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“It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.” ~Sally Field

I was at a conference in California last year, and I was talking with a group of people after the first day of the conference had come to an end.  We were hanging out in the hotel bar…I can’t remember what I had said to one of the people in the group, but it had to do with her willingness to physically do something that I would have categorized as rather “silly” in front of the other members of the group.  Perhaps alcohol had something to do with it. 🙂

Her response to me was this: “You’re from the Midwest, aren’t you?”  Shocked that she was dead on (I live in Wisconsin), I responded with, “Yes…How did you know?”

She responded by saying, “Because you care about what other people think.”

Now, whether she button-holed me into a stereotype or not, she was right — I did care about what other people thought of me.  There is no way I would have done anything “silly” like that in front of people I didn’t know.  No way.

I still struggle with this…Do you?  I still have that little voice in the back of my mind, saying something like, “Yes, but what will other people think?”  I have gotten a lot better at quieting that little voice over the past year, and I have gotten much better at saying some not so pleasant things to it, to get it to stay quiet!

Regardless of where we live, the fact remains the same: sometimes we worry about what other people think. Sometimes we worry about whether people will approve of us or not, and our worries about garnering this approval from others sometimes suppresses our true selves from being revealed.  Simply put, sometimes we worry more about loving other people rather than loving ourselves.

Why do we seek validation from others?  Our brains are designed to make us want to be part of the group.  It’s actually painful to be isolated from others!  That’s a big reason why.  The other reason?  I think it’s because to be accepted boosts our self esteem and morale.  However, to rely on outside validation to boost our self esteem, according to Vipin Mehta, is to rely on what is called “false” self esteem.  It’s self esteem that comes from outside sources, rather than “true” self esteem, which stems from self validation and self love.

If we simply spend more time working on excavating new treasures within us, rather than seeking approval from others, we’ll have a lifetime of lessons to learn.  It sure it takes a lot of work, but the rewards are substantial — just like an archaeologist has to work hard to dig and find the buried treasures in the earth, we have to work hard to uncover the subconscious glory that resides within each of us — the greatness that lies buried and covered with all the conscious beliefs and perceptions we have laid over the top.

So it’s time to get started — it’s time to focus on loving ourselves.  If we love ourselves and continue to unearth the hidden treasures buried within us, we won’t have to worry about what other people say or do.  It just doesn’t really matter.  All that matters is that we learn how to love ourselves and love how great we really are inside.  We just need to take the time to find the greatness that lies within each of us.

It’s time to seek validation from within!  It’s time to dig out those treasures that reside within us, ready to enrich our lives with the love and greatness that is inside!  It’s there — we just have to keep digging.  Love yourself, and the rest doesn’t matter.

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“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” ~Peggy O’Mara

My three-year-old daughter has learned to operate the zipper on her jacket and zip it up.  She was very pumped when she mastered it for the first time.  It’s pretty awesome to watch her as she continually adds more skills to her repertoire of physical feats.  I remember back to when my older daughter was learning to tie her shoes.  I got out a long rope-like piece of clothing that was actually a belt for one of my wife’s outfits.  I watched as she wrapped the long rope around her waist, and then used the ample length of the rope to her advantage, as she carefully navigated through the twists and loops of our pseudo “shoelaces.”  I captured it on vide0 — the triumph over the ever-so-challenging shoelace!  She was so proud of herself!  You could just see how her self esteem soared.

When do we feel good about ourselves?  Do we feel better about ourselves when we admit defeat or think we can’t accomplish something, or when we overcome a difficult challenge and arise victorious?  The answer is obvious — we gain tremendous self esteem and self confidence when we present ourselves with challenges, and then responsively rise to those challenges and overcome them!  As we continue to grow and learn, the challenges get to be larger, but that’s okay.  I am guessing that it’s pretty routine for you to zip a zipper or tie some shoelaces.  You’d feel pretty silly if people around you celebrated every time you zipped your jacked or tied your shoelaces.  You’ve accomplished those now-mundane and routine tasks — you’ve moved on to bigger and more challenging things.

Now, what if, being a well-intentioned parent, I continued to step in and tell my younger daughter that it’s too hard for her to zip her own jacket, and I would do it for her?  What if I would have told my older daughter that tying shoes is a tough job, and I can just do it for her in a quarter of the time it takes her, so I’ll just do it for her?  Would you think that’s healthy and healthy for my daughters?  Or, would you suggest that my verbal expressions of their insufficiencies does more harm than good?  What about their development as young people?  What about their confidence in their abilities?  What about their feelings of self esteem and self worth?  What about their future ability to overcome challenges, or simply the willingness to accept challenges?  What about their feelings of competence to even consider a challenge?

It’s obvious that my voice, expressing non-confidence in my daughters would be an obstacle to future growth and development, as well as diminishing their self worth and self confidence.  So, if it’s obvious to us that our audible voices of non-confidence can be negative, why do we allow the non-audible voice of the ego continue to tell us that we’re not good enough?  Why do we continue to listen to the voice as it tells us that we’ll never succeed, so we might as well give up?  Why do we continue to tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough, or that we are incapable of accomplishing some things?  Why do we continue to tell ourselves that we aren’t good at learning names, or doing math problems, or striking up small talk with strangers?  Why?

The voice within limits our potential.  The voice within covers up the truly awesome person that we are.  The voice within wants to maintain power over us, and keep us from realizing our true potential and authentic self.

How long are we going to listen to the voice?  Maybe it’s time we speak back to that voice with our own non-audible voice.  Maybe it’s time for us to say that our voice is wrong, and we’re not going to listen to it, believe it, or even acknowledge it anymore.  Don’t you think we’re better than that anyway?  What do you think?

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“A good memory is one that can remember the day’s blessings and forget the day’s troubles.” ~Unknown

My family; my friends; my life work; my health; a warm home; clean water to drink; laughter; happiness; the ability to give; food to eat…

Above is a very short sampling of the many blessings I am fortunate to enjoy every day. It’s easy to forget our blessings when we are staring at our insufficiencies and difficulties.

Last week was “one of those weeks” for me — I had a head cold, which started the end of the previous week. I was fatigued and lacking energy. Then the mistakes seemed to start…I realized I had accidentally double-booked guests for a future radio show; I thought I had sent an email to a future guest on my show, only to find out that it was saved in my “drafts” and never made it there. My guest’s phone connection on the radio show broadcast on Monday dropped right when the show started, and then it dropped again during the show…

On Tuesday I had two meetings and subsequently forgot to pick up my daughter on time for her piano lesson…I was trying so hard not to say to myself, “It’s one of those weeks,” or “I just can’t seem to get my act together,” because I know that saying those things would just be “growing” them and end up making it come true, and reveal more missteps and mistakes! 🙂

During that period early last week, when I was trying so hard to make things just go right and to not forget anything else, I ended up forgetting all the blessings hidden within…Let’s try this again:

I had a head cold, which forced me to rest and recuperate.  I am fortunate to have a comfortable home and bed to rest in when I need it, complete with warmth that comes from having employment which allows me to pay for my heat, home, and comfortable furnishings.

I had double-booked guests for a future radio show; I thought I had sent an email to a future guest for my show, only to find out that it was saved in my “drafts” and never made it there; my guest’s phone connection on the radio show broadcast on Monday dropped right when the show started, and then it dropped again during the show….I am blessed to host my own radio show, and I am fortunate to have multiple guests available and willing to be on it!

I had two meetings and subsequently forgot to pick up my daughter on time for her piano lesson.  One of the meetings was a result of an opportunity that I would have only dreamed of a year ago.  The other meeting was for a group that I would have loved to have been a part of a year ago too.  I am blessed to have been given these opportunities.  I never had the opportunity to take piano lessons or have a piano in my home when I was a child.  I am blessed with the opportunity to provide this opportunity to my daughter…And yes, I am so blessed to have children, especially girls, whom I had always wanted!

We are surrounded by abundant blessings always.  Although sometimes it’s hard to find them in the thick of adversity, frustration, doubt, and sadness, they are always there.  Sometimes we can’t see them or appreciate them unless we take time to reflect upon them.

Take some time today to reflect upon the abundant blessings in your life.  You may be surprised at how blessings can be found almost anywhere!

Blessings to you!

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“Whatever results you’re getting, be they rich or poor, good or bad, positive or negative, always remember that your outer world is simply a reflection of your inner world. If things aren’t going well in your outer life, it’s because things aren’t going well in your inner life. It’s that simple.” ~T. Harv Eker

E=mc² — Ask almost anyone who is an adult and they will recognize this equation.  We attribute that equation to the great Albert Einstein, and when we think of this equation, we usually think of an application related to physics.  Did you know that this equation can also be used as a determinant of whether you live a life of continual suffering, complaining, worrying, anger, frustration, and resentment, or whether you live a life of continual love, abundance, compassion, empathy, fulfillment, happiness, and gratitude?  Well, it’s true!

Take some time to look at what activities in which you find yourself engaged.  Do you spend your time complaining about things which with you do not agree?  Do you stand back and look at all the bad things that are happening to you, completely powerless to the circumstances in which you find yourself?

There was a time where I didn’t see the world as I do now.  There was a time when it felt good to tease other people.  There was a time when it felt good to judge and criticize others.  There was a time when I got myself so stressed out about thinking about the past, and worrying about the future.  There was also a time when my life was just miserable, with much suffering and unhappiness, and I wondered why other people seemed to have “everything” just fall into place, while I couldn’t enjoy those same things.  I wondered why some people enjoyed so much abundance, while I just scraped by with very little.  I wondered, “How could other people find so much happiness?”

Now, having the benefit of hindsight and perspective, I realize that the reason why I was not finding happiness in my life was because my life was a reflection of the activities in which I was invested.  I’m not proud of how I spent my time complaining, criticizing, judging, and teasing others.  Not at all.   “Things” would happen to me all the time — unfortunate “things,” and then I got angry about it…I complained about those “things,” feeling powerless to change anything.  I was a victim of circumstance, and I was a complaining, criticizing, judging, and miserable soul.

My life was a product of my investment of energy…

E=mc²

When you look at this equation, the “E” stands for “energy;” the “m” stands for “mass;” the “c” stands for “the speed of light.”  When balancing an equation, when a value increases on the left side of the “equals” sign, you need to increase the value on the right side by the same amount.  Because the speed of light is considered a constant, we only can play with the values of the “energy” and the “mass.”

We are energy at our most fundamental level.  Our bodies are energy, and our thoughts are energy.  By investing increasing the energy related to complaining, criticizing  and judging, I was increasing the “E” on the left side of the equation.  This means that the “m” has to increase on the right side.  When I invested my energy in these types of behaviors, I was growing them (in mass)!  It’s no wonder why my life was reflecting back to me all the negativity and “dark” energy!

If we invest in complaining and criticizing and judging, we grow that.  If we invest in being loving, compassionate, generous, and empathic, we will grow that.

It’s time to look at your emotional investment portfolio…When you look at what you have been “investing,” is it consistent with what you have been “getting?”  Remember, we were meant to be loving, compassionate, and empathic.  The easiest way to make those positive qualities grow is to “invest” in them by modeling what you want to come back to you!

Invest wisely!  Invest positively!  It surely is a worthy investment.

P.S. Thanks to Dianne Collins, Author of Do You Quantum Think, for teaching me this wonderful fundamental concept! 🙂

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“When the ego is quieted, then the soul can truly emerge and you can be the being you were meant to be in this lifetime.” ~Jeanette Dobransky

My younger daughter is three and a half years old now…How time absolutely flies!  One of the things I enjoy most about my time with her is her youthful enthusiasm and vigor.  Like I often say, “Everything she says is a ‘proclamation.'”  She wears her heart on her sleeves, and she is a passionate young girl.  I just love that about her — the passion in her eyes and in her voice.

One thing I have also noticed about this sensitive soul is that she cares a great deal about what other people think.  It’s not unusual for her to remark as we get her dressed in the morning about how people are going to think the clothes she wears are going to “look funny” or how “people are going to laugh” at her outfit.  For the life of me, I don’t get where this comes from, because we certainly don’t discuss those things or encourage that type of thinking in our home.  From such a young age she has shown this concern about the future.

To me, the most remarkable part of it all is the early stage in which the ego takes hold — she had to have been showing this side at around the time she turned three years old.  I just never would have thought that it would manifest itself that early.  It just goes to show that the conscious mind starts to take hold at an early age, and unless we awaken to what it does within us, it may never surrender its control over us!

As I had mentioned in a previous post, the ego loves time travel.  The ego loves to live in the past and the future.  After all, it is only in the past and the future that the ego can survive in the first place.  The ego loves to rub our noses in our mistakes and difficulties of the past — it loves to remind us of our insufficiencies and shortcomings.  It loves to make us feel uncomfortable about our inadequacies, doesn’t it?  The ego also loves to “scare” us about our future…Even if the future looks bright, we have that nagging voice somewhere inside, reminding us that it’s only when things are going great that we are hit with an unexpected setback or unfortunate incident.  “We can’t be happy for long,” it reminds us.

So, now that we’ve developed some great reasons for why the ego doesn’t do us any good, let’s look at what we can do to keep it a bit quieter, or to just shut it up for once.  One of the easiest ways to shut the ego down is to stop living out the past and stop obsessing and worrying about the future.  Remember, the ego doesn’t exist in the present.

The focus in quieting the ego is to live in the present — to enjoy the now, and let the now rule your daily activities.  Don’t worry about what happened in the past or what may happen in the future.  Give your full attention to the now.

Now, you may be thinking, “Sure, Victor, this sounds so great, but it’s not that easy, especially for me, who needs a little guidance in how to make this happen.”  I understand, and even more, I can help provide you with the guidance you seek! 🙂  It’s a nifty little trick, and it’s easy to do!  It’s all about what I call “prayers.”

Many times, when we “pray,” we throw out a “hope” for something to happen (or not happen) in the future, right?  We “pray” by saying something like, “Please give me the strength to stand up to people when they are negative.”  This is a great “hope,” but let me ask you this — by asking for something to occur in the future, are you staying in the present, or are you providing your ego with the chance to step in and sabotage your hope and prayer, simply by suggesting how the negativity will get to you eventually?  In case you hadn’t figured it out, of course this is playing into the ego’s hands.

That’s the “problem,” if you want to call it that, with praying for something to happen in the future.  It serves the ego.  Instead of praying for something to (or not to) happen, may I suggest an alternative that quiets the ego and lets it know it is not welcome anymore…

Try one of these:

“I love it when I feel confident in myself even though I am surrounded by negativity.”

“I am so grateful I can pass along love and compassion to others who seem to need it from me.”

“I enjoy the opportunity to find solutions to problems and let my true greatness shine though.”

“I love how I feel when I allow my inner greatness to rise to the surface and shine out toward others.”

“I feel confident in myself and I love myself, and I love how it feels when I love myself and believe in myself.”

They don’t sound like “prayers,” but they are — they are prayers that help you stay in the present, and avoid feeding the ego.  The last thing the ego wants is for you to dissolve it or render it useless.  It’s going to kick and scream until you give it attention — it wants you to beat yourself up over mistakes of the past, or obsess and worry about what may happen in the future.

Stay in the present; love the present; love who you are in the present.  Continue to let the greatness that resides within you come through!  You are great, and by remaining present in your prayer, you will have the opportunity to bask in the love you have for yourself.  Love who you are first, and the rest of the world around you doesn’t matter.

Let your greatness shine through!  You are great, so remind yourself in the present how great you are!  Let your light shine!

“Each day provides its own gifts.” ~Marcus Aurelius

As a rule, there are two topics I don’t discuss publicly, especially on my Facebook page, or my website — I don’t talk religion or politics (and many of you would say that’s probably a good thing).  Don’t worry, because while I will mention the election, I am just using it to set the stage for my post today. 🙂

On Tuesday, I was waiting in line to cast my vote.  I was sandwiched between two people who apparently knew each other, and I heard this exchange:

Person 1 to Person 2: “Hey, how are you doing?”

Person 2 to Person 1: “Oh, hi!  I’m doing alright.  How about you?”

Person 1 to Person 2: “Alright…Another day…”

Person 2 to Person 1: “That’s right…Another day…”

It was just a quick snapshot, but as the conversation sunk in, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Just another day?”

Every day is a gift…Cherish it…

Every day is an opportunity to learn something new…Grow from it…

Every day is a new beginning…Write your life story…

Every day is a challenge…Be victorious…

Every day is an opportunity to change someone else’s life…Be loving and compassionate…

Every day is a blessing…Every day contains opportunity…

What are you going to do with your day today?  Is it going to just be “another day?”

I know I am going to make the most out of my day, and every day to come.  How about you?