What Are These Three Words Doing for You? | VictorSchueller.com

“I can’t until…”

Three words.  Three paralyzers.  Do you use them?

Let’s look at the power of these three words, and what they are doing for you.

What is happening, without your awareness, when you say these three words?  Are you avoiding responsibility?  Are you not ready?  Are you actually creating a way of excusing yourself from something?

I had a client who used these three words to offer resistance to making changes.  They offered multiple times that they couldn’t change until certain things occurred in their life.  Some of them were things that would take years to materialize, such as children being old enough to be out of the house, and so forth.  Why do you think they may have used those three words?  What do you think may have been going on with them?

What do those three words do?  While they imply a beginning, they actually mean a finality.

If you say “I can’t,” have you not already made up your mind as to whether you can do it or not?  The “until” is irrelevant, because the “can’t” is where you can get stuck.

Your mind hears the “can’t” and it’s all over.  It’s a paralyzer.

What are those three words doing for you?  Do they give you hope for change?  Do they motivate you and inspire you to move forward?  Do they carry a positive energy?

Take some time to ask yourself some questions about these three words: “I can’t until…”  Here are some self-inquiry prompts to help you get started.  It may be helpful to capture your thoughts and reflections as you explore your responses to these prompts in a journal or some other form of documentation:

• Why am I really saying “I can’t until?”  What is the reason for saying it?
• How do I feel when I say “I can’t until?”
• What is it about the change that I am resisting or uncertain about?
• Am I being fearful of something, which is showing up as “I can’t until?”
• Why can’t I do it “until?” Is there any possibility that “I can?”
• Am I “absorbing” this type of thought from somewhere or someone else?
• Is there a different way I can phrase this to more accurately capture what I am trying to say in this situation?

Once you have had time to reflect upon these inquiries and review your responses, perhaps you can move on to an action plan.  Here are some action steps to consider to get you started:

• Note the number of times you say a variation of “I can’t until.”
• Note the number of times you hear people around you use a variation of “I can’t until.”
• Challenge yourself to come up with a different way of expressing what you really mean when you say “I can’t until…”
• Think about ways you can substitute the “I can’t until” thought or mentality with something else like an empowering thought or mentality that will move you forward in a positive direction.
• Think about ways that you can reduce your exposure to others who may be using the “I can’t until” thought or mentality.

Sometimes we use “I can’t until…” as a way of coping with negative feelings.  It’s not really about learning how to avoid those negative feelings.  It’s okay to recognize and feel those negative emotions and appreciate them for what they are.  However, if you determine that the use of “I can’t until…” is getting between you and where you want to be, perhaps taking the time to reflect upon your own thoughts and mentality and what the source is of those thoughts may be beneficial to you to remove those mental blocks and resistance.

Similarly, if you determine that you are using those words to avoid responsibility, resist change, or avoid something else, are you okay with that?  Is that in alignment with who you are and what you stand for?  If you find that these thoughts are in conflict with your core values, it may be helpful to seek out ways that you can eliminate this thought pattern altogether.  By using the action steps provided above, you can be on your way to starting to do that.

“I can’t until…” What are they doing for you?  Take some time to reflect on it.

Photo: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/ilco