“Be positive in your thoughts, passionate in your words and purposeful in your actions. Clean thoughts, Cool words and Clear actions are the impressions that appeal to success.” ~Israelmore Ayivor

I was working with a client who was in a bit of a predicament.  Someone my client knew had a beef with them about something.  She thought the issue was resolved until my client’s friend posted their “beef” on Facebook.  A mutual friend on Facebook to my client had brought the post to her attention.  It was one of those “Oh no they didn’t” moments, and my client quickly called the Facebook poster and asked them to call her back, but (thankfully) didn’t say what the topic of the phone call was.

Fortunately, I had the opportunity to step in before the phone call came from the Facebook poster, and I was able to help manage the situation, before it turned into a mess.  It was clear that there were some options on how to deal with this issue.  One clear option was to basically air it out, and mention that the post was seen, and then ask that if future “beefs” are lingering if it were possible to discuss it, person to person, in the future, instead of posting it on Facebook.  This was the desired strategy of my client.

It seems, on the surface, to be a workable option.  However, usually “beefs” that are publicly aired on Facebook are one sided, because the one who posts the note on Facebook portrays the situation through the interpretations of their own eyes.  What complicates the matter is when friends of the Facebook poster “pile on” with their proverbial comments in response to the post like, “That’s so terrible,” and “That person should be ashamed,” and so forth.  What really complicates the matter is when the “subject” of the “beef” is able to go on to this Facebook poster’s wall and actually see the post and the responses.  That’s what happened here.  Do you really think a “could you discuss it with me in the future first” approach will be calm and collected?  Me neither.

My thought was that to “air it out” and purport that Facebook isn’t the way to go would imply a certain wrongness.  Disagreeing with an approach and implying wrongness are two very different things in my book.  If I were to say, “You’re wrong,” what would you have the opportunity to do?  You would have the opportunity to “argue” or “dispute” my implication of wrongness.  Do you think that defensiveness may start to set in?  Me too.

So, we had a potential pickle on our hands.  How do we now answer this phone call when it comes?  How do we diffuse the situation, eliminate the opportunity for defensiveness, and reach a peaceful resolution?  Well, that’s what I do!  I was glad to help.

Here’s what I said, “If you have the opportunity to paint a picture of the type of person you are, hold the brush, and paint that picture the way you want to paint it.”  In other words, we are always able to paint an impression of the type of person we are in the eyes of others.

What would my client choose?  Does she want to paint a picture of a “Facebook-stalking,”  “witch-hunting” individual?  I pointed out that the Facebook post was posted several days earlier.  To mention the post now would either mean that my client saw the post right when it came out, and then stewed over it for several days, or, that they heard about the post from someone else and then went looking for it.  Either way, the picture painted by going this “air it out” route would be doomed to fail, in my opinion.

I asked, “What kind of picture do you want to paint of yourself?  Do you want to paint a “hunting” picture, or do you want to paint a picture of a friend who is caring, kind, considerate, compassionate, and willing to do whatever you can to make life better for others?  Trust me, it wasn’t a hard decision for my client to make.

So, when the phone call came, my client just asked if everything was going okay, and if they needed anything.  My client added that they were always available to talk if they needed anything or if they wanted to talk.  The conversation continued, but at all times my client stayed on the “high ground,” continually pushing kindness and compassion and love outward toward her friend.  The conversation transpired beautifully, with a peaceful resolution and no further problems (or Facebook posts).

If there is a picture to be painted, hold the brush.  Don’t give others the opportunity to paint a picture of you that you don’t want painted.  Don’t allow others to paint a picture of you that portrays you in a light you don’t prefer or care for.  Grab that brush.  Paint a picture of yourself in colors of kindness, compassion, love, caring, empathy, and patience.  Let those true colors of yours shine through.  After all, you are the masterpiece.

Photo source: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Keeandra