How do you deal with more complex social situations? Grow a larger brain.

“What we think, we become.” ~Buddha

In the book Mindblindness, author Simon Baron-Cohen discusses the evolution of the brain which occurred, obviously, as humans evolved as a species (if you are a proponent of evolutionary theory).  Baron-Cohen suggests that humans are able to “mind read,” meaning that humans are able to observe other human behavior and come up with the “maybes” that would justify the observed actions.

As Baron-Cohen goes on, he suggests (and this is purely speculative theory, which is backed by scientific data and research that seems to support this theory) that humans evolved to be “mind readers” through the development of a larger brain.  He suggests it was necessary in order for humans to sort out and manage more complex social situations.  The end result was the development of a large “neo-cortex” which rests on top of a more primitive area of the brain below.  This is all very interesting (at least to me) because the book is really a book about autism, and Baron-Cohen discusses how it appears that autistic individuals, for some reason, are unable to do the “mind reading” that other humans are able to do.  The manifestation of this inability to “mind read” results in the clinical presentation and features of autism.

Getting back to the neo-cortex, Baron-Cohen is suggesting that it developed to accommodate the larger “tribes” we were living in and increasing social complexity.  No longer was it a matter of how big or strong you were (when it came to survival)…Now it came down to how shrewd you were, and how well you could “read” and navigate through ever-more-complex social situations between individuals in the tribe.  Those with the larger brains, capable of sorting out complex social situations, thrived and survived and became our ancestors.

There are three parts, or “nodes” that are believed to “house” the “mind-reading” system of our brains.  Those three areas are the superior temporal sulcus (located on the side of our brains, about where our ears are), the orbito-frontal cortex (located in the front of the brain above our eyes), and the amygdala (which is the almond-shaped structure located in the lower area of the brain, connected to the limbic (or emotional) system).  These three components allow us to “read” the minds of others, to try to figure out why people do what they do and act the way they do.  The first two components are located in the neo-cortex, while the amygdala is part of the lower and more primitive area of the brain.  It’s much more reflexive in nature.

As you well know, these parts, while well intentioned, can get us into a lot of trouble when we let our imaginations run out of control.  We start to make assumptions and conjure up our defense mechanisms and ego to protect us from attack, or humiliation, or both.  The amygdala is wired right into our automatic nervous system, so if we let it do all the talking, we run into trouble.

The key is to actually use the larger cortex that sits on top of our more primitive areas to be, well, more human.  Instead of letting our imaginations run amok, we need to step back, rationalize with ourselves, and truly seek to be compassionate and empathetic.

It’s time we use the large brains that we developed to rationalize that while it’s possible that or worst assumptions and fears may be true, it’s also possible that we are making assumptions which are in reality just not true.  We can’t jump to conclusions about what we see or hear.  We have to use the “outer rim” of our brains to actually think through our interactions with others, and override the more reflexive and painful stimuli running through our limbic system and more primitive brain structures.

I really believe that learning more about Non-violent Communication (NVC) (and this is not a paid endorsement or plug by any means) is a great way to learn to use these more advanced regions of the brain to reason through what we observe.  Peggy Smith, a certified trainer in NVC, joined me a few weeks ago on my radio show.  I would highly recommend listening to her suggestions, because they are extremely applicable and helpful, plus she has great resources on her website too!

We grew larger brains for a reason…Why not use what we were blessed with?

Best wishes!

-Victor

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