How Can I Master the “Busy Be” Challenge?

No doubt you’ve been told somewhere, sometime in your life to “be happy,” or to “just be positive,” or to “be” something as long as it’s not negative or undesirable.

Given that we’ve all had that experience (some much more so than others), let me ask you this:

How exactly do you “be” happy?

Ever think about that?

How can you “be” a state of emotion?  How can you “be” a state of being?

If you’ve got it figured out, and I am missing something, please let me know, because I keep coming at this from many different angles, and I struggle to understand.

Because, for me, to “be” something means that I have to first quantify what it is that’s alive in me.  What does “happy” look like for me?  Is is something I “am?”  Because if happiness was “what” I was, then I could see how it would be easy to “be” something that I “am.”

But it doesn’t work that way for me.  An emotion is a reflection or a signal to me that I am satisfying a need that I have or an indication that I am “doing” something that is in alignment with my values.  When I experience a positive emotion I know that I am getting what I need and living my values.  When I experience a negative emotion, I know that I’m not getting something, or I am misaligned in comparison to my core values.

So perhaps what we could work on is “doing” something that we know will generate a positive emotion, instead of trying to “be” happy or cheerful or whatever.

Because, after all, what I do to generate positive emotions in me may generate the exact opposite type of emotion in you.

So, while some of you may still be told to get busy “being” something, maybe we can master our interpretive skills and hear them say something different.

Maybe when someone says “be positive,” they’re really saying, “I am anxious when I see your arms crossed and unsmiling face because I have a need for cooperation and harmony.  Would you please tell me what’s going on and what you’re thinking?”

Perhaps that’s it.  Perhaps the other person is in pain, and their instructions to “be” something is actually a request from them, asking you to alleviate the pain.

It’s possible.  Well, at least that’s my best explanation for making sense out of why we are being told to “be” something, as if asking someone to “be” something is an all-inclusive, universally (and easily) defined demand that anyone and everyone can (and should) do.

So, while others may continue to focus on alleviating their pain by telling us what to “be,” I’m going to focus on improving my listening skills, and try to figure out exactly what is causing their pain, and work on actually “doing” something that will generate more preferred emotions.  It sure beats trying to figure out how to “be” something.

The next time someone tells you to “just be positive,” perhaps you can give to them through your listening, and help them alleviate their pain.  After all, if they want you to “be positive,” it’s probably a great clue as to what they really want, but are not getting.  See?  It’s not that hard to become a sharper listener after all.  They’re practically handing it to you.

Let’s “be” better listeners.  No — scratch that. (Did you catch it?)  Let’s “listen to hear other people’s pain” and help them experience life in a more wonderful way.  Let’s all be wonderful, okay? (I did it again!)  Let’s all do things that help make this a more wonderful world.  Okay, enough said.  I’m done.

Photo: https://www.flickr.com/photos/krayker/4312985916