this a good time?)
FACT:
“When you _____________________ (My note: make sure this is something observed, not a judgment, diagnosis, interpretation, etc…Instead of saying “When you blamed me for the missed deadline,” you may want to say, “When you spoke loudly and told others in the meeting that I caused the deadline to be missed…” The word “blamed” is an interpretation or judgment, not fact.)
FEELING:
“I felt ________________________ (emotion, such as angry, annoyed, afraid, frustrated, sad, hurt)
HOPE:
“because I __________________________ (was hoping, wanted)
___________________” (whatever you were hoping for or wanted)
REQUEST:
“Would you be willing to ______________________?”
If you’re just trying this out, you can always leave some parts out. Usually, for “first timers,” I recommend they focus on the “Fact, Feeling, and Hope” sections. These alone turn a potentially conflicting situation around into something that is non-threatening and civil. It takes the blame out of the situation, and there is no finger pointing, because you are just reporting on observed behaviors and sharing how you felt when those behaviors occurred. One of the most dangerous things to say is “…you made me feel…” In stating this, you are diagnosing the cause of the behavior. This activates the defense mechanism in the other person. Keep diagnoses out of it. As Rosenberg states, “When people hear needs, it provokes compassion. When people hear diagnoses, it provokes defensiveness and attack.”
If you try out this method, please let me know about it and how it worked for you. I have shared this advice many times with people and groups who have experienced deeply wounding conversations in the past, and it has worked well. Let me know what it does for you! Good luck! 🙂
Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net
Sometimes we let fear get between us and our dreams. Sometimes we know what we want to do, but we aren’t bold enough to step forward and go for it. I think anyone can relate to letting our fears get the best of us, and it’s very frustrating when we know where we want to be, but we are to afraid to go after what we want.
I am so delighted to have Tess Marshall join me for my radio show today, to talk about living a more “bold life” and going after what your heart desires! Tess is a fear-shattering, risk taker, author, and courage coach with a master’s degree in counseling psychology. She has a wonderful website and blog called, “The Bold Life – Inspiration for Fearless Living,” and it’s a fantastic place to go for inspiration, strength, and discovering the courage that resides within!
On her website, Tess shares, “I believe we’re here on planet earth to grow in kindness and love. In order to do so we need to let go of fear and take bold action. Doing so will impact every area of your life in a positive way.” I completely agree!
If you’re interested in learning more about Tess, I invite you to visit her site, The Bold Life, where’ you’ll find seemingly endless inspiration. While you’re there, check out her books and e-Course, “Take This Fear and Shove It: Be Bold, Play Big, and Shine Bright.” It’s a fantastic course, if you’re interested in overcoming your fear and going after your dreams!
I am looking forward to our discussion, and I invite you to grab a seat and listen today as we talk about living bold and overcoming fear on “Positively Empowered Radio!” We’ll see you today at 12 PM Central! 🙂
““When we compared leaders of different ranks and levels, we found that higher-ranking leaders reported a greater sense of control in their lives. This helped explain why they had lower levels of stress,” says Sherman. Simply thinking that you have control, whether or not you actually do, changes the way the brain responds to stress and makes it less toxic.”
Have you signed up to “Come Alive” yet? You have one more week, and I’ve “sweetened the pot” for you with a fantastic offer when you sign up for my friend Jodi Chapman’s e-Course “Coming Back to Life!” You only have one more week to sign up! Find out more by clicking the banner below!
“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit
Before 1989, I couldn’t care less about the sport of football. That was until my dad was watching the Green Bay Packers in our family room, and I climbed into the chair next to him and started watching games. That year, they had an exciting season, winning several games by three or fewer points. I was hooked…For life, it seems.
Fast forward to recent history, and, well, I have a hard time watching games. 🙂 The highs get high for me, and the lows get low for me. I guess you would say I’m a typical fan (short for “fanatic,” of course), and while I don’t parade around in more than the occasional Green Bay Packers sweatshirt in the colder months, I am still a very close follower of the team and very staunch supporter. I started to realize that I was watching games and going through a huge swing of emotions (as many fans do). The breaking point was when I was watching a game on a Sunday afternoon, from beginning to finish, only to see the team squander away a lead and eventually lose a game because of missed opportunities to claim victory. I couldn’t help but think I wasted an entire afternoon, just to end up being disappointed after it all ended.
After that game, I decided it was better for me, emotionally and physically, to just do whatever I wanted on Sunday afternoons, and then, after finding out whether they won or lost, watch the highlights from the game. This seemed to work out very well, because I could swallow the disappointment of losing quickly and move on, without the huge, three-hour emotional investment.
That’s my routine for Sunday afternoon games, but I still enjoy sitting down and catching a prime-time evening game when the Packers are playing. I seem to handle those better for some reason.
Last night, the Packers lost their prime-time matchup with the Seattle Seahawks. Ultimately, they lost the game on a very controversial call made by the referees. You can read about how it went down here, if you wish.
I processed my disbelief in the outcome, and then, something happened — something much different than in other disappointing games before, and believe me, this was near the top when it came to disappointing finishes…
I moved on…
Nothing I could do would change the outcome of the game, so I’ve moved on.
No matter how much I could complain about the way the game ended, it wouldn’t change the score, so I’ve moved on.
No matter how much I shook my head in disbelief, the game was still over, and I knew the sun would come up tomorrow, so I’ve moved on.
No matter how much I could have blamed the referees for the call, the game was already decided, so I’ve moved on.
No matter how many times I watched the replays of the incident, and was convinced that they got the call wrong, the game still ended the same way, so I’ve moved on.
Sometimes we cling too closely to what “should have” happened. Looking at the responses to the game on social media, there was a lot of that going on…A lot of “They need to…” and “They should have…” and “If only they would have…” It doesn’t only occur in athletic competitions and controversial finishes; it happens everywhere in life.
We say, “If only I would have done it differently…” or “If only they would have…” or “If only this wouldn’t have happened…” It’s victim talk, and we’re living in the past! What can we do about the past, other than reflect on it and learn from it? Why should we continue to re-live the emotional turmoil that resides within by going over it and over it again and again?
I should have known better anyway. After losing my mom in a car accident, I lived the “If only…” game for the better part of ten years. I have lots of practice in obsessing over and suffering because of the past. I learned to move on in that regard, and it’s about time I finally figured it out when it came to a form of entertainment!
Football is a game. Yeah, it stinks they lost, but what are you going to do? You can either continue to play the “If only…” card, and suffer, or come to terms with what is, and move on.
