Why the Brain Is More Resilient in Some than Others, and What We Can Do about It

“Fall down seven times, get up eight.” ~Japanese Proverb

I remember working in a shopping mall in customer service years ago.  Part of my job, which I didn’t particularly care for, was to try to get people to sign up for a promotional credit card.  I had to stand in the mall amongst the shoppers with a clipboard and try to get people to sign up for the card.  It was nearly impossible to get anyone to even make eye contact with me, much less sign up for a card.  This task was tremendously hard for me to accomplish, mostly because I don’t like chasing down people to sign up for something that I feel they really aren’t interested in.  My feeling has always been if they were truly interested, they would come over and inquire about the product.

The part I liked the least about the whole campaign was having to deal with rejection.  I never took the stress of rejection very well, especially in a sales environment.  The blow of a “no” was enough to make me second-guess whether I should stand back up and try again.  I probably would be a horrible telemarketer. 🙂

I am sure there are some of you reading this that feel the same way — you are adverse to rejection.  The fear of the pain of being rejected is enough to prevent you from sticking your neck out there to try something in the first place.  Then, there may also be some of you who, even when you know rejection is not only possible, but highly likely, still march forth and give it your best shot.  Let me say that I admire you tremendously.

Is there a reason why some people are more resilient than others?  Can someone “learn” to be more resilient by fearing the pain of rejection less?  What is resilience, exactly?

From what I have been able to determine, resilience is the response to the body’s exposure to stress.  To simplify, when our body is exposed to a stressful situation, our minds can potentially undergo a change.  They can change chemically, or they can even change physically, with the growth of new brain cells or brain cell connections.  Learning often takes place, and we learn from the painful experiences and plan out how we can avoid such pain in the future.  Some people learn to avoid such pain in the future by simply giving up (and staying down, so to speak).  They just don’t “get back up.”

An interesting study pointed out how it’s possible that we don’t all react to stress the same way.  In some of us, stressful circumstances cause growth of new brain cells, and these new brain cells don’t “forget” the stressful events of the past very readily.  A person who grows these new brain cells in response to stress is more likely to have adverse reactions to the stress, and therefore, less resilience, compared to someone who doesn’t grow new brain cells in response to the same stressful situation.

So it appears that resilience, after all, is based on genetic predisposition.  Some people, in fact, are more resilient than others.  Does this mean that all hope is lost for those who were born to be more adversely affected by stress and less resilient than others?  I don’t think so.  I think the neuroplasticity of the brain allows us to create in us the person we wish to be.  In other words — mind over matter!

The key to becoming more resilient lies in its precursor — our response to stress.  The better we are able to handle stress, the fewer new “traumatized” brain cells that are created, thus the more resilient we will be.  I found some great articles on how to be more resilient, and you can find those here and here.  If you don’t feel like reading all of these articles, here are the top three recommendations, in a nutshell:

1. Develop within yourself a positive self image and maintain a high self esteem.  If you are more positive in general, you will handle stress better, because you remain more optimistic and positive overall.

2. Stay socially engaged.  The more social support you have, the more people you can talk through your difficulties with, thus reducing your stress levels.

3. Be mindful, through meditative practices and focusing on gratitude, appreciation, and big-picture concepts.  People who are more mindful of others and others’ experiences have a more broad perspective of how circumstances affect other people, which helps one gain a large-perspective view on events.  By considering how other people are handling or have handled experiences, it helps you consider how to deal with a similar experience yourself.  (In other words, you have a host of examples of ways to deal with the experience to pick from)

While I don’t like experiencing the pain of rejection, I now have a different perspective than I did on rejection that I did at the time I was working at the mall.  I had been telling myself for years that I am not a good salesperson, and I think the reason why I was never a good salesperson was because I was telling myself (and convincing myself) it was true.  I have a lot of work still to be done in the rejection department, but I know that by continuing to apply the concepts above I can learn to handle the stress of rejection better, and I can become as resilient as I want to be.  I hope you can too!

Here’s to resilience for all!

Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net