Category Archives for "wellness"

How to Prevent Giving Your Power to Someone Else | VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | belief systems

Powerful people.  People of power.  Both the same, or different?

I guess it depends on your point of view and what you have come to learn about what power is.  For me, personally, there is a huge difference between powerful people and people of power.  And it all has to do with what the person does with the power and how they use the power they have.

Here’s where perception makes all the difference, because here’s the thing — when you are in the presence of a powerful person or a person of power, where does your power go?  Does it suddenly evaporate?

Yes, you do have power too, but you may be allowing yourself to allow it to disappear faster than a piece of steak dropped on the floor in front of a dog.

Why is it that we give our power to other people?  More importantly, how can we keep our own power and not give it to someone else?

Power is all about perception, as I easily pointed out above, when I showed you how power (or at least the perception of your power) vanished in a flash.  The truth is that power is not a physical entity.  It’s just energy.  Furthermore, power really doesn’t appear or disappear.  Instead, think of power as a transferrable entity.  It is transferrable energy.  It can be easily passed from another person to you, or you can pass it on to another person.

So clearly this is all about your perception of your worthiness to hang on to your own power without transferring it to someone else.  Are you worth anything in your own estimation?  Do you have value?  Of course you do, so own your power!  You deserve to have power, and it’s yours to keep, not to give away to anyone else.

Now, back to the idea of a potential difference between a powerful person versus a person of power.  It all has to do with what they do with the power they have.  But, where does the power come from?

If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll answer that question easily: they don’t “have” the power bestowed upon them.  Power is transferred to them by the people who allow it to be transferred from themselves to the person who possesses the power.

This clearly establishes a point that I want you to remember forever and ever, and that is this:

The only power that a person has over you is the power you give them permission to have over you.

If you can keep your power, you possess the power.  If you allow yourself to give away your power to them, you’ve just lost it because you’ve transferred it to them.

A powerful person needs power.  Without power, they are nothing.  And, they know it.  When someone needs something desperately, and they feel they only have a limited supply and they aren’t certain they’ll get any more, what do they fear more than anything?

They fear that they’ll lose it.

When someone fears that they’ll lose their power, they’ll do anything to make sure they keep it.  The most effective way to keep power coming to them is to continually transfer the power of others to themselves.  This is done by engaging in behaviors that encourage or facilitate the transfer the people from “less powerful” positions to themselves.  In other words, it could be interpreted or diagnosed that they engage in “power plays.”  They “throw their power around” so everyone knows they’re in control.

No, they’re not in control.  Au contraire!  You are always in control of your power, and it’s always your choice as to whether you’ll allow it to transfer from you to someone else.

Have you already given your power away?  If you have, no big deal.  It’s just energy.  You can get that power back any time you wish in a flash, literally.  It’s just a matter of respecting your own worth and value, and by performing that simple act of valuing yourself, you will re-deposit the power back to yourself.

People of power are different.  They empower other people.  They use their position to encourage people to not only maintain their power, but to use it in ways that benefit others.  People of power know that power is only energy, and it’s not a possession that can be kept, or even belongs to them in the first place.  In fact, they know that if they just value themselves, they have more than enough power within them to do what they need to do.  They don’t need to “suck” the power from others.  They’ve already got everything they need!

So, in the end, remember that power is only energy.  Power is not a possession.  It is a transferable commodity, and it can be transferred in a flash, either to you or from you.

Own your power.  Hang on to it.  You deserve to.  Don’t give your power away to people who operate through a fear and scarcity mentality.

The truth is, powerful people have all the power they need, but they don’t believe they have enough.  They feel that power has to be given to them, and they demand that it be given to them.  Furthermore, they desperately fear that their power won’t hold, and they fear that one day their power will be gone.  It was never their power to have in the first place.  The power they have accumulated and cling to belongs to someone else.  It needs to be refunded.

Don’t allow yourself to give your power away to anyone else.  It’s yours to have for your own benefit.  As long as you honor and value yourself, and as long as you remember that the power others have over you is entirely up to you, you’ll quickly realize that you can retain and reclaim your personal power from anyone and any time you’d like.

Power to the people, baby.

 

Did you find this article helpful?  Have you given your power away, and do you now plan on getting it back?  I’d like to hear your stories.  Scroll down and leave a comment below!  I’d love to hear about it!

Photo: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/mushedup88

More Monkeys, More Problems | VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | inspiration

There’s a Polish expression that can be translated to read, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

I think that the use of this expression, or at least the thought of, can really help you out when it comes to letting go of other people’s dramas or other things that just consume your time and your energy.

When we look at the injustices that are going on in the world around us, the first question to ask is “What power do I have to make a change?”

If we’re bent out of shape because we don’t like what someone else is doing, say a co-worker or someone over which you have no authority, you truly lack the power to get this person to stop doing what we don’t like.  The only way change is going to happen is if it comes from that person or from a person who possesses the authority over them to demand the change.

When it comes to the injustices and atrocities of the larger world, we definitely have the power to make a change.  However, then we have to ask the next question, which is “What actionable step am I going to take to make a change?”  If you are motivated enough to identify something wrong with the world, like this guy, and make a difference, by all means do it.

However, many people find it much more convenient to just sit back and talk about what’s wrong with the world, but that’s as far as it goes.  Now, let me make something very clear.  There’s no problem with that — there is no shame in inaction.  But, what is the benefit?  All we get out of it is bent out of shape because we don’t agree with what other people are doing, and we don’t like what we see.

“Should” leads to judgment

Instead of moving to make a change and reach a solution, we sit back and talk about how they “should” not do this or “should” not do that.  When we “should” on other people, we are led down the path to judgment.  We are led to a belief that there is a right and there is a wrong.  We believe that there is “too much” or “too little” of that.

We say, “That’s just wrong,” and then we carry on about just how “wrong” it really is, as if that is making a difference or a change.

Here’s the thing: If you’re not in a position to, or willing to remedy the “problem” and right the “wrong,” you’re just wasting your time and energy.

It’s not your circus, and they’re not your monkeys.  Just let it go.  Don’t worry about it if you’re not going to take action.

Simply complaining about what you don’t like or how you would do things differently serves absolutely no positive purpose.  All it does is solidifies you in a judgmental position and puts you in a position in which you are deviating from compassion and migrating toward violence.

Let it go.  It’s not your problem.  Injustices and horrible things are happening each and every day all over the world.  We can’t save the world by ourselves.  Let it go.

I’m not saying to turn a blind eye to the opportunities we have for change.  But, I still know how people can be, which consists of standing by and pointing out all that’s wrong with the world, but still offering no real attempt or proposed solution to make a difference.

So, to borrow another phrase, “Either sh*t or get off the pot.”  But, if you’re gonna get “off the pot,” then let it go.

It’s not your circus, and they’re not your monkeys.  So you don’t like what someone’s doing.  So?

Don’t waste your time and energy pointing out what’s wrong with the world if you can’t or are unwilling to change it. It’s just not worth it.  Spend your time and energy on positive things, like focusing on what you can do, or thinking about something that generates within you loving, positive, warm, or happy feelings.  We can greatly benefit from the efforts directed at the generation of positivity within us, and guess what?  Others will benefit as well.

More monkeys, more problems.  Just let the circus go.

 

What did you think of this article?  Did you find it helpful?  Will it make a change in how you view your current circumstances?  I’d love to know!  Scroll down and leave a comment below!

 


On my radio show this week:

 

On Monday at 12:00 PM Central I will be welcoming Angela Artemis to my radio show to talk about how we can use our intuition to help us discover our true life purpose!

Click on Angela’s picture above to listen to the show!

How to Love Someone Who Criticizes You | VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | Brain and mind

When someone says, “You’re an idiot,” it’s hard to find love within you, isn’t it?

Want to know a secret?  Their statement says a lot more about them than it does about you.  And, no, I’m not suggesting that when they say you’re an idiot that they’re really the idiot, although in many ways it would feel a lot better, right?

The truth is that people have largely learned how to cope with what they lack by dishing out criticism and putting other people down.  I wish I could say it’s just human nature, but that really isn’t true.  There really is something else going on beneath the surface.

But, to actually find love in your heart for someone who criticizes you?  Sounds a little preposterous, doesn’t it?

It sure does, but it’s not impossible.  Actually, I’m going to go a step further and say that it’s actually more natural for you to find love in your heart than it is for you to find contempt for someone who criticizes you or puts you down.  And, I’m going to prove it to you before the end of this piece.

So here’s the truth behind what’s going on.  Like I said, the statement says a lot more about the other person than it does you.  In reality, the statements are a very pitiful (my interpretation) attempt to ask you for help.

Okay, what?  Just back up…Someone who tells me that I’m an idiot is asking for my help?  How so?

Here’s how so:

When people offer up criticism or put you down, they are doing it because it is the next step after coming to terms with their feelings.  They may be feeling angry, upset, embarrassed, frustrated, or any other negative emotion.  The emotion is stemming from something that they need but they’re not getting.

So, when someone says, “You’re an idiot,” they may really be saying, “I’m saying this because I feel embarrassed due to my need to be recognized as significant and important in the eyes of other people.  Could you please provide me with the recognition I desire?”

Yeah, I know that “You’re an idiot” sounds like light years from “Could you please provide me with the recognition I desire?” but both statements are getting at the same thing — this person seeks recognition.

So, the reason why people say the things they do is because they’re really asking one thing, and that is “please?”

I talk all about it in my book, if you care to check it out.

So, if we can shift our thinking from getting defensive because we’ve felt we’ve been attacked by the “You’re an idiot” statement to recognizing that the other person needs our help, we can significantly change our perception of the other person.

Instead of thinking that they have it in for us, we’ll start thinking about how we can help this person.

If a short elderly woman asks me to help her by grabbing a package off of the top shelf in the grocery store because she can’t reach it, am I going to take it personally and feel that she’s attacking me?  Of course not.  That’s not human nature.  I just hope she doesn’t ask me to help her by starting off saying, “Hey, you’re an idiot…Grab that item off the shelf, won’t you?”

But seriously, it’s not in our nature to get offended, defensive or feel we’re being attacked when someone asks us for a favor.

This is why when someone criticizes us or puts us down, while they’re really asking “please?” it really is not in our nature to get offended or defensive as a result.  We’ve just been conditioned to respond this way.  Our society has tainted us and gotten us to believe that it’s natural for us to respond the way we have become conditioned to do so.

So, I rest my case.  It’s not in our nature to get angry or defensive with others when we are asked to offer help from others.  As a matter of fact, we become more compassionate and loving when others ask us for a hand.  It feels good to help.

The next time someone dishes out a criticism or puts you down, just remember it’s their convoluted (my interpretation) way of asking “please.”  If you can remember that, and figure out what it is that they need that they’re not getting, and then respond by offering a way to help meet that need, you’ll find that you will be extending love from your heart to theirs.  You’ll actually love the person who criticizes you.  And, it will be authentic and natural the whole way.  Awesome, isn’t it?

I want to hear from you!  Does this make sense to you?  Do you see opportunity with someone you interact with on a regular basis to offer love instead of a defensive reaction?  Let me know!  Scroll down and leave your comments below!


 

I’ve been interviewed!

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I’m usually the one who is conducting interviews, so it’s refreshing to be on the “other side of the microphone” and be interviewed!  This past Sunday I was a guest on Martine Joseph’s radio show, called “Thriving Minds,” and it was a ton of fun.

If you want to listen to a replay of the interview, you can access it by clicking HERE, or by clicking on Martine’s picture above.

Photo: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/theodore99

5 Steps to Move Beyond Guilt and Shame Forever | VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | belief systems

If you’re human, chances are you’ve dealt with your own internal feelings of guilt and shame.  Maybe you deal with them on a daily basis, and they leave you with a shaken self-confidence and remorse for things you did wrong and “should have” done differently.  What pisses me off to no end is that guilt and shame cause so much damage, and they can be totally eliminated if people would just stop allowing them to thrive within their minds.

In my book, Rise Above Criticism, Negativity, and Conflict, I talk about feelings of guilt and shame, and how they are actually a by-product of society’s acceptance of the concepts of violence and punishment.  It’s a chicken-versus-the-egg type of thing, because it could very well be that violence and punishment leads us to view the world through the lens of “right-wrong” and “good-bad” thinking, or it could also very well be that “right-wrong” and “good-bad” thinking leads us to view the world through the lens of violence and punishment.

Either way, it’s a vicious cycle that is man-made.  That’s right — guilt and shame are man made and unnatural as Velveeta Cheese.

So, how do we cut out these unnatural and damaging feelings of guilt and shame from our lives?

The solution is simple: You need to stop thinking you’re a bad person who needs to be punished.

Are there some people who commit tragic crimes against humanity?  Absolutely.  Are you one of them?  Probably not.  If you’re not engaged in committing egregious acts against your fellow man, just relax.  Go easy on yourself.  You’re not a “bad” person.  You probably just are hard on yourself and hold yourself to high standards.

Let me ask you: Why do you feel you need to be punished?  Why do you have feelings of regret?

If you really take time to think about it, it’s hard to come up with answers to those two questions, isn’t it?

The reason why guilt and shame arise is because we feel the appropriate response to our self evaluation is that we did something bad and we need to punish ourselves.  We find ourselves criticising ourselves and telling ourselves how stupid, horrible, and terrible we are for having done what we did.

We beat ourselves up because we know we can do better, but we didn’t, and we messed up.  We were wrong.  We were bad.  We don’t give ourselves a break.  We don’t move on.

Let me throw this out there for you for perspective — If you have a loved one, whether it be a family member or a child, who did something that turned out to be an honest, yet regrettable mistake, what would you do to them?  Would you continue to bring it up over and over again so they never forget about it?  Would you remind them about how stupid, horrible, and terrible they are for having done such a thing?  Would you continue to punish them for it and hold it against them well into the foreseeable future?  Of course you wouldn’t.  You would extend unconditional love to them.  You’d understand that we all make mistakes and we need not be punished for making them.

So, why don’t you extend unconditional love to yourself?  Why are you continuing to trash your internal reputation and be so hard on yourself?  Why aren’t you understanding of the mistakes we all make?

Stop giving in to the societal pressure of “right-wrong” and “good-bad” thinking.  It leads to the guilt-shame-punishment phenomenon that continues to perpetuate violence from our neighborhoods to the rest of the world.  The only reason why we feel guilt and shame is because we’ve been conditioned to do so.  We’ve been conditioned to look inward at our flaws and mistakes and punish ourselves with hurtful words and thoughts, resulting in those feelings of guilt and shame.

It’s time to put a stop to it.  Your time is now.

So how do we put an end to feelings of guilt and shame?  Here’s how:

1. Observe what happened.

2. Ask yourself what feelings are generated when you think about what happened.

3. Determine why you feel that way by asking yourself what it is that you would prefer to do in the future or what it is that you stand for (what are your values?).

4. Next time you’re in a similar situation, do what you would have preferred you would have done or act in alignment with what you stand for (your values).

5. Enjoy better feelings about the situation and move beyond guilt and shame.

The way this would play out would be like this:

1. When I was asked for my opinion of something, I said words which were negative and hurtful about others and witnessed visual cues of discomfort on the faces of those with whom I shared company.

2. I felt angry and frustrated with myself as a result.

3. I felt angry and frustrated because I want peace and harmony and good feelings amongst the people I associate with on a regular basis and I seek respect from others and to be held in high esteem.

4. So, the next time, when I am asked to share my opinion, I will only speak in positive terms to others.

Guilt and shame aren’t even real.  They are creations of a violent society which has bought into and endorsed right-wrong and good-bad thinking.  As long as we’re not amongst the ranks of those who commit terrible crimes against humanity, we just need to back off, have a little more self-compassion and self-love, and move forward with positive intentions to give ourselves another shot at getting it right.  More love, more understanding, and more compassion, coupled with less guilt and punishment will move us past those “icky” and uncomfortable feelings of guilt and shame that we just can’t seem to get past, and that just ruins our lives in the process.

More so, feelings of guilt and shame just pull us from who we really are, which is a loving, compassionate, understanding, and forgiving individual.  Guilt and shame are entities which rob us of our self love, compassion, forgiveness, and understanding.

Let me know your thoughts!  Do you struggle with guilt and shame?  Do you feel that by using the strategies above you can begin to move beyond guilt and shame?  I’d love to hear from you!  Scroll down and leave a comment!

Photo: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/jfg

3 Easy Ways to Become More Authentically “You” | VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | belief systems

By nature, we are loving and compassionate beings.  Sometimes I know that I do not emulate that.  Because I rely on my feelings and emotions as a guideI know that there are times when I’m experiencing negative emotions or resistance, so I know I’m further from the person that I want to be.  I know during those times that I’m not being authentic or true to myself, and I know that I am not living in my natural state of being.   Love and compassion are in short supply.  It can be so frustrating to experience this, especially when I am aware of it and long to be back to who I want to be!

Maybe you’re trying to figure out yourself if you’re on a path that allows you to be true to yourself.  Maybe you know you’re not, but you’re looking to get back to being more “authentically you.”  If you feel you’re “selling out,” it’s pretty obvious that you’re not in line with your authentic self.  You know you’re not being authentic because each day you’re doing something that you fundamentally know to be something you don’t believe in or stand for, but you’re doing it for whatever reasons you are.

Perhaps you feel like life just isn’t fun, or that life seems a little bit “empty” and not fulfilling to you.  This is another great indicator that you may not be completely in line with your authentic self.  It can be pretty frustrating when you know something doesn’t feel right for you, but you don’t know what to do to get out of that “rut” that you’re in.

Here are three easy ways that you can become more authentically “you” and enjoy life on your terms, doing what you enjoy and tapping into your more compassionate and loving self:

1. Don’t do it if it isn’t play

I am still amazed how often people put themselves last when it comes to taking care of people.  I’m not saying that you have to always be thinking “me, me, me,” and never do anything for anyone else.  But, isn’t it possible to do something for someone else, yet enjoy it in the process?  A lot of unhappiness comes from simply doing things that help other people, but at the same time you find little or no enjoyment in it.  I’m going to tell you here and now that no, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.  If you feel obligated to do something for someone, then it’s a creation of your own mind.  You are never obligated to do anything for anyone.  If it’s not “play” for you, then don’t do it.  If you’re serving everyone else but you, you’re going to feel frustrated and angry, but you did it to yourself.

2. Explore your core values

Just ask yourself, “What are my innermost values?  If you aren’t sure what this means, then ask yourself, “What do I stand for?  What defines my actions?”  Maybe your core values would include honesty, love, respect, or gratitude.  Once you can identify what your core values are, the rest is easy.  It’s just comparing what you’re doing or what you’re thinking of doing to your core values.  You just need to ask yourself whether this activity is in line with your core values.  If it is, then go ahead and do it.  If it’s not, then it’s not authentically you, and you probably would be better served if you chose not to engage in that activity.  If you find you’re  a bit stuck, and you are at a loss as to what examples of values may be, or whether something is a value, the wonderful Barrie Davenport has put together an awesome list of 400 values!  Just click here and I’ll guide you to that page.  You’ll love it!

3. Stop insisting on being right

We get so stuck on playing the game called “Who’s right?”  You may be asking, “What’s the big deal about being right?  Can it be that harmful?”  Well, I wouldn’t call it “harmful,” but I would call it counterproductive and counterintuitive.  When we insist on being right, we’re turning preferences into judgments.  Instead of saying, for example, “I like the color blue,” we’re saying “Blue is the right color to like.”  If anyone prefers a different color, their color would be the “wrong” color to like if we continue to play the “Who’s right?” game.  If you can shift from “right-wrong” thinking to preferential thinking, you’ll soften your stance and have much more appreciation for other people and their preferences.  You’ll see that everyone has things they like or enjoy, and they’re entitled to enjoy them and prefer them, just as you are.  Eliminating “right-wrong” thinking is a great way to simply become more compassionate and empathic toward other people, because you begin to see how we’re all connected and similar in so many ways.  By respecting other people’s preferences as opposed to judging their choices and determining whether they’re “right or wrong,” you begin to let go of judgmentalism.  The less you judge the less you feel the need to control external circumstances and the less energy you spend defending your position.

I really hope that these three simple steps will help you become more “authentically you.”  Life is just much more fun and enjoyable when you can just be who you are with no apologies or regrets.

Did you find this article helpful?  Did something really resonate with you or speak to you today?  If it did, please let me know!  I’d love to hear about it!

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Krappweis


 

On my radio show this week:

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On Monday at 12:00 PM Central I will be welcoming “Modern Day Freedom Fighter” Sandi Amorim to my radio show to talk about  reclaiming our personal freedom and how to use it to discover what’s possible!

Click on Sandi’s picture above to listen to the show!

Confessions of a Recovering “jerk”| VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | belief systems

I used to be a real “jerk.”  Seriously.  I can’t go back and change the past, which sometimes makes looking back at how I used to conduct myself even more difficult and frustrating.

I used to say horribly rude things to people — to their faces — and laugh about it.  I used to tease and poke fun at people and enjoy it.  I used to have fun at the expense of other people.  I said things that were hurtful and I used to find pleasure in other people’s pain.

I am at a much better place now.  I can’t say that I’m perfect!  I still have my moments, but I can definitely live better with who I am now than who I used to be.  I’ve been thinking about what life was for me back then and why I acted the way I did, and I wanted to share some “confessions” I have as a recovering “jerk.”

1. Even though I seemed to enjoy making fun of people, at the end of the day I still didn’t feel any better.

I think the reason why this was the case was because I wasn’t contributing any positive energy toward anyone.  Negative energy is negative energy, and when you’re dishing it out, nothing positive is really coming back to you.  No wonder I didn’t feel good about myself or anything else!  I was not helping myself get any positive wishes or energy from anywhere or anyone.

2. Life was full of obstacles and unfortunate events around every corner.

This is in many ways related to confession number one above.  My life was a reflection of my inside.  I didn’t have much joy or happiness, and if they came my way it was only for a short duration.  I wasn’t resonating with positivity or happiness, that’s for sure.  I was giving energy to everything I didn’t want, focusing on what was bad in life rather than putting my efforts into what I would actually like to see out of my life.  Struggle and resistance were no strangers to me during this time in my life.

3. I had something to hide.

Yes, I had something to hide, and that was my pain.  To try to cover up the pain that I was enduring internally, I figured I could create a lot of noise externally to take attention away from me.  I was suffering, and I was in a lot of emotional pain, but you never would have guessed it because I was brash, cocky, sarcastic, and obnoxious.  Yeah, I thought I was pretty funny, but the people who were the butt of my jokes probably thought I was just slapped me with the label of being a jerk.  They were right.  And I was just trying to hide from my pain.

4. I was afraid.

I was afraid of a lot of things.  I was afraid of change.  I was afraid of failure.  I was afraid that life wouldn’t get any better.  I was afraid to take chances and I was afraid of being an outcast.  My strategy for dealing with my fears was to give in to my ego.  I let my self interests and my selfish thinking take over.  I made sure that I squashed any potential threats to my security and safety.  I would get verbally aggressive with other people.  I would raise my voice and complain publicly.  I would shout and scream sometimes to get my point across.  The bottom line is that I was afraid and selfish all at the same time.

5. Life wasn’t much fun at all.

When you take confessions one through four and put them all together, it’s absolutely true that life wasn’t much fun at all.  It was full of empty happiness and one disappointment after another.  I was fearful and obnoxious, and I wasn’t an enjoyable person to be around.  I’m quite surprised that anyone cared to hang around with me and all of my negative energy at all!  Life wasn’t grand and life was certainly not wonderful at all.  Not in the least.

So what happened to turn things around for me?  To be honest, it was an inside-out process.  I had to come to the realization that I couldn’t continue to live the way I was living.  It was as if something deep down within me knew that this person I had become was not my true self.  Deep down, I stood for something else, and there was a small flickering flame within that represented what I really stood for.

I started to throw some kindling on that small flame and it started to grow from within.  That fire grew stronger and greater as time went on, and I was able to recognize my core beliefs and values as they started to come to the surface.  My compassion for others grew and I became more empathetic and in tune with myself and others.  Most of all, I realized that my happiness doesn’t come as a result of depriving others of happiness.  My happiness is in direct correlation with the amount of happiness I try to bring to others.

So here I am, still imperfect in many ways, and still a work in progress.  As much as that may be true, at least I am happy with where I am right now, and I’m thrilled about where I am going.

If you’re struggling to find who you really are and if you’re searching for a better life, I hope that you can look within and find that part of you, deep inside, that will speak up and tell you who you really are and what you stand for.  It definitely helps to meditate and find peace within yourself and listen for that “inner voice” which will tell you what you need to hear.  I wish you the best as you continue your work to be someone you can be proud to look at in the mirror!

Are there any other recovering “jerks” out there?  Does this article resonate with you?  Do you have anything to add or comment upon?  I’d love to hear from you!


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4 Easy Ways to Brighten your Day| VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | belief systems

Let’s face it — life can look very different depending on the perspective from which you are viewing your world.  Perceptions shape our realities.  If we perceive and accept that something is truth, our body will go along with it.

Sometimes when you get pelted with hard times, get discouraged, or just feel a little down, it’s hard to pull yourself up from the negative feelings to a place where you start to feel a bit better about life in general again.  It can start to affect you in a negative way and the funk can last for a long time if you don’t stop it dead in its tracks right away.  It happens to all of us, so I wanted to share some strategies I have found useful to shake off the blues and hold my head up once again.  They’re easy to implement, and I really hope they can help brighten your day as much as they brighten mine!

1. Use “Wouldn’t it be nice if…” to start your sentences:

I absolutely love this practice.  Just throw a “Wouldn’t it be nice…” out there, and finish it with something that you’d love to see happen.  The reason why this works for me is because it gives me permission to dream and have fun.  It gives me permission to think about circumstances positively, and assume a positive mentality and spirit.  When I play this game, I return to a state of fun and joy, and this puts me back in alignment with who I really am at my core.  I feel better (and believe it or not, my “wouldn’t it be nice if…” thoughts do come true too!).

2. Play the “Gratitude Game:”

This game is really easy to play and can lift your spirits very quickly.  All it requires is a bit of attention to the present and your surroundings.  Just look around you and note all the things that are pleasing to you.  Say those comments to yourself.  You could say to yourself, “I really love the color of the paint on those walls,” or “I really enjoy the feeling of the warm air on my skin.”  You could say to yourself, “I just love when I get to let my daughter sit on my lap and laugh together,” or you could think, “It’s so wonderful to see the sun in the sky and all its beauty.”  It just takes awareness of the present, but it really gets you aligning with a positive mentality and it lifts you out of the doldrums in a matter of moments.  You can go on and on with this exercise for as long as you like.  You can even mix things up and find a partner to play this with, and exchange thoughts verbally with them.  Just have fun with it!

3. Make a “Wishing Box:”

Get yourself a box, and start throwing things in there.  No matter how crazy it may seem, just throw whatever you wish for in this box.  Maybe it’s a check for a lot of money; perhaps it’s a picture from a magazine of a car you’re dreaming of.  Maybe you can throw in there a list of things you want to accomplish within a certain amount of time.  There are no rules!  Just have fun with this one.  This exercise gets you to think creatively of what you want, but you are giving yourself permission to just think big and make grand wishes.  The reason this helps is because you have permission to lift your inhibitions or skepticism.  You don’t have to think to yourself, “This will never happen,” because you’re just wishing for anything and everything you could ever want.  You’re actually removing your subconscious resistance and moving beyond your self-imposed limitations on what’s possible.  When you move into a “fun” mode by making these wonderful wishes, you are eliminating negative feelings caused by your restrictive belief systems which are telling you “It’s just not possible.”  Give it a try, and you may be surprised at what happens to you!  Wishes do come true!

4. “Give it up:”

This is helpful when you feel overwhelmed or at a point where you just can’t seem to move past something with which you are stuck.  Maybe you have more on your plate than you’d like, or maybe you keep coming back to the same problem over and over again and you can’t move past it.  You can do this two ways: One, you can just make a mental list of the things you can’t or don’t want to deal with, and just “give it up” to the universe to take care of for you.  Act as if the universe is at your beck and call and you can just tell it what it needs to take care of for you.  Let it go.  The second way you can do this exercise is to take a sheet of paper and divide it into two by drawing a vertical line from top to bottom on the sheet.  Put on one side the things you are going to take care of, and then on the other side, place the items that you want the universe to do for you.  Put only on your side the things you know you can accomplish that day, and leave the rest to the universe.  I have found this to be helpful in just removing the pressure from me to get everything done.  I have found that not only do I get more done because I am focused, but I feel more positive about my productivity and, believe it or not, some of those things do get taken care of very quickly because the universe is helping me out.  You’ve got to experience it to believe it!

Try out these four easy exercises.  If you do try them out, or if you’ve already done some of these yourself, please let me know and let me know what happened to you, or what your thoughts are.  I’d love to hear from you!


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Are You Careful of What You Are Wishing For? | VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | belief systems

My daughters and I were watching an episode of “Goosebumps” on Netflix together, and the title of the episode was “Be Careful What you Wish For.”  The story was about a young girl who was continually teased by some of her classmates, and found herself in a position to make three wishes.  As you can imagine, no matter how well intentioned this young girl was when making her wishes to improve her life and eliminate her problems, she soon discovered that her careless wishing ended up causing her more problems than she had expected.

While this story was obviously based in fantasy, we constantly are making “wishes” on a daily basis, fully planted in a world of reality.  We never stop reaching for something that lies beyond our current state.  We may be wishing for better health, more prosperity and abundance, better friendships, less hardship, or better luck.

It’s not a bad thing to wish for something that we’d like.  There is no shame in asking for more money, more happiness, or better health.  Money is not evil, nor is being happy or healthy.  They are actually all representations of the flow of energy from one entity to another.  They represent the ever flowing current of abundance that the universe is just waiting to hand over to us.

You may be saying at this point, “Victor, I do wish for lots of things, but that’s not the problem.  The problem is that no matter how much I wish for something, it isn’t being granted.”

I hear you.  I’ve had my share of “wishes,” large and small, that went ungranted, much to my disappointment and frustration.  Because of this, I’d become disillusioned and doubtful.  I’d become discouraged and cynical.  “Why bother?” I’d ask.  I’d start to think things like, “It’s unrealistic and way too ambitious to ask for that,” or “These aren’t they types of things that I can just wish into my life,” and I’d just give up even wishing.  Have you found yourself there too?

Be careful what you wish for.  Okay, the poor grammar is getting under my skin now.  I know you’re not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition.  “Be careful for that which you wish.”  Is that better?  Nope.  Not really…

I’ll just stick to my original statement — “Be careful what you wish for.”

Just like the young lady in the story I watched with my girls, we may think we’re asking for something that will bring us better outcomes, but because we aren’t mindful of the way we are wishing for something, we end up frustrated or disillusioned because we’re not getting what we wanted.

There is no “bad” to go with the “good.”  There is simply “good,” and “resistance to good.”  There is polarity.  There is “something,” and then the “resistance to that something.”  When you make a wish, are you really desiring something, or are you just yearning for it, thus resisting the flow of that which you desire from coming to you?

Let me put it another way: If you are asking for more happiness in your life, are you really focusing on the happiness, or are you focusing on the fact that you are currently lacking in happiness?  If you are asking for more wealth in your life, are you really focusing on wealth, or are you focusing on the fact that you are currently lacking in wealth?

If you are focusing on feeling those good, warm feelings that come with happiness and wealth, and if you can maintain those warm, positive feelings that are focused entirely on how you’d feel if you were enjoying happiness and prosperity, you’ll place yourself right in line to allow the universe to bestow in its own way exactly what you’re looking for in due time.  However, if you are offering “resistance” to the “good” because you aren’t really thinking about what you want, but rather what or how you are lacking, you are placing yourself right in line for “more of the same.”  You’ll continue to experience what you don’t want, which is a perpetuation of what you are lacking.

What do you wish for?  How are you asking for it?  Be careful what you wish for and how you ask for it.  It can make all the difference in the world between staying right where you are and having your dreams come true!

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How to Use Feelings to Ensure You Get What You Want | VictorSchueller.com

By Dr. Victor Schueller | health

Let me ask you a question: If a dear friend of yours was going through a difficult time, what would you do to help them feel better?  Maybe you’d kid around with them or tell them a joke.  Perhaps you’d offer to do something with them to help them think about something else for a while. No matter what methodology you would employ, you’re really doing one thing, which is trying to help your friend think of something that helps them find an emotion that puts them at a little bit better of a place and which helps them feel a little bit better in general.

You’d know whether or not your friend is feeling better about their current circumstances based on the visual cues you’d pick up from them.  You’d observe them to see whether they’re smiling a bit more, or whether they seem to be in a happier state of mind.

Just like we can use the emotions of other people to gauge their level of overall satisfaction, we can use our own emotions and feelings as a barometer for how much our resistance is getting between us and something wonderful.  If we feel joyful, happy, enthusiastic, and excited, we are at a low resistance level and we are primed to receive the wonderful things we so deeply desire.

On the other hand, if we feel any emotion that is the opposite of joy, happiness, enthusiasm, or excitement, then it’s an indication that we are not primed to receive what it is we desire.  We are actually resonating with something that is not in line with our desires.  We’re giving energy with our thoughts to something that distracts us and moves us further from what it is that we really desire.  Whatever we resist persists. We’re deviating further from what we want.  These feelings are an indicator of resistance, and resistance will continually put us at a distance from accomplishing and getting what it is that we desire.

To resist is to fight the ways of the universe.  The universe runs on laws, and if you resist and fight based on fear and apprehension, you are in essence violating universal law.  To fight against “what is” is to fight against the universe.  You’re stagnating the flow of abundant blessings that can come your way.

The key to overcoming resistance is just to treat yourself like you would your dear friend.  If you determine that you are experiencing emotions that are anything other than positive, all you need to do is find an emotion through thought that brings you to a more positive emotion than you are currently experiencing.  It doesn’t have to be a drastic change — it just has to be a change in the positive direction.

It’s all about self discovery.  It’s about awareness of your emotions in the present — in the here and now.  By staying in present awareness, you’ll quickly discover if your feelings are indicating whether you’re in line with that perfect version of yourself, the wonderful creator of awesome things and able to receive all the blessings life has to offer, or whether you’re resisting the flow of good things to you.

Use your feelings as a measuring device for how you’re doing.  If you’re feeling less than wonderful, just seek out feelings that bring you to a little bit better place.  That small shift in your thoughts will lead to better feelings, and better feelings will lower your resistance.  When you lower your resistance, good things will come your way.  Give it a try!

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