The Root of Ego | VictorSchueller.com

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. ~Buddha

I used to be a very active performer in the arts.  I used to be heavily involved in music and theatre, and when you are involved in those venues, you come across a lot of personality types.  I have found that many of the very talented people who I have had the wonderful opportunity to have known were some of the most humble people you’ll ever come to know.  On the other hand, I have run into many an ego along the way.  One thing I had noticed over the years was that some of the more “marginally” talented individuals were some of the most egotistical people you could come across.

Some were never short of critical comment about others’ performances, and some thought that they deserved special treatment because of their “status” (whatever that was supposed to mean).  It was as if they had already put in the work and they had “arrived,” and others should feel blessed to hear their “constuctive criticism” and be in their mere presence, as if their talent and ability would rub off on the people around them.

So, what is the root of ego?  Where does it come from?  I believe that the root of ego stems from two related sources: fear and scarcity.  The reality was that those performers who were the least secure — the most fearful — were the most critical of others.

When I talk to groups as a speaker, I talk about what I call “mental mediocrity markers.”  Fear is my “mediocrity marker number two.”  From fear comes a sense of scarcity, because the reality is that many people fear losing something.  They may fear losing a feeling of having a special status, or losing the status quo, or fear losing the feeling of being included or in on information being passed along, or they may fear losing positive self esteem.

The fear of loss, unfortunately, stems from a scarcity-based mindset, meaning that there is only so much to go around, and once the resources are consumed, some will be left without anything.  This fear of being left out and without anything drives people to work so hard to make sure that, number one, they get what is “theirs” before “it” is gone, and number two, they will fight desperately to make sure they don’t lose “it” once they feel they have earned it.

The resulting behavior, as I have witnessed in performers and in other people, is an “ego-based” mindset, rooted in self preservation.  When we resort to this self-preservation mode, we become more self-centered and less aware of others.

The key to “crushing” this mediocre marker is to adopt a more abundant mindset.  When we remember that self-esteem comes from within, and that there are no limits on compliments, good feelings, positive feedback, special status, or that stagnation can decrease innovation and creativity, we become less self centered and more aware of others.  Love and positivity are in abundance.  There is always plenty to go around.

One technique I use is based on the premise that you can’t hold a negative emotion or thought while harboring a positive one.  One of the easiest ways I have found to adopt an abundant and loving mindset is to be in a “giving” mode.  Give something to everyone you see.  The technique I use is to say silently to everyone I come across that I wish them happiness, health, and prosperity.  By wishing someone well, I am passing along positive energy, and I instantly turn a potentially negative emotion into a positive one.

I think those super-talented performers understood it well; it isn’t about what others think about you — it’s what you think about yourself.  Positive self-esteem that comes from external sources is artificial self-esteem.  Positive self-esteem that comes intrinsically is true self-esteem, and the true source of self-confidence.  When you feel comfortable in your own skin, and you don’t rely on others’ opinions to establish your sense of worth, you become your most fervent motivator, and your biggest supporter of your own true personal success!