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Sometimes it’s not easy to march to the beat of a different drummer. Sometimes it’s a bit unsettling to be one that is not like the others.
I experienced one of those times recently. My wife and I were in the company of several other couples, and within this group there were a few that we had not met before. We took a limo bus on a day trip to a remote city for some music and fun. My wife and I had never been ones for drinking large amounts of alcohol, even during social occasions. We prefer to consume soft drinks and other non-alcoholic beverages over alcohol, to be honest, but around these parts my wife and I are a bit “different” because of it. You see, we live in Wisconsin, where some proudly say that drinking alcohol is a sport. It’s not uncommon for many people to indulge in having a few (or many more) drinks while socializing. This trip was no different — all of us consumed some alcohol, but between my wife and I, I think we drank about a cup and a half of some weak alcoholic concoction that tasted more like lemonade than anything else. Otherwise, we just consumed a soft drink at the restaurant we stopped by during our trip.
One of the women who I had just met that day had noticed that I really hadn’t consumed any alcohol during my time with the group (I was just taking sips intermittently from my wife’s cup). She first commented that I hadn’t really had anything to drink on the way down. Once we arrived at our destination and the multitudes were indulging in the festivities and alcohol, she looked at me and remarked, “I take it you don’t really drink…” I just looked at her and said, “No, I really don’t; I like to drink soft drinks and tea and milk and water,” and left it at that. I didn’t apologize, and I didn’t make excuses. I just answered the question truthfully, and that was that.
Sure, I was open to making new friends on this trip, but I wasn’t determined to “make new friends or bust” on this trip. I wasn’t going to let the fear of failure or rejection from others change who I was or change my beliefs about drinking alcohol. I wasn’t going to let the pressures of conformity change who I saw myself to be.
Let me tell you, it’s not easy sometimes. After all, our brains are actually wired to experience pain if we are an outcast. Call it a survival mechanism, if you will. We are designed to want to conform to the masses, so that we aren’t cast out from the group in isolation, vulnerable to serious harm. We naturally feel uncomfortable standing out from the crowd. It’s just not the way we were designed to operate.
However, now days, we don’t live in tribes and face the possibility of major harm or death if we are cast out by the masses. I always try to remember that over ninety percent of the general population operates on a belief system rooted in fear and scarcity, so why would I care if I was cast out by this large percentage anyway? I want to be different! I want to be me!
Have you ever felt that you were “different” from the “rest” of the people around you? I sure have, and still do — a lot. At first, it was hard, because I directed the questioning at myself…Something along the lines of “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I seem to fit in with the rest of these people?” Now days, the questions have subsided. I don’t worry about being rejected. I just focus on being me and one hundred percent authentic.
I figure the worst that can happen is that I don’t forge a relationship with someone who doesn’t value me for being me! Is that really so bad?
If you feel that you find yourself surrounded by people who operate differently from you, or if you find that you see the world a bit different, I ask you to not be discouraged. Embrace the differences! Be authentic, and don’t feel you need to make excuses or apologize for being different than others. Trust me, for every one person who rejects you for being true to yourself, there are endless others who are waiting to get to know you better because you are one of the few who actually is authentic to the bone.
If you are up to the challenge, I ask you to join me in being one hundred percent authentic and apology free. See the world the way you choose to, and don’t feel that you have to change a thing for the sake of others. Get out that stamp of authenticity, and proudly place a mark where everyone can see that it reads, “I am one hundred percent authentic and apology free!”
*Check out my friend Jodi Chapman’s recent article about being different too! It’s a great inspiration!
Photo source: freedigitalphotos.net
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So funny to read about this Victor. I’m not a drinker any more, not because I don’t like it, but for some reason it’s taken a queen size dislike to me! At first I was pretty put out, but then I discovered I could get ‘high’ on life and have just as much fun, so now I’m okay with it.
Does that make me different from most others? Like you, the answer is yes…but equally, as you put it so well…since I’m okay with who I am I find others to be mostly accepting too.
Viva la difference!
Elle
xoxo
Elle,
Thanks, number one, for stopping by, and number two, for sharing. I appreciate it! Yes, we can be okay with who we are because we know there are many who will accept us and love us for who we are. Take care!
I love this post, Victor. I also don’t usually drink. It’s not that I never drink – I do if I really want to. I enjoy a glass of wine with a great meal or some champagne. But that happens a few times a year and the rest of the time, I don’t want any. So, when I’m out at a bar, I ask for water.
When I first started to do this, I was still pretty insecure about it and how others would accept it. And so I manifested some really bizarre behavior. Some people actually get angry when you won’t drink with them. They are offended. It’s quite interesting. When I realized that their behavior had a lot more to do with their own insecurities, I was able to drop it. Now, no one cares what I drink. And on the rare occasion that someone does, it really doesn’t bother me. Like you, I don’t make a big deal of it. I don’t feel challenged or defensive, it’s just my preference.
Huge hugs!
Melody
Melody,
Great to see you here! Thanks for dropping in. I was thinking of writing what you wrote, but I didn’t write it. I am glad you did, so we can discuss it. Yes, I do believe that others’ behavior has a lot to do with feeling insecure or uncomfortable because you are not drinking and they are. Maybe it’s some form of guilt. Whatever — I don’t care — they can drink all they want! 🙂
Thanks so much for coming by! I appreciate it! 🙂
This is such an empowered post, Victor! I found myself nodding and smiling throughout it!
I’m glad you were unapologetic about not drinking – you weren’t doing anything wrong. You were simply being yourself, so what is there to apologize for? 🙂
It’s so interesting to read how we’re actually wired to stay in the “pack,” so it makes sense why it feels uncomfortable when we stray from it. But, to me it always felt more uncomfortable to try to be someone that I wasn’t versus leaving the pack altogether.
I have been in social situations like the ones you’re talking about – and I am not a drinker. So, yes, it can get a bit uncomfortable when others are wondering why I’m not drinking. But, like you, I tell the truth and simply say that I’m not much of a drinker and move on from that topic. And it’s always been fine. When we stand in our truth, we give others permission to do the same. I’ve found that to be true over and over again.
Glad we’re standing in our truth together, my friend!
Thank you for linking to my post. 🙂
Jodi! How nice of you to come by! 🙂
I am glad I had you nodding…Obviously, as I was writing the post, yours came to mind, which is why I posted the link at the end of mine. I can see what you mean about feeling more uncomfortable trying to be something or someone you aren’t. I can see that it could happen, because one would essentially be “torn” between doing what they feel they want to do and what the masses are doing. It’s not always easy to be different. I like what you said about standing in truth and giving permission to others to do the same. I have seen that happen before, and it’s a great point to be made.
Thanks for joining in on the conversation! I love it! Take care and good luck as you continue to work on your program and book! 🙂