Finally Letting Go…With Forgiveness | VictorSchueller.com

“Forgiveness means letting go of the past.” ~Gerald Jampolsky

The scream of helpless surprise escaping from my mother; the crunch of colliding steel; the shattering of a windshield; the stillness of lifelessness…

This usually isn’t where forgiveness starts, but for me, it is.  There I sat in a car, less than one two feet away from my mom, who was covered in blood and clinging to what was left of her life.  I didn’t know what to do, other than helplessly ask a passing motorist to call for help (most people didn’t have cell phones in 1993).  I was in shock — my mom was dying.  Shock quickly transitioned into anger and rage as I climbed out from the passenger side of our wrecked car and walked toward the red full-size pick-up truck that had collided with our vehicle and came to rest in the ditch of the intersection of Highway I and Cedar Creek Road.

I remember shouting to the driver of the truck, “Where’d you learn how to drive?” as he was himself dealing with shock and attempting to take inventory of all that had happened.  I didn’t back down as I continued toward him, adding, “Didn’t you see us?  Do you realize what you have done?  You killed my mom!”

The driver was visibly upset and shaken, and he was also in denial, assuring me that my mom was going to be okay.  I commanded him to follow me to the driver’s side window of our crumpled vehicle, and ordered him take a look at my mom.  I looked him in the eyes and said, “You look at her, and tell me she’s not dead.”

I had to process a lot of emotions right then and there.  I had to process the horrific physical trauma that my mom suffered as a result of the collision; I had to wrap my mind around the fact that in the blink of an eye she was gone; I had to process and deal with the anger that welled up within me, directed toward a man who could have prevented all of this if he would have just taken the time to look a little more closely to his right before pulling out into that intersection.

Over the next four years, I had to deal with insurance companies, lawyers, and psychologists, along with my own personal demons.  I was continually asked to keep re-living and re-living the events of that summer day, retelling the story to everyone who needed to know, but not realizing that it was contributing to a serious case of post-traumatic stress disorder and a heavy case of depression.  Throw in the fact that I gained about a hundred pounds in weight, and I found myself staring at some serious obstacles to overcome, all stemming from this one preventable accident.

Fast forward a few years, and I’m happy to say that I was able to overcame those obstacles.  However, there is one small stone that remains unturned, and I am quite honestly reluctant to flip it over after all these years and after all I’ve been through…

I still haven’t decided whether I can forgive that man who killed my mom.

Forgiveness…It seems like an easy thing to do on the surface, but when you dig deeper, it’s not that cut and dried…Is it?  Here’s the kicker — I know I should forgive, but for some reason I still haven’t…The more I think about it, the more I feel that it’s more about hanging on to something or being stubborn than anything else.  Holding on to the anger and resentment doesn’t hurt anyone but me in the end, which was reinforced through a wonderful piece written recently by Melody Fletcher.  In her piece she reminded me, “Forgiveness isn’t about them.  It’s about you.”

Maybe you are in the same boat I am in right now — Maybe you’ve been hurt by someone, and while you know you should forgive, it’s just not that easy to do so.  I have asked my blogging friends to share their own posts about forgiveness, because perhaps their perspectives on the subject may offer you what they have offered me — a chance to revisit whether it’s time to finally forgive.  I’ll post links to their pieces below.

I’ve realized that there is nothing left to do but forgive.  After all, I’ve lived through all the pain by now, and I’ve certainly licked my wounds and grown from my experiences.  Heck, I wouldn’t be writing this right now if it weren’t for those life experiences!  I now am left wondering why I feel that I even need to withhold forgiveness at this point.  I want to move forward, and not hold on to the past. Why, then, am I holding on to that one last thread that connects me to the past?  Does it make me feel better to have the power to dangle the forgiveness card over someone who doesn’t even know I’m dangling it?

It’s time…Time to forgive…Time to stop blaming a man for something I have almost done as a driver myself multiple times since I have been driving a vehicle.  It was an accident, which is why they call them such.  It’s not like he saw us coming and thought, “It’s high time I screw up a family’s life (and my own) by pulling out and slamming into them.”  It was an accident.

It’s time to turn that stone over…Finally…So, whoever you are, wherever you are…I forgive you.  I forgive you.

There…I’ve finally done it…

I’ve forgiven him.

My friends, I hope you can find forgiveness in your heart as well.  It’s not easy.  I found tremendous inspiration and motivation to forgive through some of the words of my blogging friends, who have written a great deal about the subject.  Here are some posts that my friends offered to share…I hope you find inspiration in them as I did.  May you find forgiveness in your heart, and love and compassion toward those who need it most.  I wish you happiness, health, and prosperity.

How To Forgive Those Who Have Hurt You, by Melody Fletcher

I’m sorry Forgive me Thank you I love you, by Angela Artemis

TreatmentTalk – 26 Reasons to Forgive, by Cathy Taughinbaugh

How to Let People Go From Your Life, by Arvind Devalia

Seeing The Sacred In Your Day. | Reflecting A Life, by Elle Sommer

Did Getting Mad Find the Sock Any Faster? by Betsy Henry (Zen Mama)

Letting Go of the Past: The Healing Power of Forgiveness & Release, by Zeenat Merchant-Syal

Inspirational Thoughts: Do You Forgive Yourself? and

How to Forgive and Forget (Or At Least Move Forward), both by Nea Joy

To Forgive Is Divine, by Vidya Sury

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