Confessions of a bald man

“I don’t consider myself bald, I’m just taller than my hair.” ~Seneca

I am bald…I’ve come to terms with it.  I used to have such thick and curly hair (it looked like Josh Groban’s).  There were many youthful days that I detested my thick, curly locks, and prayed for straighter, thinner hair.  I know there’s a “God” out there, because he sure delivered on my prayers! 🙂

I am at peace with my baldness now, but it wasn’t always that way.  I thought, for years before going bald, that I was completely safe.  You know that whole, “If your mom’s dad has a full head of hair, then you don’t have to worry about being bald” belief?  Well, let me tell you, it’s completely false.  A man’s baldness has to do with the genetics of both sets of grandparents.  Imagine my shock, when I noticed at age 18 that the corners of the front of my hairline were starting to thin out.  I didn’t catch it at first — a bald man actually pointed it out (rather gleefully at that), and even though I could start to see what they meant, I was in denial, hanging on to that belief that I was safe, based on my genetics.  Boy was I wrong.

You could say that losing your hair puts you through the stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  I spent a lot of time in denial, not too much in anger, didn’t bargain much, wasn’t too depressed, and slid into the acceptance pretty readily.  Denial was the kicker.  I didn’t want to accept change.  Maybe it was the stigma of being bald; maybe it was how I would be perceived by others; maybe it was something else.  Whatever it was, I didn’t want to face it.  I didn’t want to accept change.

For some reason, I feared losing something — maybe it was just my hair, or maybe it was something that having hair represented…I don’t know…But accepting the change was tough.  My fear of losing whatever it was that I was going to lose by losing my hair was causing my denial and resistance to the change.

How many times do we fear change, and resist it and deny that change is inevitable in some circumstances?  How often do we spend more time fighting change and figuring out ways to keep things just the way they are, not realizing that it is just so much more work to fight the “system” than to figure out how to solve the problems associated with the challenges that lie ahead?  Just like fighting a receding hairline, you can fight it, deny it, and get angry about it, but what does that accomplish?  The end result is inevitable, and just the same.  Some change comes whether we want it or like it.

Now, I take baldness in stride.  I laugh and tease my older daughter when she draws a picture of me with no hair.  I question why she draws me that way, and she just tells me it’s because I have a bald head.  Being ever so kind, she quickly draws another picture, this time with a generous amount of hair on my head.  Obviously she’s a smart girl who knows how to stroke my ego! 🙂

I enjoy the ease of managing my very short hair.  It doesn’t require brushing or combing — that’s nice.  After years of getting frustrated with curly hair that had a mind of its own, it’s nice to not have to worry about my hair.  I like the look too, in all honesty.

When I think about how much I dreaded losing my hair and the “awful” things I perceived and predicted to come along with hair loss, I just have to laugh.  My prediction of how bad things would be never matched what actually played out.  Not even close.  Now that I wear my hair short, I wouldn’t have it any other way, no matter how much hair I have (or don’t have).  I am actually happy about the circumstances I once fought and resisted for so long.  Life is good!

Besides, if losing my hair is the worst thing that happens to me in this lifetime, I think you’ll agree that I have lived a pretty good life.  I can live with that…

When you face a change in the landscape of life or work, I challenge you to embrace the change.  Think about the possibilities — the opportunities that may lie beneath the surface.  Instead of fighting change, accept it, and figure out how to move ahead, given the changes.  By shifting to a problem-solving mode, you will be in a much better position to cope with the changes you face.  You never know — perhaps you’ll even be pleasantly surprised at how well things actually turn out in the end!

Have a great day, and best wishes!

-Victor