“Favorable situations are vitamins for the body; unfavorable situations are vitamins for the soul.” ~Dadashri

I can think of three big moments in my life where I fought against “what is.”  The reason why I am sharing these stories is because I could just write a piece about how it’s okay to be “okay” with “what is,” but then it turns into one of those “easier said than done” discussions, and I don’t want to go there. So, here are my “big three” moments where I learned a valuable lesson about being okay with “what is.”

Moment Number One: The “Big One”

If you know anything about my story, then you know this one.  If you watched the video on my website home page, then you know what’s coming.  I was sixteen years old and riding in the car with my mom, returning home from a shopping trip.  The next thing I know there was a truck that had blown a stop sign and was heading toward the driver’s side of our vehicle.  The truck slammed into my mom’s side of the car and she died instantly.

I struggled mightily with the loss of my mom.  Boy, did I struggle.  It took me ten years to shake it.  I definitely asked on more than a handful of occasions just to go back and re-live the moment and change the story.  I fought against “what is” tooth and nail, but to no avail.  No matter how not “okay” I was with “what is,” I had to live with it and all that went along with it.

Years later, I realized that because I had to be “okay” with “what is,” I ended up going to a college I probably wouldn’t have if my mom wouldn’t have died that day.  If I hadn’t gone to college where I did, I would likely not have met my wife and I would not be enjoying my wonderful two daughters right now.  I have learned to be okay with “what is.”

Moment Number Two: “I’m sorry, Victor”

Like I had mentioned before, I was struggling mightily to put my life back together after my mom died.  Trying to go to college and keep it together both academically and emotionally was hard for me.  I was battling through major depression and post-traumatic stress disorder during my college years, and life was just tough for a lot of reasons.

Somehow I was able to get through college and get my Bachelor’s degree in four years, and that was after switching majors.  However, I was heading off to chiropractic college the fall following my spring graduation.  Before I could get into chiropractic college I had to take two physics classes.  In order to start chiropractic school that coming fall, I had to take two physics classes that summer in an accelerated format.

I needed at least a “C” grade to have my physics classes accepted by the college.  I got a “C” in the first physics class offered the first half of the summer, but then we switched professors and started Physics II.  Believe me, it was all on me, and not the instructor (I can say that now since I am a college instructor), but I struggled to just keep my head above water.

I finished the summer getting a “CD” in the Physics II course.  This was not a high enough grade for me to get into chiropractic college, and college was scheduled to start in two weeks.  I called my professor and asked if there was anything I could do to improve my grade, and she said no.  I then asked her, “So you’re telling me that I can’t start chiropractic college in two weeks?”

I’ll never forget her words: “I’m sorry, Victor.”  She hung up the phone.  I was devastated.

I had to put off chiropractic college for one year, so that I could retake Physics II and get the grade I needed.  I ended up with a “B” on my reattempt.  Because of that year delay before going off to college, I ended up getting out of chiropractic college at an ideal time for me, and it has worked out favorably for me to this day (more on that in a bit).  Plus, I was able to come to peace with what happened at the school years later.  So, I have learned to be okay with “what is.”

Moment Number 3: “Try again, Victor”

It seemed like a recurring theme for me during my college years: “Try again, Victor.”  First it took me a couple tries and a year’s delay to get into chiropractic school, and once I got into chiropractic college I was woefully unprepared.  I still was battling my personal issues, but also trying to balance anywhere between 25 and 28 credits a trimester.  Talk about a challenge.

I was barely keeping myself afloat at the onset of chiropractic school before I got a “D” on one of my module exams.  Because of the way the curriculum was set up, getting anything less than a “C” on a module exam meant I had to repeat the module.  Oh, and did I mention that there is only one module offered per trimester?

That “D” grade meant that I had to stop where I was and wait to re-take the module again the next trimester.  This also meant that I was going to graduate one trimester later than I had originally planned.  Instead of graduating in December of 2003, now I was slated to graduate in December of 2004.

When I returned to classes the following trimester, I jumped back in and was surrounded by a group of awesome people.  Not that the people I was with in the previous semester were not nice people, by any means, but I felt that I fit in much better with this group of people.  I made friends with two people in particular who showed me that it’s possible to have fun even when working hard (Thanks Ken and Eric), and I think that really helped me along.  I learned some valuable life lessons from that setback, and it was the starting point of my personal recovery.  I didn’t look back after that, and my grades dramatically improved from then on.

So, the whole timing thing about graduating from chiropractic college a year and a trimester later than I had originally planned worked out.  I was able to get a job right out of college in a clinic close to home.  I was able to start growing professionally immediately, but then I was presented with an opportunity to teach at the college level.  I was able to leave my job as a chiropractor with no strings attached because I hadn’t really invested in anything professionally up to that point.  Had I worked with this employer a year and a third earlier, I probably would have been too far invested to be able to get out of it without things turning ugly for me.

See?  The universe has a plan for us all.  I have learned to be okay with “what is.”

All the events in the universe have transpired to get us to “what is.”  It’s the way things were meant to be.  Why fight it?  We can’t change “what is.” Even if “what is” is not what we think it “should be,” we have to remember that we can’t change things now.  We can only move forward.

When we think about how things “should be,” all we’re doing is injecting ourselves with negative energy and spending time in our head space, facilitating stress through fear and worry.  It’s all for naught, because as fearful and as worried as we are, we can’t do a darn thing about “what is.”  We can only grow to accept it.  Even if it takes years to finally realize it was all part of a larger plan, the setbacks along the way are putting us in a position to learn and grow.

That doesn’t mean we’re powerless to the universe.  We can create the future based on “what is.” We can say, “now what?” and move forward thinking from our heart space.  Move down from the head and move into the heart.  Love “what is” the best you can, knowing that it is what is meant to be for you right now for whatever the reason.

It’s okay to be “okay” with “what is.” You never know what valuable lessons and growth opportunities are just around the corner.

Do you have any stories to share?  Do you have any similar “big moments” where you were not okay with “what is,” only to find out that things worked out very well for you?  I’d like to hear about them if you don’t mind sharing!

Photo source: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/cempey