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What makes a day an enjoyable day versus a not-so-enjoyable day? It’s how you deal with what comes up throughout the day. Simply put (and sometimes 0ver simplified), it’s your attitude that will define your day as wonderful or forgettable.
If you’re anything like me, above and beyond the simple “change your attitude” advice, I need some concrete recommendations, but not so many that it’s hard for me to remember them all, so that I can take some practical steps to ensure that I walk into a day setting it up to be as successful, wonderful, and peaceful as possible.
Without further adieu, here’s my simple four-step approach so you can create your own peaceful and happy day:
We spend a lot of time trying to be “right.” It’s a fruitless effort that just leads to debate and arguing. Try to keep an open mind and be respectful of other people’s rights to have opinions that may differ from yours. We all have preferences, just like we may prefer a certain color or flavor of ice cream. Just because I like chocolate and you like vanilla, it doesn’t mean I’m right and you’re wrong. By letting go of the need to be right, you will reduce the amount of frustration you endure. Also, let go of the other judgment talk. Let go of the “toos.” We use an awful lot of “too” this and “too” that. How much is “too” much and how much is “too” little? How much is just right. The truth is that the “toos” only exist in a judgmental mind. Let go of the “toos” and you’ll find more peace. One more recommendation: Stop using the word “should,” and replace it with “could.” Instead of inserting your judgment on how to handle something, you soften it up by making a suggestion. By letting go of the need to be right, eliminating the “toos,” and converting “shoulds” to “coulds,” you’ll find much more peace and less stress in your daily activities and conversations. Trust me.
We spend so much time trying to keep our emotions out of our daily lives. This is largely because we misunderstand what emotions really are. Just because we use the word “feel” when we talk, it doesn’t mean we are talking about our emotions. Many times we are diagnosing or judging. If you say something like, “I feel you’re trying to take advantage of me,” we use the word “feel,” but as soon as we insert the “you’re” after it, we convert it from a statement about ourselves into a statement of judgment about someone else’s intents. This no doubt will lead to defensiveness and frustration in the other person. When you use the word “feel,” follow it with a real emotion. You can say, “I feel sad,” or “I feel frustrated,” or “I feel overjoyed!” According to the research of Dr. Antonio Damasio as described in his book Descarte’s Error, it has been determined that we are actually incapable of making decisions without emotions. Emotions are important, and when we connect with our emotions, as well as the emotional state of others, we connect with others at the heart and establish a more loving and empathic level of communication, which greatly enhances our daily life. Why wouldn’t it help? Instead of creating feelings of defensiveness and anger in others, you will show them that you care and can connect with them at the heart. That sounds much better to me!
Dr. Rick Hanson speaks of this technique in his book Hardwiring Happiness. When you experience something that leads to joy or happiness within you, even if it’s something relatively insignificant or routine, try to focus on that feeling for a good twenty seconds or more if you can. Embrace it and enjoy it. “Bank it.” Save those feelings of joy in your memory banks. Then, when you need it, you can always go back to that memory and those feelings and draw them out to bring happiness and joy to you no matter when you need it. In this way, you’re not relying on external events and circumstances to bring you happiness and joy; you can find those right within yourself. This allows you to bring joy and happiness to your life whenever you need or want it.
One of my favorite games to play with my daughters is the “don’t” game. If I want them to do something, I just tell them that I “don’t” want
them to do it. When they aren’t getting ready in the morning and just kind of standing around and doing little of anything, I tell them, “I’m going to get myself dressed for work, and I don’t want you to get dressed before I finish. Don’t get dressed. Don’t do it.” It doesn’t take long before they’re rushing to get their clothes changed before I do. They do whatever it is that I “don’t” want them to do! The truth is people listen right past the “don’ts,” and so does our subconscious mind. It doesn’t hear the “don’ts.” If we say that we “don’t” want something to happen, chances are greater than it will. Energy is mass, essentially, according to Einstein. Whatever thoughts we generate increases the amount of energy given to that thought. When that thought grows in energy, it grows in mass. So, if you’re spending your time thinking about the horrible things that might happen, you’re giving that energy and allowing it to grow in mass, making it more likely that it will manifest itself. Not only that, but according to Bruce Lipton in his book The Biology of Belief,whatever thoughts you generate shape your perception, and that will shape the “environment,” this affecting your body at the cellular level. Your body will have a physiological response to the thoughts you generate. Your thoughts can affect your overall health and wellbeing.
By simply applying these four simple steps every day, you’ll find that you will enjoy a more wonderful day more often than not, and you will certainly bring more peace, love, and happiness to your day.
Let me know if you try these, and let me know your thoughts and how well they worked for you!
Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/ctr
