“Change is a funny thing. Sometimes we want it so badly and we’d do anything for it. Sometimes we’re so scared of it that we’d give anything to stop it from happening.” ~Dani DiPirro
Why do we resist unexpected and unwanted change? Why do we have such a hard time adopting something new or accepting a new way of doing things? Why aren’t we okay with making changes? Is it the uncertainty? Is it anger that stems from knowing that if things would just be “as they always were” that things would be “better?” Is it the mentality that goes along the lines of “if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it?”
Whenever change is unexpected and unwanted, we struggle with our feelings as we come to terms with change and what the changes will mean for us. It’s hard to find a positive in changes that immediately impact us in a negative way.
I am so glad to welcome back Dani DiPirro of PositivelyPresent.com to talk about being positive and present during times of change, both expected and unexpected. Dani always is such a wonderful resource and guide for helping us all learn to change our perspectives, so you won’t want to miss her magnificently insightful thoughts during our talk this week on my radio show!
If you missed my conversation with Dani the first time, and you don’t know who Dani is, let me take a moment to introduce you to her. Dani is the founder of PositivelyPresent.com, a website dedicated to helping others live positively in the present moment. Each week, Danielle provides her readers with fresh ideas and innovative advice for living each and every moment to the fullest.
Since the site’s launch in 2009, PositivelyPresent.com has grown a considerable online following, and Danielle’s work has been featured on sites such as The Happiness Project, Think Simple Now, Psychology Today, and The Washington Post.
You won’t want to miss our discussion today! It’s all about using the power of being “positively present” to make life so much better!
Click on the microphone below to hear our conversation. It airs live at 12 PM Central today! If you can’t listen live, you can always click on the microphone below for the archived interview. It’s that easy!
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Last Sunday I accomplished something that I never thought I would ever even consider attempting in my lifetime — running a full marathon. Even though I am smiling in the picture shown above, which was snapped when I had a few tenths of a mile left to go before finishing, my body was yearning for the end. To sum it up, it was a physical and emotional experience, and one that is still too recent to be able to determine if there is another full marathon in me in the future. As I tell many people, asking me now if I am going to run another full marathon again is like asking a woman who had just given birth if she’s going to have another child. It’s just too early to tell. What I do know, however, is that my ability to complete this marathon had everything to do with one simple strategy, which I stuck to throughout the entire process. It sounds so cliché, but it actually was simply this:Continue reading
“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” ~Albert Einstein
If I were to give you something that you valued, how would you feel? Appreciated? Loved? Respected? If you were to give me something that you know I valued, how would you feel? Better or worse?
Don’t we all really want the same things? Don’t we want to be loved, valued, respected, and appreciated? Deep down to the core, we all have this underlying desire to be loved, valued, respected, and appreciated.Continue reading
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“You are a spirit with a soul who is having a human experience.” ~Nick Bunick
Tuesdays are a weekly highlight for me. I get the opportunity to join my older daughter for lunch. I go to her school, and I get to sit with a bunch of first graders and eat with them. If you have never had the opportunity to get a front-row seat to hear the conversations that take place at the lunch table, you’re missing out. It’s quite the experience.
For example, I usually get this:
First grader: “Mr. Schueller…”
Me: “What?”
First grader: “You said it!”
Me: “Said what?”
First grader: “You said it! We’re playing the ‘what’ game. You said ‘what!’ You lose!”
And on it goes. It never gets old for them, and to be honest, it really doesn’t get old for me either. I know that these years of youthful innocence are numbered, and I’ll take it in and enjoy it for all it’s worth.
In addition to the lunchtime antics, I frequently get reports on the daily happenings in first grade from my older daughter. It’s not unusual for her to fill me in on the latest “drama” that occurs in first grade. It’s usually on par with the “what game” stuff. Someone said they’d give them a pack of gum if they’d let them cut in line, and then they don’t follow through; kids taking things from other kids; arguments over whether someone really “hypnotizes” another student simply by looking at them for one minute straight…All that kind of “trivial” material that consumes the social life of a first grader. When compared to the worries of an adult, these “first grade worries” seem so insignificant and so small…
I think of our journey here on this planet the same way. Some of us on this planet are consumed in proverbial “what games” and so full of fear and worrying about what we stand to lose. Then there are some of us on this planet who are just oozing with spiritual maturity — their self control and patience is through the roof, and they are admired by many for their mastery of self and spirit.
I had the opportunity to do a phone interview with Nick Bunick, author of several books. In his book titled, Time For Truth, he says what he said to me during our talk, when I asked him what the meaning of life was, and why we were here on this planet. In essence, he says to visualize a pyramid with a thousand steps inside of you, and at the top of this pyramid is the universal spirit/infinite wisdom/God. He says, “The purpose of your life is to climb the steps, one at a time, until you reach the top and become at one” with that universal spirit/infinite wisdom/God. Nick also says that he estimates the average person is at around step 200; some are lower and some are higher. Some are in higher “grades” and making higher progress on their personal pyramid, and some are in lower “grades” and struggling spiritually.
What are the means by which we can reach the top? By embracing “universal love and compassion.” That’s it!
Now, I know it’s easy to look around and cast a judgmental eye on those who do not exercise love and compassion toward others. It’s not hard to find people who are glaring examples of the opposite of love and compassion. Just turn on the news. However, we need to work on setting aside that judgment and passing that universal love and compassion to others, even if they haven’t come around to embracing it themselves.
It helps for me to simply think about those people as being in a “different grade” spiritually. They are at a different place. Just as we don’t get “angry” at first graders for being first graders, with their “what games” and “trivial concerns,” we can move away from being angry at those who don’t practice love and compassion. Just as an adult is not any better than a first grader — just older — a more “spiritually advanced” individual is no better than someone who is at a different “step” on their personal spiritual pyramid.
I usually endorse the famous quote, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” during those times when it’s so easy to pick apart and judge someone who is doing something differently than I would in that same situation. I’m no better. I may be in a different “grade,” I may be on a different “step” on my pyramid, but I can’t get angry; again, I am no better. That usually helps me get through it.
So, what step on your personal “pyramid” do you think you are on? Are you still struggling to embrace universal love and compassion? Is love and compassion something you can do on a part-time basis, but you still need work on making it a more full-time practice? I know that’s where I am…I am getting better, but I still need work on making it a full-time behavior. I have a long way to go, but I have also come a long way!
Climb those steps. Embrace that “universal love and compassion.” Refrain from judging others — just extend to them that same “universal love and compassion,” and help them on their way. That universal spirit is right there, within you — and the higher you climb on your own personal pyramid, the closer you will get to sharing with the world that wonderful you that resides right there inside of you!
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“To really ‘live,’ that is to find life reasonably satisfying, you must have an adequate and realistic self image that you can live with. You must find your self acceptable to ‘you.’ You must have a wholesome self-esteem. You must have a self that you can trust and believe in. You must have a self that you are not ashamed to ‘be,’ and one that you can feel free to express creatively, rather than to hide or cover up. You must have a self that corresponds to reality so that you can function effectively in a real world. You must know yourself—both your strengths and your weaknesses and be honest with yourself concerning both. Your self-image must be a reasonable approximation of ‘you,’ being neither more than you are, nor less than you are.” ~Maxwell Maltz
About a year and a half ago I decided to attend a conference for professional speakers. It was a great weekend — I met some really nice people, and I learned a lot in the process. One of the treats of the weekend was getting the opportunity to learn from one of the “big names” in the speaking industry, and I walked away with a wealth of information to use from here on out. Overall, it was a productive weekend.
How do you do when walking into a new environment — when you know you’re going somewhere where you know you won’t know anybody, and where you will be asked over and over again to introduce yourself and answer questions about yourself? Are you nervous? Are you a bit fearful? Truth to be told, I have never been comfortable at events like this in the past. I never was a fan of these types of events, partially because I felt like I didn’t “belong” there with the other people. I felt that the “others” were more experienced, polished, and “worthy” of being there than I. Have you ever experienced that sort of “I really don’t fit in here with all these people” moment? I think we have all experienced that nervousness somewhere along the line. Maybe we still do to this day!
Where do you believe those feeling come from? I believe that the feeling of fear and nervousness comes from a perception of how we “measure up” to other people. I believe that we assign a relative “worth” to others, and then compare it to ourselves. What do we use to assign this “worth?” Perhaps it’s experience; perhaps it’s charisma and confidence. Perhaps it’s how “well known” someone is in the public sector. Can you relate? Have you ever met someone who was a “guru” of some sort, or another “famous” person, and felt so overwhelmed and just in awe, simply because you were in their presence?
So, let me ask you a question…Take away all the “perceptions” of “worth” that you have about this “famous” person, and what do we have? We have just another person. Another person, just like you and me. No more, and no less. This was the realization I had as I approached that weekend of the conference. I had reached a point where I had found myself in a mindset that was calming and reassuring, with no pressure or nervousness. I realized that it was my own “self image” which had been holding me back at events like this in the past. It was all a creation of my own mind. It was my own “measuring up” and comparing myself to others that was leading to my apprehensions. Once I figured this out, everything changed.
I no longer worried what other people thought of me; I didn’t care if people liked me or not. I had confidence in my abilities and I felt that I was “worthy” and that I “belonged” right there with everyone else. I felt extremely comfortable working the floor, and talking with other people. Were there people who had experienced more “success” than I? Absolutely! Were there people there who had more experience than I? Without a doubt! I didn’t care!
On the second day of the conference, the featured speaker arrived. During a break in the session, there was a long line of people who were waiting in line to shake a hand, get an autograph, or get a photograph. While I recognized that this person is well known (throughout the world) and extremely successful, I didn’t feel the need or desire to jump in the line. Truth to be told, this speaker would never remember who I was anyway, so what would I really gain from this possible encounter? The opportunity to say I “shared” the stage with this “world renowned” personality? Sure, I guess!
Don’t get me wrong — it’s not about ego here. It’s not about me feeling I need to boost myself up and pretend that I don’t care who this person is. I care, but I don’t care that much. I was at peace with myself. I felt comfortable in my own skin, for once, and I didn’t care who was in the room, who I met or didn’t meet. I didn’t care if I rubbed shoulders with the “right” people, or got in on the “right” new ventures that were out there waiting for me. I didn’t care!
Why do we worry if we don’t measure up? So much suffering comes from the attachment we have to feeling that we are deemed “of worth” by others. We don’t need to worry about what others think. It only serves the ego. Simple acceptance of the fact that we are who we are is enough. If we love ourselves, the rest doesn’t matter.
When we boost others up and then end up feeling bad about who we are as a result, we only feel less than “good enough” because we now believe we don’t “measure up.” We do it to ourselves. We can end up loving ourselves less, and in the process feel down and depressed, or even angry or jealous of others.
Don’t worry about measuring up to others. Feelings of “worth” are only creations of our minds. When we simplify who we are and what we are, what are we? We are flesh and bone; further reduced, we are just the elements of the earth — nothing less, and nothing more. We are all cut from the same cloth. We are great beings of spirit, residing in the machinery of the body. We are all connected and equal with each other. We are all here to accomplish the same thing, which is to learn how to become more compassionate and loving toward other beings.
If we learn to support each other, there is no room for judgment, jealousy, or negativity. We can always make more room for love in our hearts, and squeeze out that space which is dedicated to negativity, aggression, and hostility.
Don’t worry about what other people think. We can just ask ourselves what we think. We can ask ourselves how can we live our lives with more love and compassion. Perhaps it’s just simply smiling toward another person to make their day better. Besides, don’t you think that’s the way we were destined to live — with a smile on our faces?
I know that I was smiling the entire weekend, because I had reached a place of peace and self contentment. I was smiling in the car; I was smiling at the airport (even humming while waiting in line). I was smiling at the conference, and I smiled all the way back home. I felt great! I loved being me!
“Measuring up” to others only holds us back. It’s time to let go of our need to feel “worthy” of others’ acceptance. It’s time to be content with who we are. After all, we are awesome inside — and it’s time we start finding it! We are great!
I first met Sandra about a year and a half ago in California at a conference. We had a great conversation, and I made sure I had gotten her business card. At the time I had met her, she was doing wonderful work, helping people deal with grief. Fast forward to a few months ago, and I had received an email from Sandra, when she was happy to announce that her new book was published! I asked her if she would be interested in joining me to talk about her book, and she graciously accepted.
Sandra Champlain is the author of the new book We Don’t Die – A Skeptic’s Discovery of Life After Death. She recorded the free audio “How to Survive Grief” which has now been heard by almost 3000 people in 15 countries. She is also a chef and travels the United States and Canada feeding race car teams and she owns a 21 year old business in Connecticut – Kent Coffee and Chocolate Company.
Sandra’s book was fantastic. It took me on a journey that not only covers death and dying (and beyond), but through it’s easy-to-digest writing style, I learned a lot about life! Within the pages of the book is a story of greatness that we all possess, wonderful powers and abilities many of us can’t even begin to appreciate (until we try) and so many wonderful and helpful resources sprinkled in throughout this wonderful publication.
I can’t even begin to talk about all the things Sandra mentions in her book, but I’ll try — she talks about the “voice” that lives within us, continually telling us that we’re not good enough or deserving; she mentions how the human body possesses supreme abilities that we usually don’t tap into; she talks about life after death; there is discussion with communicating with those who have passed (and how to attempt to do so); there are lessons on dying; there are passages about gratitude and forgiveness; you can learn steps on how to “supercharge your life.” So much information is at your disposal in this book.
One of the passages that I liked best in Sandra’s book was this:
“What forgiveness means is to stop being resentful towards someone. I heard someone say once that resentment is like taking rat poison, then waiting for the other person to die. Resentment is painful and can eat us up inside. Forgiveness is simply giving up the right to be resentful. Whether the person did something right or wrong, you are no longer going to have the rat poison killing you from the inside out. I urge you now to forgive and let go of any resentment you may have toward a person or yourself. A special ingredient you can add to forgiving someone is compassion. Remember, the best place to stand in an argument is on the other person’s side.”
Please join us for a wonderful conversation about life, death, and so much more!
I invite you to listen to my conversation with Sandra today!
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“Only the ego operates in the past and the future, the soul and God work only in the present.” ~Craig Beck
My wife and I are in the thick of the holiday season, getting ready for another fun couple of weeks with our wonderful daughters, ages seven and three. We got our holiday shopping done early, but the presents are still in bags, waiting to be wrapped. Now, we stand only one week away from the big day, and we still have so much to do!
For me, personally, I am preparing to have a lot on my plate to start the new year. I will be teaching my usual load of college courses, and then I will be adding another teaching assignment. I was honored to be asked by my former college anatomy professor to fill in for her this spring semester, and teach her anatomy course. Maintaining this rigorous schedule would be enough, but then throw on top of it maintaining my website, finding time to write a book, and carving out some more speaking engagements. I’m beginning to wonder where I will find the time to manage it all!
When we get busy, it’s easy for us to look at this huge list of “tasks” or goals that stand before us. The list can be daunting if we look at it all at once. We think about the things that have to be done, and it can cause great anxiety within us. If you let it, it can literally keep you up at night! Each time I start to look ahead at a large number of responsibilities to attend to, I think back to the most influential words I have ever read, coming from Craig Beck’s book, The Secret Law of Subconscious Attraction. Those words are: “Only the ego operates in the past and the future, the soul and God work only in the present.”
I love that! It’s so true! The ego loves to remind us of our failures — the things we didn’t get done today. It adds frustration to our lives, and if we let it, it becomes a part of us. We believe we are failures, and we start living our lives as failures! The ego loves to place that self doubt within us about our capabilities to accomplish what lies ahead of us. It loves to tell us that we’re not quite good enough. We start to contemplate giving up before we start, because we’re not capable.
Both are false — we are not failures, and we are indeed capable! We just have to believe it!
The past can also make us complacent…We can look back at our successes and think the work is over. We’ve accomplished what we needed to and we can rest on our laurels and enjoy the ride. That’s nonsense as well! We are born to be better than that! Every new day is a gift to accomplish something! Every new day is an opportunity to grow and develop!
So, when we look at this daunting list of things to accomplish, or missed opportunities from days gone by, what can we do to overcome the worry, doubt, and anxiety? We can live in the “now.” The ego doesn’t exist in the present. Only our pure self exists there!
Do you have a long list of things to accomplish? Write them down on the list. Start with item number one, and work until number one is accomplished. Cross it off. Move on to number two. Work until that’s done. Cross it off. Keep going. One at a time.
By doing this, you will be working in the present moment at all times. You are focused on what is right in front of your eyes in the here and now. Your list will always be there, so you’ll know what’s next as you move through the list, but you will harness the supreme power of “now” time. You’ll be more efficient; you’ll get more done; you’ll feel extreme accomplishment as you look back on what you did in that “now” time.
When things get tough and the list grows long, remember — there’s no time like “now” time!
This is my last post for 2012. It’s been a great year! Thank you all who helped me become #23 on the list of the “Top 50 Personal Development Blogs!” I am so appreciative! Thank you all for your support this past year. 2012 was a great year. I can’t wait to see what 2013 brings! I wish you all a very happy and prosperous 2013! Best wishes to you always!
